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RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 8:30:16 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The story has its issues...but even if everything he's telling you is totally on the level, what makes you think you will be fulfilled in that for a year? Five years? What sort of dominant can he make if he is so paralyzed due to his mothers issues that he can't even date you openly? For that matter- what sort of PARTNER can he make?

If he wants to be single forever, he should embrace it and buy reputable escorts for his pleasure.

You CAN have it all.

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 9:52:40 PM   
justatoy2


Posts: 163
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		It all comes down to what you want out of the relationship. If someone is telling that your relationship has no future. It will always be what it is now, and that is not what you want, then it is best to get out now. Get out before you invest anymore time or emotions into someone who is emotionally unavailable. I would be very wary of someone who wouldn't give me any way to contact them except by computer. Its sounds to me like he is having his cake and eating it too, while you are left wondering and waiting. You are only 19 years old...there are plenty of other fish out there. Believe me when i say this. Whether or not you live in a small town with only a few fish, you may have to fish in a bigger pond. But keep fishing. Good luck to you.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/8/2005 4:33:21 AM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline 		Trust your instincts. 1st you are not happy with the situation. That should be a red flag. 2nd there is a lack of communication and trust. That makes 3. Go have fun and explore safely. This relationship is not the one you seek, but you already know that...don't you?

Cloudz

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/8/2005 12:02:49 PM   
MalevolentLyset


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		LuckyAlbatross....love you. lol. I have read many of your posts and love your answers. And thank you, all of you. I am bowing out of his company gracefully. It is not worth it. And there are more fish in the sea. *many hugs to all* I will keep searching.

(in reply to Cloudz)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/8/2005 12:05:52 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MalevolentLyset

LuckyAlbatross....love you. lol. I have read many of your posts and love your answers. And thank you, all of you. I am bowing out of his company gracefully. It is not worth it. And there are more fish in the sea. *many hugs to all* I will keep searching.


Sweet. And keep searching for at least six months, no serious commitments until then.

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/8/2005 1:07:48 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Btw, I got a 404 error on that darkdesyres site.


Go to google.com and Search for Caryl's BDSM Page.
It will take you to her site.
Wonderful woman, she does it all for the love of the lifestyle. I believe she even has a section on defining munches for you.


(in reply to MalevolentLyset)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/8/2005 1:25:46 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Good job, MalevolentLyset, sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders! You are to be commended for your mature thinking! I know it was probably difficult, but I'm sure you made the right decision.

I can't add anything to what's already been said here, and I heartily agree with every single thing that has been said.

I've said this before....when the red flags are flying, listen to them! I'm so glad you did! "He" will come along in due time, I promise!

To expand on the definition of what a "munch" is, it's a gathering of local "kink"-minded folks who meet for dinner (usually) at a diner or Denny's or McDonald's or some other "vanilla" establishment, dressed in their everyday clothes so that they appear to the outside world as just another group. But they discuss BDSM topics in a neutral setting. This would give you the chance to meet others like yourself in a safe, public place without it being obvious to anyone else there that's you're into the scene. Hopefully you'll meet some new kinky friends there!

Good luck!

chymes


(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/8/2005 5:13:10 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		i won't repeat the good advice you've already gotten, but i do have a couple of comments. First, as a mom with 3 sons, if they acted like that because of me, i'd smack em upside the head. i raised them to be independent, responsible men, but it doesn't sound like this guy is either of those things.

Second, there are any number of ways to be in a (supposedly) committed relationship with someone without being married. He sure sounds attached, married or not. Lots of people who are in a relationship keep their own place. If that's not it, he is, at the very least, attached to his mother, and he sounds like a mamma's boy. i have no doubt my sons love me, they're caring and protective, but they don't hide things like their relationships. (and just for the record, somethings i don't wanna know..lol)

This is just my opinion, of course, and you're the only one who has to ultimately make the decision whether to stay with him or not. If you have no way to contact him before hand, then either send him a dear john letter (which i agree isn't the best, but...) or wait until he calls and break it off. i don't really see any reason to meet with him unless you want to. This man doesn't seem to be showing you must respect or trust..and both are a 2 way street, imho..

hugs, hon..and good luck
jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/8/2005 6:17:28 PM   
MstrDs


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I can assure you that he is either married, or has something to hide. I would run as fast as your feet will carry you

