no one is counting my peas.

no one is counting my peas. (Full Version)

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crouchingtigress -> no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 1:22:46 PM)
So this is a rant…and it is probably going to piss some folks off, but I don’t know till I write it…so here goes I am always growing and changing, I have more incarnations then a Hindu god, I spend ridiculous money on personal growth seminars and books and tapes....its my thing....…my kink. So I find it annoying that He is getting all the credit. Now I know some folks in service relationships are all for that…and the Dom wants the credit and the sub wants to hand that over..yay you. But my relationship is different then that, he does not "sculpt me", he does not have/want say in how I behave, what decisions I make and even who I play with in fact he would totally laugh at that idea. Yes he knows about them all, and I love to talk openly about them to him, but ownership means something different to us. The weight I lost is not because of him, and certainly my success in business is not his doing either! If any thing I am his business guru (his words not mine) My active involvement in our community started way before we did our thing and I am just a little pissed at hearing “God you have changed so much since you started serving your Sir”…”He is doing such a great job with you.” …"I cant wait till I find my Sir so I can have the same results” as if you need another person before you can get off your ass and get healthy and happy. UGH. Well I am sorry but these are my results! I started weightwatchers, I measured my own food for months and passed up chocolate cake time and time again, and NO one told me how many peas I was allowed to eat! I helped get our community growing, yes he came here to teach but we only did that to pay for his airfare. I organized the classes and I orchestrated the events. He is great, I love him with my whole heart, but our relationship is not one of managing or micromanaging, I am in service to him, this means I am his sounding board, friend, business consultant, rope slut, ponypenquincatdogpig, shoulder to lean on, and cock sucker…I am his always and in all ways, I am in service to him…I will drop everything to serve him. But I just find it really annoying that folks want to credit all the hard work I have done to him…Again if that is your dynamic, great, but that is not ours, never will be. Ok il get off my soap box now…

VeryMercurial -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 1:25:48 PM)
If you are in a committed relationship and you are a team, why does it matter who get's the credit?

crouchingtigress -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 1:29:06 PM)
i think you are missing the point, what i am saying is that not all d/s relationships are the same, and its kind of insulting when someone assumes that because you are making big changes in your life, you are doing it for someone else not yourself. this was not a post about who gets the credit, it was about narrow definitions of service based relationships and how not every one fits into the same molds.

darchChylde -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 1:36:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial If you are in a committed relationship and you are a team, why does it matter who get's the credit? Because not everything is related directly to that team. Most people would like to feel appreciated for the hard work they do; but it's not even that, it's about the credit going to the wrong place. If you worked at an office and you stay overtime every night for three months working on an account while your manager leaves at 5 wouldn't you feel a little disgruntled when that account comes through and the entirety of the credit goes to him? Yes, it's a team; but that doesn't mean everyone does an equal amount of work or deserves the same amount of credit.

WhatUrSeeking -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 1:40:27 PM)
People have many interpretations of what BDSM is. They tend to portray those expectations on others including their new Master or submissive. In reality BDSM can be any relationship involving bondage, discipline / domination, sadism, or masochism. I would generally say that sexuality is also involved, but I have even heard people that talk about BDSM relationships that supposedly don't involve a sexual element. Yes many submissives seem to think I am going to be some sort of personal trainer for their life, or that I am going to control every aspect of their life 24/7. That is only one version of a BDSM relationship. I completely understand where you are coming from.

persephonee -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 1:40:33 PM)
i tend to agree with you amy, altho i am not in service to anyone in particular at this time (meaning 439 pm). i plan to serve as best as i am able, but cant quite climb in behind the train of thought that suggests that my partner would by sheer position would know my mind or potential better than i. i would never suggest that i dont need assistance in reaching goals in my personal life, and would love to work shoulder to shoulder with someone to reach one...as that is easier than if my shoulder were one step behind...not to knock the dynamic, which is hot as hell and i honestly feel, that the dynamic can be honored, as it should be, without discounting work and effort put in by either party.

crouchingtigress -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 1:43:16 PM)
exactly, darkchilde, thank you. and beyond that i hate to be boxed in to other peoples boxes with out my consent. i dont like that there is a prevailing assumption that all d/s relationships are the same. we chose a power based relationship for other reasons then sculpting, parenting, guiding, managing and mentoring....all fine reasons dint get me wrong....but there are other reasons too, and we spent days looking at those reasons and figuring out what worked for us. And being the dorks that we are we put it all down in out line form in a 4 page document...but hey thats our kink too....being dorks.

SkinnyDip -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 1:47:24 PM)
I don't think it was about credit . I think it was about the assumption that just because the OP submits she doesn't have any claim to the positive changes she's made in her life. If choosing to be in a particular D/s relationship leads to other choices that in turn improve my life, then fantastic. It still doesn't negate that those were my own choices. It also doesn't always mean that the D/s relationship had anything to do with my choices at all. It just means that the two things coincidentally happened at the same time.

crouchingtigress -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 1:47:25 PM)
well said whatUrseeking...may you find the exact fit for you.

