How Much Approval Do You Need?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

How Much Approval Do You Need?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> How Much Approval Do You Need?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 12:49:29 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

This whole board made me wonder about this question:

How much approval do you need?

If you're 'new' to D/s, do you feel when another member criticizes you, you should always consider what they've said?

If you're 'experienced' at D/s, do you feel 'better' when someone agrees with you? Worse when someone doesn't?

If you're into public play, do you feel 'better' or 'worse' depending on whether anyone else posts that they are or are not into public play?

When -- if ever -- have you changed your mind about something in D/s because of approval or disapproval from a member here?

candystripper

Post #: 1

RE: How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 12:56:20 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

There is only one person's approval that really matters to me. I suspect that answer will be the same for a lot of others also.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 2

RE: How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 12:58:17 PM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

George Bush?

CD

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 3

RE: How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 12:58:48 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

How much approval do you need?
From the messageboard? None.

If you're 'new' to D/s, do you feel when another member criticizes you, you should always consider what they've said?
New or not, I believe it naive not to and critical to growth to do so.

do you feel 'better' when someone agrees with you? Worse when someone doesn't?
Not really.

If you're into public play, do you feel 'better' or 'worse' depending on whether anyone else posts that they are or are not into public play?
No.

When -- if ever -- have you changed your mind about something in D/s because of approval or disapproval from a member here?
Not because of approvals or disapprovals.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 4

RE: How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 1:01:13 PM

CdnExplorer

Posts: 227
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

I need approval from whoever I'm playing with, and everyone else can go take a flying leap

Seriously...that's it. If I know that the person I'm submitting to is pleased with me then everyone else can think whatever they want about me. As far as other people being into what I'm into (or not) it doesn't matter too much. Whatever floats your boat. It's good to know people that can relate to me so that we can talk about things that we're having difficulty with, but if someone doesn't fit that bill its of no concern.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 5

RE: How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 1:01:40 PM

mmsprecious

Posts: 84
Joined: 12/6/2006
Status: offline

LOL ohhhh CD i needed a laugh.

i agree with mist here.

His precious

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 6

RE: How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 1:02:19 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

Validation from anonymous screennames doesn't hold a lot of weight with me nor is my ego effected by someone agreeing or disagreeing with an opinion which I may hold. That said, constructive criticism is something which I invite and encourage and will take such into thoughtful consideration and adjust or modify as I deem necessary. My main objective on line is to present my thoughts clearly so they are received as I intend. If they are received in some other way, I fault my skill at presentation and not as a flaw in the readers interpretation.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 7

RE: How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 1:04:10 PM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

quote:

If you're 'new' to D/s, do you feel when another member criticizes you, you should always consider what they've said?

My thesis advisor told me the following:

"Its always in your interest to always consider other people's criticisms. Its not always in your interest to accept them."

So, even though I'm not especially new, I tend to consider other people's criticisms carefully, but I don't always accept them. 'Cause he said so.

quote:

If you're 'experienced' at D/s, do you feel 'better' when someone agrees with you? Worse when someone doesn't?

I like it when people agree with me. But, if someone doesn't agree with me, it doesn't much bother me.

quote:

If you're into public play, do you feel 'better' or 'worse' depending on whether anyone else posts that they are or are not into public play?

I'm into public play, and when it comes to that part of my bdsm life, I pay attention to the people I play with, not the people on the message board.

quote:

When -- if ever -- have you changed your mind about something in D/s because of approval or disapproval from a member here?

A complete mind change? Never. If I'm on the fense about something, and don't have my mind made up, I'm more suspecpible to message board influence. Its not so much 'approval' or 'disapproval' itself that carries that influence, but articulated reasons behind the approval/disapproval.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 8

RE: How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 1:12:37 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

How much approval do you need? only Hubby's.

If you're 'new' to D/s, do you feel when another member criticizes you, you should always consider what they've said? There are certain members whose opinions i respect and consider more than others.