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/8/2005 6:36:35 PM   
Webmaster60


Posts: 396
Joined: 9/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Thank you all for your advice. It has helped so much. I now feel confident in my decision to decline the signing of the training contract


Run like hell girl.. Don't look back

Master Michael

_____________________________

Master Michael
~~~~~~~~~~
"To sin in silence when he should
speak makes cowards of men"

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/8/2005 6:41:04 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		We don't know his side of the story but on the surface and with the limited intel available, my thoughts are that he is a piece of chicken shit who is frightened to show off his girl in public. If he's so scared and gutless, he doesn't deserve a girl in any case. I get a girl, I want to show her off to all of creation 'cause I'm proud of my possession.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Webmaster60)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/8/2005 7:31:59 PM   
MalevolentLyset


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
Here's how it went down

Master (11/8/2005 5:36:05 PM): So you havent been thinking of anything you want to work on or experience this session ?
Lyset (11/8/2005 5:36:36 PM): I've tried to think of things, nothing has really stood out or come to mind.
Master (11/8/2005 5:37:02 PM): Hmm
Master (11/8/2005 5:43:32 PM): Hmm why does that make Me seem to think your not all that interested?
Lyset (11/8/2005 5:43:55 PM): I'm not sure.
Lyset (11/8/2005 5:44:25 PM): I am interested, but still somewhat apprehensive. Maybe its that?
Master (11/8/2005 5:44:41 PM): Perhaps, what are you apprehensive about ?
Lyset (11/8/2005 5:45:14 PM): Well, there is trust, I guess just not the level I would like it to be.
Master (11/8/2005 5:45:22 PM): Hmmm
Master (11/8/2005 5:45:33 PM): How so, explain more.
Lyset (11/8/2005 5:48:13 PM): um, I guess in the sense that I let some things get to me and I start worry about possibilities. I just feel there is stuff I dont know or something. Plus, if in emergency I have no real way to contact you immediately. I dunno, just things like that. I worry about that stuff. I believe I think too much.
Master (11/8/2005 5:48:37 PM): What do you let get to you ?
Master (11/8/2005 5:48:46 PM): And what possibilities?
Master (11/8/2005 5:49:39 PM): Lets address those first
Lyset (11/8/2005 5:52:23 PM): Please do not let this bother you, but I feel I should atleast say this. On more than one occasion I have worried that you are discreetly in the lifestyle because you are attached to someone else in some way. But then I dismiss that idea on the grounds that it just seems to be the way you are. It resurfaces though. I suppose I worry about that because I am so dead set on being monogamous. And I fear that you do not trust me somehow.
Master (11/8/2005 5:53:26 PM): Hmmm
Master (11/8/2005 5:53:37 PM): Distrust is something that is hard to over come
Master (11/8/2005 5:53:59 PM): Which brings Me back to the idea that I think you are looking for a boyfriend more than a Dom
Master (11/8/2005 5:54:10 PM): Hmm
Lyset (11/8/2005 5:54:10 PM): I'm not looking for that.
Lyset (11/8/2005 5:54:14 PM): I assure you
Master (11/8/2005 5:54:41 PM): Hmmm
Lyset (11/8/2005 5:55:34 PM): And at first I thought maybe I was just saying that or something. So I asked some submissives. I asked what if they were in a situation where a Dom, etc etc. (Basically what I am worried about. No worries, no information was outted. I promise.)
Lyset (11/8/2005 5:55:40 PM): I got 30 replies
Master (11/8/2005 5:55:45 PM): And
Lyset (11/8/2005 5:55:53 PM): They all said it was a major red flag
Master (11/8/2005 5:56:08 PM): Well then if you do not trust Me, then this is all pointless
Lyset (11/8/2005 5:56:17 PM): I want to trust you though
Lyset (11/8/2005 5:56:25 PM): Thats why I have brought this up
Master (11/8/2005 5:56:33 PM): Hmm
Master (11/8/2005 5:56:45 PM): Im trying to hide My disappointment
Lyset (11/8/2005 5:57:14 PM): I was hoping you wouldn't be and would guide me over this stepping stone
Master (11/8/2005 5:58:07 PM): Hard too, especially when you dont trust Me and have had no reason to
Lyset (11/8/2005 5:58:47 PM): People come across problems like this or equal to this and it just has to be worked through and discussed.
Lyset (11/8/2005 5:58:51 PM): I was going for honesty
Master (11/8/2005 5:58:59 PM): I understand
Master (11/8/2005 5:59:11 PM): So what do I do that makes you not trust Me?
Lyset (11/8/2005 5:59:58 PM): mm, I guess I feel you have alot of solid ground and I am still wandering around.
Master (11/8/2005 6:00:09 PM): explain?
Master (11/8/2005 6:00:15 PM): Afk a sec
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:00:17 PM): k
Master (11/8/2005 6:01:26 PM): back
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:04:36 PM): It is true that a Dom is suppose to have control. And it is also true a sub is to give control. I feel like I dont really have much. And that little I do have I am hanging onto for dear life. I get to talk to you when you want me to. Theres no way I could alert you of anything until you signed on or chose to call. I'm in the dark each time until you do. Eh, I believe the silly phrase is: Cant have your cake and eat it too. I dont have either. You somewhat have both.
