Something I don't understand(well one thing of many lol)

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Something I don't understand(well one thing of many lol)

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Something I don't understand(well one thing of many lol)

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Something I don't understand(well one thing of many lol) - 6/27/2008 8:07:12 AM

GentlemanBobIII

Posts: 63
Joined: 6/19/2008
From: Robinson Twp (Pittsburgh Area) PA
Status: offline

Ok. before you blast me remember I'm a green bdsm virgin newbie....
I have been perusing the personals on CM and I notice a lot of statements that start out Losers.. as a means of greeting, or " You are nothing.." "You are worthless..." and other similairly dememeaning and derogatory comments. Everyone has value of some type. And if, in fact the person IS worthless why would a Dom or anyone, for that matter, want them or be interested in them? It's like a person bragging about how he owns 2000 acres of ground..... if those acres are comprised of a festering worthless swamp good only for breeding gators and mosquitos what kind of pride in ownership can there be in it? Would it not be more valuable for a domme to have a sub who believes he has value, and yet places the dommes value on top of his own? A person can submit himself completely to a domm and still realize he has inherent value, and yet yield that value completely to the domme . I may not be understanding this, if all you own is manure what purpose does it serve except to fertilize the crops? When the Marines tear a man down in BASIC its with the goal of building him up again into something better. This demeaning seems to tear a man down w/ the purpose of keeping him there. I guess maybe I'm missing something here. Could someone please explain this concept? -Bob

< Message edited by GentlemanBobIII -- 6/27/2008 8:25:20 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Something I don't understand(well one thing of many... - 6/27/2008 8:10:44 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

In the right context humiliation turns people on, thats the reason, I have been called many differant names which in some circumstances turn me to jelly and in others a female version of mike tyson, thats the motivation behind it, though normally people doing it in first messages or on profiles are plebs

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to GentlemanBobIII)

Post #: 2

RE: Something I don't understand(well one thing of many... - 6/27/2008 8:10:57 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

Are you looking at Female Dominants, only?

I venture that you're not looking for the right people.. ignore anything you don't like...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to GentlemanBobIII)

Post #: 3

RE: Something I don't understand(well one thing of many... - 6/27/2008 8:12:43 AM

jeffman1234

Posts: 61
Joined: 6/11/2004
Status: offline

It takes all kinds. The successful hook ups I have had, started out with mature 'vanilla' conversation.Some might be into verbal abuse, but they should probably start with getting to know you before any play takes place.

(in reply to GentlemanBobIII)

Post #: 4

RE: Something I don't understand(well one thing of many... - 6/27/2008 8:31:40 AM

GentlemanBobIII

Posts: 63
Joined: 6/19/2008
From: Robinson Twp (Pittsburgh Area) PA
Status: offline

plebs? (clueless) Ok so if I understand you correctly it is part of the roleplaying aspects of the bdsm relationship? That she doesn't really thinks he worthless? I mean I understand, in theory at least, that in order to be a good Domme you need to believe yourself to be better then the sub, that's a given. Ok I understand a little better now, (I think), I'll see what else comes to light in this thread. Thanks for your input.-Bob

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 5

RE: Something I don't understand(well one thing of many... - 6/27/2008 8:34:35 AM

GentlemanBobIII

Posts: 63
Joined: 6/19/2008
From: Robinson Twp (Pittsburgh Area) PA
Status: offline

Yes maam just female dominants. I understand about ignoring what you don't like, however this seems to be fairly common concept through the ads I looked at. I was beginning to wonder if all theDommes believed that their subs were worthless. Thank you for posting.-Bob

< Message edited by GentlemanBobIII -- 6/27/2008 8:43:26 AM >

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 6

RE: Something I don't understand(well one thing of many... - 6/27/2008 8:37:36 AM

GentlemanBobIII

Posts: 63
Joined: 6/19/2008
From: Robinson Twp (Pittsburgh Area) PA
Status: offline

What is this "Vanilla" conversation? I see that term mentioned a lot in these forums. Exactly what does it mean to be vanilla and is it a bad thing? Thanks Jeff for sharing. -Bob

(in reply to jeffman1234)

