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Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/26/2008 8:40:59 PM   
blackbeard519


Posts: 19
Joined: 6/8/2008
Status: offline 		I was chatting with a submissive friend when she mentioned her frustration when her dominant becomes passive aggressive.

It drives her around the bend.  She knows what he wants but she feels conflicted.  He's being too much of a pussy to come right out and either ask or order her as is his right in their relationship, she's supposed to "take the hint".

She's not into that.

So here's the question...

How do you submissives out there deal with a passive aggressive partner?
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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/26/2008 8:43:15 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

How do you submissives out there deal with a passive aggressive partner?


Passive aggressiveness is a fault, a character flaw.

What do I do? Not tolerate it. Any man who pussyfoots around what should be done or understood is just that...a pussy.

If he cannot articulate the issue at hand, I'm goners.

(in reply to blackbeard519)
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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/26/2008 8:43:27 PM   
Bethnai


Posts: 492
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline 		I call 'em on it.

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/26/2008 8:45:56 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		communication.....not a strong suit for PAD's but they better get over themselves PDQ because subs hate that chicken sh*t cr*p.

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/26/2008 8:46:45 PM   
lalbobbilynn


Posts: 483
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		i call another out as respectfully as possible. PA is unattractive in anyone and gives way to far to much confusion and resentment IMHO.
Say what You mean, and mean what You say .... to all involved.
Tricks are for kids!
b.~

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/26/2008 8:48:32 PM   
variation30


Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline
quote:

It drives her around the bend. She knows what he wants but she feels conflicted. He's being too much of a pussy to come right out and either ask or order her as is his right in their relationship, she's supposed to "take the hint".

She's not into that.


sounds like all the info you need is contained in the quote.


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or old.

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/26/2008 8:51:04 PM   
blackbeard519


Posts: 19
Joined: 6/8/2008
Status: offline 		Good points and I say I can't disagree.
I've been around the block a few times in this scene and I've met a fair few dominant types (both male and female) who were passive aggressive.

To me it reeks of insecurity. 

For the record I suggest she either confront him and tell him its unacceptable or dump him.

As an aside he's looking for 24/7 TPE.  Which, if I may be irreverant....makes me wonder who will be the dominant.

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/26/2008 9:53:09 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blackbeard519


How do you submissives out there deal with a passive aggressive partner?



I dump them ... quickly ... with more force than strictly  necessary if I am honest.

If I had gotten into a relationship with someone then it was because they had showed me they had a particular personality type, a certain way of behaving. Turning again and again to passive/aggressivism... would show me they had lied about that personality and behaviour.

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/26/2008 10:08:48 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Avoid them like the plague! One PA ex-hubby has exhausted My lifetime quota of patience for that shit.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/26/2008 10:51:30 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blackbeard519

I was chatting with a submissive friend when she mentioned her frustration when her dominant becomes passive aggressive.

It drives her around the bend.  She knows what he wants but she feels conflicted.  He's being too much of a pussy to come right out and either ask or order her as is his right in their relationship, she's supposed to "take the hint".

She's not into that.

So here's the question...

How do you submissives out there deal with a passive aggressive partner?



I personally despise passive-aggressive behavior.  I can't do it myself; I'm just not sure how to behave that way.  So I'm left in this bind where the person refuses to admit anything's wrong -- though clearly something is -- and I cannot speak openly about it because they lie and say 'o no, I'm fine'.
 
It is a form of lying, if you think about it.  If anyone behaves this way often enough I stop allowing them into my life.
 
I hope I'd never be so stupid as to get collared by such a man, but I assure you it wouldn't last long.  My ass would be gone.
 
candystripper

(in reply to blackbeard519)
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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/26/2008 10:59:25 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blackbeard519
How do you submissives out there deal with a passive aggressive partner?



I don't.  I don't even like myself when I've had passive aggressive moments.  There's not any room for that in my world.

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Good is the enemy of great.

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/26/2008 11:40:23 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blackbeard519

I was chatting with a submissive friend when she mentioned her frustration when her dominant becomes passive aggressive.

