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A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/25/2008 9:00:53 PM   
WhisperSupremacy


Posts: 74
Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline 		I have a female friend that I work with that's been very curious about the bdsm lifestyle,... mainly being a domme,.... In general personallity, I see quite a few domme qualities in her already.  Myself being the only person she knows into this lifestyle, she wants to know much more and has been heavily interested in the information I've shared already with her.  I've decided to talk to her and teach her everything regarding the basics, safety, desires, emotional values, partner needs, hard limits, etc etc etc....

Myself being a switch, I have no problem handing over my dominant persona and teachings.  So the question is..... do you think a SWITCH is capable of being a worthy teacher to one side or the other?

The only reason I didn't post this under the "Ask a switch" board is cause I wanted to get feedback from all people.  I wont be surprised if some people give me some negative criticism for this topic. 

I know some doms/subs feel that switches cannot properly teach a side,.... as mentioned in a previous thread, some people hold the opinion that the world is black and white and switches defy that, so they say we're really subs or Domme's in denial or we're not "true" ___.

No, I'm not the worlds greatest bdsm teacher,....no I do not know it all,...no I do not have 10 years experience in this feild, But I feel confident in myself that I can share my view of this lifestyle with another person.  Let me know what you think.

< Message edited by WhisperSupremacy -- 6/25/2008 9:02:41 PM >
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RE: A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/25/2008 9:12:17 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Why wouldn't you be qualified to show someone what you know? My opinion... you've been on both sides of things, you have a little more info about things than someone who has never gone the other way. It's not like she's going to walk away with a degree :D 

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RE: A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/25/2008 9:21:07 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Orientation is irrelevant when it comes to skill levels and training proficiency.  You can be an excellent master and a horrible teacher of anyone, and you can be a slave and be a fabulous teacher to everyone.

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RE: A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/25/2008 9:49:23 PM   
katie978


Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline 		 Heh, I'm certain there are some people who hate switches, and think they're not qualified to teach anyone anything. Of course, these "twue" dominants and submissives probably are in need of a little education themselves. As a switch, you can see things from both sides of the flogger, which, in mine eyes, would make you particular valuable as a teacher.

I'd be a bit wary about discussing these things at work, however. Pretty sure that qualifies as sexual harrassment, if she wants to push the case. A helpful hint from a recovering retail manager.

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RE: A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/25/2008 10:18:11 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I have taught both Earth Science and Ritual Peircing. Does the fact I teach both mean that I'm a poor teacher? Of course not. Neither does it mean you're a poor teacher because you also teach the other side.

Master Fire


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RE: A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/25/2008 10:19:59 PM   
Shadow-tiger


Posts: 1775
Joined: 6/8/2008
From: California
Status: offline 		There's no reason your being a switch would make you a bad teacher of the basics. Heck I'd think you'd have a bit more insight with both perspectives to work from.

A bit surprised to see you're automatically expecting negative feedback based purely on being a switch. I'm new here (to CM at least), is this actually a big deal?

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RE: A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/26/2008 3:03:27 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhisperSupremacy


Myself being a switch, I have no problem handing over my dominant persona and teachings.  So the question is..... do you think a SWITCH is capable of being a worthy teacher to one side or the other?



I guarantee it.

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Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

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RE: A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/26/2008 3:45:10 AM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline 		Might just make you a BETTER teacher since you have experience on both sides of the whip..

You are in a position to mentor her as a top, teach and show. but to also give her feed back on how it feels and the though porcess that goes on.  Good for you..

I would think the caution would be in deciding for youself how involved in the dynamic and play you want to be with a co-worker.
 
perhaps starting with discussion and mentoring, and finding a trusted bottom to act as the training sub for her might help you mentor and guide without the emotional involment that happens often with the newbie as they dicover these new feelings and thoughts.. it can be pretty powerful..

ask an experienced sub if they would help you work with her.





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RE: A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/26/2008 4:18:44 AM   
CNJDom


Posts: 186
Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Southern NJ
Status: offline 		I feel that you would do fine as a teacher by the way you wrote this inital post, I can see that you want to approach this with the right attitude and reverence that comes with patience and understanding.  Your decision to come out to her and share the basic and realistic elements of BDSM, is admirable.  I feel that you are thinking this thru and giving her the best possible education on the lifestyle.  Sounds exciting and hope to hear from her soon on CM to hear her side of things and discoveries one day.  The fact that you brought this up in post, shows that you care and want to do the right thing, and I think you're doing just that.

