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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/29/2008 8:40:44 PM

peregrinekane

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Yes, but in all likelihood, God did not write the rules and/or protocols for any of the rooms. Thus it is rather unlikely they are perfect. Why is it so verboten to discuss them while in chat rooms?

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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/29/2008 8:41:44 PM

DiurnalVampire

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I do not believe that rules and protocols make for a better or worse chat room. If the rooms occupants are immature and rude than all the rules in the workld wont change that. In a mature and inteligent group, the rules dont need to be stated. Be it in D/s or other chats, most of the time i get fed up and leave when there are so many rules and protocols beign tossed around that it makes having an actual discussion nearly impossible.

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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/29/2008 8:44:56 PM

Lumus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: peregrinekane

Yes, but in all likelihood, God did not write the rules and/or protocols for any of the rooms. Thus it is rather unlikely they are perfect. Why is it so verboten to discuss them while in chat rooms?

Those who run a site are the respective 'God' of said site - as in they have the final word. Sorry if the analogy came across literally.

DV makes a good point. The rules aren't necessarily bad; but then, the same can be said for the general population of said place. That kicks back to my reference of the word subjective.

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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/29/2008 8:45:20 PM

peregrinekane

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I agrre that reasonable intelligent adults should be able to survive without many (any?) rules or protocols. Why do people become so attached to rules they don't even seem able to explain?

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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/29/2008 8:53:14 PM

peregrinekane

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It didn't come across literally. I took the liberty of a slight play on words. What I am trying to grasp is how people become so attached to something which should be dynamic instead of static.

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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/29/2008 8:56:49 PM

Lumus

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Do you brush your teeth every day?

Ritual, mein freund. Ritual. "It has always been, so shall it always be."

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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/29/2008 8:58:02 PM

LadyPact

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I'm not exactly sure I believe in that last one.

I have rituals and protocols for Myself and My sub. In general, I don't tell anyone else that they have to follow them. To My sub and I, they are a part of our dynamic. Obeying them, even in a chat room, means he is obeying Me.

Unless I'm mistaken, he and Red have talked about the subject before.

ETA.... Please understand that was to kane's last comment, not yours, Lumas.

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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/29/2008 8:59:09 PM

peregrinekane

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Tradition? That never occurred to me. That would explain the vicious attacks on anyone who asks seemingly reasonable questions.

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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/29/2008 9:00:18 PM

Lumus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

ETA.... Please understand that was to kane's last comment, not yours, Lumas.

Who am I to argue with a sexy lady?

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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/29/2008 9:01:20 PM

Lumus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: peregrinekane

Tradition? That never occurred to me. That would explain the vicious attacks on anyone who asks seemingly reasonable questions.

Reason is also subjective. It's a fine, wide, mad world we live in...

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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/29/2008 9:01:25 PM

LadyPact

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It was timing alone, Lumas. I'm not as quick on the keys this evening.

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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/29/2008 9:05:16 PM

peregrinekane

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I'm sorry but should i know who Red is?

And I believe that the personal protocols inherent in D/s are part of what makes D/s chat rooms different. In Vanilla chat rooms there is only whatever room rules and protocols might exist. But the dynamic of D/s chat rooms are strongly influenced by the peaks and troughs of one set of protocols interacting with another.

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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/29/2008 9:09:09 PM

BRNaughtyAngel

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Maybe it's because I'm sleepy, but are you asking why there aren't more rules and protocols in chat rooms? Or are you saying that there are too many?

I'll just tell you this..... in the alt South room, you sometimes get a large number of people from the same area and they know each other in real life. So the chat room isn't much different than that same group of people visiting at a munch or coffee or a party. We don't have protocols or rules, other than those individuals who may have them within their relationship, where it's required that they do the same online.

If I call someone sir or ma'am online, it's either someone that I know and respect, or it's just done in a playful manner - which is more likely the scenario. In fact, I am quite playful online, but keep things completely benign so as not to disrespect my Master or our relationship. But the people who know me in real life, know that about me anyway.

Anyway, for those in our local group who chat in South, it's just another social venue for most of us, and we are a very social group.

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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/29/2008 9:16:13 PM

LadyPact

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I had inadvertantly thought RedMagic was on this thread as well, but it is another one that I am following.

Part of the point of My last response was meaning this. I have never run a chat room, BDSM or otherwise. What I have is a personal dynamic that has, at times, been at work in such chat rooms. It is also displayed when My sub posts here or writes his journals. I have put down a standard for his written (electronic) words. Some people do not like the style that I have him adhere to. That is fine with Me. It isn't their dynamic.

Behind every ritual or protocol that I have instilled, there is a reason for it. Some of it is common sense. Some of it is for his personal growth in his submission. Some of it is tailored to our particular needs. I have a basis for every one that is in place, right down to something as insignificant as how he conducts himself in a chat room.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/29/2008 9:20:53 PM

chickpea

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quote:

ORIGINAL: uquestions
I would like to begin a broad, deep, and ongoing discussion about the philosophy, dynamics, and functions of chat rooms in D/s, BDSM, and The Lifestyle. In some ways D/s chat rooms are like any others. However the overlay of interpersonal dynamics unique to D/s does create some differences. Does anyone else have any interest in exploring and discussing these differences?