Master (11/8/2005 6:05:03 PM): I see
Master (11/8/2005 6:05:16 PM): Well this leads Me to think about a few things
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:05:45 PM): And those are?
Master (11/8/2005 6:06:43 PM): Im a little frustrated right now
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:07:18 PM): alright. I apologize for that.
Master (11/8/2005 6:07:39 PM): For what?
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:07:54 PM): for causing you frustration
Master (11/8/2005 6:08:39 PM): Well it all started with Me just getting a mutli sent message about you not being on yahoo, as if I didnt deserve a personal message....
Master (11/8/2005 6:08:49 PM): I had been thinking about this all weekend
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:09:12 PM): I didn't know how to do a few personal ones and then a big mass one for the others
Master (11/8/2005 6:09:24 PM): Then we talk today and I get the feelings like I get no input back from you...
Master (11/8/2005 6:09:30 PM): Then this now...
Master (11/8/2005 6:10:13 PM): you apparently disagree with about all of My training techniques yet offer no input on what you need
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:11:02 PM): I dont disagree with techniques
Master (11/8/2005 6:12:24 PM): Well you dont trust Me, see the need to ask others who have no idea about Me, how I act or think, then base thoughts of distrust on their advice, without talking to Me first. Disagree with the controls I have...
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:13:22 PM): I'm sorry thats how you view that
Master (11/8/2005 6:13:28 PM): Perhaps it is in your best interest that we terminate your training and part amiably
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:14:12 PM): hmm, so ...honesty is not the best thing
Master (11/8/2005 6:14:49 PM): Honesty is
Master (11/8/2005 6:14:56 PM): I have no problem with honesty
Master (11/8/2005 6:15:26 PM): Nor have I ever kept you from asking questions
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:15:50 PM): when these issues flared up within me you were gone and I had no way of contacting you
Master (11/8/2005 6:16:20 PM): So rather than wait...
Master (11/8/2005 6:16:32 PM): you opened it up to public opinion
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:16:59 PM): a "scenerio" for them to give me their opinion
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:19:44 PM): But if you feel the best course of action is to part than to work through it then I understand and thank you for your time invested.
Master (11/8/2005 6:21:37 PM): Perhaps in this case it is whats best for you, once trust is damaged its hard to repair, it will be something now that will always be like a weight holding us back
Master (11/8/2005 6:22:17 PM): But I hate to see things go to that
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:22:19 PM): I'm truly sorry it has gone this way.
Master (11/8/2005 6:23:25 PM): Do you understand My point?
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:23:30 PM): I do understand.
Master (11/8/2005 6:24:16 PM): I guess Its My fault I probably pushed you too far to fast
Master (11/8/2005 6:24:24 PM): Im used to girls who are more experienced
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:24:25 PM): No, you didn't push
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:24:36 PM): I tried to push myself
Master (11/8/2005 6:24:54 PM): Therefore Im used to being in total control and I guess your not ready for that yet.
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:25:31 PM): I tried to make myself ready
Master (11/8/2005 6:25:33 PM): And I did My best to keep it inpersonal so the L word never came up
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:26:03 PM): I tried to ignore the fact that I am an extremely emotional perosn
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:26:06 PM): person*
Master (11/8/2005 6:26:26 PM): So I guess My keeping My distance caused you distrust, which brings about the end that the distance was supposed to prevent...ahh karma
Master (11/8/2005 6:26:41 PM): So you wanted the L factor
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:26:44 PM): no, not immediately
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:26:48 PM): just emotions
Master (11/8/2005 6:27:03 PM): Did I not show emotion ?
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:27:28 PM): you show concern
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:27:36 PM): that you care about health and safety
Master (11/8/2005 6:28:13 PM): Did I not incorperate rewards tailored to you to show you how appreciated and cherished?
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:28:29 PM): yes.
Master (11/8/2005 6:28:42 PM): But not enough emotion?
Master (11/8/2005 6:29:17 PM): See things like this is why I ask if you have any questions, concerns, comments....thats to fix these things as they occur not weeks later.
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:29:38 PM): it occured this weekend mostly
Master (11/8/2005 6:30:01 PM): But your making comments about things prior to that