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RE: A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/26/2008 5:03:18 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

So the question is..... do you think a SWITCH is capable of being a worthy teacher to one side or the other?


Yes a switch is absolutely capable.

quote:

The only reason I didn't post this under the "Ask a switch" board is cause I wanted to get feedback from all people.  I wont be surprised if some people give me some negative criticism for this topic. 

I know some doms/subs feel that switches cannot properly teach a side,.... as mentioned in a previous thread, some people hold the opinion that the world is black and white and switches defy that, so they say we're really subs or Domme's in denial or we're not "true" ___.


And you are worried about other peoples thoughts because?  Should you not be more concerned about your thoughts and the other person concerned and leave out all the posturing of others?

quote:

No, I'm not the worlds greatest bdsm teacher,....no I do not know it all,...no I do not have 10 years experience in this feild, But I feel confident in myself that I can share my view of this lifestyle with another person.  Let me know what you think.


In all honesty, the fact that you are a switch isn't the issue, it is your insecurities and lack of confidence that may cause difficulties.  Im not sure if you are asking people their opinions or for validation.  If it is for validation, then I would suggest you question your thoughts on your confidence.
 
Ignore the orientation or label and focus on the persons involved as to whether they are capable to pass on knowledge.
 
the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 6/26/2008 5:13:44 AM >

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RE: A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/26/2008 5:21:37 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		IMO you can't TEACH someone how to be a Dominant... that doesn't matter wether the 'teacher' is a Dom, a switch or a sub... if it isn't who they are, then it just isn't and never will be. If it is part of who They are at core, then they can learn ways to express it better but it has to be there to start with. Anyone on the other hand can learn to be a decent Top! And anyone more skillful at whatever form of play can teach that regardless of orientation.

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RE: A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/26/2008 5:30:59 AM   
lovepuppy


Posts: 46
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline 		You can get a PHD in something and still have to learn the entire science for yourself.  I suspect your friend isnt looking for lessons as much as exposure...'permission' /validation maybe better words.  She's going to learn what works, what works for her and what works for other people she meets and that sweet spot where all of those meet.   So teach, her let her get her feet wet..consider yourself like a old crash-test dummy which the new driver can't really hurt as she learns both to drive and then to navigate the obstalce course.

as far as I know none of us took "whips 101"...ok some of us did, cuz somebody will say they did just to make me grind my teeth :)  with most of the tools of the trade she is simply going to have to learn them as she goes along...a matress makes a good place to practice with the floggers and paddles, but it's not until she has a nice willing bottom is she going to be connect her strength with another's pain threashold and how to keep the bubble level on both. 

one caveat, if your question, denotes a doubt you feel uncomfortable teaching anyone anything, then don't...if you are unsure of yourself that will be translated, she may or maynot base what she lerans on how you present it, but you don't need to twist yourself up into knots because it makes you feel funny.  if she is truely interested she will find the right place to learn what she wants to know.  but otherwise, have fun with it...that's why we do this....it's not like doing the taxes or taking out the garbage it shouldn't be a chore. 

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RE: A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/26/2008 5:51:48 AM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		FR

What they all said. I'm just busy being really ticked off that you would be made to feel lesser in some way because you're a switch. Grr. I'm a dominant, but I'm bi, so I understand about going both ways.

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RE: A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/26/2008 5:52:48 AM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		A few questions come to mind:
Are you wanting to teach her to become a Domme to You, or a Domme in general? The reason I ask, is sometimes in that frenzy that subs often have, we tend to want to recruit someone and see qualities in a person that may or may not be there. Just because she's bossy or demanding at work doesn't neccesarily mean she's Domme material.  Is this desire to teach coming out of your need for a Domme for yourself, or out of a sincere desire to help her "be all she can be" without any activity with you?
Are you at all concerned that this is a co-worker, expecially if there may be play with you at some point down the line? Sure, lots of people meet at work, but are you prepared for possible ramifications should she become your Domme, or decide this is all too wacky for her?
And my last point, are you willing to put her in touch with others? You say you are the only person in BDSM that she knows. I'm a firm believer in getting more than one point of view. Would you introduce her to others you know, let her borrow books you may have read, give her the website address for here and other places you frequent for information, etc? That way she can decide the best course of action for herself from a variety of choices instead of getting the impression there's only "one twue way."

