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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/27/2008 4:46:33 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Look, I'm not here to be the surrogate whipping boy for you to work out the frustrations of your last relationship that failed. You cannot punish  HIM through me. Consider yourself blocked and ignored.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/27/2008 4:50:07 PM   
fluffyswitch


Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chickpea




Plus you said you went through several of "The One"s .  ...I hardly believe someone can meet 10 or 20 soulmates in a lifetime, let alone more than three. .



this is probably going to cause a firestorm but meh. why not? why can't you? maybe it's the fact that i'm poly, maybe it's the religious path that i'm on, but i have no reason to think that you as you change you have different needs, and that some people are destined for lack of a better word for more than one person. i personally think that there are some people who are meant to love, and love deeply, more than one person in their lifetime. the soul is something hard to quantify let alone describe so how are we to know that those three people aren't/weren't the 'ones' at that point in his lifetime?


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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/27/2008 4:56:09 PM   
chickpea


Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Look, I'm not here to be the surrogate whipping boy for you to work out the frustrations of your last relationship that failed. You cannot punish  HIM through me. Consider yourself blocked and ignored.


I'm not whipping you.  And there are no frustrations...hello?  I'm just questioning whether that is really "The One" in regards to OP, so you can claim about saying goodbye to the several of the ones with a smile.  Geez, just shut off the computer if ya can't come back with a good comeback *wink*  

_____________________________

Congrats to both In the end it was win-win. Now let's get to work http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/nov/05/john-mccain-concedes-election http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/17/transition.wrap/index.html

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/27/2008 4:59:18 PM   
chickpea


Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: chickpea




Plus you said you went through several of "The One"s .  ...I hardly believe someone can meet 10 or 20 soulmates in a lifetime, let alone more than three. .



this is probably going to cause a firestorm but meh. why not? why can't you? maybe it's the fact that i'm poly, maybe it's the religious path that i'm on, but i have no reason to think that you as you change you have different needs, and that some people are destined for lack of a better word for more than one person. i personally think that there are some people who are meant to love, and love deeply, more than one person in their lifetime. the soul is something hard to quantify let alone describe so how are we to know that those three people aren't/weren't the 'ones' at that point in his lifetime?



well, i wasn't referring to soulmate in the poly-context... ehrm, i don't do that.  but if there's some secret thing where you can have several of the ones at the same time.... well, i'm definitely missing out.


_____________________________

Congrats to both In the end it was win-win. Now let's get to work http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/nov/05/john-mccain-concedes-election http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/17/transition.wrap/index.html

(in reply to fluffyswitch)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/27/2008 5:02:53 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		shit, now i have to go and cry to myself while watching "To Sir With Love" for the millionth time

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/27/2008 5:33:34 PM   
firefey


Posts: 144
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline 		whoa there chickpea.  maybe you are reading a different message than i am, but i never saw leatherist say he had said good bye to 10 or 20 "the one" type women.  in fact, he never said any of the women he has been with were "the one."  he responds to misst's query about saying good bye to someone who would be "the one" if the circumstance were right.  and as far as i can see you have taken all his previous relationships and boiled them down into casual fucking for personal gratification.

now, i don't know leatherist from a crack in the sidewalk, but his posts are usually very respectful and poingent.  your posts on this subject, on the other hand, have been acerbic and down right rude. 

as for your views on soul mates: while i respect that you have them, please don't assume they are the end all be all.  you are not the authority on soul mates, and living in LA has nothing to do with it.  i lived there for four years, so i feel safe in saying people there have no corner on any spiritual market.  and another thing, whoa re you to say that anyone has to just accept all parts of a person without thought or discrimination for it to be real love and real affection.  i am deeply in love with one of the men in my life (yes i'm a poly girl), and have been for a decade.  he has and, if i have any say in the mater, will always been in my life in some capacity.  but i do not like or enjoy certain aspects of his personality.  i accept that they are part of him, yes, but i try not to enable him when he is in those modes and i try not to encourage his bad habits.  that is love.  knowing who the person is, flaws and all, and loving them anyway.  i try and encourage change where i see the need, but it is his decision.  it doesn't make my love worth less.

if you must speak on this matter, please do so from your heart and your own experiences and stop projecting onto other people in the forums.

