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Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 10:20:54 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		We've had some interesting threads lately on relationship dynamics which have shown how different we obviously are as individuals, as well as the vast differences in how our relationships work.  I enjoy reading about what does and doesn't work for others.

So I'd like to start a discussion on....... well read on and you'll see.

For the submissives/slaves:  When, for whatever reason, you feel the need to have your leash yanked or held tighter, do you express this need to your dominant, and if so, in what way?  

Is it acceptable in your relationship to ask for this, or do you *"act out" and hope that your dominant responds? 
*I realize that some dominants enjoy bratty behavior and some won't stand for it*

For the dominants:  Is it acceptable to you for your sub/slave to ask for this if they are feeling the need for more discipline, control, etc. from you, or do you consider that manipulative or "topping from the bottom"?  Does their asking for more from you insinuate that you aren't being "dominant enough"?


I hope I'm making sense with these questions.   And I'm sure more will come up as people respond.
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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 10:31:47 AM   
GabrielleSlave


Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
Status: offline 		Hi

For me, i am able to let my Master know, but He does seem to know when i need extra 'help'.  The time when i really do need more is my PMT day and the harder He pushes me, the better and the quicker i get past the horrible temper and huge anger that comes out of nowhere...

At times when i just feel the need to play, just because i want to, it is up to Him of course whether or not and in what way to humour me!

Hugs

Gabrielle x

_____________________________

Slave to Master Slayer

~ Host of the Rather Marvelous Greenwich Munch ~

"There is no such thing as liberty. You only change one sort of domination for another. All we can do is to choose our master."
D. H. Lawrence

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 10:38:47 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel
For the submissives/slaves:  When, for whatever reason, you feel the need to have your leash yanked or held tighter, do you express this need to your dominant, and if so, in what way?  


Yes, I express it.  It usually starts out with "My Lord, may I give you some information?"  Once I have permission, I express what is going on mentally and sometimes I will just say "I am craving to have my leash yanked."  Sometimes I will ask for something specific, but usually it is just that I am feeling out of sorts and would like the leash to be pulled tighter.

quote:

Is it acceptable in your relationship to ask for this, or do you *"act out" and hope that your dominant responds? 


It is acceptable to ask politely but it is never acceptable to act out in our relationship in order to gain attention.  Acting out is the least productive way to gain what I want.  In the past I have been ignored until I started behaving in a manner that is appropriate. 

I think the longest it ever took me to change my behavior was about 5 minutes and it took that long because he pushed a button that pissed me off and it took much longer than counting to 10 to calm down.  That was several years ago now.  We haven't had to deal with things like that in a long time.  We have learned to balance and I have learned to bring stress to him well before it becomes an issue.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 10:40:51 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		I'm always all ears when it comes to hearing somebody out.  It's my choice to do or not do it in the end.  I don't look at it as topping from the bottom.   It's just giving me a heads up about an issue.   How I deal with it depends upon what the issue is, a sort of case by case basis.

If it's something that's going to improve our relationship, and there are more then one good reason to doing something, and I'm convinced it's a good thing.  I just might do it.   Does not make me any less in control of things.   Just means I've taken some course of action. 

If I don't do something, I will express my reasoning why not.  Really is that simple.

I don't want to every get caught up in the mental mindfuck of "topping from the bottom" to the point it fucks with honest communication.   So what if somebody asserts themself in my Domly presence.  Won't make me crumble to submissive sub dust. 

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 10:42:32 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

For the submissives/slaves:  When, for whatever reason, you feel the need to have your leash yanked or held tighter, do you express this need to your dominant, and if so, in what way?  

Is it acceptable in your relationship to ask for this, or do you *"act out" and hope that your dominant responds? 
*I realize that some dominants enjoy bratty behavior and some won't stand for it*



Personally, if I was feeling the need for a leash yanking, I'd start to question what happened to me that put me into a frame of mind where I need some external force to keep or bring me back in line. I would do a serious self-evaluation to see what was going on within the relationship generally and with me specifically. Everything else would flow from that conversation with my internal self and, yes, I would absolutely want to speak on the issue with Himself.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 10:46:16 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		I'm required to alert him when I'm feeling the need for a stronger influence from him. Its always hard for me, to tell him, to admit that I need that extra bit because it feels like some sort of inner failure to me.
After some trial and error we hit upon a phrase that works, I only need to tell him that I'm feeling tangled up and he takes care of me and the situation.

I'm so very lucky to have him.


_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 11:10:03 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

For the submissives/slaves:  When, for whatever reason, you feel the need to have your leash yanked or held tighter, do you express this need to your dominant, and if so, in what way?  

