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RE: transgendered - 6/29/2008 5:07:04 PM

camille65

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quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

quote:

And hurt, they hurt a lot when misunderstood and misused.
When that happens the wrong information and stereotypes are encouraged and spread.

which is why i always like to correct that intersexed are not transgendered. even if some of us (like serving girrl and myself) who are intersexed but did not officialy know of our issue until a later time in life.

when i say to someone that im intersexed...they say...oh so your a tranny...i have to explain i am not...it gets tiresome. but society likes to clump things into the same catagory. which makes life rough.

Would you say that you run into this issue more online or more in your day to day world?

I'm thinking that if it is online, perhaps you can have something you can readily copy/paste to educate people.
I really don't think the majority of people mean to hurt others, I think it is simply ignorance. Not understanding or even knowing enough about it, so things are assumed.

As to it happening in day to day.. I just don't know. No it isn't easy, being different never is. When you complicate that with being different in ways that aren't immediately obvious people seem to grab on to information (or disinformation as the case may be) that has been floating around.

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RE: transgendered - 6/29/2008 5:10:17 PM

sophia37

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Any time theres a transgendered thread, I kinda feel like I should take a close look. My brother Bill, is now my sister Barabara..So to me, this subject is pretty much one Ive been involved in frst hand.

I went to your profile to see what you said. And the main thing I need to bring up is where you identified as "straight". You better give this some thought. Straight? As in, I'm a man and I love women? Or if you identify as a woman, straight as in, Im a woman and I love men?

This is NOT a condescending question by any means. This to me is a big red flag area because as far as Im concerend, my brother, also identified as "straight" before surgery.

And in so many ways, this was his then her, road to ruin. After surgery and transformation, she now had to figure out who she was. It never turned out that hey! Im now a woman! Im going to marry a man! Or whatever. As a matter of fact, I'd say that this was one area she thought would figure its self out. Not so easy in fact.

And while Im not trying to discourage you, I will tell you, after surgery she tried dating men, who couldnt get past the oddity of the situation (im sure people here will tell you no worrys, lots of fish in sea, which certainly for you I hope). After several years of attempting to connect with straight men, she then decided she was gay. Unfortunataly she had too many male traits for the lesbians.

I know theres plenty of people who will tell you go for it. And thats all well and good. But Im here to also tell you things can end up being harder in the end. And I think its fair to let you know that. My sister would come here and tell you she'd change genders again in a heartbeat. But that to me is to save face. Because Ive heard her hesitate upon self reflection on what she gave up as a man. And in the end her life is pretty much a story about self inflicted pain drug abuse and self descruction. Shes managed to isolate herself from her friends and family and lives an unfullfiled life.

Now I'll be fair. Ive written on this subject on the board before. And Ive gotten heat for my thoughts, going as far as people can pick out sentances where they think I'm in the wrong with how I think. And they could be right! But. They could also just be picking out a sentance that I wrote badly.

We all do have family memebrs. And they expereince our ride with us, even if off to the side. So while personal happiness comes into play, no one lives as a total island. I just wanted to share with you my personal experience with my family member.Your mileage may vary.

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RE: transgendered - 6/29/2008 5:15:48 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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quote:

I think it is simply ignorance. Not understanding or even knowing enough about it, so things are assumed.

yea this is it...its not the persons fault..its just lack of education. but within the last 10 years students in university are learning about things like what we are discussing in this thread.

as it seems that the younger the generation who i tell they always say something like oh i learned this in school. it is usualy the older generations that dont know about it. mostly because cd/tv/tg/ts/intersexed etc etc...is still relatively a new subject. information was not readily available even as short as 20 years ago on these subjects.

even as short as 30 years ago if you were gay or a crossdresser you could be locked up in an asylum. even today gays/trans are executed in 3rd world countries.

little bit off topic there.

as to your question...i think it doesnt matter if online or real life. i always get asked just as many times on either side. but its easier to hide some things online than real life.

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RE: transgendered - 6/29/2008 5:24:08 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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quote:

I went to your profile to see what you said. And the main thing I need to bring up is where you identified as "straight". You better give this some thought. Straight? As in, I'm a man and I love women? Or if you identify as a woman, straight as in, Im a woman and I love men?

sexual orientation has nothing to do with gender.

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RE: transgendered - 6/29/2008 5:35:04 PM

shadowcd

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I'm overwhelmed by some of the very thought out responses of this thread. I know my parents would not reject me but it's a little more complicated as they already bug me about many of my feminine traits my mom is constantly on me about my hair and nails and various other things.   She may not stop talking to me but she would certainly keep harassing me :P I'm not sure which is worse lol.

yes I had my preference as straight though in reality I'm bi,   I put straight because it's easier I guess. And that I am looking for a female partner and for the most part people view me as male so putting that I am gay would I think prevent women from contacting me.   I am bi however would rather be with a man only if it was a couple.    I have a hard time trusting men which would make it very difficult for me to be with a man as a 1 on 1.