If you're 'experienced' at D/s, do you feel 'better' when someone agrees with you? Worse when someone doesn't? no to both, but it is always nice to learn that you are not alone in your feelings or with your fetishes.

When -- if ever -- have you changed your mind about something in D/s because of approval or disapproval from a member here? i have changed a few practices due to safety concerns i learned here on CM.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 9

RE: How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 1:14:49 PM

fluffyswitch

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline

i read what people write back, and sometimes i listen and sometimes i don't. like gypsy said just because someone gives criticism doesn't mean they really know enough about the situation to really make it worthwhile to listen to them. i like having people like what i say but no i don't come here looking for acceptance, and like most of the other posters have said, there's one person who i really care about right now and he doesn't post here. if someone seems to know what they're talking about then i listen and take things into consideration but i don't think i've ever changed my mind about something just because they say something. i think i can count on one hand the number of people who post here regularly enough to even start to give that much weight to something they say, let alone let it change my mind.

_____________________________

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” churchill

the first rule of fluff club is that you don't talk about fluff club!

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 10

RE: How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 1:22:36 PM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

As a human being, a social animal, it's in my nature to take into consideration the thoughts and feelings of my peers, as well as to look outside myself for information and even, yes, (gasp, horror) validation.
As a human being with a brain, I do this selectively and intelligently, and I understand that, in the end, what is right for me may not be right for others and vice versa.
How much I am influenced by any one person in any one place depends on what I know of that person, how I have assessed them generally, etc. People who show intelligence, thoughtfulness, and other admirable traits, that earn my respect, whether generally or in a specific area, typically have a greater influence, though anyone can hit a chord randomly.

We live in a society that places a high value on individualism, and, while I agree with the importance of the self, I don't think there is anything wrong or unreasonable about acknowledging the fact that we are social animals at our core and that, therefore, the opinions and actions of others inherently affect us, to a greater or lesser degree; community (the dread word) has a real and valid purpose. It is how intelligently and maturely we handle these things that makes the real difference.

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 11

RE: How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 1:35:10 PM

NeedingMore220

Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

"If you're 'experienced' at D/s, do you feel 'better' when someone agrees with you? Worse when someone doesn't?"

I'm somewhere between new and experienced, I think, with about a year's r/t experience or so. I am still learning, and probably always will. Sometimes I read an interesting thread and learn something or something is written in such a way as to make me pause and think about how I feel about the issue at hand. But I don't feel better or worse when someone agrees or disagrees with me.

"If you're into public play, do you feel 'better' or 'worse' depending on whether anyone else posts that they are or are not into public play?"

I don't do public play ... but if you use, say, face slapping, as an example - no, I don't feel better or worse if someone else posts they are or aren't into it.

"When -- if ever -- have you changed your mind about something in D/s because of approval or disapproval from a member here?"

Never due to approval - a few times due to thoughtful, insightful writing that showed me a different POV and way of thinking.

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 12

RE: How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 1:56:01 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

This whole board made me wonder about this question:

How much approval do you need?

I think, in the last few days, I've demonstrated that the only approval I really need around here, is from the moderators.

quote:

If you're 'new' to D/s, do you feel when another member criticizes you, you should always consider what they've said?

Whether I was new or not, it would depend on the criticizm. Is it something that I honestly need to look at and improve about Myself?

quote:

If you're 'experienced' at D/s, do you feel 'better' when someone agrees with you? Worse when someone doesn't?

I'm actually a mixture of both. Though I wouldn't say 'better', I would say that I enjoy talking with people when we are of the same mind on something, and how it applies. I don't feel 'worse' when they don't. For Me, this usually stirs a lively debate and gives Me another perspective.

quote:

If you're into public play, do you feel 'better' or 'worse' depending on whether anyone else posts that they are or are not into public play?

The only people that I care about whether or not they enjoy playing publicly are the people I play publicly with. Some people like it, some people don't. Of course, I always appreciate the compliments that have been written on these boards when someone has seen Me play in public.

quote:

When -- if ever -- have you changed your mind about something in D/s because of approval or disapproval from a member here?