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:30:24 PM): I dismissed them as minor concerns. I figured I was just holding on to past habits
Master (11/8/2005 6:30:34 PM): Well it makes no difference I guess, you dont trust Me so what more is there to really address?
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:31:03 PM): I do trust you on the level that you would never harm me physically.
Master (11/8/2005 6:31:32 PM): But...
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:32:34 PM): Emotionally I feared I was going to be injured. And is why I brought it up tonight
Master (11/8/2005 6:33:03 PM): How can you be emotionally hurt if the relationship isnt supposed to hold emotions?
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:33:43 PM): as hard as I can try I will always add mine even if the others persons is not there.
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:34:05 PM): I attempted to tell myself that it would pass.
Master (11/8/2005 6:34:26 PM): Well then you started to expect things that were not included dear.
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:34:42 PM): I know. And I know that that is my fault.
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:35:01 PM): I also knew I couldn't change your mind
Master (11/8/2005 6:35:31 PM): So you are looking for something other than what we discussed, and thats ok
Master (11/8/2005 6:36:08 PM): Goes back to that talk about if you think someone else would be better for you. Which it appears is the case?
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:37:22 PM): I dont want it to be the case but the way it is now, it seems I have no way around it. *sigh* I am certainly learning about the importance of immediate communication.
Master (11/8/2005 6:38:51 PM): Well not so much immdeiate but with someone like Me, all I have is My honor and if I dont have that then I have nothing....its something I take seriously and something that is the deepest cut
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:40:22 PM): mmh, my circle did not fit with your square..
Master (11/8/2005 6:41:04 PM): Well I hold no ill feelings towards you, just I wish you would have came to Me first. Sighs
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:41:13 PM): And I should have.
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:41:23 PM): I have no ill feelings either.
Master (11/8/2005 6:41:48 PM): Its a shame
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:42:40 PM): I know. But you were my first experience even though brief in time no one can expect to get it right the first round. I'll learn from everything I do.
Master (11/8/2005 6:43:31 PM): Good as long as I can teach you something I am satisfied
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:43:37 PM): You have.
Master (11/8/2005 6:43:45 PM): Still Im borderline heartbroken
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:43:51 PM): I know
Master (11/8/2005 6:45:00 PM): sighs
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:45:31 PM): I suppose I truly am the type of person that wants to make her prescence known in every inch of a Doms life.
Master (11/8/2005 6:46:01 PM): Well I wish you would have presented yourself that way in the begining
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:46:09 PM): I should have
Master (11/8/2005 6:46:57 PM): In essence: you formed feelings of distrust for Me because I was acting in a way I saw fit due to the things that we discussed and agreed on , things that you really didnt feel
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:47:41 PM): *sigh* eh, basically. I tried to tailor myself to what I thought you wanted.
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:48:27 PM): and in turn just did us both a disservice
Master (11/8/2005 6:48:32 PM): So who was being dishonest to whom?
Master (11/8/2005 6:49:20 PM): We could start at square one and renegotiate but Im not sure how that would work at this point
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:50:23 PM): renegotiate? I was under the impression that you wanted it only one way.
Master (11/8/2005 6:51:36 PM): How much would have to change ?
Master (11/8/2005 6:51:45 PM): Im trying to reevaluate
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:51:51 PM): k.
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:52:26 PM): The way I am. The kind of person I am, I feel bad when I am kept secret.
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:52:52 PM): I want someone who is proud of me
Master (11/8/2005 6:53:09 PM): So you want the meet the parents thing?
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:53:14 PM): no
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:53:18 PM): no no no
Master (11/8/2005 6:53:34 PM): Well then explain, be honest and detailed this is VERY important
Lyset (11/8/2005 6:53:46 PM): I know. It is extremely important
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:00:04 PM): I agree, I dont want every stranger in town knowing my business as I am a private person. But I would like common friends. I am proud of someone I am with in any way and like to sort of show them off. I need someone to provide me with emotional support. Not the L word unless it just came to that over a span of years. (And I have only used that word once, was bad experience. Not reciprocated.) My ultimate goal is to be with a Dom but appear to be vanilla to the public. But thats only what they get to see, not how it really is. I have no intrest in being vanilla and will not go back to it. There is no worries there. I just dont want to be a secret.
