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Phobetor -> RE: WTF is a "Master"? (7/7/2008 4:16:13 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking
I have been on this site about 2 years and I want to know what a master is. Im serious. "Married vanilla" guys call themselves masters; is that right? are they in control of their life if they have a wife they are cheating on, for any reason? Now another question: is a master about toys, dungeons, and fancy knots? using a singletail? Im not impressed. To me, a master is a man of character and integrity. And please, dont remind me this is kink site. I know some Masters, real masters. And they all have good values and integrity. Seems to me that many of the "masters" here are just about sexual domination and kink. Period. I know I am going to be criticized for this post but I felt it needed to be said.
firebirdseeking
Just as in anything concerning human nature, there will be no hard-rules to what is at essence an arbitrary definition. I personally eschew the "master" honorific. Most of what has now become established BDSM nomenclature tends to be too inflexible to cover or accurately reflect what someone either truly identifies mostly with or what their nature might be. Rather than being a static spectrum that someone lies within and which you can peg someone down as being, I find that even within an individual much less between people, there is a dynamical range that is always shifting in mood, temperament, degree, and extent. In certain people, there is clearly a set-point, which they naturally gravitate toward, even if they explore around that phenotypic anchoring. For instance, there are many dom/mes that have and do enjoy being dominated from time to time. Would this negate their dominant nature? Likewise, there are submissives, who perhaps out of desire to serve another or simple curiosity, have dominanted people. Does that mean they are confused as to their natural inclinations? I would say no to either of these cases, and nor are they switches necessarily; their natural instincts are set more toward one end of the spectrum than the other. In this regard, a switch finds himself less anchored or drawn to any natural settling point and the nature of a switch is then much more influenced upon their particularly variable mood and often by their partner, who can elicit or inspire their dominant or submissive side. Masters are driven more to control or own a person’s life essentially. This is after all the essence of the S/M relationship. They are dominant by default in that respect, but the converse is not true: One can be dominant and not a master. I, for one, have no interest in controlling or owning anyone’s life or having them serve me in real-life in that fashion. So someone that is a sexual dominant that has no interest in this control or ownership who calls themselves master is being misleading. That said however, I feel you have too restrictive a view on the more complex personality types involved in kink. Someone can be a master to one person and a sexual dom to others. And yes, as you have correctly pointed out, some doms are only interested in sexual domination and kink. You might be having a tendentious view to project your want of seeing doms as masters onto those that simply are not, and this will only set you up for continued disappointment. Just as people need to be honest with what they want and desire from others, they first have to be honest with themselves in finding out what it is that they want for themselves and from another. This applies to anyone, regardless of the nomenclature that you might want to evoke, dominant or not.
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