I don't think I have, but I do promise to let you know as soon as it happens.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 13

RE: How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 1:56:58 PM

TheGaggingWh0re

Posts: 222
Joined: 1/19/2006
Status: offline

I don't "need" approval from anyone but myself and my owner, but I won't lie, I do like backup!

I can't say I've ever changed my views on something for approval except once, but the view is so controversial and I don't want to open it up again (this is from the DISTANT past on a different website). Otherwise, if someone convinces me that something I am saying is incorrect or needs to be refined, I stick to what I know.

I do like approval though. I won't lie- I do get sore sometimes when someone says something mean. That's on here or anywhere, it's just the person I am, though I'm still working on it because I know it's a weakness I have inside of me that is being carried forward from my not-so-wonderful childhood.

This is way more long-winded than I intended it to be.

< Message edited by TheGaggingWh0re -- 6/30/2008 1:58:13 PM >

(in reply to NeedingMore220)

Post #: 14

RE: How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 2:00:26 PM

StrangerinBlack

Posts: 44
Joined: 4/27/2008
Status: offline

I feel validated when someone with a well-thought-out idea agrees OR disagrees with me. I get annoyed when it seems like communication isn't happening. Other than that, I couldn't care less what you guys think about what I do. I do appreciate hearing about what you think though.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 15

RE: How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 2:11:18 PM

WalterRego

Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline

A number of people have written here that they only need the approval of their Master/Mistress/Owner. And of course, Dominants say (it comes with the title) that they don't need anyone's approval.Both responses are fairly predictable, whether or not true (although they probably are true in most cases).

But what about submissives who are not owned and can't say they only need/want approval from their Dominant?

I think it is inherent in the nature and makeup of most submissives to want approval from others. And also to find comfort in to conform to accepted, "approved" views. If they have a Master/Mistress etc., they transfer or give over all that need for approval to them. If not they would prefer to live in the comfort zone of approval.

I for one admit I like approval. Even from the anonymous names and posters on the board. After I've posted I go back sometimes and see who or how many people have written approvingly or agree.

I can't imagine why I've decided to post this essentially contrarian view of approval.

(in reply to TheGaggingWh0re)

Post #: 16

RE: How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 2:21:34 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings candystripper,

i've faced many times the amount of disapproval here that i have approval (although i have always appreciated the approval and kind words about me/my posts/our relationship) that i have gotten. utlimately it (and my time away from the boards because of a lot of the silly argumentative threads that last 32 pages and feeling like that was a huge time waster, LOL) has made me realize that this is a useful venue for seeing where other people are coming from, getting different perspectives, talking out some things about my relationship in a sort of metadiscussion that my master and i generally don't have (so useful for self-definition and being able to communicate about our relationship), and maybe getting help or helping others on topics related to bdsm.

i've never expressly changed anything because of approval or disapproval here, but there have been many threads and posts that have opened my eyes...not quite as many as those that have made me want to bang mine or someone else's head against a wall, but enough to keep me coming back. and i think this is, in a lot of ways, colored by who participates in the thread and where the feedback is coming from - for example, the thoughts and perspectives thrown out in the sadism and transparency thread recently really struck me a lot, and i took it to heart both because of the integrity of what people were saying and because these were posters who have been around who i know are level-headed, awesome people that i respect. those perspectives matter more to me than some of the stuff being said by newer posters who i don't know and who have made some (i feel) snap judgments on the current running craziness thread in this forum, for example. so it also depends on the level of the discussion and the amount of comfort i have with the people i'm talking to as well, and how well what they are saying matches what i know and my own experience. i take what's useful and leave the rest...i've had enough ridicule here to know that i'll live even if half of collarme (some of them posters i respect and admire, even) thinks i'm a total nutjob :)

respectfully,
a'ishah.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 17

RE: How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 2:25:06 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