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:00:18 PM): If you need me to elaborate on anything just ask.
Master (11/8/2005 7:01:07 PM): So you want to be viewed as a girlfriend on the outside world
Master (11/8/2005 7:01:27 PM): Like go to dinner, movies and such
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:02:11 PM): essentially. And I know you worry about that, cause I know you have had bad experiences with that. But people are different.
Master (11/8/2005 7:02:43 PM): Hmmm
Master (11/8/2005 7:03:15 PM): So you want to be a girlfriend but not
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:03:46 PM): yes. It is what keeps what needs to be private, private.
Master (11/8/2005 7:04:19 PM): Well as you know Im not looking for nor have been looking for a girlfriend you know My feelings on this topic
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:04:26 PM): I know.
Master (11/8/2005 7:04:42 PM): But you lead Me to believe you wanted the same thing I did...sighs
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:04:48 PM): I tried
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:04:52 PM): to be that
Master (11/8/2005 7:04:53 PM): I so dispise being mislead
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:05:33 PM): I didn't necessarily intend to mislead. I intended to try and change myself.
Master (11/8/2005 7:06:23 PM): Well you can word it however you like its still the same.
Master (11/8/2005 7:06:53 PM): So as far as you can see with your desires this cannot go anywhere?
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:07:47 PM): My goals in bdsm require those things.
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:08:07 PM): I can no longer ignore them. Turns out it doesn't work..
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:08:48 PM): brb, bathroom
Master (11/8/2005 7:10:57 PM): Well then this relationship is disolved, I hold no bond over you, your will is your own. I shall destroy the collar and speak of things no longer.
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:12:22 PM): back.
Master (11/8/2005 7:12:31 PM): It was a pleasure and I am glad that I have been able to give you some positive experiences
Master (11/8/2005 7:12:33 PM): wb
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:12:41 PM): alright. If that is what you choose
Master (11/8/2005 7:12:44 PM): ...
Master (11/8/2005 7:13:04 PM): lyset is this not what we have discussed for the past half hour
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:13:19 PM): Yes and I accept your decision.
Master (11/8/2005 7:13:28 PM): Eyes narrow
Master (11/8/2005 7:13:44 PM): This is not My choice alone lyset
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:14:09 PM): I know that.
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:14:24 PM): And if neither of our needs can be met then we part.
Master (11/8/2005 7:14:53 PM): My needs and the needs you lead Me to believe you needed were being taken care of.
Master (11/8/2005 7:15:07 PM): But your needs have changed so that breaks the contract
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:15:45 PM): they didn't change, they came out of the proverbial bottle I had them in.
Master (11/8/2005 7:16:14 PM): Regardless, your actions brought this about so do not say this is My decision.
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:16:50 PM): Alright, I apologize for bad wording
Master (11/8/2005 7:17:39 PM): Sighs I do not know why we have degenerated into this blame game, it is neither Mine nor your fault, its just karma, let us leave it at that.
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:17:50 PM): *nod*
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:18:06 PM): I do not wish to cease speaking if that is alright.
Master (11/8/2005 7:18:20 PM): Why?
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:19:05 PM): Cause even though we are parting from the contract it does not terminate our relationship as friends.
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:19:19 PM): It says that, I think. I value you as a friend
Master (11/8/2005 7:20:59 PM): Hmmm
Master (11/8/2005 7:21:12 PM): So what do you propose?
Master (11/8/2005 7:21:17 PM): Hmm thinking
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:21:39 PM): I propose we remain as friends.
Master (11/8/2005 7:24:14 PM): Meaning just talking here, on the phone, going out etc...?
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:25:41 PM): In that aspect what would you like. To make it comfortable for you I was going to say, talking on here.
Master (11/8/2005 7:26:28 PM): Hmmm
Master (11/8/2005 7:26:34 PM): Let Me think a moment
Master (11/8/2005 7:30:48 PM): So if we go out as friends and hang out, whats the difference?
Master (11/8/2005 7:30:56 PM): Im wondering about this
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:31:12 PM): explain? What do you mean whats the difference?
Master (11/8/2005 7:32:38 PM): If were going out together publicly in a nilla sense whats the diff if we do that and still keep our D.s relationship in private?
