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Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/28/2008 11:20:40 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		I have to admit this puzzles the heck out of me..but I am continually contacted by Doms  who live miles from me and the percentage is extremely high  ,   some the other side of the globe others 600 or more miles away so not like a days drive to visit where it would easy to maintain on a regular basis... I state right up front that I am not willing to relocate nor am I agreeable to online D/s..yet still they want to persue, I have had one even go as far as stating they would move this way temporarily from 2500 miles away inorder for me to get to know them better  feeling that once I know them I will be agreeable to moving to them  or they feel they can maintain LD or move here,    I just don't understand why  they would seek someone so far away "do they feel the grass is greener? ", the adventure and congquest,   is the pool of subs in their area so small that they have to broaden their search area?  How satisfying is a relationship going to be with someone you can only see a few days here and there out of a year?   then there are the issues of immigration .. you can spend a couple of years together but when deciding to join ... you may find yourself hitting a brick wall with the immigration department if an international relationship  ... I know some manage to do successfully but the odds are hugely not in favor of working out so can result in a huge expenditure in time and money investing in long distance and especially international relationships.    

I have agreed to one relationship that is long distance but in never started out as D/s but chatting as friends for several months, he was bored one night and seen me online and decided to try contacting me .. we   rarely discussed BDSM , we found we had common interests and he liked the fact I  was not responding  yes Sir to every statement he made  or doing  the do me sub routine with him   ..so over time a curiousity about each other developed .   It   is friendship based  with no expectation of  ownership or remaining monogamous to one another , if I find someone or he does ...so be it.  So different situation than those that are contacting  me looking for a relationship.

For those those Doms that are looking far and wide for a sub and  would consider those not willing to relocate and consider cross country or internationally  ..can you give your reasons why ?  Do  you  consider the barriers that stand in you way and the expense prior?   and why you would not search close to home?    I am trying to gain  some insight .... I do know that some are in relationships so are ever intending for a meet and that there are  those looking for wanking fodder they exist close to home as well .... but I am referring to those that are in a sincere search 

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/28/2008 11:35:34 AM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		If they're really smart, slightly nerdy, funny and sane with no substance abuse issues....forward me the emails.  Pretty sure i can shoulder that burden....
~vulture slut

_____________________________

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/28/2008 12:02:54 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

I have to admit this puzzles the heck out of me..but I am continually contacted by Doms  who live miles from me and the percentage is extremely high  ,   some the other side of the globe others 600 or more miles away so not like a days drive to visit where it would easy to maintain on a regular basis... I state right up front that I am not willing to relocate nor am I agreeable to online D/s..yet still they want to persue, I have had one even go as far as stating they would move this way temporarily from 2500 miles away inorder for me to get to know them better  feeling that once I know them I will be agreeable to moving to them  or they feel they can maintain LD or move here,    I just don't understand why  they would seek someone so far away "do they feel the grass is greener? ", the adventure and congquest,   is the pool of subs in their area so small that they have to broaden their search area?  How satisfying is a relationship going to be with someone you can only see a few days here and there out of a year?   then there are the issues of immigration .. you can spend a couple of years together but when deciding to join ... you may find yourself hitting a brick wall with the immigration department if an international relationship  ... I know some manage to do successfully but the odds are hugely not in favor of working out so can result in a huge expenditure in time and money investing in long distance and especially international relationships.    

I have agreed to one relationship that is long distance but in never started out as D/s but chatting as friends for several months, he was bored one night and seen me online and decided to try contacting me .. we   rarely discussed BDSM , we found we had common interests and he liked the fact I  was not responding  yes Sir to every statement he made  or doing  the do me sub routine with him   ..so over time a curiousity about each other developed .   It   is friendship based  with no expectation of  ownership or remaining monogamous to one another , if I find someone or he does ...so be it.  So different situation than those that are contacting  me looking for a relationship.

