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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/28/2008 10:26:19 AM   
missturbation


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quote:

but that does not mean I always do so with a smile.  I wish I were that enlightened yet :) 

This is probably the first time i have managed to smile about ending something, settling something, coming to terms with something etc etc. Mind you probably already know that from my previous threads
 

quote:

I do wonder however if you both have ideas of how intense things would be because it IS a one day vacation for you both.  Is it because the real world forces things to go at a different pace that turns you both off??  Or simply that you think if it's not at that pace then it's not "real"?

I'm going to take this away with me this evening and think on it as i think i know but want to be sure what the answers are and that i word them right.





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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/28/2008 12:42:00 PM   
batshalom


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quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

In general:  I'm not sure I buy into The One philosophy.  A part of me wants to cling to the idea that there is someone out there who can and will be all I want and need.  The logic based aspect of ME, is inclined to find that a bit irrational.  Still, I do like to believe that there is a love for me that even time will lie down and be still for.   


I guess that would be kind of nice ... but just like red velvet cake, too much of a good thing can be sickening. I think the only way it can happen is in a vacuum, if neither party changes, or if both parties change and move in the same directions, and are so in tune with each other they may as well be one person.

Which ... eh ... sounds pretty boring and impossible to the pragmatist in me.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/28/2008 1:40:15 PM   
CreativeDominant


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quote:

ORIGINAL: wildtigress27

I had a relationship with someone i thought was the "one". We had a very intense year together before he moved to Colorado. The first year we took turns flying back and forth to see each other every couple months, then things started to drift apart. 18 months ago he moved to CA and moved in with a sub that he has since collared, although he still calls me weekly to chat about things. It hurt alot to lose that relationship and i mourned it for a long time, but now i look back on it and smile that i had the times i did with him. I'm ready now to find someone else who can be there for me long term. I'll always leave the door open with G .... but life is too short to sit around waiting for something that may never come along again. No regrets though .... just happy memories to cherish.


I have a question...not specifically to you but to something you brought out in your post.  Would you...or anyone else on here for that matter...care to become involved with someone that you knew was holding the door open for a past love?  If the answer is "No", then do you consider it fair to do so yourself?

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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/28/2008 2:23:31 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


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Status: offline 		IF it is a door that is HELD open, then no.  It isn't really fair and not exactly desirable. 

An unburned bridge, however, allows for MANY possibilities. 


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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/29/2008 3:26:47 AM   
NorthernGent


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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

One day though and i think that time is drawing near i will meet someone / may have already that i wish to build a lasting relationship with which will includes love, friendship and all the trimmings.

For me up until right now Sir is 'the one'.



Doesn't sound like 'the one' to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Just wanted to share, maybe hear from anyone else who has had / or is with 'their one' but has had / will have to let it go for whatever reason.



'The one' doesn't make much sense to me.

But, letting go is part of every facet of life.....value is placed on someone/something......but the time comes when that one/thing has ran its course and it's time to confine it to the past. That's life: ideas and perceptions evolve. 

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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/29/2008 3:39:17 AM   
colouredin


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Status: offline 		I dont believe in 'the one' what if my 'the one' dies when they are a child or lives in mexico and never comes to england, and vice versa? Thats a fairly depressing thought. I think that we can be happy with lots of differant people, and thinking of the one just leads to disapointment in most.

Anyways. Occasionally relationships end for reasons that dont result in bitterness, which is great stuff like having to move away or whatever. If you remove the idea of them being the one and think that its simply just another chapter in your life then more relationships will be able to end this way. We can learn from every relationship we have no matter the intensity or the duration and as life is about learning thats a good thing

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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/29/2008 3:48:26 AM   
NorthernGent


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I have a question...not specifically to you but to something you brought out in your post.  Would you...or anyone else on here for that matter...care to become involved with someone that you knew was holding the door open for a past love?  If the answer is "No", then do you consider it fair to do so yourself?



I've been there. The answer is a resounding no. Until the door's closed, it's her present rather than her past.

It's absolutely not fair to not do likewise.....do as you would be done to etc.

Plus, easy life.....there's enough bollocks without adding more fuel to the fire.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/29/2008 3:53:12 AM   
NorthernGent


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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Thats a fairly depressing thought.