Is it acceptable in your relationship to ask for this, or do you *"act out" and hope that your dominant responds? 
*I realize that some dominants enjoy bratty behavior and some won't stand for it*



I actually dont need to feel the chain being yanked ... or I certainly never have until now. I need to know the leash is there, nothing more. I know the leash is there, and the set up of our day to day relationship .. whether "online" like right now .. or in person .... means that He never lets go of the leash and the weight of it about my neck is always present. I need to feel owned and controlled, so we have arranged a relationship where even at its most dull and boring base level, I feel owned and controlled. I can't really imagine that I would ever yearn to "feel the yank" anymore than He already "yanks it". There are times when I can think of ways our entire relationship can create a more profound "Leashiness" - something in the way we operate day to day that lets me feel the weight of the chain without actually putting anymore pressure on Him to yank it.

If however I did decide I needed to feel the yank. It is acceptable for me to ask for anything I wish to ask for (unless of course something has been specificially forbidden - like I cannot ask Him if I can smoke for instance) The only un/acceptable thing about asking is HOW I ask. If I ask respectfully according to our communication protocols, then it is acceptable for me to ask. What is unacceptable is for me to be bratty, demanding or passive/aggressive - ever .. for anything. Now my requests have no guarantee of being granted, even if they are perfectly reasonable, sensible and fair. In fact .. DV is just enough of a bastard to see that I am totally right, reasonable, and forward thinking ... and deny my request just to be a bastard. Then again ... for us ... that is me feeling the "yank" ... for us .. thats like foreplay.

Our Owner/property relationship is mutually satisfying ... He wants to Own .. I wish to be owned ... so for us .. the whole dynamic is geared around that leash and keeping it profoundly present for both of us.

< Message edited by softness -- 6/26/2008 11:11:09 AM >

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 11:45:43 AM   
DaddyDomsgirl


Posts: 49
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		i know that i have the leash on me...and i know if i step over the line that He has set for me....either He will pull me back by the leash or let it go all together....if i feel the need for it to be pulled back some.....i just let Him know and He will do it.....weither He has to put more rules down on me or just give me a task to keep my mind off the loneliness i feel at times.

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 11:49:37 AM   
Daes


Posts: 246
Joined: 4/20/2007
From: Diamond Bar, SoCal
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel
I actually dont need to feel the chain being yanked ... or I certainly never have until now. I need to know the leash is there, nothing more. I know the leash is there, and the set up of our day to day relationship .. whether "online" like right now .. or in person .... means that He never lets go of the leash and the weight of it about my neck is always present. I need to feel owned and controlled, so we have arranged a relationship where even at its most dull and boring base level, I feel owned and controlled. I can't really imagine that I would ever yearn to "feel the yank" anymore than He already "yanks it". There are times when I can think of ways our entire relationship can create a more profound "Leashiness" - something in the way we operate day to day that lets me feel the weight of the chain without actually putting anymore pressure on Him to yank it.

If however I did decide I needed to feel the yank. It is acceptable for me to ask for anything I wish to ask for (unless of course something has been specificially forbidden - like I cannot ask Him if I can smoke for instance) The only un/acceptable thing about asking is HOW I ask. If I ask respectfully according to our communication protocols, then it is acceptable for me to ask. What is unacceptable is for me to be bratty, demanding or passive/aggressive - ever .. for anything. Now my requests have no guarantee of being granted, even if they are perfectly reasonable, sensible and fair. In fact .. DV is just enough of a bastard to see that I am totally right, reasonable, and forward thinking ... and deny my request just to be a bastard. Then again ... for us ... that is me feeling the "yank" ... for us .. thats like foreplay.

Our Owner/property relationship is mutually satisfying ... He wants to Own .. I wish to be owned ... so for us .. the whole dynamic is geared around that leash and keeping it profoundly present for both of us.


Couldnt have said it better. Thank you.

_____________________________

~*Estrellita*~
I want to be in surrender of His strength, of His power. Alone, I am nothing, but in His arms I am all things...

~His puppy~

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 11:53:39 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I've never been comfortable in asking for anything that I might need. It has led to passive aggressive behavior in the past.    I think a lot has to do with never having been in a power exchange type of relationship and somehow wanting that type of relationship.  One of the pitfalls of experiencing only casual play.  I've always felt that I didn't have any right to ask just because there has never been that actual d/s exchange...just kink.  I'm definitely not successful explaining what's in my head at the moment.

_____________________________



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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 11:53:57 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		It's going to depend on the reason.
 
