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what if - 6/27/2008 12:31:38 AM

lovepuppy

Posts: 46
Joined: 12/11/2005
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It never ceases to amaze me, grown people who willingly allow themselves to be put in uncomfortable circumstances will then futher torture themselves playing the great game of "what if"

What if he/she cheats on me, what if we don't work out, what if he/she gets too fat to fuck, what if I get to fat to fuck, what if he/she gets a job really far away, what if he/she is abducted by aliens and given a anti-kink drug and comes home so vanilla he/she won't still engage in whatever activity brought us togther.

know what? The only purpose what if serves is to let you prepare for it. "what if the the power goes out"..well have some candles on hand...."what if my dog gets bitten by a raccoon"...well get the dog it's rabies shots... but playing the game of what if about emtional truths which can change twice between breakfast and lunch some days is just a way of not having to deal with the matters at hand which have to be done. Sometimes it's as simple as it is much easier to spend the day in self-torture playing what-if than it is to do the dishes, sometimes it's more profound, toruturing yoruself with what if allows you to escape the ugly truth of you know what already is deep down in yoru head that you don't want to admit to, possibly even to yourself.

If you are willing to even consider entering into any sort of power exchange, or letting people bind you in some way or assulating you with long heavy leather objects, or binding someone or assaulting someone with hard leather objects, you're an adult enough to understand life can only be played one day at a time as we go along and "happily ever after" is an ad campaign brought to you by the same people who sold you the concept "life is hard but fair".

By the very fact you are on this site, reading these words it means you have taken responsablity as an adult; it is time to put away the high school letterman jackets and prom dresses and be an adult, deal with today, what can be done now, not what you might have to deal with later. Yeah it never hurts to guard against a rainy day,but you do that with hide-out cash and extra ammunition, not by trying to gain some meaningless veribage to make yourself feel better about stuff that hasn't happened yet.

no question or seeking approval from me on 'is this ok to do', just a mini rant which sorta vomited forth from me after reading the forums for the last couple of days.

Post #: 1

RE: what if - 6/27/2008 1:34:49 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
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From: Tampa, FL
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Funny you should meantion it.....

i used to be the person who mentally "what-if'ed" my relationships all the time. One day, while i was verbalizing "what if it doesn't work out?" to my daughter, she challenged "Oh yeah? Well what if it DOES work out?"

Now, i replace my negative what-ifs with positive what-ifs... What if i have the money? What if it works out? What if the distance doesn't matter? What if i find the perfect job?

By replacing the negative questions with positive ones, i am preparing for success rathing than failure. Thank you for the reminder.

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Post #: 2

RE: what if - 6/27/2008 2:13:43 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
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Ah, the philosophy of what if today is the last day. If we knew that, I think we would all live a fuller life. It's possible we can worry so much about the future that we don’t enjoy living today. I know I had to change my mindset to live life to the fullest.

Worrying about the end doesn’t make it not happen. If it’s coming, it’s coming, but what if we get to the end and never enjoyed the ride? That would be doubly sad. You are going to be sad enough at the end, so why not look back at the good times you had?

Some can have a relationship that lasts many, many years and yet never feel the intimacy while feeling all the insecurities. Others can have a brief while and savor every day together. You can’t stop the comet from hitting, but you don’t have to feel the heat before it actually happens.

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Post #: 3

RE: what if - 6/27/2008 2:46:14 AM

Level

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Interesting OP.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

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Post #: 4

RE: what if - 6/27/2008 3:57:46 AM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
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.......it's the one who won't be taken, that cannot seem to give;
the the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live........
from "the rose"

So many times in my life when I used " what if?" what I was really feeling was " fear of " ....
It's been a tough pattern to break....fearing
My relationship has had alot to do with helping me with that.
For me " my fear" was me controlling anything and everything around me, so I could control outcomes and consequences ( or thought I could ) because I feared.

Learning to surrender myself to experiences has taught me alot about not fearing. I have learned about my strength(s) which has shown me that I CAN handle outcomes and consequences...I no longer have to fear them.

Cyndi

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galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

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Post #: 5

RE: what if - 6/27/2008 5:28:10 AM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovepuppy
By the very fact you are on this site, reading these words it means you have taken responsablity as an adult; it is time to put away the high school letterman jackets and prom dresses and be an adult, deal with today, what can be done now, not what you might have to deal with later.