For those those Doms that are looking far and wide for a sub and  would consider those not willing to relocate and consider cross country or internationally  ..can you give your reasons why ?  Do  you  consider the barriers that stand in you way and the expense prior?   and why you would not search close to home?    I am trying to gain  some insight .... I do know that some are in relationships so are ever intending for a meet and that there are  those looking for wanking fodder they exist close to home as well .... but I am referring to those that are in a sincere search 


JME, Maya.
 
Some Doms -- even ones who are 'sincere'  -- don't read profiles before sending an initial email.  Many send emails to women they think are pretty.  It's just how it is -- men tend to be visual and not particularly anxious or willing to go on a snipe hunt to discover 'the essential you' before they make contact.  I doubt anyone means any offense, and IMO it's futile to get upset about it.
 
As for l/d relationships, yes, they run the gamet.  Some people never meet -- pure online domination.  It's not my cup of tea, but I don't judge.
 
Some people write me, assuming I'll drop everything and move in with them after an email or two.  This assumption is flawed, but I suppose there are women who want out of whatever sh*tpile they happen to be in they'd do it.  I don't get upset about; I correct the flaw in perception and see if they are still interested.
 
IMO, whether anyone plans to relocate, or both people do, etc., the l/d  relationship is hard.  I'm not sure I'd be willing to try one again.  I suppose it'd depend in part on what sort of commitment, resources, etc. the Dom in question was willing to bring to bear on the problems of l/d.
 
It's also okay to say 'local only' and stick to it.  I haven't done that and I may or may not -- I'm stll mulling it over.  If you've made that decision, I congratulate you, as it must make life much simplier.
 
candystripper

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/28/2008 12:14:15 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Sometimes Doms write because they are able and willing to travel.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to candystripper)
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RE: Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/28/2008 12:49:01 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		or because they dig cute chicks from over seas... ?

Who knows what can be created .. I doubt most *genuine non trolly*  people click "send" on the initial email with one eye looking to a future Life Collaring ... anymore than most *genuine non bunny boiling* people consider the first email to be a binding emotional agreement.

some people are worth travelling for ... maybe they think you are?



_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/28/2008 1:09:48 PM   
winterlight


Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline 		some are married and never want to meet?

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/28/2008 1:22:23 PM   
AMaster


Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline 		Perhaps the only one for you is not near by.  However, I've tried it, and long distance does not work for me. I much prefer a "hands on" approach.

(in reply to winterlight)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/28/2008 1:40:16 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		It is not that I am upset nor am I complaining  ..... nor is this a matter of not reading my profile ..it is discussed .. including the issue of online D/s ..yet they still persist on wanting to meet and are willing to spend $2000 or more just to meet or more if necessary to maintain 2 residences inorder to get to know me.     about 90% of my emails  are from males that live a considerable distance from me several from UK , Germany , Switzerland, the arabic countries, California and south -eastern states, some I can understand the mindset particularly those in Arabic/moslem countries  but it is the others that I have problems understanding  ..as in why they are searching so far away and whether they have considered the issues of immigration laws...most are extremely well to do financially so I know that finances  are not an issues when it comes to traveling for most of them ... what I do  question is why so many seek someone so far away rather than local knowing the relationship would be limited due to distance possibly for years which make it hard to maintain  so more likely to fail ...is a picture of someone enough of a reason to invest say  $2000 or more with airfare hotel car rental etc, etc  just to meet?  Even for a conquest of a play date  it is pretty damned expensive... so sincerity is not  in question with these doms that want a potential relationship with me  either..        Mind you  with the current dom friend I met  I did have a video cam  conversation without makeup or sexy attire  beforehand meeting and would do with others if a decision was to meet  ..I don't believe in misleading.   

