RE: no one is counting my peas.

RE: no one is counting my peas. (Full Version)

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came4U -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 7:42:00 PM)
Sure, you deserve the credit. It is YOUR body and mind and how you deal with it (unless being held a kidnapped hostage is up to you). If a person needs such micro-management that even eating and change-think semenars (weightwatchers and self-help)and a Dominant she chooses helps (or not) her along, so be it. Rant all you want. Doesn't mean that any lack of responsibility for your own self (ego) or body is someone elses. If not for him in your life...would you even have thought of any sort of self-improvement? If no, then honestly, where is credit due? Could you do these things without a Dominant at all in your life? Have you tried? Has it happened? Point is, why would having him in your life at all be of no credit to him if you self-improve if once you have (perhaps because of his pats on the back) you never would have. If all you needed was self-help books, then why have a partner to nurture you? Someone this weak in their own care of their own body/mind needs someone like this and yep, he deserves a lot of credit maybe.

Lynnxz -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 7:43:52 PM)
I find that kind of rude, especially when she already said she had started the diet before he came in on the scene.

came4U -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 7:49:10 PM)
You didn't get my point. If all this micromanagement is is necessary for herself (by herself). (Skills that she didn't learn by age 7 on how to be self-controlled in eating patterns/habits, etc) who knows what other things the self-help was about (?) I don't, whatever it was, it must have been important to the OP. then make it clear to others it is not him, but herself. He deserves credit for tolerating it.

Leatherist -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 7:50:37 PM)
Why is he not slapping this shit down when people start in that way? I sure as hell would.

Missokyst -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 9:27:04 PM)
I'd say since she started this before he entered her life, she did consider self improvement. Not everyone is into that nurturing to change ideal. Some people change because it is time. You don't have to have a mate to make that happen. Does that mean that having a partner is off limits because she began the process before he arrived? Sheesh. How lame is that? Maybe they like each other. Maybe they work. Maybe some people do not need a daddy. Perhaps.. this is a relationship! <DOINGGGGGGGGG> I do think he does deserve something though, for being an ear, a shoulder, and some one who understands how far she has come on her own. We don't all have to be needy little creatures in desperate straights to deserve and get someone wonderful in our lives. Prince charming is a fairytale. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: came4U If not for him in your life...would you even have thought of any sort of self-improvement? If all you needed was self-help books, then why have a partner to nurture you? Someone this weak in their own care of their own body/mind needs someone like this and yep, he deserves a lot of credit maybe.

crouchingtigress -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 9:36:50 PM)
giggles at leatherist.....because he has other things to do? thanks every one for the support....i was thinking it would be a thread on differing parameters of service based relationships....but a you go girl thread was really cool too[:)]...maybe ill start another one....but i am awfully tired tonight. true kyst: he does deserve credit for being a friend and an ear.... came4u: the words i heard were "he is doing such a good job with you"....as though i was eliza dolittle or somthing and it vexed me because he sets no parameters for my life, he is not doing a good job with me, hes not doing any job with me...outr relationship has none of that stuff in it by design....and i know that is unusual and i would not expect folks here to know all that, but hearing it from my leather family ...who knows better.....ugh...kinda pissed me off. here is another example, i was being hyper active in our community, it is very small and was disjointed and i was going around healing riffs and mending fences...so we could all get along....well during this time i acquired two subs, both accidentally...but that is how these things go right? well folks started saying i had "Dom frenzy", i guess what i got hurt about its that they are jumping to all kinds of conclusions about me, and not checking in with me. but again this is just a rant....there is some substance here in that i was sharing that not all service and power relationships are about "sculpting" but it was lost in my tantrum...that's fair enough./rant