Post #: 7

RE: Something I don't understand(well one thing of many... - 6/27/2008 8:38:48 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

There isa huge group of male submissives, if you ever browse there, who believe they are worthless without a Dominant in their life. They start their profiles similiarly. I am worthless, I know my life has no meaning, I am waiting to find a dominant who wishes to take a piece of trash like me and make me something she can use...
They are catering to a rather large adience of those submissives who DO think that way about themselves. I get email from them often, even though I am not looking. I honestly believe there are some submissives who email those not looking just to be rejected.
If that doesnt work for you then pass them by, there are many out there that would be on the edge of their seat waiting for a reply from someone who will treat them that way. I think more like you do, If you tell me you are worthles I am likely to agree, and if you are worthless then I dont see a point in spending my time on you.

DV

and vanilla refers to those not in the lifestyle, and things not associated with it. So, a vanilla conversation to get to know someone would be one that didnt involve talking about your likes and dislikes in the BDSM realm, but more about yourself and your hobbies and other things in your everyday life.

< Message edited by DiurnalVampire -- 6/27/2008 8:40:23 AM >

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to GentlemanBobIII)

Post #: 8

RE: Something I don't understand(well one thing of many... - 6/27/2008 8:49:09 AM

GentlemanBobIII

Posts: 63
Joined: 6/19/2008
From: Robinson Twp (Pittsburgh Area) PA
Status: offline

Thank you maam. That's me I'm vanilla even says so in my profile. I wonder what it takes to changeyour status? Do most domms detest thoose of us Vanilla types? I mean weren't all of us vanilla at some point in our lives? Just curious. Thanks for your contribution maam. I appreciate you sharing your time and knowledge. -Bob

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 9

RE: Something I don't understand(well one thing of many... - 6/27/2008 8:52:46 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GentlemanBobIII

I mean I understand, in theory at least, that in order to be a good Domme you need to believe yourself to be better then the sub, that's a given.

hmmmm really? they have to be better at being a Domme but thinking you are better than someone due to their oriantation?

Sorry pleb is a british insult, just means a bit of an idiot.

< Message edited by colouredin -- 6/27/2008 8:53:15 AM >

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to GentlemanBobIII)

Post #: 10

RE: Something I don't understand(well one thing of many... - 6/27/2008 9:09:09 AM

jeffman1234

Posts: 61
Joined: 6/11/2004
Status: offline

You are referencing the Bible where Jesus is addressing Quantum Physics.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 11

RE: Something I don't understand(well one thing of many... - 6/27/2008 9:26:14 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

Uhmmm.. I wouldn't come to those conclusions immediately... it can be part of that kind of thing for some, but even if you believe that, personally, I'm not sure its necessary in a profile.

And I don't think I'm better than a submissive... not good thinking in my mind...

quote:

ORIGINAL: GentlemanBobIII

plebs? (clueless) Ok so if I understand you correctly it is part of the roleplaying aspects of the bdsm relationship? That she doesn't really thinks he worthless? I mean I understand, in theory at least, that in order to be a good Domme you need to believe yourself to be better then the sub, that's a given. Ok I understand a little better now, (I think), I'll see what else comes to light in this thread. Thanks for your input.-Bob

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to GentlemanBobIII)

Post #: 12

RE: Something I don't understand(well one thing of many... - 6/27/2008 9:28:45 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

Bob, I appreciate good manners, but there is no need to call me Ma'am ... uhmmm.. I think you should do a lot of reading. Just search things of interest to you.. in this forum and others...

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 6/27/2008 9:29:09 AM >

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 13

RE: Something I don't understand(well one thing of many... - 6/27/2008 9:30:23 AM

MsIncontrol

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/3/2007
Status: offline

I agree with you 100%. It is my opinion that this lifestyle is primarily about a power exchange. Those who do not have personal power to give, have no value to me in an exchange...if I am only giving my power and not taking anything in return. For me, power can come from many places and not just the CEO/rich guy type of power. Someone who has personal strength and values, a man with a great mind is powerful to me, someone who is big and strong and yes, those with professional power count too.

