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Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 12:42:32 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I know this is nothing more than a rant that is going to end up in the random stupidity section, but I want to get it off of My chest anyway.

I just came from one of the other sections of the board where I was reading a post from someone who literally created an alternate profile because of the topic that he wanted to bring up. I don't want to rat that person out by bringing too much attention to the problem they were obviously struggling with, but I wanted to say something about the undercurrent theme that kept screaming at Me through that post. Here was a Master, who had some doubt, so he didn't see himself as a Master anymore.

Rather than, what I thought would seem like nailing that person on their post, I wanted to bring this here and get some general consensus. Can somebody, please, tell Me where we get all of these ridiculous, pre-conceived notions that somewhere, we stop being people? Where is it written, that a Master might not ever have doubt in himself? Whoever came up with the idea that a Mistress should never cry, or be hurt by emotion? How did some of the (and I'm stealing this term from someone else) BDSMBS (that's BDSM bullsh*t for those who can't figure it out) ever come into play so strongly that now we seem to accept it without question? Where in the hell did these myths ever come from?

Don't anybody start thinking that I'm trying to save the ranks of CM or anything like that, but I'm here to burst this bubble. Not all of us running around on this site who take on those D-type or M-type labels are perfect BDSM role robots. I know that *I* have moments of weakness. There are times I have doubt. There are things in this world that can hurt Me to tears. Sometimes, I make the wrong decisions and I say the wrong things. Not everything on this planet is in My control, and oh, the shock and horror of it all, I'm not perfect just because I live this lifestyle.

I didn't give up My humanity just to be doing this. And whatever version of 'this' that you are doing doesn't mean that you have to either. There are even some people out there who will respect you more if you don't.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 6/29/2008 12:44:12 PM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

Post #: 1

RE: Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 12:48:58 PM

Raechard

Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline

Moses. "There shall be these three types of other people and they shall have these qualities."

< Message edited by Raechard -- 6/29/2008 12:52:51 PM >

_____________________________

えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 2

RE: Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 12:49:12 PM

fluffyswitch

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline

yay! dances! and i mean that literally. i've had this argument with people in the past-- to me D/s does NOT transcend personality and the flaws that come with humanity, and i always feel... sad for people who post things that are like "you aren't a blank because you don't whatever". it always has seemed like it must be a lonely life trying to seek out people who are the perfect whatever you're looking for, and that set such high standards for their partners. i know it's their choice, and i respect that, and i know that standards are great but it must get tiring after awhile. and lonely.

_____________________________

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” churchill

the first rule of fluff club is that you don't talk about fluff club!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 3

RE: Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 12:55:34 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

trouble is there are some vicious types around who do spot a weakness and then happily tear at it - if your feeling a tad sensitive about something the last thing you want is to be made to feel even crappier by people who think its fun to wear away at an open wound.

bugs me a bit. its like getting hooted at for jumping into a brief gap of solid traffic - like they never have ever. its that holier than thou approach to everything and everyone -

we all get sensitive, we all get it wrong and we're all allowed to.

< Message edited by lally3 -- 6/29/2008 12:58:56 PM >

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 1:01:06 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

Aloha lady Pact,

what i heard was that he was reaching out, and what i also heard or saw there that his sub was in a lot of pain...every one was pushing him to greener pastures and yet i saw a lot of unanswered questions and broken promises in her *passive aggressive* responses to him.

i don't think he should get too comfy with his assessment of himself as a great Dom as he has seemed to do from the way he described others describing himself, i think that somewhere he was neglecting the care and feeding of the relationship, and deep down he knew it...and he wanted help to not be a robot or an uber dom....that was my take anyway.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to fluffyswitch)

Post #: 5

RE: Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 1:03:15 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

trouble is there are some vicious types around who do spot a weakness and then happily tear at it - which then makes people scared to bare their chest, which in of itself is quite weak, when you think about it, but if your feeling a tad sensitive about something the last thing you want is to be made to feel even crappier by people who think its fun to wear away at an open wound.

bugs me a bit. its like getting hooted at for jumping into a brief gap of solid traffic - like they never have ever. its that holier than thou approach to everything and everyone -

we all get sensitive, we all get it wrong and we're all allowed to.

