Emotional Submissive

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missNoMEr -> Emotional Submissive (6/30/2008 2:21:26 PM)
What does it mean to REALLY submit mentally & emotionally? I know about physical & sexual. Help clarify this for me plz. I am away from my master now & when I go back I want to start being a full subbie, so I want to first understand these terms

hisannabelle -> RE: Emotional Submissive (6/30/2008 2:25:08 PM)
greetings missnomer, what does it mean to you? what about yourself mentally or emotionally do you hang onto or have a hard time surrendering? i have a hard time surrendering my insecurity and jealousy, and i still struggle with that. some people have a hard time surrendering their social independence or whatever. it's not a catch all - what it means to submit emotionally depends a lot on what you cling to about yourself emotionally. are you comfortable trying to work with your emotions or change your habits and emotional reactions to things? when wouldn't you be comfortable? these are the kinds of questions i think you need to ask - it's not something we can answer for you (unfortunately) because it really depends on the things you are used to owning for yourself regarding your emotions, and the process you individually have to go through to give that up. respectfully, a'ishah.

missNoMEr -> RE: Emotional Submissive (6/30/2008 2:28:08 PM)
That does clarify things a bit for me. I also have an issue w/jelousy and my general independence. Bc I am dominant by nature but my master brings out the subbie in me I never knew existed & I want to give it all up for him. I enjoy being HIS

candystripper -> RE: Emotional Submissive (6/30/2008 2:34:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missNoMEr What does it mean to REALLY submit mentally & emotionally? I know about physical & sexual. Help clarify this for me plz. I am away from my master now & when I go back I want to start being a full subbie, so I want to first understand these terms miss, this is a new one on me. I'd suggest you reflect on what pleases your master and what you can do to better achieve that. Silly terms on a web site won't give you any insight into that. BTW, if you do not feel an emotional connection with your master, IMO you have a play partner -- a real D/s dynamic is primarially mental and emotional. But hey, that's JMO. candystripper

pagankinktress -> RE: Emotional Submissive (6/30/2008 2:55:53 PM)
The way I interpret it has to do with a sense of making oneself more vulnerable emotionally and psychologically via his or her submission and exchange with their partner. I've been pimping the following quote a lot lately and I think it actually says better what I believe emotional submission encompasses: "The word "surrender" is often interpreted as giving up, as weakness, as admitting defeat. Although this is one way to use the word, we will use it in a different way. Surrendering means letting go of your resistance to the total openness of who you are. It means giving up the tension of the little vortex you believe yourself to be and realizing the deep power of the ocean you truly are. It means to open with no boundaries, emotional or physical, so you ease wide beyond any limiting sense of self you might have. "- David Deida

hisannabelle -> RE: Emotional Submissive (6/30/2008 3:25:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missNoMEr That does clarify things a bit for me. I also have an issue w/jelousy and my general independence. Bc I am dominant by nature but my master brings out the subbie in me I never knew existed & I want to give it all up for him. I enjoy being HIS i understand that - it's not my personality but i know a lot of people from here and in real life who have similar experiences of generally being dominant by nature and having a hard time giving that up or negotiating that change. i think the thing that will help you the most, besides communicating with him a lot about it and understanding that it really is a process, is trying to identify the specific ways in which you are dominant and what you need to be able to surrender that, or specific things you're having a hard time giving up. once it's broken down like that, it becomes a lot easier to work with your own self-image or identity as a submissive, and it becomes a lot easier to cope with something that really feels like this big, vague question of "what do i do?" best of luck to you :) if you want to chat feel free to msg me on the other side! quote: ORIGINAL: pagankinktress The way I interpret it has to do with a sense of making oneself more vulnerable emotionally and psychologically via his or her submission and exchange with their partner. I've been pimping the following quote a lot lately and I think it actually says better what I believe emotional submission encompasses: "The word "surrender" is often interpreted as giving up, as weakness, as admitting defeat. Although this is one way to use the word, we will use it in a different way. Surrendering means letting go of your resistance to the total openness of who you are. It means giving up the tension of the little vortex you believe yourself to be and realizing the deep power of the ocean you truly are. It means to open with no boundaries, emotional or physical, so you ease wide beyond any limiting sense of self you might have. "- David Deida so, so true. thank you for this - i hadn't heard this quote before but it just captures it so well. :) respectfully, a'ishah.