What I am able to do is look at the situation through my eyes and I accept my personal perception as to why..which  may be skewed ....and I am guilty of being too logical sometimes in my thinking  as a result  I would like to understand it from a Dom  viewpoint, I do expect various different answers ..that there will not be one answer that fits all and yes I have asked a couple of the ones contacted me... I figure if I can get a broader view as to why I maybe as to why some men choose to search so far away ...I might become open to considering


_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/29/2008 8:36:55 AM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		HHHhhmmmm..wtf...sometimes what attracts you to them hasn't got a thing to do with the miles between you..It really doesn't..and Never mind all that stuff you ready about males not responding well to the written word either..LOL

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/29/2008 10:15:48 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		do you not value yourself enough to see that others see value in you no matter how far away you live?  do you not see that what you are looking for isn't always going to be in your own back yard?  do you not realize that there are many people in the world with disposable income and time that can and do invest in things and people they feel are valuable?  are you so limited and/or jaded in your thinking that you feel like there's always going to be a catch?

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/29/2008 12:06:00 PM   
donnaamarie


Posts: 335
Joined: 9/7/2007
Status: offline 		hi maya,
It does sound puzzling but as someone else said, how do you know that your forever One is not in your backyard?  When I met my Master online he lived 2,500 miles away, yet the both of us could not deny the absolute attraction and not even physically but mentally.  We didn't even see one another until we had been speaking for over a month, and he told me to buy a webcam.  He relocated here over 5 years ago.

As someone else said, people are very visual.  Your pics are beautiful and, well, very visual!!!  Some men like beauty and don't even think beyond the surface to imagine what might be underneath.

You should leave your options open and realize that he may not be in your backyard.  He wasn't in mine.

Good luck!

donna

_____________________________

Life is not about waiting for storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/29/2008 5:51:07 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		I didn't like the local fare.  Fortunately, I found my girl anyways, and she's here now.



_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to donnaamarie)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/29/2008 6:51:44 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		Thank you all

daddysliloneds  you hit the nail on the head somewhat ...partly a trust issue  the Dom friend of mine has been of help with  pushing/challenging  me to face the trust issue ...the skeletons shoved way back in the closet still rattle from time to time.. .maybe I am near ready to haul them out of there and to the dump,  and the reason I felt the need to ask the question inorder to give me encouragement to at least keeep my  options  open...thanks again


_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to daddysliloneds)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/29/2008 9:52:59 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001
I have to admit this puzzles the heck out of me..but I am continually contacted by Doms  who live miles from me and the percentage is extremely high  ,   some the other side of the globe others 600 or more miles away so not like a days drive to visit where it would easy to maintain on a regular basis

Well, Master contacted me from 800 miles away and, six weeks later when I first drove down to visit Him, it took one day.  Actually, about 13 hours or so.  It's definitely do-able if one so wishes.  We traveled back and forth on a quite regular basis until circumstances permitted me to move to Him a little over a year later.  Nothing puzzling about it really.  He saw someone He was interested in who didn't live just down the block.  He contacted me, the attraction was instant, and we did what it took to maintain the relationship until we could live together.  It happens all the time and many couples are so glad they made that extra effort.
quote:

IHow satisfying is a relationship going to be with someone you can only see a few days here and there out of a year?
Ours was verrrrryyyy satisfying and is amazingly so now that we held on until we could actually live together.  We saw each other more than a few days here and there, though.  We actually took steps to spend as much time together as we could.  It takes a little effort, that's all.  It was more satisfying than any relationship I've ever been in - even ones when we were in each others' faces everyday.
quote:

then there are the issues of immigration .. you can spend a couple of years together but when deciding to join ... you may find yourself hitting a brick wall with the immigration department if an international relationship  ... I know some manage to do successfully but the odds are hugely not in favor of working out so can result in a huge expenditure in time and money investing in long distance and especially international relationships

Guess you need to make sure it's the real deal before you decide to leave your native country.  Ask Knight's Kyra about it.  I'll bet she'd say it was worth all the waiting and work.
quote:

why you would not search close to home?