It drives her around the bend.  She knows what he wants but she feels conflicted.  He's being too much of a pussy to come right out and either ask or order her as is his right in their relationship, she's supposed to "take the hint".

She's not into that.

So here's the question...

How do you submissives out there deal with a passive aggressive partner?



I have a saying .. if you can't take the whip out of my hand, I am going to beat you with it. I'd deal with a passive-aggressive partner the same way I deal with any unruly child. Spank them soundly and send them to their room.

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/27/2008 3:57:50 AM   
Silkendream


Posts: 65
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline 		Ah, bottoming from the top! How I loathe it.  I would very quickly take control  of the power vacuum and punish him for it.  Then move on and find someone who would not lie to me ie represent themselves as a Dominant when they are not (actually this has happened to me).  I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but there is no way I want to spend the rest of my life trying to prod a weak man into action, trying to make him strong, while paying lip service to his pretensions to being in control (or lies, which is what they are).

(btw, did I mention I'd be cross?)      

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/27/2008 5:05:24 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I don't do well with passive aggressive people because they have never learned to communicate properly. Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship so in my opinion I would not be with someone like that because it isn't productive.

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/27/2008 6:37:32 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		That doesn't sound like he's passive aggressive. It sounds as though he prefers his submissive to be proactive, to be into anticipatory service. While she's into obedience, doing things when ordered.

Neither one is by definition wrong, they simply aren't compatible. And since she prefers to whine to others rather than talk to him about what the problem is, maybe she's the passive aggressive one. She knew what he wanted but wouldn't do it because he didn't bark orders? Manipulative for sure.

Passive aggressive would be him agreeing to fix the leak for me, so I don't call the plumber, and then never get to it, plus throwing a tantrum when I give up and do call the plumber. Which is totally different.

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/27/2008 6:56:12 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blackbeard519

I was chatting with a submissive friend when she mentioned her frustration when her dominant becomes passive aggressive.

It drives her around the bend.  She knows what he wants but she feels conflicted.  He's being too much of a pussy to come right out and either ask or order her as is his right in their relationship, she's supposed to "take the hint".

She's not into that.

So here's the question...

How do you submissives out there deal with a passive aggressive partner?


If they are predominantly passive-agressive (you know role their eyes heavenward and say stuff like: ~what's this pile of laundry doing HERE?~ and then go into a hissy and put the question into an affidavit) then I label them a vanilla husband.
If the are passively-agressive and then whip my arse at random/ask me to suck cock for not obeying an order I didn't even get or I didn't realise they were giving then I call them an emotional sadist.
I've absolutely no confusion which I prefer.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/27/2008 6:59:41 AM >

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/27/2008 7:02:12 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		well spotted celeste....

OP i agree two differnt styles of power exchange going on here, neither right or wrong, but if she is being driven crazy by his style she needs to find a more suitable style.

My question to her would be....are you communicating as effectivly as you are expecting him to do?

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/27/2008 7:03:01 AM   
SirDragon1961


Posts: 31
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline 		He dips to all:

I'm swaying towards desFIP.
Blackbeard hasnt clearly defined the 'bitch' in context.  There may not be a communication issue but an UNDERSTANDING issue.  It may well be  their expectations are incompatible. 

I will not judge based upon flimsy detail that does not explain initial boundaries, expectations, etc.

Frankly Blackbeard I question you posting what can appear as looking for 'substantiation' for degrading a Dominant operating in a different dynamic to you.

Get the message bud?!

< Message edited by SirDragon1961 -- 6/27/2008 7:09:51 AM >

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/27/2008 7:39:42 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		And I wonder how much is the op trying to convince said friend that her dom isn't any good, so she should submit to him instead.

Being a cynic, I do think of stuff like this.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/27/2008 7:45:21 AM   
puppen


Posts: 1550
Joined: 6/25/2006
Status: offline 		If he isn't taking control of his role, I'll do it in the most irate fashion possible.

However, yeah, if he's staring at me and then a pile of laundry I was supposed to do... A different story entirely.



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