If they ask-they may get the reply that I think they need to work on more *self-control*.....rather than being lazy and insisting I do it FOR them.
 
 I have no sympathy for a slacker.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 12:16:51 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		Some really great responses!  Thank you all. 

What I'm seeing so far in some responders is people whose relationships are in various stages - from the relatively new to really long term, and also those who are only able to engage in casual play.  I'm wondering if newer relationships might require more leash yanking or it just being held tighter until the usual early bumps in the road are worked through and things settle down just a bit?

I know for me, right now, there are some "outside" circumstances that have disrupted the normal flow of our relationship, and the unforeseen results have been that I feel a bit like a dog on one of those really long flexi-leads.  The owner still has control, but the dog has a bit too much freedom if you will. *that's probably a crappy analogy*

I haven't had a problem expressing those feelings to Him as we communicate beautifully, although I have had some guilt feelings for actually having those needs. 

Going through this right now was what prompted the curiosity as to how others deal with it, and I thought it might make for interesting discussion.




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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 12:18:57 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The problem doesn't lie in needing tighter control, the problem comes in recognizing that I need it. I don't and I melt down instead.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 12:26:48 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

For the submissives/slaves:  When, for whatever reason, you feel the need to have your leash yanked or held tighter, do you express this need to your dominant, and if so, in what way?  


No, I don't have to notify him, somehow, someway he realizes it in my behavior or mood.  It might take a little while, but deep down, he knows.

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 1:01:07 PM   
WalterRego


Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

For the submissives/slaves:  When, for whatever reason, you feel the need to have your leash yanked or held tighter, do you express this need to your dominant, and if so, in what way?  



Mistress likes to stop by the forums and check out what I'm reading and responding to, so maybe She'll read this. I wonder if it will work as well as walking around with a cute puppy look and the leash clutched in my mouth.

< Message edited by WalterRego -- 6/26/2008 1:02:11 PM >

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 1:34:04 PM   
tkenslve


Posts: 98
Joined: 2/23/2004
Status: offline 		There are times when i feel that i desperately need my leash yanked, but i also have learned, in the last 4 years, that my Master knows me very well. And that there are times when He has delibrately let the leash go slack to see how i will respond. After a few times running around like an escaped dog, and dealing with the consequences of that, i now just wait on the porch for Him... leashed or unleashed.


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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 1:38:17 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		If there is something going on that I am not picking up on, I want to hear about it.  I am very attuned to nonverbal cues, and like to THINK that I am paying attention most of the time, but I am not a mind reader. 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 2:23:29 PM   
shadowcd


Posts: 88
Joined: 6/23/2008
Status: offline 		I love my leash yanked and held tight,  they don't need a reason to do it other then to amuse them as far as i'm concearned.   letting it go slack is alright too long as they hold on so i still know i'm theirs.  if they let it go altogether i may question (internally) their ability to dom me.   The more i question the Dom, the less submissive I become,  and the more I may act out.   ofcourse if they trained me to get use to this, it would be a different matter.  I'm pretty new to this sort of stuff and I consider myself a borderline switch,  I really need  a more firm hand so to speak so that's just my point of view :)

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 2:40:05 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		Hmmm....Great topic, Naughty.

I don't necessarily need the leash yanked, but I have to know it's always there.  I don't thrive well at all in an environment of ambiguity.  A Ds dynamic that waivers just doesn't hold me in place, nor does it bring out the best in me or the utmost in my submission.  I have found that when the dominant in the relationship flounders, so do I.  I think this stuff takes a lot of energy and effort on both sides. 

Having said that, I realize that we all hit bumps in the road or have things come up that can sometimes derail the Ds, but if it doesn't get back on track after things settle down, it starts to feel like a vanilla relationship to me, which leaves me fairly bored and uninspired..   I don't get bratty or act out, if this is the case--  It's actually very easy for me to directly state my feelings and needs in a relationship without hedging around the bush. 

< Message edited by marieToo -- 6/26/2008 2:42:02 PM >

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 2:50:22 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel
For the dominants:  Is it acceptable to you for your sub/slave to ask for this if they are feeling the need for more discipline, control, etc. from you, or do you consider that manipulative or "topping from the bottom"?  Does their asking for more from you insinuate that you aren't being "dominant enough"?


It's acceptable for my girl to ask for anything that she wants or needs. It's up to me whether she gets it or not. I usually don't ignore things I see as a need, so if she needed the above, I'd look at it seriously. If it's a want and I don't feel like it, she has to suck it up and deal.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

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