That won't do......how about a song to cheer you up......or a slice of cake and a cup of tea.....

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

as life is about learning thats a good thing



Learning and using it to your advantage.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/29/2008 7:03:57 AM   
taintedgypsy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Just wanted to share, maybe hear from anyone else who has had / or is with 'their one' but has had / will have to let it go for whatever reason.


I don't really think there's only one "the one".  I think there can be several "the ones" in a lifetime.  There was one for me several years ago that I really became bonded to, and because of who he was, eventually I had to run away from him.  Unfortunately we could not remain friends as he was rather pissed off at me for my change of heart.  I still think about him and wish sometimes that I could talk to him, but I know he'd never have it.  There have been a few others along the way, who I was sure were the "ones"---a couple of them I remain friends with, and only one or two that I can't feel anything positive for.

I think in the long run, although it may be hard, you are better off letting go if you know he's not for you.  The more time spent trying to hang on for sentimental reasons, the more time wasted in finding someone who better suits your needs. I've also found that the longer I keep seeing someone who isn't going to fulfill me, the more it hurts when I see him, then go home feeling empty because I know he will never be what I need him to be.  It's like re-opening a wound over and over again.  There's no sense in prolonging the inevitable.  You may find that your Sir makes for an invaluable friend, and that you can have him in that capacity for the "long term". 


I have had an experience similar to this and the best thing I ever did was walk away. I am not sure I believe in "The One" ... but I strongly believe in the "for a reason or a season" thing ... I am in a relationship at the moment that I know I can not take futher than what it is but I value it and I know I will be sad when it ends. I am reasonably sure that when the time comes we will both smile and stay friends, he is a wonderful person. I think as long as your honest and upfront about things and every one walks through the door with eyes open, it can work.

quote:

I have a question...not specifically to you but to something you brought out in your post.  Would you...or anyone else on here for that matter...care to become involved with someone that you knew was holding the door open for a past love?  If the answer is "No", then do you consider it fair to do so yourself?


ahhh always enjoy your little side line questions/statements CreativeDominant.

For me it is not a case of leaving the door open but closing the door is still a work in progress ... some doors are so blocked up with baggage that it can take time to clear it all before the door can be sucessfully shut lol. One of the reasons I know this present relationship can not go any futher forward and that I am so not entering into any kind of full time/committment focussed relationship is that the door to the last one is still not closed properly and untill I have completely put the past in the past I do not feel that I properly participate in a partnership that moves into the future. It would not be fair to who ever else was involved, they would not be getting 100%.

My favorite saying at the moment is that I am a little whirl wind that dances through life, if I flow round you for a while just enjoy, you can not keep me ... you can not hold on to whispering breeze.

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warm smiles to all

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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/29/2008 10:45:40 AM   
missturbation


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quote:

I do wonder however if you both have ideas of how intense things would be because it IS a one day vacation for you both. 

Yes i think you are right. What we have is very intense. Basically i go down and from the moment i arrive to the moment i leave i am in 'slavery' to him. It is exhausting physically and mentally and would definately not be sustainable 24/7.
 
quote:

 Is it because the real world forces things to go at a different pace that turns you both off?? 

The real world would get in the way of what we have if it was 24/7. I would have to work, he would have to work etc etc. For us to work it has to be at the level of intensity we have when together now. As i said before not sustainable 24/7.

quote:

 Or simply that you think if it's not at that pace then it's not "real"?

No i think its more we don't want it to be that real. What we have is real but we don't want the reality of 'real life' in with it. If that makes sense.

_____________________________

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/29/2008 10:53:06 AM   
missturbation


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quote:

I have a question...not specifically to you but to something you brought out in your post.  Would you...or anyone else on here for that matter...care to become involved with someone that you knew was holding the door open for a past love?  If the answer is "No", then do you consider it fair to do so yourself?

No i would not become involved with someone like that. However are they going to openly admit that the door is still open to their ex?
 

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/29/2008 10:57:26 AM   
missturbation


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quote:

One day though and i think that time is drawing near i will meet someone / may have already that i wish to build a lasting relationship with which will includes love, friendship and all the trimmings.

For me up until right now Sir is 'the one'.