Level -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 1:47:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress i think you are missing the point, what i am saying is that not all d/s relationships are the same, and its kind of insulting when someone assumes that because you are making big changes in your life, you are doing it for someone else not yourself. this was not a post about who gets the credit, it was about narrow definitions of service based relationships and how not every one fits into the same molds. Hi amy [:D] If you and he are fulfilled by the relationship, that's the main thing. I love your new pics, by the way [sm=smile.gif]

Lumus -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 1:48:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress i think you are missing the point, what i am saying is that not all d/s relationships are the same, and its kind of insulting when someone assumes that because you are making big changes in your life, you are doing it for someone else not yourself. this was not a post about who gets the credit, it was about narrow definitions of service based relationships and how not every one fits into the same molds. Bold part sums up the cause and why you're not likely to do anything about it. I get the same thing at work - I double the company's revenue and other people get patted on the back. It sucks, but by and large, you did this for yourself. It's your opinion that matters. The rest is fluff. Want some popcorn? [:D] friendly poke-poke

VeryMercurial -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 1:49:22 PM)
I understand, but I have found that in life people often don't want to give you credit. I work very hard to have the life that I do, and I have had many people tell me I am just lucky. I am lucky I know how to "avoid" unhealthy relationships that don't drag me down, I am lucky I know how to manage my money and live within my means. I am lucky that the poor choices that I have made in life, did not ruin my life. I have found that other than my close family and friends, most people just think I am "lucky", they over look that I worked hard to get whatever measure of success or comfort I have. I think it is human nature.

darchChylde -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 1:52:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress but hey thats our kink too....being dorks. WOW... being a dork is a kink now? Wait until i tell Ma'am, She'll be so proud at how very kinky i am.

Evility -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 1:53:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress My active involvement in our community started way before we did our thing and I am just a little pissed at hearing “God you have changed so much since you started serving your Sir”…”He is doing such a great job with you.” …"I cant wait till I find my Sir so I can have the same results”. So precisely how do you respond to these folks when they make comments like this?

mbes -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 1:54:21 PM)
I don't blame you one bit. If you've been working your ass off (I guess literally in the case of weight loss!), it can be discouraging to hear that it's all someone else's effort. Did getting it all out help? It would for me. Maybe it's that in some relationships, it IS the dom who makes the effort, and that colors people's perceptions of your relationship as well? If so, it wouldn't hurt to hear that it doesn't work that way for everyone. Every time I hear that others do it differently from the way I do it, it expands my horizons just that little bit. Oh and, good for you! You deserve a big ol' pat on the back, I hope you get many. [:)]

crouchingtigress -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 1:56:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: persephonee but cant quite climb in behind the train of thought that suggests that my partner would by sheer position would know my mind or potential better than i. yes that is it exactly....i think a buddy system is great, teams are great, and the support is great....but to give ALL the credit to the Dom just seems odd/icky to me. thread disclaimer: yeah i used the word "icky", i am not judging any one else i am only attempting to describe a feeling that is hard to describe in my body.

crouchingtigress -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 1:58:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level I love your new pics, by the way [sm=smile.gif] And I love that you are perving me, sexy.

crouchingtigress -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 2:02:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Evility quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress My active involvement in our community started way before we did our thing and I am just a little pissed at hearing “God you have changed so much since you started serving your Sir”…”He is doing such a great job with you.” …"I cant wait till I find my Sir so I can have the same results”. So precisely how do you respond to these folks when they make comments like this? ok fess up time: i did not take the time to explain in great detail all the stuff i just saitd to you guys....it was sort of shocking and the anger did not seep in till this am, they way it was said was that our whole family feels this way, and i was sort of blindsided, but now that i know how i feel about it, i am going to bring it up next time we are all together.

persephonee -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 2:04:54 PM)
if i perv you will you call me sexy too??...pant pant.... btw...i can think of nothing id rather do in hawaii than attend an event you had orchestrated.

crouchingtigress -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 2:05:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial I understand, but I have found that in life people often don't want to give you credit. I work very hard to have the life that I do, and I have had many people tell me I am just lucky. I am lucky I know how to "avoid" unhealthy relationships that don't drag me down, I am lucky I know how to manage my money and live within my means. I am lucky that the poor choices that I have made in life, did not ruin my life. I have found that other than my close family and friends, most people just think I am "lucky", they over look that I worked hard to get whatever measure of success or comfort I have. I think it is human nature. ugh I hear you! you may want to respond with something i heard once....Do you know what luck is? It is the precise moment of preparedness meeting with opportunity. and then just smile.[:)]

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