Why or Why Not

Why or Why Not (Full Version)

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SirSix72 -> Why or Why Not (11/7/2005 9:43:46 PM)
Greetings, I have read and participated in many posts that cover a variety of subjects. The one subject I have yet to touch upon is how many of you actually play in public dungeons. I have read a variety of posts here on CM about calling someone by thier given station. I am curious if you were in a public/members dungeon how would you react if propositioned to play in a public dungeon how you would react? Would you fall into the your not my Dom thing. Or I dont have to call you Master. I manage an alternative lifestyle members only club. We have a members dungeon area and lots of playing areas. I often see lots of Dominants/submissives/swingers and myself playing in lots of places there and never have I seen or heard anyone being rude to one another or have I had anyone other than on the net be rude to me. I find this interesting that this occurs here on the net and not in r/t. I understand that we all find someone on the net or search by other means of finding someone to play with. I am curious though about what everyone elses think about going to a public/members playing area and how you think you would react or have reacted. Master Six

OsideGirl -> RE: Why or Why Not (11/7/2005 9:50:51 PM)
When I was single, I never played with someone I didn't know. What can I say? I feel I have to trust the person in control and I don't feel that way about strangers. I would politely say no, unless they acted like an asswipe in which case they'd get treated like an ass wipe. Now that I am collared, things are a little different for a couple of reasons. First, is that Master doesn't share well. Second, is that I negotiated into my contract that I wouldn't be shared without prior notice and that I had a veto with exception of people that were on list of people that we both find acceptable to play with.

Quivver -> RE: Why or Why Not (11/7/2005 9:54:22 PM)
It's very easy to say politely "no" face to face or over the net. It only becomes difficult when your "no" isnt accepted politely which seems more the case of a net issue then in person. Q

OsideGirl -> RE: Why or Why Not (11/7/2005 10:06:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Quivver It's very easy to say politely "no" face to face or over the net. It only becomes difficult when your "no" isnt accepted politely which seems more the case of a net issue then in person. Q I've had a quite a few instances where someone got in my face and wouldn't accept no. I think in someways that is harder than the net. On the net, I can just block or ignore them. At a club, I'm forced to deal with them for the whole night and in some cases more than one night. However, since becoming collared to Master, the instances have dropped to almost zero. Amazing what being married to an ex-linebacker can do for ya.

Phoenxx -> RE: Why or Why Not (11/7/2005 10:25:56 PM)
Having DM'd for 3 years at a pan-fetish event I can say that I do not play iwht everyone that asks me to. And when I am in the dungeon, people coming into the play area either respect the rules or are told to leave. If you haven't seen anyone rude, then your lucky, or haven't been dealing with the public very long. Just wait until you have to tell someone to stop because they are violating a rule and see what happens. Of course dealing with a lifestyle only club is different from dealing with the public in general. If, however I am not starting a newbie couple, and someone I like asks for some play time, hell yeah. Do I demand she kneels and calls me Master? Not really. There are a couple of girls that is very formal in their approach. It’s part of the game. I do have to ask, what is your obsession with this topic of rudeness? Over and over you start topics about it. It all seems to boil down to what rituals others use and why won’t they use yours? Maybe I'm misunderstanding you. The most common answer is live and let live. The sub/slave/bottom must obey their Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme/Top’s rules first and foremost. Then they will follow what training, upbringing and circumstances that they have had in their lives and experiences. I am sure your club has rules laid out and penalties for breaking them. At the Black and Blue Ball we have the rules handed out in the program, posted in various spots and on our website. There is security in place to enforce them. Dungeon Masters/Mistresses in the dungeon to make sure the rules and the laws are followed. Tony

theRose4U -> RE: Why or Why Not (11/7/2005 10:32:58 PM)
quote: I do have to ask, what is your obsession with this topic of rudeness? Over and over you start topics about it. It all seems to boil down to what rituals others use and why won’t they use yours? Maybe I'm misunderstanding you. In this universe I think you get what you give out...you are not the only one that has noticed this trend.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Why or Why Not (11/7/2005 11:04:52 PM)
quote: The one subject I have yet to touch upon is how many of you actually play in public dungeons. I haven't and generally would not because this for me is about a private relationship between me and mine, but having been on these boards and gotten to know some folks who do this in public, I'm beginning to think I would do as the romans if I were in a public dungeon with a willing person I liked and felt we had mutual respect. M

wipmebeetme100 -> RE: Why or Why Not (11/8/2005 12:46:18 AM)
quote: I am curious if you were in a public/members dungeon how would you react if propositioned to play in a public dungeon how you would react? The very first time i went to a public dungeon i played with the owner of the club, who i had not met prior to that evening. I have found that, with the exception of this night, that most of the time the people who ask me to play are people that i have met and have no qualms about playing with. Even if i don't know someone, if someone else that i know is familiar with them, and the negotiation goes well....i will play. That is what i came there for. Peace, cathy

swtnsparkling -> RE: Why or Why Not (11/8/2005 3:44:51 AM)
if by some slim chance i did choose to accept. (Here we go again- just b/c i chose to let him top me.) if Said Dom was not my Master then No i would not be calling him Master i would Likely say, Yes,Thank You Sir. If not interested I would simply say, No Thank You. I don't see how either scenario could be looked at as rude. i was raised with good manners and i still use them.