Shawn1066 -> RE: Emotional Submissive (6/30/2008 3:57:17 PM)
Personally, in my dynamic I don't really see a difference between emotional submissive and physical submission. I couldn't do one without first doing the other. I couldn't put my life in my Owner's hands by submitting to her physically if I didn't first trust her deeply and conform to her leadership by trusting her mentally and emotionally. It's not somehow deeper or difficult to submit to her mentally and emtionally, though some relationships will differ from my own. It's all on the same level, to me. DV's Fox

pagankinktress -> RE: Emotional Submissive (6/30/2008 4:37:35 PM)
I hear what you're saying Shawn. I've often thought about this in terms of...can you genuinely submit the body before you submit the mind (i.e. the element of knowing you trust your dominant, as you described)? Not trying to start a chicken or egg discussion. I mean, sure people can engage in BDSM for purely play or physical reasons, and that's cool...but for those who wish to go or have gone deeper, what's the way that worked out best for you?

pagankinktress -> RE: Emotional Submissive (6/30/2008 4:39:49 PM)
You're very welcome a'ishah! :) Btw, are you an Ani DiFranco fan too? quote: ORIGINAL: pagankinktress The way I interpret it has to do with a sense of making oneself more vulnerable emotionally and psychologically via his or her submission and exchange with their partner. I've been pimping the following quote a lot lately and I think it actually says better what I believe emotional submission encompasses: "The word "surrender" is often interpreted as giving up, as weakness, as admitting defeat. Although this is one way to use the word, we will use it in a different way. Surrendering means letting go of your resistance to the total openness of who you are. It means giving up the tension of the little vortex you believe yourself to be and realizing the deep power of the ocean you truly are. It means to open with no boundaries, emotional or physical, so you ease wide beyond any limiting sense of self you might have. "- David Deida so, so true. thank you for this - i hadn't heard this quote before but it just captures it so well. :) respectfully, a'ishah.

DesFIP -> RE: Emotional Submissive (6/30/2008 5:33:16 PM)
Telling him what you think and feel, not what you think he wants to hear.

DarkVictory -> RE: Emotional Submissive (7/1/2008 1:44:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missNoMEr What does it mean to REALLY submit mentally & emotionally? I know about physical & sexual. Help clarify this for me plz. I am away from my master now & when I go back I want to start being a full subbie, so I want to first understand these terms It means whatever you want it to mean. One place I start is with the dictionary, looking up words, thinking about the definition, then moving to the next word I'm not clear on, until the 'web' of definitions is much more clear around the concept. That often leads me to having very different definitions/opinions than a lot of other people. Here's what I think. I don't think there's really any such thing as physical, or sexual submission. The way I look at it, the sex could easily be vanilla, whether it's anal sex, being passive, cock gagging, whatever... lots of vanilla couples do all of it. And physical? Bended knees, bondage, positions, etc are all things that bottoms and very slightly kinky vanilla couples could well be doing. So... where's the submission? It's not going to be in the realm of the physical. Mental and emotional submission is really all that there is. If you look the words up, and follow the definitions around, you may end up where I did, thinking that submission is a conscious act, its emotional and mental. It is specifically surrendering yourself to a stronger force. Surrender is a mental/emotional gig. It means giving up. But, giving up what, in this context of BDSM, and not in the context of being a prisoner of war? Well, to me, it means giving up a specific axis of rights. The right to be right, and the right to be justified. Giving up the right to dominate your partner with your opinion, your wishes, your desires. Giving up being the center of attention. Giving up being defensive and justified as your due.

