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Designing Protocols - 6/29/2008 2:34:34 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		I've never been big on high protocol, however, my new girl enjoys it.  I don't mind compromising a little to make her happy, so I've been trying to design some household protocols.  I've got Protocols: Handbook for the female slave and I've been checking out a few websites like MAsT.  However, the feel of these sources is too heavily based on military protocols for my tastes.  I've checked the archives on the boards but haven't found quite what I wanted.
 
I'm thinking of using Dr. Rubel's concept of different levels of protocol -- one for home, one for vanilla social events, and one for lifestyle events.  However, the protocols for home are proving to be the most difficult.  For those who have 24/7 TPE (or Total Authority Exchange, if you prefer) households, what are some of the basic, day to day, protocols you use?  My house includes UMs so I'm looking for subtle ways to incorporate and reinforce the D/s dynamic. 
 
Hopefully, your experiences and suggestions will spark my own creativity.  Thank you for your help.

_____________________________

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Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor
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RE: Designing Protocols - 6/29/2008 3:35:14 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Take a look at Master Fire's book.  I'll email you her name on the other side.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Designing Protocols - 6/29/2008 3:38:42 PM   
mmsprecious


Posts: 84
Joined: 12/6/2006
Status: offline 		while we are 24/7 we do not live together right now. so my protocols include phone calls upon awakening, heading to work, lunch and leaving work as well as before retiring to bed. i am required to journal every night and make such journalling available to Him. i am required to send pics of my home (to assure it is clean) to Him three times a week. i must keep myself up (shaving places required) for Him. when we are together, i ask to sit at His feet. i ask to lay in His bed and i always ask to be allowed to cum.
just my two cents.
Master Mike's precious

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RE: Designing Protocols - 6/29/2008 3:39:34 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		too much work.

just pick a few things that you can be invested in because if you pick things arbitrarily then you will forget them and you girl could get the message you don't care.

then you can grow from there if you are really digging what you are getting out of the exchange.

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 6/29/2008 3:40:32 PM >

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RE: Designing Protocols - 6/29/2008 3:50:55 PM   
MistressSybella


Posts: 163
Joined: 9/14/2004
Status: offline 		I would like to see MasterFire's book. More info please. ;)

Miss 'Bella

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RE: Designing Protocols - 6/29/2008 3:51:22 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_1134732/mpage_1/key_protocol/tm.htm#1135086
protocol

http://www.collarchat.com/m_579363/mpage_1/key_ritual/tm.htm#579537
Rituals and protocols, which ones do you use?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_512995/mpage_1/key_ritual/tm.htm#513015
Daily Routines

http://www.collarchat.com/m_307839/mpage_1/key_daily%252Croutine/tm.htm#307839
Structure

http://www.collarchat.com/m_99518/mpage_1/key_daily%252Croutine/tm.htm#99518
day to day in the lifestyle

http://www.collarchat.com/m_83995/mpage_1/key_daily%252Croutine/tm.htm#83995
Need help...consistency problems

http://www.collarchat.com/m_45593/mpage_1/key_daily%252Croutine/tm.htm#45593
routine

http://www.collarchat.com/m_504581/mpage_1/key_rituals/tm.htm#504854
Rituals...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_229409/mpage_1/key_ritual/tm.htm#229409
Purpose of ritual and types

http://www.collarchat.com/m_234894/mpage_1/key_ritual/tm.htm#234894
Ritual in anticipation of time together

http://www.collarchat.com/m_242681/mpage_1/key_ritual/tm.htm#242681
rituals, your favorite and why?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_110/mpage_1/key_rituals/tm.htm#110
rituals

http://www.collarchat.com/m_7380/mpage_1/key_rituals/tm.htm#7380
protocols

http://www.collarchat.com/m_48910/mpage_1/key_rituals/tm.htm#48910
special rituals please?!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_97744/mpage_1/key_rituals/tm.htm#97744
rituals (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_296210/mpage_1/key_rituals/tm.htm#296210
favorite rituals


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RE: Designing Protocols - 6/29/2008 3:51:33 PM   
bruisedpetals


Posts: 24
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

too much work.

just pick a few things that you can be invested in because if you pick things arbitrarily then you will forget them and you girl could get the message you don't care.

then you can grow from there if you are really digging what you are getting out of the exchange.