< Message edited by ChainedExistence -- 6/26/2008 6:31:37 AM >

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RE: A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/26/2008 6:03:09 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhisperSupremacy

I have a female friend that I work with that's been very curious about the bdsm lifestyle,... mainly being a domme,.... In general personallity, I see quite a few domme qualities in her already.  Myself being the only person she knows into this lifestyle, she wants to know much more and has been heavily interested in the information I've shared already with her.  I've decided to talk to her and teach her everything regarding the basics, safety, desires, emotional values, partner needs, hard limits, etc etc etc....

Myself being a switch, I have no problem handing over my dominant persona and teachings.  So the question is..... do you think a SWITCH is capable of being a worthy teacher to one side or the other?
I don't see why it would matter. You have played on both sides, so if anything, you can explain both to her.

The only reason I didn't post this under the "Ask a switch" board is cause I wanted to get feedback from all people.  I wont be surprised if some people give me some negative criticism for this topic. 

I know some doms/subs feel that switches cannot properly teach a side,.... as mentioned in a previous thread, some people hold the opinion that the world is black and white and switches defy that, so they say we're really subs or Domme's in denial or we're not "true" ___.
Yea, well there are assholes everywhere, learn to ignore them.

No, I'm not the worlds greatest bdsm teacher,....no I do not know it all,...no I do not have 10 years experience in this feild, But I feel confident in myself that I can share my view of this lifestyle with another person.  Let me know what you think.
No one knows everything. show her what you can and help her find info you don't have. Then both of you can learn together.


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RE: A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/26/2008 6:04:05 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Off the cuff, I'd say "switch" carries the most insights to the overall problem domain and therefor is likely to also be the best teacher.  That being said, I see no value in "teacher with benefits" as a role and would prefer if subs taught subs and doms taught doms.  As a switch, you can do either, just keep the right hat on and all body parts tucked safely away into clothing.

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RE: A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/26/2008 7:05:15 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Orientation does not matter.  Teach and show somebody what you know.  You don't have to teach somebody while in a Dom persona/mode either. 


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RE: A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/26/2008 7:27:21 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The only thing I wouold caution you is about steering her to the domme side. Because you see dominant qualities in her in vanilla surroundings does not mean she would want that in her personal behavior. Quite honestly, it is almost axiomatic that the person who has the most control in day to day life is the one who least wants it in their sex life.

That's something you need to guard against, especially if you have fantasized about her domming you.

But if you have a collection of the appropriate books and websites to direct her to, then why not. Which you should be suggesting to her, not just keeping her to yourself and training her to be your partner, but just giving her the resources to learn while always being available to offer your opinion drawn from your experience.

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RE: A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/26/2008 8:03:38 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		The person in the lifestyle that I would consider my true mentor is a switch.  When it comes to concepts like you talked about - safety, emotions and the lifestyle, techniques, etc., it really doesn't matter if you are top or bottom.  If you are willing to allow her to practice on you that's terrific.

I am a switch but I find myself teaching both Dom/mes and subs from time to time.  I feel there is a benefit to being able to understand firsthand the different emotional experiences from both sides.  There are overlaps, of course, but some feelings that tend to run more on one side than the other.  I think it's terrific that you want to mentor her.


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RE: A switch teaching a curious vanilla... - 6/26/2008 8:21:03 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhisperSupremacy

I have a female friend that I work with that's been very curious about the bdsm lifestyle,... mainly being a domme,.... In general personallity, I see quite a few domme qualities in her already.  Myself being the only person she knows into this lifestyle, she wants to know much more and has been heavily interested in the information I've shared already with her.  I've decided to talk to her and teach her everything regarding the basics, safety, desires, emotional values, partner needs, hard limits, etc etc etc....




What amazes me is most of the posters and the OP think you can "teach" those values.  and some how think that the rules are "different" from any other relationship due to BDSM.  Well it's NOT sheesh. 

For example my kid knew a hard limit was crossing the street or back talking me...  you get the idea.  It's real simple shit folks.  Hell even my dog knows about hard limits.

BadOne

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