I'm not going to deny that, and I have absolutely seen it happen. I hope you'll understand that I'm not debating that point.

Still, in these last few days/weeks, I've poured out some (for Me) very heart wrenching stuff that has been received by the posters of CM really well. I think it fair to let people know it isn't always the feeding frenzy they expect.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 6

RE: Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 1:13:39 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

~Fast Reply~

I have a feeling it's a cycle of unrealistic expectations. Owners who expect their property to be 100 percent, completely submissive and never have a fleeting moment of "G-d damn it, I don't want to do this right now" creating the expectation of "They can never doubt their dominance and mastery or they will lose control of me and I won't be owned" creating the expectation of.... and on and on.

Where it stops or where it started... fuck if I know. I'd suspect it started with erotica/porn - or at least partially. Not that these are bad things but just like "vanilla" folks who think every candle-lit sexual night will be perfect (and won't ever end up in wax dripping on a favorite sweater) and every woman will orgasm every time, false expectations can be created. It's very easy for a character in a story to always be sure of themselves - the author just has to write it that way.

My two cents, however off the mark it may be.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 6/29/2008 1:14:41 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 1:15:26 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Can somebody, please, tell Me where we get all of these ridiculous, pre-conceived notions that somewhere, we stop being people? Where is it written, that a Master might not ever have doubt in himself? Whoever came up with the idea that a Mistress should never cry, or be hurt by emotion? How did some of the (and I'm stealing this term from someone else) BDSMBS (that's BDSM bullsh*t for those who can't figure it out) ever come into play so strongly that now we seem to accept it without question? Where in the hell did these myths ever come from?

Now come on. It's on page 4 of the "I am always right and you are always wrong" handbook. Page 4, paragraph 3.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 8

RE: Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 1:17:51 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Maybe they like you better, LP!

I am in complete agreement with you, I have no idea where the notion that dominants have to be perfect little problem solvers who are up to any challenge with no help whatsoever from anyone. And Lally, how is it "weak" to openly discuss a doubt or issue with what I would hope is a peer group? Is it "weak" if someone stands up in a church meeting to talk?

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 9

RE: Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 1:32:24 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Years ago when I was role playing in Gorean MSN Chats, I also found that the whole scene was so serious and so many people were humourless that I firstly wrote the short epic :"The Wheelie Raid" in which geriatric Gorean masters woielding used bed pans raides a retirement home for ageing Gorean Free Women and aging kajiri. Some months later I was so poissed off at the unsmiling attitudes of many members I also posted the "Springing Jerry Show". In both oiccasions it served to get the mob laughing at themselves. 'Tis my experience that many in the lifestyle and kingsters generally appear to lack the ability to laugh at themselves..

Iron Bear
(Incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent)
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it.

Omar Khayyam 1048 CE to 1123 CE (Persian Mathematician, Scientist, Astronomer, Philosopher & Poet).

< Message edited by IronBear -- 6/29/2008 1:33:07 PM >

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 10

RE: Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 1:38:37 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Hi Amy,

I happen to think he was hurting, too. That's why I thought it was sad. Not that they were having the problems, but that he thought he needed an alternative profile, just to express them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

Aloha lady Pact,

what i heard was that he was reaching out, and what i also heard or saw there that his sub was in a lot of pain...every one was pushing him to greener pastures and yet i saw a lot of unanswered questions and broken promises in her *passive aggressive* responses to him.

i don't think he should get too comfy with his assessment of himself as a great Dom as he has seemed to do from the way he described others describing himself, i think that somewhere he was neglecting the care and feeding of the relationship, and deep down he knew it...and he wanted help to not be a robot or an uber dom....that was my take anyway.