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:33:55 PM): Thats what I was asking for....
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:33:59 PM): hold on.
Master (11/8/2005 7:34:41 PM): hmmm
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:35:35 PM): okay, 1: I always want the bdsm part of me private. I just dont want to seem like an old maid who never dated anyone.
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:35:49 PM): Are we saying the same thing?
Master (11/8/2005 7:36:27 PM): do we appear as friends of BF GF?
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:36:57 PM): my ideal situation is seemingly vanilla bf/gf
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:37:30 PM): as far as I have researched and asked thats how 90% of the ppl involved in bdsm are.
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:37:38 PM): the other 10 percent are the swingers
Master (11/8/2005 7:37:45 PM): Hmmm
Master (11/8/2005 7:38:07 PM): I might be able to swing the friends in public thing for now, no promises
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:38:41 PM): I dont want you to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. You do what works for you.
Master (11/8/2005 7:39:00 PM): What works for Me is having a submissive in training at home...
Master (11/8/2005 7:39:28 PM): If we go out in public once a week or so Im not too worried about that
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:40:56 PM): I do hang out with friends alot and we do huge dinners out. So far I have always been the only one showing up by myself and I get these looks that say "Aw, poor thing..."
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:42:07 PM): thats the public stuff I was meaning
Master (11/8/2005 7:42:11 PM): As friends?
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:42:30 PM): if we remain as friends I can do that just us, coffe
Master (11/8/2005 7:42:52 PM): Lost Me on that one
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:42:55 PM): yea
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:42:57 PM): lol
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:42:59 PM): me too kinda
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:43:14 PM): As friends I dont have to meet up in public
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:43:25 PM): I have tons of friends that I have never seen
Master (11/8/2005 7:43:30 PM): So you want Me as a BF
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:43:43 PM): wait
Master (11/8/2005 7:43:44 PM): Beacuse this is they way I see it...
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:43:47 PM): *scrolling up*
Master (11/8/2005 7:44:04 PM): Public friends + private D.s
Master (11/8/2005 7:44:06 PM): or
Master (11/8/2005 7:44:19 PM): Public BFGF + Private D.s
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:44:39 PM): Public BFGF + Private D.s <---Thats what I am looking for
Master (11/8/2005 7:44:57 PM): Im offering Public friends private d.s at the moment
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:45:17 PM): Then I am just a friend.
Master (11/8/2005 7:45:23 PM): So close
Master (11/8/2005 7:45:36 PM): So be it
Master (11/8/2005 7:46:09 PM): you know that is the one thing I am against and the one thing you were against all along...growls
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:46:40 PM): I was against public bfgf private d/s?
Master (11/8/2005 7:46:54 PM): yes you said all along you didnt want a bf
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:47:06 PM): I didn't want a vanilla one
Master (11/8/2005 7:47:26 PM): That is not how we discussed it in numerous discussions.....
Master (11/8/2005 7:47:45 PM): I have given all I am willing to conceed
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:48:03 PM): I know. And we should just remain as friends.
Master (11/8/2005 7:48:26 PM): So be it, but I dont know how that will go
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:49:04 PM): You said you held no ill will. I dont see why it wouldn't work just for us to talk and keep in touch on how each other is doing
Master (11/8/2005 7:49:27 PM): Because the more I talk to you tonight the more I see how mislead I was....
Master (11/8/2005 7:50:00 PM): And honestly it makes Me feel lied to and used, frankly
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:50:11 PM): I'm sorry you feel that way.
Master (11/8/2005 7:50:29 PM): Its water over the dam now. Good day
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:50:32 PM): I merely tried to be what you wanted. To mold myself to your fit
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:50:36 PM): night
Master (11/8/2005 7:50:49 PM): Lying to Me was not the option,......
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:50:54 PM): I did not lie
Master (11/8/2005 7:51:06 PM): I merely tried to be what you wanted
Master (11/8/2005 7:51:18 PM): What other name can you call misrepresenting yourself?
Master (11/8/2005 7:51:25 PM): Either way
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:51:28 PM): I had never done anything before
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:51:33 PM): No experience until you