It may depend on the readers interpretations of what is being asked sort of like of your smoking thread where some assumed you were asking how to quit and others understood you meant sometime you need to add further info to inorder to be more concise in explaining ...some readers may take it in as you meant and others still won't understand what is being asked ....when I ask a question ...I am looking for feedback the pros/cons or other views I have not considered and then make a judgement from there taking in consideration the feed back recieved and what I have learned form that imput ...some I may discard as total nonsense or others because they failed to understand what I am asking about.... at the time I am asking, I may already be considering change and want further input ...I am not looking for approval or dissent. If a question changes my mind about something ..it is because I have learned something from the feedback I have recieved ...not because of any one persons opinion ...It is not different than in a relationship I want one that will challenge me I don't want one that stagnates because I am too rigid in my views and opinions to accept change, though certain views of mine are fixed and I will not budge on

, as for critiscism .. it can be good thing it can make me reflect, mull over ..ask for more feedback ..make adjustments if I think necessary after considering the input thoroughly from different angles . I am still relatively new by spending time reading here there are certain member opinions I have come to respect ..so their opinions may be considered to have more weight than others but it still comes down to.."Is it right for me?" .... If I offer input to someone else's question it is based on my experiences and knowledge I don't go around assuming it will be accepted it is free for them to use if they feel it works for them . I may not agree with everyone it does not mean it makes me feel better or worse but I will sometimes explain why I am not in agreement as well as be willing to listen to their side because something they say may resonate with me or it may become useful info down the road .I am not seeking approval from anyone here nor am I wanting others to want my approval ...in a relationship yes in a forum with a bunch of strangers ..no

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to fluffyswitch)

Post #: 18

RE: How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 2:27:19 PM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

quote:

I can't imagine why I've decided to post this essentially contrarian view of approval.

I dunno, but I think you're right.

I make a distinction between posting behavior and posting content. (I don't know if I can explain this) I would hate it if someone took issue with my forum behavior because I make a point to be respectful, follow the tos, speak from my own experience, and follow all the latent rules I've picked up on etc. Explicit disapproval would sting. Like, if I ever got a message from a mod, I would...well, I don't know what I'd do.

With respect to the content of my posts, however, I don't worry about them. I say what I have to say without thinking much about what others think about it.

So, the need for approval (or, at least the need to avoid disapproval) is there but at a different level.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 19

RE: How Much Approval Do You Need? - 6/30/2008 2:31:18 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

for some, approval has nothing to do with it.

it has been this slave's experience that for some, the only approval they care about on these boards is Mod approval.

some come for camaraderie, to get or give advice, for entertainment, to find a partner, make and keep in touch with friends some meet in real life, to share their experiences and/or fantasies, to get their (mental or emotional) sadistic or masochistic needs met or as a virtual social experience.

quote:

How much approval do you need?

as much as Master deems necessary.
currently, this slave is only required to receive His approval, and post appropriately as to maintain the approval of the Mods here.

quote:

If you're 'new' to D/s, do you feel when another member criticizes you, you should always consider what they've said?

If you're 'experienced' at D/s, do you feel 'better' when someone agrees with you? Worse when someone doesn't?

this slave is in her 6th year of her first M/s relationship, but has had first hand experience and training in D/s, sans the sexual aspect, since before she can remember...don't know if that qualifies this slave for "new" or "experienced" according to your interpretation.

either way, this slave considers the poster and what they have said, when criticized, agreed with or disagreed with, but her emotions don't hang on the interactions here~they are independent of interactions with the member's here, with the exception of Master, and therefore don't affect this slave's feelings.

quote:

If you're into public play, do you feel 'better' or 'worse' depending on whether anyone else posts that they are or are not into public play?

someone posting about their like/dislike/aversion to/fetish for something Master and this slave are personally into doesn't affect this slave's feelings, either.

quote:

When -- if ever -- have you changed your mind about something in D/s because of approval or disapproval from a member here?

Master is the only member here who has the power to change this slave's mind about something D/s related, via His approval/disapproval.

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> How Much Approval Do You Need?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094