I find that humiliation in a scene can be fun...but continuously berating or beating someone down verbally will only result in someone who would no longer be of an interest to me. In the time that I've been in the scene, most of the women I've witnessed who use this type of humiliation are those who have low self esteem or who do not possess personal power or dominance. In order to feel more powerful than their submissive, they must squash him down in order to feel dominant or powerful. I possess a great amount of personal power and esteem and can still feel dominant over a powerful man.

It is my preference to have a powerful man, give me his power for me to care for and use as I wish. To me this is much more fulfilling and exciting than having a doormat or worm to walk on.

< Message edited by MsIncontrol -- 6/27/2008 9:31:31 AM >

_____________________________

Happiness is only real when shared. - Christopher McCandless

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 14

RE: Something I don't understand(well one thing of many... - 6/27/2008 9:46:27 AM

Puppy4goodHome

Posts: 1448
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: Beachwood Ohio and a few others
Status: offline

If i ma reading this correctly and catching up on all the post here there are so many that say they are worthless and i know that i have a few friends who are Domme's and Also Dom's that don't seek a Submissive who is worthless because it gives them nothing they need the power of a submissive to be given to them to have control given to them from there submissives
at least this is how i see it and have friends who feel the same way so many may disagree with me on this comment but i know some who do not want to take control of a Submissive who does not feel they have any power to give up

_____________________________

Pup on the loose better watch out

ross.g
Puppster
puppy

(in reply to MsIncontrol)

Post #: 15

RE: Something I don't understand(well one thing of many... - 6/27/2008 12:11:02 PM

MsValentine

Posts: 82
Joined: 6/14/2008
Status: offline

I have never understood the penchant some female dominants have for verbal humiliation, name calling and degrading their subs, or in fact any subs, who are unfortunate to come near them.

I don't operate that way. I believe in the value of nurture, of building self esteem ( if it is low) and maintaining it if at a higher level.

To me, subs are great, they are what I need in my life. Without my sub, I would be incomplete. he is the most worthwhile thing in my life.

Much as I can see a little verbal humiliation can be fun, taken to excess, it looks a little as though the Domme is desperate to prove how touch and dominant she is. That is always a mistake. Quiet confidence and a pleasant manner show a Domme in all her glory.

(in reply to Puppy4goodHome)

Post #: 16

RE: Something I don't understand(well one thing of many... - 6/27/2008 12:23:55 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

I think such behavior is driven by:

1) Wanting to feed emotional SM (possibly to enjoy emotional sadism but more likely to capture the attention of one who enjoys emotional masochism in order to get something in return),
2) Setting the tone for a dynamic that is based on social distance and power distance to allow greater room for SM
3) A misperception that that is how a domme is supposed to behave.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to MsValentine)

Post #: 17

RE: Something I don't understand(well one thing of many... - 6/27/2008 12:25:54 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

3) A misperception that that is how a domme is supposed to behave.

Cheers,

Sea

I think that's very much it -- in fact, if you read one of the 'bitch' threads, you'll find most of the male submissives are not interested in that...

I also think, my completely uninformed opinion, is it might be inexperienced pro dommes?

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 18

RE: Something I don't understand(well one thing of many... - 6/27/2008 1:13:57 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GentlemanBobIII

plebs? (clueless) Ok so if I understand you correctly it is part of the roleplaying aspects of the bdsm relationship? That she doesn't really thinks he worthless? I mean I understand, in theory at least, that in order to be a good Domme you need to believe yourself to be better then the sub, that's a given. Ok I understand a little better now, (I think), I'll see what else comes to light in this thread. Thanks for your input.-Bob

My guess is that 90% or more of those personals are really for pro-doms. I don't imagine most non-pros would say such things in their profiles or ads because we look for full partners, not to fulfill some guys fantasy.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to GentlemanBobIII)

Post #: 19

RE: Something I don't understand(well one thing of many... - 6/27/2008 1:45:30 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I don't understand it myself. I don't want someone torn down, I want someone with good self esteem and who is inspired by me. I think people who want subs labeled as "losers" are so insecure themselves that, that is the only type person they could hope to dominate.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to GentlemanBobIII)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Something I don't understand(well one thing of many lol)

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078