It's a huge grey area and of course in it of itself worthy of another thread so I didn't really get into it.   However I did switch my profile to bi, I can elaborate more on the subject perhaps in a journal entry.   I am pretty new to a great many things as may be apparent so I suppose it will take me some time to really sort out a lot of this stuff in my head as well as my profile.

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RE: transgendered - 6/29/2008 9:30:45 PM

Vendaval

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Shadow, I forgot to mention that a local college or university most likely has a GLBT club where you could meet other people dealing with similar issues. In my state, you can attend club meetings and activities even when not enrolled but cannot be a club officer. I am not sure of the particulars in Canada.

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RE: transgendered - 6/29/2008 11:53:52 PM

shadowcd

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I'm terrifed of public stuff, joining this site and posting this thread was a pretty big step for me. I am glad it was so well recieved as most likely if it wasn't it would have been my last for a long time.
So I really doubt I could go to anything like that alone and I dont' really know anyone where I live as I have only been here a short time. But I will keep it in mind non the less thank you :)

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RE: transgendered - 6/30/2008 7:19:14 AM

MsArcEnCiel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sophia37

I know theres plenty of people who will tell you go for it. And thats all well and good. But Im here to also tell you things can end up being harder in the end. And I think its fair to let you know that. My sister would come here and tell you she'd change genders again in a heartbeat. But that to me is to save face. Because Ive heard her hesitate upon self reflection on what she gave up as a man. And in the end her life is pretty much a story about self inflicted pain drug abuse and self descruction. Shes managed to isolate herself from her friends and family and lives an unfullfiled life.

Now I'll be fair. Ive written on this subject on the board before. And Ive gotten heat for my thoughts, going as far as people can pick out sentances where they think I'm in the wrong with how I think. And they could be right! But. They could also just be picking out a sentance that I wrote badly.

It is true that life does not become easier with transitioning. i have seen people here in Finland who have ended up in a pretty bad state with all this. But the problem with statements like this are - where would they have ended without transitioning? i have also seen older, already retired people, who have to face the fact that they never did transition and live with that. Their stories usually include the themes of self-denial and deception. How can you build good, open and honest relationships when you hide or deny a part of yourself? i do not know her age, but assuming from your written words she is from a generation and culture where there are only two acceptable genders. For me it feels that your sister is weighting wether the previous hell was less hot than this one. It is a no-win situation. Her story makes me feel sad, and it is a story i have heard before too many times.

i am happy that with our generation it is not this black and white anymore. You can explore different identities and express yourself with more varied ways that before. But still it is a hard world for people like us. On my field (social work) we have this trendy term "intersectionality." It basically means that we all have different amount of risk factors for things to go wrong. As a lame example a "caucasian-straight-fit-rich-male" has less risk factors going for him than a "transgendered-asian-poor-unemployed-female."

Being female is already one risk factor. Being transgendered and female is already a serious risk factor. Being transgendered female who has been disconneceted from her family and who has a history of alcohol or drug abuse is starting to be pretty bad odds for making it.

i try to guide younger trans-people who are concidering or have made the decision to transition to plan carefully. Transitioning is a rough thing to go through. If your life is not on a solid foundation enough, it might end up in a disaster. And it does help to have your expectations set right. If you are expecting an answer to all your life problems, then you will face a rough disappointment.

And, to the OP: i wish you all the best in searching your inner self. If you ever wish to talk about these themes, i am here to exchange thoughts.

heidi

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RE: transgendered - 6/30/2008 7:35:14 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

quote:

you might get more support from your family if you were diagnosed with gender dysphoria.

chances are...your family already knows from the traits you portray that something is not normal.

Agreed. But they probably think it's all in her head instead of something real in the body. Having a doctor sit them down and explain it might just get them off her back.

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RE: transgendered - 6/30/2008 9:49:41 AM

shadowcd

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my family doesn't really trust doctors, infact one of my sisters was diagnosed with depression and my mom just said she was full of shit and went to doctors that didnt' know what they where doing. So I really don't see it as an option. I suppose if i had a partner that I could depend on to be there for me I could risk loseing everything else. But really my family is all I have, so I don't see it as worth the risk. I already regret not doing anything when I was younger to "trans" and I am sure when I get older I will have even more regrets in this regard. I just really don't see any other option.
For now I am trying to rebuild my friend network but without hideing this part of me, i suppose that is the main reason I joined this site.

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RE: transgendered - 6/30/2008 10:10:01 AM

GreedyTop

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Shadow.. I cant offer any words of wisdom.. I just wanted to say good on you for posting here! Iwish you all the best :) *Hug*

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