This is so true, my former 'Master' required that I carry out a handful of rituals, but he never asked about them, never looked at my journal, never ... I don't want to say 'checked up on me' but he never followed through on things, I got the distinct impression he didn't care what I did or didn't do.; and that's the problem with rituals, you both have to input into it or they are meaningless.

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RE: Designing Protocols - 6/29/2008 3:59:24 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Take a look at Master Fire's book.  I'll email you her name on the other side.


Grand!  Thanks much.

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

too much work.

just pick a few things that you can be invested in because if you pick things arbitrarily then you will forget them and you girl could get the message you don't care.


I don't mind a little work.  She's worth it.
 
I also don't plan to pick things arbitrarily.  That wasn't the question or the purpose in asking.  Perhaps you failed to read the OP carefully.  If I failed to make myself clear, I apologize.  Please allow me to do so now -- I am not looking for a one-size-fits-all boilerplate.  I'm interested in examples of how others structure their households as a means of jump-starting my own creativity.  I'll use what works for me and keep the rest on file for reference.
 
ETA:
 
Thanks, LA.  I found those after my initial post.  Still reading. 

< Message edited by SylvereApLeanan -- 6/29/2008 4:02:03 PM >

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

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RE: Designing Protocols - 6/29/2008 4:05:52 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I checked, and she lists the title in her journal, so here goes:

Manual Creation:Defining the Structure of an Ms Household, available from Amazon, and maybe elsewhere.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
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RE: Designing Protocols - 6/29/2008 4:25:51 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		The timing on this is fantastic!  Good luck to you and yours in finding what works for you.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: Designing Protocols - 6/29/2008 4:53:34 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
 
Hopefully, your experiences and suggestions will spark my own creativity.  Thank you for your help.

In my experience, (rather than having read a book on what to do) my experiences get me accused of being dramatic here on collarme. HOWEVER...here goes on my approach to the whole protocol thing.....
protocols are an inherent part of the dynamic....meaning than protocols are part of a process and not a structure.
protocols are expressions of varying degrees of ritualised behaviour, ritualised behaviour being stylised forms of behaviour rooted in the common place. For example: eye contact or not is a common everyday behaviour. A ritualised eye contact protocol might mean that your eyes are averted at certain times, under certain conditions, at a certain command or buzz word. where UM's are present the buzz word is for you, not for them and not therefore recognised or encoded by them.
so you could be creative and make a list of protocols according to certain criteria: morning protocols, evening protocols, service protocols, cleaning protocols, service, emotional support, trainig, response, seclusion, time out, time together even vanilla protocols, (very hot), protocols for being out in pubic, with family, in public places and so on and so forth.
I am not a debutante. I did not go to finishing school. I am a common litttle slut whore of a drooling boot licking cock sucking slave and therefore my protocols are instinctual.
But you might like to be schooled. Just my five bob's worth.
Or even read a book about it and make a tick box list.
http://domsubfriends.com/cgi-local/wwwdir/db.cgi?db=res&uid=default&category=BDSM+ETIQUETTE&view_records=View+Records   http://www.iron-rose.com/IR/docs/etiq.htm   Robert J. Rubel, PhD "Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice." Nazca Plains Publishers, 2006.



< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/29/2008 5:01:25 PM >

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RE: Designing Protocols - 6/29/2008 5:02:30 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
 
Hopefully, your experiences and suggestions will spark my own creativity.  Thank you for your help.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
In my experience, (rather than having read a book on what to do) my experiences get me accused of being dramatic here on collarme. HOWEVER...here goes on my approach to the whole protocol thing.....
protocols are an inherent part of the dynamic....meaning than protocols are part of a process and not a structure.
protocols are expressions of varying degrees of ritualised behaviour, ritualised behaviour being stylised forms of behaviour rooted in the common place. For example: eye contact or not is a common everyday behaviour. A ritualised eye contact protocol might mean that your eyes are averted at certain times, under certain conditions, at a certain command or buzz word. where UM's are present the buzz word is for you, not for them and not therefore recognised or encoded by them.
so you could be creative and make a list of protocols according to certain criteria: morning protocols, evening protocols, service protocols, cleaning protocols, service, emotional support, trainig, response, seclusion, time out, time together even vanilla protocols, (very hot), protocols for being out in pubic, with family, in public places and so on and so forth.
I am not a debutante. I did not go to finishing school. I am a common litttle slut whore of a drooling boot licking cock sucking slave and therefore my protocols are instinctual.
But you might like to be schooled. Just my five bob's worth.
Or even read a book about it and make a tick box list.
http://domsubfriends.com/cgi-local/wwwdir/db.cgi?db=res&uid=default&category=BDSM
+ETIQUETTE&view_records=View+Records

http://www.iron-rose.com/IR/docs/etiq.htm 

Robert J. Rubel, PhD "Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice." Nazca Plains Publishers, 2006.




< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/29/2008 5:03:10 PM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

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RE: Designing Protocols - 6/29/2008 6:36:56 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		The principles I would suggest (and a few examples) are:
* start with a few things so both of you can keep a handle on them eg a greeting, asking permission to leave the room, serving drinks in a particular way
* many protocols can appear as "politeness" and "good manners" and be subtle enough for UMs and outsiders eg holding Your coat for You, opening doors, serving You food first ... even subtle things like putting Your food, drinks etc always on the right side (here Master is always right!)
* follow up on them is essential (as has been said) eg read a journal, give permission, acknowledge an act with thanks
* if you end up not liking something, drop it or change it, don't put up with it eg if kissing Your feet gets annoying, change it
* think through as far as possible what the ultimate result could be of a protocol ... some can have unexpected benefits or problems. Eg Master has me always ask permission to go to the toilet whenever He is at hand. That has resulted in the positive benefit that He now has better control over my ageing unreliable bladder than I do! However, I do know one person in real whose Master primed her to cum when she hears the word Master. She has to use a Visa card

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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RE: Designing Protocols - 6/29/2008 7:19:14 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

For those who have 24/7 TPE (or Total Authority Exchange, if you prefer) households, what are some of the basic, day to day, protocols you use? 


In your circumstances (with UMs), you might stick with protocols that are more "practical" than "play" related.  You can make them feel more "high protocol" by dressing them up.  For example, if she brings you coffee in the morning, require her to be fully dressed and ready for the day (not in her fuzzy houserobe with no makeup and her hair uncombed) and serve it to you using formal serviceware on a tray.  Have her include the morning paper or, perhaps give a verbal recitation of the top news stories that you might be interested in.

Other things that are family environment friendly are:

Have her prepare your wardrobe every night for the next day... pressing clothes, polishing shoes, etc. - Dress this up by inspecting them.

While you have your coffee/read the paper/wake up, have her set your toiletries out for your morning routine.- Dress this up by having a very specific location and order for each item she should lay out on the bathroom countertop... you can even have her dispense a desired amount of toothpaste onto your toothbrush, ready for your use. 

Require that the bed be made and the bedroom be tidied while you shower and your chosen clothes be layed out, ready for you to dress.  Dress this up by requiring that she stand ready to assist you dressing.

Have her waiting with warm towel to dry you off after your shower. - You can dress this up by requiring her to adopt a specific position or stance as she waits to dry you off, or require her to ask permission to dry you.

You could require her to greet you at the door each evening with a "Welcome Home".  If you like seeing her in a dress, require that she wear one.