He did.  He was in several relationships with different subs over the years and, simply put, no one was pleasing enough to make it a permanent M/s relationship.  He branched out, found me and He'll tell you He's so thankful He did.  With the technology available to us today, it's limiting to just look around your own neighborhood or city.  Branch out.  There's wonderful folks everywhere and your soulmate may be several hundred or even several thousand miles away.  I know mine was.................luci 

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/30/2008 12:31:20 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

It is not that I am upset nor am I complaining  ..... nor is this a matter of not reading my profile ..it is discussed .. including the issue of online D/s ..yet they still persist on wanting to meet and are willing to spend $2000 or more just to meet or more if necessary to maintain 2 residences inorder to get to know me.     about 90% of my emails  are from males that live a considerable distance from me several from UK , Germany , Switzerland, the arabic countries, California and south -eastern states, some I can understand the mindset particularly those in Arabic/moslem countries  but it is the others that I have problems understanding  ..as in why they are searching so far away and whether they have considered the issues of immigration laws...most are extremely well to do financially so I know that finances  are not an issues when it comes to traveling for most of them ... what I do  question is why so many seek someone so far away rather than local knowing the relationship would be limited due to distance possibly for years which make it hard to maintain  so more likely to fail ...is a picture of someone enough of a reason to invest say  $2000 or more with airfare hotel car rental etc, etc  just to meet?  Even for a conquest of a play date  it is pretty damned expensive... so sincerity is not  in question with these doms that want a potential relationship with me  either..        Mind you  with the current dom friend I met  I did have a video cam  conversation without makeup or sexy attire  beforehand meeting and would do with others if a decision was to meet  ..I don't believe in misleading.   

What I am able to do is look at the situation through my eyes and I accept my personal perception as to why..which  may be skewed ....and I am guilty of being too logical sometimes in my thinking  as a result  I would like to understand it from a Dom  viewpoint, I do expect various different answers ..that there will not be one answer that fits all and yes I have asked a couple of the ones contacted me... I figure if I can get a broader view as to why I maybe as to why some men choose to search so far away ...I might become open to considering



Why would you want to 'change your thinking' based on the input of others -- especially on a web site?  Why not instead focus on what suits you, through reflection, journaling, or whatever means you prefer to use, and if you feel you need to refine it, then by all means do so.
 
I haven't looked at your profile, don't know if you're a Domme or a submissive, but I can assure I do not get email like this, not in the volume you're describing.  Is something in your profile or pictures on profile possibly attracting unwanted attention?  If so, are you willing to put up with or do you want to redraft your profile or use different pictures?  I'm certainly not blaming you Maya, but you should at least ask 'what am I doing to attract men I am not interested in to this degree'.
 
candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 6/30/2008 12:32:10 AM >

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/30/2008 6:22:48 AM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with the others that sometimes people who are really excellent matches for us can show up in our lives in the most unexpected ways. Having said that - stating that you do not wish to relocate and you do not want anything that is strictly online is not the same as including that you do not wish to have a long distance relationship or that you wish to only meet dominants within X miles of you. Be more specific but understand that this is no guarantee that people will heed the specifics... or even read the specifics. 

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/30/2008 6:45:47 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

Why would you want to 'change your thinking' based on the input of others -- especially on a web site? 

Maybe because she's a social being, who values the insights of other people.  Someone else can be either "smarter" or "dumber" and still be able to see something the person facing the problem cannot.  Emotional objectivity is a lot more important than "brains" for most important problems.

Some people, though, despite washing or changing their profiles repeatedly, remain antisocial beings.  Don't let that happen to you.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/30/2008 7:27:51 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hello Maya,
how exciting for you!  To have so many enamored of you!  You have been really vulnerable in this... good luck... and have fun...
sunshine


_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/30/2008 10:33:56 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline
quote:

Why would you want to 'change your thinking' based on the input of others -- especially on a web site? Why not instead focus on what suits you, through reflection, journaling, or whatever means you prefer to use, and if you feel you need to refine it, then by all means do so.