I'm so glad I wasn't sipping My diet pepsi when I read that. Do you know how much it hurts coming out of your nose with laughter? I really don't think it's an idea of they 'like Me better', but thank you for the nice thought.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Maybe they like you better, LP!

I am in complete agreement with you, I have no idea where the notion that dominants have to be perfect little problem solvers who are up to any challenge with no help whatsoever from anyone. And Lally, how is it "weak" to openly discuss a doubt or issue with what I would hope is a peer group? Is it "weak" if someone stands up in a church meeting to talk?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 11

RE: Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 1:44:25 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

Good post, LP.

Many human beings are very competitive, and when you add in the aspect of dominance (which equates with power and strength), you can see an atmosphere that isn't always conducive to "weakness", or just plain being human.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 12

RE: Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 1:48:05 PM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

I've never let BDSM get to my head so far that I stop being a human being. I don't understand this whole mindset of being completely fractured from the human race, as if BDSMers are some alien life forms.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 13

RE: Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 1:49:24 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I have had doubt as slave at times and think most humans have doubts about themselves once in a while. If a dominant or submissive didn't have any from time to time I would wonder if they are human.

Someone that thinks they are perfect and without flaws would be someone I would steer away from.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 14

RE: Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 1:50:31 PM

GabrielleSlave

Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
Status: offline

My Master is a human being first, my Master second. He is not a machine, He has feelings and emotions just like any other. It is His humanity and His honest fragility at times that makes this man a Master for me. Wwe all have a picture of the stereotypical male Dom in Oour heads, but He has surpassed that hollow image in my mind. A truly great man will seek to know and understand his weaknesses and limitations in order to progress, a lesser man will seek to cover those up. He has my submission because He allows Himself to grow and therefore allows me to do the same. Wwe talk about issues as they arise and He accepts my help when He needs it. It is not a sign of weakness, but of strength.

Hugs

Gabrielle

_____________________________

Slave to Master Slayer

~ Host of the Rather Marvelous Greenwich Munch ~

"There is no such thing as liberty. You only change one sort of domination for another. All we can do is to choose our master."
D. H. Lawrence

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 15

RE: Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 1:56:30 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

Now LP, haven't we already had this conversation? Unfortunately, the dominants and masters out there are often as convinced of these stereotypes as are the submissives and slaves.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to GabrielleSlave)

Post #: 16

RE: Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 1:56:38 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Thank you, Level. I happen to agree with you that we are rather competitive, and I think that does influence the situation.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Good post, LP.

Many human beings are very competitive, and when you add in the aspect of dominance (which equates with power and strength), you can see an atmosphere that isn't always conducive to "weakness", or just plain being human.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to GabrielleSlave)

Post #: 17

RE: Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 1:58:24 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Yes, we have, but I'm still curious as to why it exists.

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

Now LP, haven't we already had this conversation? Unfortunately, the dominants and masters out there are often as convinced of these stereotypes as are the submissives and slaves.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 18

RE: Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 1:59:37 PM

StrangerinBlack

Posts: 44
Joined: 4/27/2008
Status: offline

We like in a culture where we intereact more as roles to roles, than as as people to people. Because of this we often form unrealisitc expectations on others and on ourselves. We try to match ourselves up to a non-existant ideal, then feel shame and anxity when we do not add up. We are taught to be ashamed of our bodies, our dreams, and our lusts. We are not taught to value introspection or reflection. We see the admission of human doubts to be a sign of weakness. There are a lot of other causes, but I'm afraid its not too suprising that many people experiance shame/guilt just in being who they are.

(in reply to GabrielleSlave)

Post #: 19

RE: Where was it written? - 6/29/2008 2:00:28 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Yes, we have, but I'm still curious as to why it exists.

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

Now LP, haven't we already had this conversation? Unfortunately, the dominants and masters out there are often as convinced of these stereotypes as are the submissives and slaves.

Because it's human nature to yearn towards the ideal, nomatter how ridiculous that ideal might be.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 20

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