Mealtime is another good opportunity to insert a little "high protocol" that is G-rated.  Depending upon your situation, you could require that the UMs be fed before you and sent to their rooms to play.  You could require that evening meals be full sit-down affairs complete with dessert, and that your girl "serve" your plate to you fully prepared.  Strict observance of table ettiquette can enhance each meal.  Little things like immediately clearing away plates and bringing you an after-dinner drink or coffee with a cigarette or cigar (if you smoke) can add to the feeling. 

Really, just play around with what will work for your situation.

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RE: Designing Protocols - 6/29/2008 7:26:00 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		Oooh...thanks MaamJay and TreasureKY!  Those are the sorts of suggestions that are most helpful.  Combined with some of the things I found in LA's links list, I should be able to come up with a few choice items that will work for us.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

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RE: Designing Protocols - 6/29/2008 10:18:23 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		One the most basic every day protocols I have is daily contact. Of course, this only makes sense for those of us who don't have their slaves living with them. Another very basic protocol you can use daily is "Presenting". This is where they kneel or stand, knees or feet shoulder width apart, NOT sitting on their heels (if kneeling), wrists clasped behind their back (or as close as they can comfortable get) and head slightly down. The stance should be proud and open. When they're centered and ready to serve, have them say, "Sir," or "Ma'am," or whatever title you wish. Adapt it to your tastes and their physical limits.

Master Fire


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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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RE: Designing Protocols - 6/29/2008 10:31:21 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		We have very few protocols in our home. Fox has to ask permission to get things for himself, has to clear my dishes before he is allowed to get himself more of anything after dinner and has to ask to use the restroom. More formally, he greets me when I get home from work on his knees, head down and with a cup of coffee in his hands.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Designing Protocols - 6/30/2008 5:39:30 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		I think if you take the Rubel book and ignore what he has the slave do, and focus on listing the when they do it.
Then pare down the list of the whens that you see happening most often in you and your slave's lives.
Then decide for yourself about what way you want the slave to handle the situations on the pared down list.

Most often these books are really most usefull in providing a template of ideas to draw from rather than providing an exact protocol set. (as ou seam to have gatherd already).

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RE: Designing Protocols - 6/30/2008 6:10:18 AM   
ModeratorSixteen


Posts: 1275
Status: offline 		Please remember that using the word 'UM' does NOT change the context or make posts ok.

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RE: Designing Protocols - 6/30/2008 7:19:26 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Treasure KY, those were some great suggestions.  Here are a few others that I had to follow that are transparent to the vanilla world:

Have her do her makeup and take some care with her hair daily.  Remind her that she is always to look her best for you.

Most families create words or phrases that have little meaning to others.  Choose a pet name that she can use in place of Sir (or Master or whatever you would normally use) that shows her respect for you. 

Set aside 10 minutes a day that are only for her, and allow her to tell you anything that may be troubling her or of concern.  This will go a long way in building trust.  Try not to allow any interruptions, including phone calls, for that 10 minutes.  That should be her escape from the outside world.

If you enjoy something like painted fingernail, have it a standing task to keep her nails in good shape, no chipped polish, no biting at them, etc.  If you are well pleased with them you could give them a kiss from time to time to remind her that you are paying attention to what she does.  Anyone watching would think that you are only being a gentleman.

You could give her commands on the order in which to wash herself.  Even if she has only time for a quick shower, if she knows it is to be done in a certain way it will make her feel special.  For instance, and easy way is top to bottom.  Get wet, wash hair, wash face, wash and if necessary shave underarms, etc. 

Sometimes it isn't nearly as much about the act itself, but whether or not you care about how it is done.  I know I get a feeling of pride each time I do something exactly how my Master wants it - even if it is not the way I would generally do it myself.  For instance, one of my standing tasks for the summer is to get a good tan.  I spend an hour a day in the sun on days conducive for it even though I would never have done this on my own.  Now I find that I look forward to that time because I know that I am doing it for my Master.


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