hermione83 -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 9:45:25 PM)
I'm sure that would be frustrating, that shouldn't be the assumption. This really doesn't really relate, so sorry, but the topic caught my eye... but I'm always wishing someone would count my peas like in the movie. ;) That's super hot. I want to be micromanaged.. and in reference to another post, kidnapped and forced into changing for the better, among things, lol. Anywho, as one of the very few who would actually like such a thing in reality, it is impossible to find, and probably, a fairytale. (Doesn't keep me from being helpless and having that internal conflict that I don't need/want him if he doesn't come "save" me when he's really needed. But I know at the same time no one would want me unless I was in better condition, and I'm embarrassed I'm so pathetic, etc.) But anyway, I really doubt that anyone would do such a thing. It would take an increadibly honorable, patient Dom who was fairly selfless and would never let you quit. I don't know anyone who has that kind of time and patience for such a thankless job. So congrats for all you've done!

crouchingtigress -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 9:52:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hermione83 I'm sure that would be frustrating, that shouldn't be the assumption. This really doesn't really relate, so sorry, but the topic caught my eye... but I'm always wishing someone would count my peas like in the movie. ;) That's super hot. I want to be micromanaged.. and in reference to another post, kidnapped and forced into changing for the better, among things, lol. Anywho, as one of the very few who would actually like such a thing in reality, it is impossible to find, and probably, a fairytale. (Doesn't keep me from being helpless and having that internal conflict that I don't need/want him if he doesn't come "save" me when he's really needed. But I know at the same time no one would want me unless I was in better condition, and I'm embarrassed I'm so pathetic, etc.) But anyway, I really doubt that anyone would do such a thing. It would take an increadibly honorable, patient Dom who was fairly selfless and would never let you quit. I don't know anyone who has that kind of time and patience for such a thankless job. So congrats for all you've done! aloha hermonie, dont get me wrong in my early slave life i had a pea counter...it was fucking hot! but after a while ....not so much. but i want to talk to you about the idea that no one wants you, that must have been a hard thing to write because it was really hard for me to hear....i know that i cant change your mind about that, but can i ask you a few questions about being not wanted? is that true? can you really know that that is true? who would you be if you did not believe that was true?

wwwkevinww -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 10:08:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hermione83 I'm sure that would be frustrating, that shouldn't be the assumption. This really doesn't really relate, so sorry, but the topic caught my eye... but I'm always wishing someone would count my peas like in the movie. ;) That's super hot. I want to be micromanaged.. and in reference to another post, kidnapped and forced into changing for the better, among things, lol. Anywho, as one of the very few who would actually like such a thing in reality, it is impossible to find, and probably, a fairytale. (Doesn't keep me from being helpless and having that internal conflict that I don't need/want him if he doesn't come "save" me when he's really needed. But I know at the same time no one would want me unless I was in better condition, and I'm embarrassed I'm so pathetic, etc.) But anyway, I really doubt that anyone would do such a thing. It would take an increadibly honorable, patient Dom who was fairly selfless and would never let you quit. I don't know anyone who has that kind of time and patience for such a thankless job. So congrats for all you've done! Sorry, its possible, but not easy to find. Selfless unconditional love. Most people don't do something without some reason, being in a loving, caring relationship has its own rewards......Sorry, thankless job.....um.....sorry, read your profile, virgin, yea right, it shows..... A girl usually is thanking the guy every night, maybe 2 or 3 times a night, depending on how service oriented she is and he wants her to be.....Its usually not limited by her willingness, but by his stamina........ I remember having a conversation with a virgin, and I was like sorry, just because your a virgin doesn't mean your unworldly. Who knows how much sex you've had, just not anything to stop you from being a virgin. Or are you of the born-again variety, you know, after so many years of nun-hood, suddenly you can declare your of the born-again variety, although you don't say born again alot, just say your a virgin...;0 keep your innocence as long as you can, cause even if its just an act, it is an endearing quality..... um, kidnapped and changed for the better, lol.....yea....that usually isn't how kidnappings go sweety...... I'm sorry, I prefer a woman who is strong enough not to need my saving, who is strong enough to tell me she wants to drop down and service me, and smart enough to know when its appropriate and when it isn't. I remember I was at this one bar and this self-confessed cocksucker was like hey, I'm into sucking guys off, want your dick sucked. I was like, hmm, she is into sucking guys off, who else has she sucked off.....it was kind of scarry.....I was like um, no, not really....worse I was with a girl I kind of liked who was a virgin....kind of irritating to have another girl all over you....If you really like me, slip me your number, ask me to call you, don't go yelling to the rafters you're a cocksucker....