JohnWarren -> RE: Why or Why Not (11/8/2005 4:14:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl [I've had a quite a few instances where someone got in my face and wouldn't accept no. I think in someways that is harder than the net. On the net, I can just block or ignore them. At a club, I'm forced to deal with them for the whole night and in some cases more than one night. Isn't the club management any help? Most of the places I've played, a word to them and the guy is lucky just to get a warning. [laugh] and at Hellfire, he'd have to deal with Lenny!

darkinshadows -> RE: Why or Why Not (11/8/2005 4:31:06 AM)
Depends on behaviour. If someone came up to me in a club as they do online and said 'on your knees'... I would just laugh because assumption based on no knowledge is naturally funny. If I was speaking to a Dominant and He or She were interesting and unassuming and the conversation morphed into suggestions, then I would say, 'well, its not me You need to ask'. My Dominant would be the only person making that decision. So your question should be more specific and be straight to the s-types that are unowned and going alone, because any dominant approaching an owned person directly is already crossing a fine line. When single in the same scenario, then I would just make the decision based upon the behaviour of the person and recommendations of people I trust. I would never and have never said to someone 'Your not my dom' - although I have discussed the 'your not my dom' debates. It's just commen sense. Peace and Love

KittenWithaTwist -> RE: Why or Why Not (11/8/2005 4:45:44 AM)
I have both topped and bottomed at public dungeons and play spaces since I have become owned by my partner. A scene is negotiated, it goes where it goes, and when it is over, I return to my partner's side. I do not refer to play tops as Master or Mistress. I do not call play bottoms "little one" or "subbie". I do not do service oriented play. So, your question of not-my-dom does not apply to me, in any way.

themischievous1 -> RE: Why or Why Not (11/8/2005 5:33:01 AM)
Greetings, Master Six, Sir, I have no problem with formal protocal or honorifics; in fact I rather enjoy them. In public at events, munches, or play parties, I refer to those I know are Dom as "Sir," and female Dommes as "Ma'am." Those who I know are Masters are referred to as Master John Doe, Sir. I refer to my own Master as simply "Master." I see nothing inappropriate about using honorifics and from what I've seen my peers (submissives and slaves) are doing the same. We're in TX, however. Maybe things are different here. Online when I use these kinds of forums, I tend to "do as the Romans do" depending on the expectations of the forum I'm participating in. I enjoy using honorifics but the mainstream BDSM population does not seem to desire to utilize them online with one another for the most part. There are a few who do but most do not. In some M/s online groupings I'm a member of, we are more prone to utilize formal honorifics because it is expected of one another and part of the membership requirement of that group. Respectfully, mischie

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Why or Why Not (11/8/2005 5:53:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirSix72 I am curious if you were in a public/members dungeon how would you react if propositioned to play in a public dungeon how you would react? Would depend on a myriad of factors- who else do I have plans with? how tired am I? Are they asking me to bottom or top and how does that resonate with the mood that night? What type of scene do they want? How well do I know them? Responses range anywhere from "No thanks, but maybe next time" to "Really? That would be awesome!" quote: Would you fall into the your not my Dom thing. No. You're talking about someone coming up to someone else and asking them to play in a scene. Nothing to do with whether someone is a top/bottom or not. And I know at least THIS bottom will and does ask tops to play. quote: I find this interesting that this occurs here on the net and not in r/t. Oh it happens rt, trust me. You also can't apply swinger culture rules to bdsm culture rules- they are vastly different.

SirSix72 -> RE: Why or Why Not (11/8/2005 6:02:00 AM)
I am the managment John and the security staff and I have had to deal with a few instances of rude persons...I always give a warning to those who trespass anothers rights to say no thank you and we all know that there are times that things tend to get a little rough but tact and poise helps in thhhose times Master Thomas

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Why or Why Not (11/8/2005 6:06:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirSix72 I am the managment John and the security staff and I have had to deal with a few instances of rude persons...I always give a warning to those who trespass anothers rights to say no thank you and we all know that there are times that things tend to get a little rough but tact and poise helps in thhhose times Doesn't that completely contradict what you said in your initial post: never have I seen or heard anyone being rude to one another or have I had anyone other than on the net be rude to me.?

SirSix72 -> RE: Why or Why Not (11/8/2005 6:07:28 AM)
They really arent much different if you think about it LA....everyone negoiates play just in a different format.......everyone has rules and limits even swingers.......lol...I appericiate everyones thoughts and responses to this thread though..........maybe some of you that are close enough to the club I manage or can travel might be interested in coming to visit......not that imma corner you and force you to play or anything lmfao.........but it nice to see that others respond positively to the experience Master Six

SirSix72 -> RE: Why or Why Not (11/8/2005 6:09:47 AM)
Not really LA ive had a few instances with single men that just dont get it.....and I have to step in but most of the time they arent rude but ya get a drunk everyonce in a while that acts out Master Six

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Why or Why Not (11/8/2005 6:10:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirSix72 They really arent much different if you think about it LA....everyone negoiates play just in a different format No "propositioning someone for play" is a very different thing from "expecting submission, obedience and play from sentence one" quote: not that imma corner you and force you to play or anything Yes because that would be quite rude.

SirSix72 -> RE: Why or Why Not (11/8/2005 6:18:11 AM)
Im not sure what you are trying to get at really LA.......if your having a bad day or just trying to pick apart what people say....I could care less if someone submits to me.....not like I run around on fetish night demanding that every sub/slave get on their knees for me to play with...........a proposition is very different but negoiations are the same in any alternative lifestyle, swinger or BDSM, just a different format to play in really....... Master Six

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