Doesn't sound like 'the one' to me.


quote:

Just wanted to share, maybe hear from anyone else who has had / or is with 'their one' but has had / will have to let it go for whatever reason.




'The one' doesn't make much sense to me.


As i said later he was 'the one' for this time in my life. A time when i wanted no emotional involvement or commitment.



_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/29/2008 11:24:00 AM   
phoenixrising43


Posts: 51
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Status: offline 		Thanks for bringing this topic up.  Has been very helpful to me personally.  Been going through a bit of a rough time here with the ending of my relationship with my former Dominant.  When we started out, there was no commitment but then things changed over time.  He offered his collar, which I took to be a deep commitment.  Plus love got brought into the equation too.  So when things kind of started to rear their ugly heads about a few things that were going on with him personally.  I clung to the love thing...hoping that my love for him would be enough to right the situation.  But of course it wasn't enough.  I know there are 2 sides to every story.  I have also learned some important things from this long term relationship.  Am I bitter?  sometimes.....  Am I angry or sad...sure sometimes I am.  Do I feel relief that it is over...sometimes I do feel that as well.  Do I still love and care for this person...yes.  But life goes on.  It's all a process of healing.  Though the one thing I haven't worked out yet....is am I a better person or better off for the relationship itself.  I am not so sure I am.  I think in hindsight it was fairly toxic for me.  But time heals all wounds.

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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/29/2008 4:12:22 PM   
missturbation


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quote:

But time heals all wounds.

It sure does


_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/30/2008 7:44:59 AM   
CreativeDominant


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quote:

ORIGINAL: taintedgypsy
I have had an experience similar to this and the best thing I ever did was walk away. I am not sure I believe in "The One" ... but I strongly believe in the "for a reason or a season" thing ... I am in a relationship at the moment that I know I can not take futher than what it is but I value it and I know I will be sad when it ends. I am reasonably sure that when the time comes we will both smile and stay friends, he is a wonderful person. I think as long as your honest and upfront about things and every one walks through the door with eyes open, it can work.


Color me a bit cynical...my last submissive was honest about the fact that she had been involved with others (of course she'd been involved with others...she had a child, after all) and very honest about the fact that her last dominant had hurt her badly.  She'd been without him for a year and swore she was over him.  What she was not honest about was the fact that there was still a door open to him.  When she ended things abruptly with me, it was through a mutual friend of ours that I found out that she had gone back with that dominant and had been corresponding as a "friend" with him during our relationship.
So...it is possible to be honest but I have to admit that I wonder just how far that honesty goes with most people.  Because I have to admit that, like Northern Gent, I would be reluctant to enter into a relationship where I knew a door to the past was open.  Or even with someone who notes, as Winsome does, that the door is not necessarily open but the bridge is not burnt...after all, consider the possibilities and just what may come across that bridge from the past.  In MY view, the statement that the door is closed but that there is an unburnt bridge is a semantic twist.  And again, I wonder...a bit more specifically this time...given what I've learned about women through the years and in various conversations I have had regarding this topic, I just don't think that many submissive women would care to enter into a relationship with a dominant that they knew (or suspected) had a door open to the past.  Why is it different then for them?  Because they put a romantic phrasing on it?

quote:

I have a question...not specifically to you but to something you brought out in your post.  Would you...or anyone else on here for that matter...care to become involved with someone that you knew was holding the door open for a past love?  If the answer is "No", then do you consider it fair to do so yourself?


ahhh always enjoy your little side line questions/statements CreativeDominant.

For me it is not a case of leaving the door open but closing the door is still a work in progress ... some doors are so blocked up with baggage that it can take time to clear it all before the door can be sucessfully shut lol. One of the reasons I know this present relationship can not go any futher forward and that I am so not entering into any kind of full time/committment focussed relationship is that the door to the last one is still not closed properly and untill I have completely put the past in the past I do not feel that I properly participate in a partnership that moves into the future. It would not be fair to who ever else was involved, they would not be getting 100%.  So then, was it fair to enter into a relationship with the one you are with now?  This next part is speculation but should the following be considered?  One reason some women (and some men too, I know) have a difficult time moving forward is that, no matter how much they change, they prefer to hold on to not just the memories of the past but the "what ifs"?  And in holding on to those, by leaving doors open or bridges unburnt, they doom the next relationship to failure?

quote:

My favorite saying at the moment is that I am a little whirl wind that dances through life, if I flow round you for a while just enjoy, you can not keep me ... you can not hold on to whispering breeze.