Archer -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 10:10:10 PM)
I have had similar experience with ELegant and all the work she does. Folks are always thanking Us for all the work SHE does. For us I think we ended up figureing out the idea of I contribiuted by allowing her to do things that served the community. (yeah took me awhile to get to where I could really buy into that one too.) In the end the only accolades I can take credit for in her achievements are the ones of seeing the value in letting her grow and making sure she took the opportunities when they came up. (because she worried about me being properly served if she was doing this instead). Maybe inspireing a little part of the discipline she needed ( Archer truth #1 All Discipline is self discipline) and maybe regulating the amount of time she is willing to give to any and everyone who asks for her time, preventing burn out. Beyond that I have become known for the idea that with Elegant it's mostly a matter of winding her up pointing her in a direction and turning her loose. Not exactly your own style but more similar than what many of the more traditional D/s models. Since it's fun to assign blame I BLAME PIGMALION AUTHOR Jean Phillipee Rameau. LOL

hermione83 -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 10:22:14 PM)
<hugs> eats all the ice cream she wants... Why did it stop being hot? I had it once, but I got completely dependent and I never got over wanting that and being that way. I'm slightly more independent now, but only out of sheer neccessity. It absolutely kills me and takes great amounts of effort for me to, um, do those things 7 year olds should. I let stupid, unhealthy things happen to me while being successful with other things... (though it's starting to effect everything, or actually, you know, it already has..) is that true? yes. can you really know that that is true? well, i have been single for quite a long time. who would you be if you did not believe that was true? i'm not sure... that has never happened. or well, i thought it did once, but i was wrong. me, but wanted. :P better. but it's impossible. to Kevin.. i'm not sure how to respond to most of that. :P I thank people often, but I just, meant thankless, as in.... a thank you isn't going to change the fact that it's just a lot of hard work for the Dom. I know a lot about the world. I'm not the born-again type, actually but, erm... my innocent quality if I still have one, is more attributed to the fact that I remain starry-eyed in the face of adversity, I s'pose, and I don't quit on my ideals, while I do tend to quit on everything else to easily... And erm, I'm no cocksucker deep down. Does that make me a bad submissive-like one? :P And I wouldn't be capable of giving a guy my number. Though I do hope the kidnapping involves things that are good for me and plenty of selfish things for himself as well. :P

wwwkevinww -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 10:25:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress quote: ORIGINAL: hermione83 I'm sure that would be frustrating, that shouldn't be the assumption. This really doesn't really relate, so sorry, but the topic caught my eye... but I'm always wishing someone would count my peas like in the movie. ;) That's super hot. I want to be micromanaged.. and in reference to another post, kidnapped and forced into changing for the better, among things, lol. Anywho, as one of the very few who would actually like such a thing in reality, it is impossible to find, and probably, a fairytale. (Doesn't keep me from being helpless and having that internal conflict that I don't need/want him if he doesn't come "save" me when he's really needed. But I know at the same time no one would want me unless I was in better condition, and I'm embarrassed I'm so pathetic, etc.) But anyway, I really doubt that anyone would do such a thing. It would take an increadibly honorable, patient Dom who was fairly selfless and would never let you quit. I don't know anyone who has that kind of time and patience for such a thankless job. So congrats for all you've done! aloha hermonie, dont get me wrong in my early slave life i had a pea counter...it was fucking hot! but after a while ....not so much. but i want to talk to you about the idea that no one wants you, that must have been a hard thing to write because it was really hard for me to hear....i know that i cant change your mind about that, but can i ask you a few questions about being not wanted? is that true? can you really know that that is true? who would you be if you did not believe that was true? I'm sorry, you trying to play Dr Phil here? or mrs phil in your case? She's cute, she goes up to 20 guys and ask them to have sex with her, I'd bet you at least 2 of those guys would be willing.......I'm not saying those 2 guys who are willing would be safe to have sex with(clean), but just saying they'd be willing.... Its a choice on her part. Its pretty obvious in her profile.....Obviously like alot of women they don't want to have choices, the romantic notion of being swept away with passion and not being totally in control of your self