I've never really spent much time in the chatrooms. Everytime I'm there, all I see is flooding. I guess my timing's off... Only dynamic I've witnessed in my limited time there, is someone flooding and someone trying to kick them and the chatroom members trying to click "ok" to kick. The trifecta of frenzy...ugh *eye roll*

...Hope that's broad enough and deep enough for you, but that's all I got *sigh*

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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/29/2008 9:23:37 PM

HarryVanWinkle

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quote:

ORIGINAL: uquestions
Please forgive me if I am posting this in the wrong place but I was unable to find a more appropriate one. I would like to begin a broad, deep, and ongoing discussion about the philosophy, dynamics, and functions of chat rooms in D/s, BDSM, and The Lifestyle. In some ways D/s chat rooms are like any others. However the overlay of interpersonal dynamics unique to D/s does create some differences. Does anyone else have any interest in exploring and discussing these differences?

I use the SW chat room on the "A" site quite often. It's how I made a lot of friends in the Phoenix community. Their regional rooms are usually a bunch of people, most of whom know one another offline, shooting the breeze.

I've found most of the collarme chatrooms to be pretty silly: people getting huffy about capitalization and so called "protocol."

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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/29/2008 11:42:43 PM

candystripper

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quote:

ORIGINAL: uquestions

Please forgive me if I am posting this in the wrong place but I was unable to find a more appropriate one. I would like to begin a broad, deep, and ongoing discussion about the philosophy, dynamics, and functions of chat rooms in D/s, BDSM, and The Lifestyle. In some ways D/s chat rooms are like any others. However the overlay of interpersonal dynamics unique to D/s does create some differences. Does anyone else have any interest in exploring and discussing these differences?

Well, I think you'd be hard pressed to find a D/s chat room -- or any chat room -- which has a guiding philosophy. Like what? We're all nihiists here?

As for the dynamic of D/s chat rooms, they seem to cycle. Fun and accepting of new people -- followed by 'friendships' -- followed by cliques -- followed by bullsh*t -- followed by implosion -- sometimties starting all over again. In general, if you enter a chat room you've never been to before and say something like 'hello everyone' and no one acknowledges you, you may have found a chat room on the downward slope. Might be worth a few more tries, might not.

The function of D/s chat rooms is no different from any other web-based community activity. To make friends; to learn (with a healthy skepticism), and most importantly, to have fun. If there's no fun to be had, I move on. I enter chat rooms to chat; if someone wants to dominate the scroll and pontificate about the good old days or such, I leave.

No web based activity is well designed to help you find a D/s partner; you must be willing to tolerate a high level of frustration if you choose to use it a such. If you cannot handle the frustration, you probably should limit yourself to meeting people locally in real life -- although there's no guarantee the 'weirdo' factor will be any lower.

Best wishes.

candystripper

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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/30/2008 5:34:01 AM

DominantJenny

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FR after skimming

The first BDSM oriented place I spent significant time was a very active chat room on a site that is now long-defunct. At first, there were no formal rules/protocol. The early inhabitants were fairly sensible; the site was generally aimed at adults, which helped, and wasn't one of the first places on the internet any idiot would show up (like, say, AOL chat rooms, which were BAD, ime)...but, over time, people started coming in and causing Drama over this or that. And then when regulars would tell them to quit, they'd essentially say, "who are you to make up rules and how come I didn't see any when I came in"...well, the obvious answer to that was to MAKE rules, or guidelines (as we liked to call them), to have something non-personal to point to and say, "follow these and you will be welcome here. don't and you won't." In the end, did it help? I think so. At least a few times. The truth, of course, is that a troll is a troll...but at least we could feel comfortable that we'd done all we could on OUR part.

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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/30/2008 7:10:01 PM

uquestions

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Wow! So many great responses! And I must admit that some of them go in directions I did not anticipate.

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RE: D/s and Chat - 6/30/2008 7:19:26 PM

uquestions

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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

Well, I think you'd be hard pressed to find a D/s chat room -- or any chat room -- which has a guiding philosophy. Like what? We're all nihiists here?

As for the dynamic of D/s chat rooms, they seem to cycle. Fun and accepting of new people -- followed by 'friendships' -- followed by cliques -- followed by bullsh*t -- followed by implosion -- sometimties starting all over again. In general, if you enter a chat room you've never been to before and say something like 'hello everyone' and no one acknowledges you, you may have found a chat room on the downward slope. Might be worth a few more tries, might not.

The function of D/s chat rooms is no different from any other web-based community activity. To make friends; to learn (with a healthy skepticism), and most importantly, to have fun. If there's no fun to be had, I move on. I enter chat rooms to chat; if someone wants to dominate the scroll and pontificate about the good old days or such, I leave.

Actually many D/s chat rooms attempt to have a guiding philosophy, whether it is FemDom or Gorean or Polyamory. ABove and beyond that D/s is a philosophy in and of itself. I do think that these philosophies steer conversations in directions somewhat different from vanilla chat rooms I frequented before beginning to visit D/s rooms. Indeed, as one of those vanilla rooms was a "free speech" room the underpinning was very different than D/s chat rooms with heavy protocols and rules.

Having said that, I am very interested in the chat room cycle you describe. I could be misreading what you say but you seem to imply that friendships inevitably develop into cliques, that cliques inevitably lead to large deposits of manure, and that from that point a room must implode to rebuild. Does anyone else see the same pattern? Is it truly inevitable?

Someone once said that everything in life promotes either education and/or entertainment. If that is true, than certainly chat rooms would also have to follow suit. But how does the function of fun vs. education vs. socialization interact with the dynamic cycle or natural history of a chat room above described?

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