(in reply to chickpea)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/27/2008 7:50:14 PM   
wildtigress27


Posts: 11
Joined: 4/6/2007
From: Connecticut
Status: offline 		I had a relationship with someone i thought was the "one". We had a very intense year together before he moved to Colorado. The first year we took turns flying back and forth to see each other every couple months, then things started to drift apart. 18 months ago he moved to CA and moved in with a sub that he has since collared, although he still calls me weekly to chat about things. It hurt alot to lose that relationship and i mourned it for a long time, but now i look back on it and smile that i had the times i did with him. I'm ready now to find someone else who can be there for me long term. I'll always leave the door open with G .... but life is too short to sit around waiting for something that may never come along again. No regrets though .... just happy memories to cherish.

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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/28/2008 2:04:12 AM   
bluerush


Posts: 5
Status: offline 		The "one" ended it... no more tears for that guy.. hell no... 

(in reply to chickpea)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/28/2008 7:10:47 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

but i am just not as bought in as most to the idea of "the one" ....i dont seem to be that type, ....if i do grow in a differnt direction, then of course it will be with a smile and boy will i have some amazing memories to cherish the rest of my life.

I get what you are saying here CT, i'm not sure i believe in the 'one' either. He was certainly my 'one' for this period of my life though. I have some amazing memories too and its not over yet, i just have a feeling it will e sometime soon. Im eveolving and growing and finding i need more on the emotional side than i used to.
 
quote:

Yes and I smiled in public and cried in private.....mind you Miss T, I'm fucked as I love crying........

I actually don't think i'll cry prinsexx, im not sad about it as such. Much more to celebrate from the times we had, than cry about.
 
quote:

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”

Hellen Keller.

I love this cruel desires
 
quote:

i just wanted to say thank you for writing this, i have been swimming around in my head for the past week about where im going with my own 'relationship' - its been a wonderful 21 months, but so many things get in the way, distance, kids, yada yada....
anyway, thanks again, its comforting in a way to know that im not alone...

Natural sin, i dont think we are ever alone in what we go through, it just feels like it sometimes
 
quote:

Today was graduation day for My submissive.  For the past year, he had been here with Me to attend school.  This is the day that I had to say good-bye to him. 
I knew from the beginning that this was a finite relationship, at least in the physical sense.  Still, it was probably one of the most satisfying D/s dynamics of My life.

Mine too, i guess all good things have to come to an end sometimes. I'm sorry you have had to let him go hun.
 
quote:

shit, now i have to go and cry to myself while watching "To Sir With Love" for the millionth time

Oh no, i'm sorry
 








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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/28/2008 7:22:42 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		I am in a mutually-fulfilling very parttime dynamic with a man who has been, in the past, my mentor. He is a psychologist and professor at a fairly well-known university med center (which is what I am also working toward) and a pretty talented Dom. We are friends, no romantic attachment, and we are each other's D/s outlet which will probably never be fulltime, even when there is time.

There is also no sex involved. He gets to boss me around a couple weekends a month and I get to be a service sub. It works out pretty well. That's not to say I don't miss the other stuff but it's better than having no outlet at all.

There is a certain distance between us, both physical and emotional, and I'm not confident that we could cross over into something that involved more of a bond.

I didn't think I could have a relationship like this one, without love, but for me at the moment it seems to be working out better than a relationship with all the attachments. We do have mutual respect, which seems to be the important thing for now.

We do not have sex (I can't separate sex and love so he wisely put into place a no-sex rule) and we aren't all crushy on each other. It's more of a business arrangement ... which ... sounds ... really ... cold ... now that I think of it that way, but we are fond of each other, enjoy each other's company, and that's fulfilling enough.

If he fell in love with someone, or if I fell in love with someone ... gosh ... I don't even like that thought really. I've grown used to this way of being and would miss him. Besides, not having a romantic attachment feels safe to me - I get the safety of not having to have feelings for him but I also get the positive elements of a D/s relationship (from a friendship and a service sub standpoint) ... if that makes any sense to anyone but me.

< Message edited by batshalom -- 6/28/2008 7:23:07 AM >

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/28/2008 7:42:20 AM   
sblady


Posts: 433
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		 "People come into our lives for a season or a reason".   That's an excellent saying.  I recently had to make a decision to end my first real time D/s relationship.  We started off as friends however, it turned in D/s and BDSM.  Hurt like heck to end things and I cried crocodile tears.  There were many reasons I felt he was my "one", however we knew from the beginning that the type of relationship we shared couldn't be "permanent" and entered the relationship without wearing blinders. I'm a better person for having known him and hopefully he feels the same.  We still talk almost daily and are thankful for what we've shared and the friendship that remains.

