RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/27/2008 7:47:59 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

That doesn't sound like he's passive aggressive. It sounds as though he prefers his submissive to be proactive, to be into anticipatory service. While she's into obedience, doing things when ordered.

Neither one is by definition wrong, they simply aren't compatible. And since she prefers to whine to others rather than talk to him about what the problem is, maybe she's the passive aggressive one. She knew what he wanted but wouldn't do it because he didn't bark orders? Manipulative for sure.

Passive aggressive would be him agreeing to fix the leak for me, so I don't call the plumber, and then never get to it, plus throwing a tantrum when I give up and do call the plumber. Which is totally different.

I couldn't agree more, celeste. As tigress noted, nice pick-up.

The cynic in ME says "you know, what about the possibility that she knew this was his style of dominance...wanting his submissive to be a bit proactive and not always expect to be ordered about sexually...and she agreed to submit to it BUT now, for some reason (perhaps the introduction of a dominant friend into her life...the OP) she finds herself wanting a different style. But rather than communicate that to her dominant and remember what she signed on for, she goes whining elsewhere. Nice way to handle an issue...nice loyalty."

(in reply to DesFIP)

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/27/2008 7:52:29 AM

gypsygrl

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From: new york state
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quote:

She knows what he wants but she feels conflicted.

When I've dealt with truly passive aggressive types, I haven't been able to figure out what they want because they send mixed messages. Their words are in conflict with their behaviors and attitudes which confuses me and it takes me a long time to sort it out. They say one thing while they're thinking and acting on another.

I describe myself as an obedience driven submissive because I focus my energy on obeying explicit orders rather than pleasing the dominant though I certainly like it when they're pleased. Because of my personality/psychic make-up, its best for me to let go of the outcome of my obedience.

So, generally, when I'm receiving a mixed message, I respond to the one that's been made explicit. If I've received no instruction, and its not possible to ask, I'll either not do anything--if no action is necessary--or do what seems best if something needs to be done.

Some behavior that can be described as passive aggressive is simply a part of life and doesn't create a problem if the people can talk about it reasonably effectively when trouble arises. Its when the people in question can't directly communicate about conflicts that things break down in a big way.

To prinsexx: I've never been in a relationship where emotional sadism was an explicit, negotiated part of the dynamic, but I can certainly see how an emotional masochist might thrive under such conditions. I was in one relationship where passive aggressiveness was pretty much the normal way of operating, and in the short term it was kind of hot (it took me a while to figure out what was going on) but in the long term it became difficult in the extreme. One thing I noticed was that I became increasingly passive aggressive over time. Toxicity in a relationship tends to infect everybody involved. I don't think I would consent to a relationship where passive aggressiveness was a negotiated part of the regular relationship dynamic.

< Message edited by gypsygrl -- 6/27/2008 8:00:44 AM >

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/27/2008 7:56:17 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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I don't. I directly ask them about it and we either progress towards direct honesty, or the relationship does not progress and possibly needs to end.

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/28/2008 2:47:55 AM

wwwkevinww

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The majority of people are passive aggressive in their lives. You might not like someone, doesn't mean you take your shotgun and blow them away. Well, not without repurcussions anyhows. If your not being overt, your being passive aggressive.

I act & speak pretty overtly.....

If you see me with shotgun in hand, I'm probably not as passive as you'd like. ;0

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/28/2008 9:17:22 AM

kiwisub12

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I don't do well with mind reading. If my Sir wants something done, he verbalises it - or it won't get done (unless of course it is something routine that is in the area of my responsibilities).

I rather think i would frustrate the hell out of the average PA type.

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/28/2008 9:35:24 AM

poisonedprogress

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I'll use feigned passive aggression to confuse/fuck with my slave. It's almost like a game where I go "guess what I want?" or "guess what I caught you doing?" with the prize being a beatdown either way. Much fun is had.

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/28/2008 9:51:11 AM

UncleNasty

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Passive aggressive communication and behavior is dysfunctional - in all ways dysfunctional, D/s and vanilla. It is not merely a style of communication that can be unlearned in 5 easy lessons. It stems from a number of different sources - none of them healthy and none of them easy to overcome. Simple perhaps, but not easy.

Dysfunction is not my aspiration so I don't tolerate that behavior from those I'm involved with and close to (including myself).

I can be so direct and honest as to completely unnerve a lot of people. But I'd rather err on this side of the line than the other.

Mentioned above in different form, this is my version: Say what you mean, and do what you say.

Uncle Nasty

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/28/2008 9:52:44 AM

slaveluci

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Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

That doesn't sound like he's passive aggressive. It sounds as though he prefers his submissive to be proactive, to be into anticipatory service. While she's into obedience, doing things when ordered.

Neither one is by definition wrong, they simply aren't compatible. And since she prefers to whine to others rather than talk to him about what the problem is, maybe she's the passive aggressive one. She knew what he wanted but wouldn't do it because he didn't bark orders? Manipulative for sure.

Passive aggressive would be him agreeing to fix the leak for me, so I don't call the plumber, and then never get to it, plus throwing a tantrum when I give up and do call the plumber. Which is totally different.

THANK YOU, CELESTE!!!! My fingers were itching to type but I'm glad I read all the posts first. You said it! When the term "passive aggressive" was stated, everyone just kind of skimmed over the rest but you caught that what he's doing might not be PA at all. Exactly! They may not be compatible but that doesn't necessarily mean he is the one bearing all the burden and it certainly doesn't necessarily mean he's PA. Great catch!...............luci

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 6/28/2008 9:54:02 AM >

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/28/2008 10:20:55 AM

WinsomeDefiance

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I think the term passive aggressive is used inappropriately, more often than not. Most people, at one time or another, exhibit passive aggressive behavior, without there being any reason to believe they have a passive aggressive personality disorder. However, I do agree that individuals who genuinely have this style of personality are clueless toward the negative manner in which they impact others lives. Sad really, because I think it is largely a defensive posture that is self-defeating

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RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants - 6/28/2008 6:00:33 PM

SirDragon1961

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Umm, must be time for the original poster to clarify questions raised here?????

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