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:51:39 PM): I had no idea how to take it
Lyset (11/8/2005 7:51:48 PM): So I tried my best to do what I thought was right

Thats what happened.
*I changed the name even moreso than I already had just in case.

< Message edited by MalevolentLyset -- 11/9/2005 6:38:20 PM >

(in reply to MstrDs)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/8/2005 8:00:12 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Ron: Hmmm
Ron: so it is not exactly like you said.........
Ron: Hmmm
Ron: But is reasonably human.
Ron: Hmmm
Ron: I wouldn't lose alot of sleep over it.
Ron: Be real careful of what you want and don't be pushed into a corner agreeing to things you don't agree to from now on.

I see no intent to understand or consider alternative outcomes.

Thats my take.

Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to MalevolentLyset)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/8/2005 8:59:35 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's generally bad taste to post private conversations, and definitely not cool to keep their names unchanged.

But I work with what I have. The reality is that you honestly presented him with your feelings and he used every single trick in the book to make you doubt yourself and put the responsibility on you, rather than just dealing with the feelings openly and honestly.

The fact that he's offering "public friends and private ds" pretty much tells the story there. He really sounds like a guy who has no clue how to incorporate the normalcy of life into a Ds dynamic. It's really not that hard, even if you love eachother.

Glad you guys talked and that you were able to understand what works best for you. That's what learning and experience is all about, even the sucky bits.


(in reply to MalevolentLyset)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/9/2005 3:58:04 AM   
lovingmaster45


Posts: 261
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline 		He is a "mama's boy" and a "pussy". I go with my girls everywhere. They are all at our family gatherings; you should be here for Thanksgiving with all the kitchen nazis in the place.

_____________________________

Master Jerry


(in reply to MalevolentLyset)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/9/2005 12:02:31 PM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		Lyset,

Sorry your first experience turned out so bad. It seems a bit un-domly to me for him to be putting the blame on you exclusively. There has been good advice given. Go to some munches. See and meet some real BDSM people talking, chatting, eating and having a good time socializing together. Who knows, you might find someone who will want what you want. At nineteen, I expect there will be a long line of Doms knocking at your door. Take your time. Be clear about who you are and exactly what you want. Play as much as as you like for as long as you like and don't settle. Good luck!

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/9/2005 12:51:45 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

He blocks his cell number every single time he calls. I dont know any way to reach him except by his sn online. The apartment I have been two 3 to 4 times has a gate code that changes every single day so there is no getting in without and invite.


I would say that you are a VERY VERY lucky girl. Going ANYWHERE with someone you can't verify let alone scening with them in a private location I assume without a safety call is a HUGELY BAD IDEA!!! This guy has something to hide. Also I find it hard to believe that a community gate code changes daily...too many people to notify etc. Thinking that this is just another BS ploy to keep his wife from finding out what he's up to.

Unless you are in a tiny town hundreds of miles from any large city I find it very hard to believe he's the only Dom for miles. You must resist the urge to settle for less just because you want A MAN...take your time and hold out for THE MAN.

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/9/2005 12:55:33 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Lyset,

He's SO manipulative! And I love the way he back-pedalled and his eyes narrowed dramatically when you took control of yourself and didn't cave to his manupulations.

I hope he's in the travel business because he throws a great guilt trip!

You did the right thing, girl, keep your chin up. You'll be happy one day with someone who's right for you.

chymes

(in reply to Sunshine119)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/9/2005 1:00:25 PM   
MasterRobert1


Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline 		Certainky sounds like something isn't right. Walking away sounds like the prudent thing to do in this case.

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/9/2005 1:44:55 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MalevolentLyset

He blocks his cell number every single time he calls.


I can never quite get my head around the reference to cell phones. probably so used to refering to them as mobile phones. When I read the quote I had visions of him blocking the number of his jail cell...... ~RWL~

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)
Profile   Post #: 40
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