And I look at that in several ways.  If a dominant is younger and still has time ahead in his future, a casual relationship like that can be fun.  I've had them.  Or for a dominant who always looks to the challenge of being the one to tame the submissive in a way she has not been before, here is a new challenge presented.  But for the dominant who looks to settle in and get it "right" this time, the cynical "half-empty glass" side has to look and ask why they would want to enter into something where the cards are stacked against them.  Even for the optimistic, "glass half-full" type who believe in a lasting type of love and hopes to find it, this is the type of relationship that he knows, entering into it if he chooses, that his heart is most likely to be broken unless he guards it and remains wary with his emotions.  But then, he also runs the risk of being accused of "being afraid" to take a chance...of not sharing himself.  In all seriousness, why would he?  If she can be honest about the fact that she will not in all likelihood be there for the long haul, why should he give of those areas most likely to be hurt by her leaving?

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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/30/2008 7:46:40 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

I do wonder however if you both have ideas of how intense things would be because it IS a one day vacation for you both. 

Yes i think you are right. What we have is very intense. Basically i go down and from the moment i arrive to the moment i leave i am in 'slavery' to him. It is exhausting physically and mentally and would definately not be sustainable 24/7.
 
quote:

 Is it because the real world forces things to go at a different pace that turns you both off?? 

The real world would get in the way of what we have if it was 24/7. I would have to work, he would have to work etc etc. For us to work it has to be at the level of intensity we have when together now. As i said before not sustainable 24/7.

quote:

 Or simply that you think if it's not at that pace then it's not "real"?

No i think its more we don't want it to be that real. What we have is real but we don't want the reality of 'real life' in with it. If that makes sense.


So, in a way, it has been a fantasy experience.  Rather sad, isn't it then that the one who you choose to be involved with on a real-time, real-life experience will not be able to experience the level of slavery you gave to someone else?

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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/30/2008 12:00:22 PM   
batshalom


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Rather sad, isn't it then that the one who you choose to be involved with on a real-time, real-life experience will not be able to experience the level of slavery you gave to someone else?



Or you could look at it this way, CD. If it were completely fulfilling, if that level of slavery "did it" for her, she wouldn't be looking for that little bit extra, like love. Eh? It's a matter of choices and putting things into one's own categories that go from most important to less important.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/30/2008 1:08:33 PM   
CreativeDominant


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Status: offline 		I could...and it may well be true.  But I could also look at it as a way to experience something very, very intense without having the boundaries that go along with it when it is a 24/7 experience.  When you look at the depths of most slaves...from their own words on these boards before...and then consider that someone wants the emotional intensity now that matches those depths BUT because of that emotional intensity and the trial of living 24/7 with a partner they can no longer give of themselves in as intense of a manner...the same manner of slavery they have been giving on these weekends, it seems a bit sad that the one who experienced that slavery and the benefit of all that it entails was, in the end, a temporary partner...to put it in a manner that seems harsh, one that was known to be a casual partner rather than a serious one from the start...and the serious, responsible, emotional partner will not see that.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 6/30/2008 1:12:03 PM >

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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/30/2008 2:21:23 PM   
MistressOfGa


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Look, I'm not here to be the surrogate whipping boy for you to work out the frustrations of your last relationship that failed. You cannot punish  HIM through me. Consider yourself blocked and ignored.


<Applauds Leatherist> Nice!


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RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/30/2008 4:20:04 PM   
missturbation


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quote:

So, in a way, it has been a fantasy experience.  Rather sad, isn't it then that the one who you choose to be involved with on a real-time, real-life experience will not be able to experience the level of slavery you gave to someone else?

Plain and simply yes.
 
quote:

it seems a bit sad that the one who experienced that slavery and the benefit of all that it entails was, in the end, a temporary partner...to put it in a manner that seems harsh, one that was known to be a casual partner rather than a serious one from the start...and the serious, responsible, emotional partner will not see that.

This nearly made me cry as i really think you have a valid point here. Lets just hope that the relationship i eventually settle into is equally ormore fulfilling for both partners.


_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 60
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