hermione83 -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 10:28:36 PM)
Kevin, being wanted isn't equal to being able to get a guy to do you, actually. There's a keeping involved with the being trully wanted, for one. Nevermind... sigh PS: Women can have Ph.D.'s too.

wwwkevinww -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 10:40:20 PM)
sorry Hermione83, you sound overly judgemental on your part, too hard on yourself. Its pretty normal for people to have issues, probably too normal......its rare for people to know themselves well. Don't be too hard on yourself, start eating better occassionally, and become more social in your local area. Talk to people, exercise some, etc..... You know, I'm on the 2lb a month diet. Yea, I know, it sounds stupid. I didn't put on this weight overnight, I gained about 5 lbs a year, and didn't worry about it. But I figure in about 3 years, without that much effort (some walking and eating healthy, less ice cream), I'll be back down to what I should be..... Call it the lazy man's diet.....lol.....Cause you can do something gradually and that is more healthy.....don't start walking 10 miles a day, gradually shift into being more healthy...... You know when someone has gone thru massive starvation for too many days, they cannot just start eating massive amounts of food, they have to be gradually weaned back into food, because their body just isn't use to it anymore....... Same with deep-sea divers.....you don't just jump to the top of the ocean, you have to slowly go up......otherwise you suffer massive decompression issues.... Most importantly, do not give up ice-cream altogether. Enjoy what you enjoy, just do it a little less and keep with the goal of losing 2 lbs a month, weigh yourself every day and ask yourself did you do anything to reach your goal. Heck, its only 2 lbs that whole month...... On a side note, I've lost 10 lbs on my own plan, and its rediculously easy to keep losing weight on it.....;0 its very empowering when you feel in control of your own destiny....

crouchingtigress -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 10:42:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Archer I have had similar experience with ELegant and all the work she does. Folks are always thanking Us for all the work SHE does. For us I think we ended up figureing out the idea of I contribiuted by allowing her to do things that served the community. (yeah took me awhile to get to where I could really buy into that one too.) In the end the only accolades I can take credit for in her achievements are the ones of seeing the value in letting her grow and making sure she took the opportunities when they came up. (because she worried about me being properly served if she was doing this instead). Maybe inspireing a little part of the discipline she needed ( Archer truth #1 All Discipline is self discipline) and maybe regulating the amount of time she is willing to give to any and everyone who asks for her time, preventing burn out. Beyond that I have become known for the idea that with Elegant it's mostly a matter of winding her up pointing her in a direction and turning her loose. Not exactly your own style but more similar than what many of the more traditional D/s models. Since it's fun to assign blame I BLAME PIGMALION AUTHOR Jean Phillipee Rameau. LOL yeah i got that about her...grin...although i am still waiting to hear back from you all. Lee does do a lot of encouraging me in my buisness, and making sure i take opportunitys that are presented.....and i think i will be finding myself in costa rica at turtle hatching time sometime this year because he is so good about that stuff...(i am a turtle rescuer) but i love what you said about traditional d/s models, and it is nice to hear that other folks take from the bdsm banquet what works for them and leaves the other stuff on the table.... i know Lee does a great class on "traditional D/s models"....do you guys do one too?