To start off I am a sub...and I am not changing my thinking..I am staying firm on not relocating at least until I get my full pension/benefits  ..could be in 11 years or as little as 5 depending on what happens between now and then in union negotations or if the  plant shutdown occurs   and early retirements are offered...I am thinking ahead for the next 40 or so years should I live that long to ensure I am self sufficient, when I refer to  no online D/s -  I am referring to online sex acts  for some stranger  to sit order and wank off  to  ..relationships for me must be real time, communicating using a cam is fine.  I know it is much easier to get to know, trust  maintain a relationship if it local ...thru a friendship with one dom in NC... I am realizing that long distance is possible but he is also not the one ....I like stability....he is very restless and if the urge hits he is booking a flight and in the air to europe or wherever a few hours later so mutually we know a permanent relationship would never work....

So I am not looking to change my mind ..if a Dom is willing to relocate or plans for frequent visits where possible  inorder to allow me to fnish work then yes I could consider, though I know there is more risk of it failing and requires more trust....when I have had say 3 interested in me , 2 farther away and one  local .. I have tended to go with the local even though they may not be as a appealing  only because it takes less time to get to know to find out if we or compatible..and it bothers me somewhat because I find myself excluding people due to distance.....in a way I am trying to get my head around that  so as to pick the best match rather than the most convenient., this does not mean I am not being very selective in my choices the couple of relationships I have had are good overall ..with lots of caring and respect but for one reason of another not the person I would want to spend of life with

And it is  a position I am facing again as I am ready to consider entering into another potential long term relationship after my Dom friend's visit is over end of next week,  there are a few Dom's vieing for my attention ..hmmmm amazing how that works when you state your not searching       they are aware of the friends visit so respectfully not pressuring me right now and giving me space ....though some don't  which moves them down the potential list....but of the top 3 possibles one is local the others in the US, and the one that appeals to me the most is in the US, I know more conversation is yet inorder but I am also trying to avoid my trend of choosing because of convenience..

quote:

Is something in your profile or pictures on profile possibly attracting unwanted attention? 


I am not sure how you are reading into this as being unwanted attentions

I do admit my photos do draw attention  one of which taken by my first dom and he encouraged me to use , which I was a bit hesitant at first but think he was right now in recommending  ....I do get some unwanted attention but no where near the expectation, most is positive  and am often sent respectful compliments and thanks for sharing. 
As for changing my profile so as to limit my search area for my  job....I live in a snowbelt  area  so  a 20 minute drive can be over an hour or more during winter storms, and many of the major highways nearby will get shut down due to weather and accidents   ..I live in rural city   limiting the search range  with regards for my job would eliminate even most major cities in my surrounding area so not willing to relocate is my best option  to use.   Which means in most cases if a relationship where to be 24/7 the Dom would have to move....how far they would be willing to go  would be upto them if they have flexibility in a job or are retired.   or possibly a joint move  to make both of our travelling distances for jobs possible.  So if I want to find someone then I need to keep options open as much as I can.   My question was based more on curiousity  especially with regards to Doms searching across international borders.  





_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Masters seeking long distance Subs ..Why?? - 6/30/2008 10:50:09 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AMaster

Perhaps the only one for you is not near by.  However, I've tried it, and long distance does not work for me. I much prefer a "hands on" approach.


Same here, I usualy limit My search to within reasonable (there and back within a day) distance but when you are not finding someone compatable within that and you spot someone that looks like she has a lot of potential to be what you are seeking, then it is tempting to see if the hurdles and pitfalls of an LDR can be overcome.

Whilst I do know some who have managed that, I however have not... each time those problems have beeten the relationship and each time I swear never to do it again LOL

However that is different from activly seeking an LDR, which is what the OP is refering too. I must admit that such does raise questions for Me as to why? The first thing that springs to mind is a wife they want to keep hidden, easier to do when the girl is hundreds of miles away with limited access to those who know the person in real life.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to AMaster)
Profile   Post #: 20
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