Well, as you can see being on this site might indicate that someone is chronologically an adult...it seems to be in no way connected to maturity. As you said in your opening, "It never ceases to amaze me, grown people who willingly allow themselves to be put in uncomfortable circumstances". I would say that we pretty commonly see those who have not taken the time or the responsibility of getting to know themselves, who they are, what they want, what they will tolerate and what they won't. They create the very real possibility of the future "what if's" and all of the drama that goes along with it. It's sad to see because eventually most of them end up somewhere down the road having had those "what if's" smack them upside the head when they become reality because they couldn't recognize from the beginning that those "what if's" really weren't "what if's" at all....they were actually only a matter of time. Then the question they are usually asking is more along the lines of "wtf?". These people are trying to plant a tomato garden using cucumber seeds...and what I'm amazed at is how many of them seem to be genuinely surprised when the cucumbers grow.

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Post #: 6

RE: what if - 6/27/2008 5:32:26 AM

RavenMuse

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One of the first instructions I gave My girl, "Deal with what IS not what if". The what if game is a destructive one

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And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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Post #: 7

RE: what if - 6/27/2008 5:43:28 AM

chamberqueen

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From: Kalamazoo, MI
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I've seen the same types of posts over the past few months. "I've just gotten into the most wonderful relationship, but in the past I've had some bad ones, so should I let myself enjoy it? Because what if they leave me?" It always leaves me thinking - just grow up and enjoy it while it's here. Why cheat yourself?

A related topic is if only. If only I would have ... or they would have ... everything would be perfect. Well, it didn't happen that way, and there's no way to go back and change time. Work with what you have, make the best of it (or find a way to improve it) or find something better.

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Post #: 8

RE: what if - 6/27/2008 8:02:48 AM

NeedingMore220

Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
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Great post. I know several people who are 'what-iffers' and they drive me absolutely nuts, unable to take a step forward for fear of what may happen. It's not the way I choose to live my life. Sometimes I step in shit ... other times not. That's life.

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Post #: 9

RE: what if - 6/27/2008 8:04:40 AM

NeedingMore220

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Joined: 6/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen
A related topic is if only. If only I would have ... or they would have ... everything would be perfect. Well, it didn't happen that way, and there's no way to go back and change time. Work with what you have, make the best of it (or find a way to improve it) or find something better.

Yeah, the 'if only' game is even more paralyzing sometimes. I think these are traps that everyone falls into every now and again - it's human nature to question. But if 'what if' or 'if only' becomes your barometer on how to live your life, it's a problem.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 10

RE: what if - 6/27/2008 8:14:55 AM

fluffyswitch

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen
A related topic is if only. If only I would have ... or they would have ... everything would be perfect. Well, it didn't happen that way, and there's no way to go back and change time. Work with what you have, make the best of it (or find a way to improve it) or find something better.

Yeah, the 'if only' game is even more paralyzing sometimes. I think these are traps that everyone falls into every now and again - it's human nature to question. But if 'what if' or 'if only' becomes your barometer on how to live your life, it's a problem.

agreed. i what - if all the time. i'm also aware that i do it and can snap myself out of it. there's a difference between doing it and letting it run your relationship. i *personally* believe that it's one of those things that we all do and are afraid to admit to doing. i'm sure there are plenty of people that can run onto this thread and yell i don't do i've never do it but i think if push comes to shove they at least used to do it. for me at least, it's a situation where the what ifs are caused by previous relationships- what if the past repeats itself sort of thing. as raven and i are together longer the voice gets quieter but when i'm stressed it definitely gets going again.

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Post #: 11

RE: what if - 6/27/2008 8:34:04 AM

NeedingMore220

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Joined: 6/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch
for me at least, it's a situation where the what ifs are caused by previous relationships- what if the past repeats itself sort of thing. as raven and i are together longer the voice gets quieter but when i'm stressed it definitely gets going again.

That makes sense - that you'd turn to 'what ifs' when under stress. It's being able to see the situation for what it really is and to learn to trust in the new relationship (and the man who has given you reasons to trust in him) that moves you forward. (You in the generic sense, not you, fluffy!)

My personal way to torture myself when I'm stressed is the 'yeah, but' game. 'He did ABC.' 'Yeah, but he didn't do 'XYZ'. And then I'm focused on the 'but' part of it, the negative, rather than seeing the positive. I've found the last few times I've played this lovely mental game that sleeping on things before acting rashly really, really helps give me perspective. And snaps me out of it.

(in reply to fluffyswitch)

Post #: 12

RE: what if - 6/27/2008 11:25:20 AM

metalmiss

Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline

After being in a relationship where my trust was grieviously misplaced to a huge degree, i found myself haunted by "what if's" all the way through it & to some extent the problem started trying to raise its ugly head at the beginning of my relationship with my Master.

But as He so rightly stated here, one of His first instructions is "Deal with what IS not what if".. The "what if" game is a destructive one, which breeds doubt & can tear apart otherwise completely healthy, honest relationships.
With that instruction and some long discussions its something i have finally gotten out of the habit of doing.