wwwkevinww -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 10:46:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hermione83 Kevin, being wanted isn't equal to being able to get a guy to do you, actually. There's a keeping involved with the being trully wanted, for one. Nevermind... sigh PS: Women can have Ph.D.'s too. Um, yea, that is an issue. Guys are free spirits, don't like to be shackled down......but if a guy loves you, that won't be an issue....he will want to be with you.....and vice versa... my definition of love is willing to defend you with his life, and vice versa, interested in your safety...... you should be interested in his safety..... Women can have Ph.D's, but just like a guys, they are only as valuable as they are made out to be. Alot of so-called experts are just that, so-called.... If someone speaks truthfully to you, it will ring true to you....

candystripper -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 10:46:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress So this is a rant…and it is probably going to piss some folks off, but I don’t know till I write it…so here goes I am always growing and changing, I have more incarnations then a Hindu god, I spend ridiculous money on personal growth seminars and books and tapes....its my thing....…my kink. So I find it annoying that He is getting all the credit. Now I know some folks in service relationships are all for that…and the Dom wants the credit and the sub wants to hand that over..yay you. But my relationship is different then that, he does not "sculpt me", he does not have/want say in how I behave, what decisions I make and even who I play with in fact he would totally laugh at that idea. Yes he knows about them all, and I love to talk openly about them to him, but ownership means something different to us. The weight I lost is not because of him, and certainly my success in business is not his doing either! If any thing I am his business guru (his words not mine) My active involvement in our community started way before we did our thing and I am just a little pissed at hearing “God you have changed so much since you started serving your Sir”…”He is doing such a great job with you.” …"I cant wait till I find my Sir so I can have the same results” as if you need another person before you can get off your ass and get healthy and happy. UGH. Well I am sorry but these are my results! I started weightwatchers, I measured my own food for months and passed up chocolate cake time and time again, and NO one told me how many peas I was allowed to eat! I helped get our community growing, yes he came here to teach but we only did that to pay for his airfare. I organized the classes and I orchestrated the events. He is great, I love him with my whole heart, but our relationship is not one of managing or micromanaging, I am in service to him, this means I am his sounding board, friend, business consultant, rope slut, ponypenquincatdogpig, shoulder to lean on, and cock sucker…I am his always and in all ways, I am in service to him…I will drop everything to serve him. But I just find it really annoying that folks want to credit all the hard work I have done to him…Again if that is your dynamic, great, but that is not ours, never will be. Ok il get off my soap box now… Well here's a downside to being collared I hadn't foreseen. I want a dynamic similar to yours, crouching tigress. And btw, congrats on your many successes. Best wishes, candystripper

crouchingtigress -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 10:50:23 PM)
quote: Why did it stop being hot? ....hmmm because i outgrew my slavery...not my slave heart...just the need for micromanging...and so i asked, respectfully of course, if we could evolve into more...something more satisfying....and he said no...and that is when it stopped being hot, because i was inlove with him...he was inlove with the idea of me, as long as i stayed in my role he could love me, but when i would put a finger outside of my guilded cage, it would be chopped off. quote: is that true? yes. can you really know that that is true? well, i have been single for quite a long time. who would you be if you did not believe that was true? i'm not sure... that has never happened. or well, i thought it did once, but i was wrong. me, but wanted. :P better. but it's impossible. but what if it did? re: kevin, at this point we have to stop feeding him....he is going to self destruct....its not pretty to watch....

crouchingtigress -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 10:54:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: candystripperWell here's a downside to being collared I hadn't foreseen. I want a dynamic similar to yours, crouching tigress. And btw, congrats on your many successes. Best wishes, candystripper thank you candystripper, great name btw, hold out for the dynamic you want....and i am sure youll find a partner that you can cocreate togeather with.

spanklette -> RE: no one is counting my peas. (6/28/2008 10:54:54 PM)
I have no idea why, but my Dominant getting the credit doesn't bother me, in the least. After reading your post, I'm starting to wonder if it should. [:D] There are certain things that could never be controlled by anyone other than myself, but as for the rest, it really doesn't make a difference. Thank you for posting this, though. I'm trying to think back and see if I've ever credited a Dominant with a submissive's success. I don't think so, but I'll be sure to keep it in mind. This isn't something I've really thought about, but it is important to credit the correct person. [:)]

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