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DMFParadox -> RE: The Ultimate Form of Submission (6/28/2008 6:19:36 PM)
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Hell no, we won't go.
I look at it like this. I've known people who are boss of their fishtank, where the rest of the people there would go ANYWHERE they were told, quickly and joyfully, because they were put in that place where they'd taken a risk, sold their souls and found out that the buyer was Teh Awesomenest who did not force them to suffer needlessly, but could still push them through suffering that was needed to get what they really wanted in the first place.
Call it enlightened self interest. The boss had it, the loyal subjects recognized that and trusted it more than they did their own reasoning and planning.
That's what I aspire to whatever the situation; having a clear goal, a clear purpose, and creating an environment so that my goal and methods are in line with the initial impulses *and* ultimate benefit of the people I'm dealing with, but not necessarily in line with every step between their first impulse and ultimate benefit. That middle place is where leadership and vision need to be strong enough to carry them through their own doubts and difficulties with the final payoff happening after they've invested trust without seeing their own future clearly, and been rewarded for it.
Writ in BDSM terms, that means that real dominance isn't about forcing your sub into uncomfortable or unpleasant situations for the sake of it, but only to put them in a spot where they eventually can't see the outcome and have to trust you to carry them to a place that's safe and warm, and therefore they do what you tell them to in order to keep you happy so that you'll follow through and use your vision to take them to that place. If you can do this when things are good, then you will be able to do it when things are bad and the crap is showering down and that talent for direction and purpose is NEEDED instead of just a sexual craving.
Some subs need this so badly because the methods they use to compensate for daily challenges cause them to not trust ANYTHING that feels like it's done for their sake. Or they're just wired to need to please someone, because some ancestor in their woodpile survived through being helpful enough to be indespensable to those strong enough to protect them. Regardless, the point is that it's done to please you, so that you will make decisions on future requests that benefit them as well as you. Since they have turned power over to you, it really has to benefit you first, them next, but be correctly balanced; otherwise it's not safe for you to keep the power you have, because you may squander it going too far in either direction.
As an example, the male lion gets the biggest piece of the kill even though the female did the hunting. Why? Because the male NEEDS that; he has the social responsibility to hold the group together under his claws, and if he doesn't then some other male that is willing and able to take the biggest meal, grow bigger and stronger, and kill him, will come along and do exactly that. Then kill his children. And weaken the pride. On the other hand, if he's so greedy that his women and children starve for it, then the tribe weakens and he has failed.
'Ultimate Sacrifices' only really exist for one of two reasons. A) people use stars to navigate, not ocean waves, even though you can if you watch those waves very carefully and know every single one... sometimes you just need an absolute, even if it's an illusion. And B) There will always be those who live in the statistical no man's land that is the edge of the edge. Since they're so different, they are just more visible. That's it.
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