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Post #: 13

RE: what if - 6/27/2008 11:33:03 AM

beargonewild

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~FR~

RavenMuse said it perfectly. Deal with the What Is. Getting into the What If head game is very counter productive to a person's self and to others.

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Post #: 14

RE: what if - 6/27/2008 3:16:50 PM

Lumus

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Funny strange. Nearly every comment on the venerable "What if...?" has a negative slant here.

"What if" is quite likely responsible for most of the moderm inventions we enjoy. I think, rather than bashing a classical line of thought, it might be more appropriate to look at how it is applied. After all, I can say to myself, "What if I forgot to turn the stove off?" [and in my case, I might...Rain is the real brains in this outfit, yanno] and ask Rain; go back home if necessary; check; and then return to my inital journey.

Now, on the other hand, if I say...

"What if I left the stove on? I could start a FIRE! SHIT! My apartment! It's...where I keep all my STUFF! That's it, I'm too irresponsible to have worldly possessions anymore!" - strip down naked, run into oncoming traffic, hyperventilate, puke on a policeman's shoe, and end up in the Left Nutwing of the Happy Recovery Clinique.

See, it's not the tools. A poor person blames the tools.

[Fucking computer...thing runs so goddamn slow...]

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Post #: 15

RE: what if - 6/27/2008 3:45:02 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
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What if's do not necessarily have to be considered a negative...sometimes it is a means of looking beyond today and assessing the level of risk and making decisions that can be in one"s best interests and keep one from making mistake that could have serious consequences.... for example if I was in my 20's I could have quit my job risk my retirement pension and benefits becasue if things did not work out there would be time to financially recover but get close to 50 you can put yourself in financial ruin for the remainder of your life because your no longer as employable as you were when you are 20 and 30, you don't have enough working years left to make back what you threw awayand that risk if things go to hell no longer impacts just me but also would result in becoming a fincancial burden to my adult son, so thinking the what if's can be a way of doing a sane common sense risk assessment.

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Post #: 16

RE: what if - 6/27/2008 5:19:18 PM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
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I try hard to live in the now. Every moment is precious, and might even be one's last. Enjoy the NOW. Remember it is the journey that is important, not the destination. Enjoy the journey. Do that and no matter how long or short it is, you have LIVED.

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

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Post #: 17

RE: what if - 6/27/2008 5:43:05 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

hey now; why do i have to put away the lettermans jacket and prom dresses to be considered to be an adult

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Post #: 18

RE: what if - 6/27/2008 7:51:28 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovepuppy

It never ceases to amaze me, grown people who willingly allow themselves to be put in uncomfortable circumstances will then futher torture themselves playing the great game of "what if"

What if he/she cheats on me, what if we don't work out, what if he/she gets too fat to fuck, what if I get to fat to fuck, what if he/she gets a job really far away, what if he/she is abducted by aliens and given a anti-kink drug and comes home so vanilla he/she won't still engage in whatever activity brought us togther.

know what? The only purpose what if serves is to let you prepare for it. "what if the the power goes out"..well have some candles on hand...."what if my dog gets bitten by a raccoon"...well get the dog it's rabies shots... but playing the game of what if about emtional truths which can change twice between breakfast and lunch some days is just a way of not having to deal with the matters at hand which have to be done. Sometimes it's as simple as it is much easier to spend the day in self-torture playing what-if than it is to do the dishes, sometimes it's more profound, toruturing yoruself with what if allows you to escape the ugly truth of you know what already is deep down in yoru head that you don't want to admit to, possibly even to yourself.

If you are willing to even consider entering into any sort of power exchange, or letting people bind you in some way or assulating you with long heavy leather objects, or binding someone or assaulting someone with hard leather objects, you're an adult enough to understand life can only be played one day at a time as we go along and "happily ever after" is an ad campaign brought to you by the same people who sold you the concept "life is hard but fair".

By the very fact you are on this site, reading these words it means you have taken responsablity as an adult; it is time to put away the high school letterman jackets and prom dresses and be an adult, deal with today, what can be done now, not what you might have to deal with later. Yeah it never hurts to guard against a rainy day,but you do that with hide-out cash and extra ammunition, not by trying to gain some meaningless veribage to make yourself feel better about stuff that hasn't happened yet.

no question or seeking approval from me on 'is this ok to do', just a mini rant which sorta vomited forth from me after reading the forums for the last couple of days.

Excellent rant, one I shall ponder.

Thank you.

candystripper

(in reply to lovepuppy)

Post #: 19

RE: what if - 6/27/2008 9:26:38 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Winks, until you can remove the collar good old "Master fear" places on you-no one else ever will.

Including yourself.

The bold take chances, some win-some lose. The worst risk is never taking any at all-and dying standing still.

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I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 20

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