(in reply to pagankinktress)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/28/2008 7:44:28 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

Besides, not having a romantic attachment feels safe to me - I get the safety of not having to have feelings for him but I also get the positive elements of a D/s relationship (from a friendship and a service sub standpoint) ... if that makes any sense to anyone but me.

Makes complete sense to me.




_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/28/2008 7:53:41 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

but i am just not as bought in as most to the idea of "the one" ....i dont seem to be that type, ....if i do grow in a differnt direction, then of course it will be with a smile and boy will i have some amazing memories to cherish the rest of my life.

I get what you are saying here CT, i'm not sure i believe in the 'one' either. He was certainly my 'one' for this period of my life though.


And this makes perfect sense too. Good job, ladies.

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/28/2008 8:54:51 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Chickpea/Leatherist:  I'm not sure whether to be excited and turned on by the energy between you two - or worry that the time will come that you both meet and bring about the Apocolypse. 

In general:  I'm not sure I buy into The One philosophy.  A part of me wants to cling to the idea that there is someone out there who can and will be all I want and need.  The logic based aspect of ME, is inclined to find that a bit irrational.  Still, I do like to believe that there is a love for me that even time will lie down and be still for.   

I do know that it is less painful to actively let go, when a relationship has run its course, rather than to cling to false hopes and force the relationship to be torn painfully from you. 

(in reply to chickpea)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/28/2008 9:05:56 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
You cannot punish  HIM through me.

OMG, the two of you have never even met???  Leatherist, I know you don't like me, but I'm sorry, man.  I thought the only explanation was the two of you had some tryst and it went sour.  This just sucks.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Leatherist)
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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/28/2008 9:19:02 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
You cannot punish  HIM through me.

OMG, the two of you have never even met???  Leatherist, I know you don't like me, but I'm sorry, man.  I thought the only explanation was the two of you had some tryst and it went sour.  This just sucks.



I had thought the same thing.  Sour grapes and bad history to explain why they seemed to go at each other like rabid rabbits dry humping.  I'm just a sick enough puppy to get turned on by the energy.  Makes me wonder if they'll ever get to the make-up sex.

Missturbation, my sincere apologies for possibly derailling your thread.  Your thoughts, in this post, were beautifully articulated and deserve better. 

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 6/28/2008 9:23:40 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/28/2008 9:26:08 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
You cannot punish  HIM through me.

OMG, the two of you have never even met???  Leatherist, I know you don't like me, but I'm sorry, man.  I thought the only explanation was the two of you had some tryst and it went sour.  This just sucks.



I don't dislike you. And I really do think she is just projecting that guy she mentioned onto me. He's not around for revenge, so I just happened to be convenient.

Anyhow, I'm done with the drama. She can go and find another surrogate someplace else.

As far as the past girls? Yanno, they were looking for some good times, same as I was. It's not as if anyone was being "used." But in the world of the "one true wayist"-I guess that's criminal conduct-go figure. I just avoid that shit-it's daffy.





_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/28/2008 9:47:00 AM   
chickpea


Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
You cannot punish  HIM through me.

OMG, the two of you have never even met???  Leatherist, I know you don't like me, but I'm sorry, man.  I thought the only explanation was the two of you had some tryst and it went sour.  This just sucks.



You sensed that too?  I know him.   We're just having a lover's quarrel.  He just misses the bitch in me * double-wink* :-D



_____________________________

Congrats to both In the end it was win-win. Now let's get to work http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/nov/05/john-mccain-concedes-election http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/17/transition.wrap/index.html

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/28/2008 10:19:17 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Miss- I think you've quite easily explained exactly how polyamory works.  Now, my own sense of self refuses me to hold someone to something that does not fulfill them, but that does not mean I always do so with a smile.  I wish I were that enlightened yet :) 

I do wonder however if you both have ideas of how intense things would be because it IS a one day vacation for you both.  Is it because the real world forces things to go at a different pace that turns you both off??  Or simply that you think if it's not at that pace then it's not "real"?

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to chickpea)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/28/2008 10:21:08 AM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		i've had a couple of "The One" relationships.  one, he changed so much (and i did too) that we were no longer working as a couple.  fallcon died.  Daddy and i worked very well together, and it was exceedingly wonderful, but i just wasnt able to stay local-ish to him.  its not *over* but as we arent abe to be in person any longer, in some ways it may as well be.

TheEngineer and i are meshing very well together, so that's VERY promising.  still D/s in the relationship, but not on the same dynamic levels as i have been with Daddy.

kitten, quietly mourning that loss.

(in reply to chickpea)
Profile   Post #: 40
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