julietsierra
Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
Maybe I'm trying to say can't we be a little kinder, more compassionate on the forums? Maybe appreciate that people (OPs) are writing what they write because they are afraid or curious or angry with themselves? My example yes, I know it is a place I'm challenged, and I work on it. I know all that but it is also how I have kept peace in my family for years and years (not dumbing it down but by greying the vibrance of me). But now I don't want to do that anymore, so I'm working on it.
I'm not looking for advice on my example, more... what is up with all the black and white thinking on the boards? Where is the understanding?
*goes to get some coffee hoping I'm making more sense this time.
sunshinemiss, read what you just wrote here. You have said that for years you have kept the peace in your family, not by dumbing down, but by "greying the vibrance of me." and that you don't want to do that anymore. At the same time, you are asking all of us to do exactly what you are hoping to stop yourself from doing.
Believe me, most of us recognize the reasons people write in. Yes, some of it is to find answers, but many times, it's also to obtain validation - and many of those times, the validation they are seeking is in regards to things that other people may not see as valid. Would you have us simply nod and smile and say "oh dear, of COURSE you can/should _________ ( or can't/shouldn't, whichever the poster is asking about)" or would you have US not grey the vibrance that is us and answer as honestly as we can about the questions that are asked?
You see, while you are doing the whole Rodney King "can't we all just get along" thing, some of us have already been down your road and are done for good on the need to be all pretty and nice in our posts - just because it's pretty and nice. Some of us are shooting for honesty and forthrightness and this is what you're reading when you read those "less kind, less compassionate" posts.
There's a scene in the movie "Remember the Titans" in which Coaches Boone (Denzel Washington) and Yoast (Will Patton) are talking. Boone says to Yoast:
"You ain't doin' these kids a favor by patronizing them. You're crippling them; You're crippling them for life." (In the movie, the Yoast is all nice and kind and understanding of one of the players while Boone keeps on pushing them harder and harder to reach down inside themselves to do better.) Boone recognizes he's a "mean cuss." But as he says, he's a "... mean cuss to everyone out there on that field. The world don't give a damn about how sensitive these kids are...", and well, like Boone on the football field, here in the forums, I'm betting that not too many worry overmuch about the sensitivity of others. If someone's out to acquire knowledge, then what they're going to get is knowledge - blunt, straightforward, sometimes more than they wished for - but they WILL get the information they were asking about. After that, it's up to them to cull out what works for them and what doesn't.
And I'd guess that's pretty much why people post the way they do. Patronization just isn't the name of the game around here - honest responses are - even if they are sometimes hurtful.
How they process it is up to them. In the meantime, I'd develop some thick skin.
juliet
< Message edited by julietsierra -- 6/28/2008 7:22:56 AM >
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