bbwsubbynyc -> RE: Emotional Submissive (7/1/2008 1:38:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkVictory quote: ORIGINAL: missNoMEr What does it mean to REALLY submit mentally & emotionally? I know about physical & sexual. Help clarify this for me plz. I am away from my master now & when I go back I want to start being a full subbie, so I want to first understand these terms It means whatever you want it to mean. One place I start is with the dictionary, looking up words, thinking about the definition, then moving to the next word I'm not clear on, until the 'web' of definitions is much more clear around the concept. That often leads me to having very different definitions/opinions than a lot of other people. Here's what I think. I don't think there's really any such thing as physical, or sexual submission. The way I look at it, the sex could easily be vanilla, whether it's anal sex, being passive, cock gagging, whatever... lots of vanilla couples do all of it. And physical? Bended knees, bondage, positions, etc are all things that bottoms and very slightly kinky vanilla couples could well be doing. So... where's the submission? It's not going to be in the realm of the physical. Mental and emotional submission is really all that there is. If you look the words up, and follow the definitions around, you may end up where I did, thinking that submission is a conscious act, its emotional and mental. It is specifically surrendering yourself to a stronger force. Surrender is a mental/emotional gig. It means giving up. But, giving up what, in this context of BDSM, and not in the context of being a prisoner of war? Well, to me, it means giving up a specific axis of rights. The right to be right, and the right to be justified. Giving up the right to dominate your partner with your opinion, your wishes, your desires. Giving up being the center of attention. Giving up being defensive and justified as your due. This makes a lot of sense to me. I just discovered this recently in fact. I was getting a spanking from a friend and unable to go deep into my subspace even tho I was close to cumming. Then I thought back on a spanking I took the week before with someone with whom I'd like to be more than play partners and with him I went in deep even tho I wasn't anywhere near cuming and that spanking didn't last as long. It occured to me that the determining factor on how deep I go into subspace isn't what's being done to me, it's how much of myself I surrender to the person doing things to me. I had to ask myself what it is I actually do surrender and it's turns out to be an emotional/mental thing. It doesn't really matter what it is exactly, it's just something I feel that either no longer belongs to me, or is something that I'm willing to share. I understood the true meaning of the word surrender at that point.

RealSub58 -> RE: Emotional Submissive (7/2/2008 2:20:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bbwsubbynyc This makes a lot of sense to me. I just discovered this recently in fact. I was getting a spanking from a friend and unable to go deep into my subspace even tho I was close to cumming. Then I thought back on a spanking I took the week before with someone with whom I'd like to be more than play partners and with him I went in deep even tho I wasn't anywhere near cuming and that spanking didn't last as long. It occured to me that the determining factor on how deep I go into subspace isn't what's being done to me, it's how much of myself I surrender to the person doing things to me. I had to ask myself what it is I actually do surrender and it's turns out to be an emotional/mental thing. It doesn't really matter what it is exactly, it's just something I feel that either no longer belongs to me, or is something that I'm willing to share. I understood the true meaning of the word surrender at that point. The only sense this makes to me is that going into subspace is surrender. Is that what you are saying?

lally3 -> RE: Emotional Submissive (7/3/2008 3:34:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RealSub58 quote: ORIGINAL: bbwsubbynyc This makes a lot of sense to me. I just discovered this recently in fact. I was getting a spanking from a friend and unable to go deep into my subspace even tho I was close to cumming. Then I thought back on a spanking I took the week before with someone with whom I'd like to be more than play partners and with him I went in deep even tho I wasn't anywhere near cuming and that spanking didn't last as long. It occured to me that the determining factor on how deep I go into subspace isn't what's being done to me, it's how much of myself I surrender to the person doing things to me. I had to ask myself what it is I actually do surrender and it's turns out to be an emotional/mental thing. It doesn't really matter what it is exactly, it's just something I feel that either no longer belongs to me, or is something that I'm willing to share. I understood the true meaning of the word surrender at that point. The only sense this makes to me is that going into subspace is surrender. Is that what you are saying? im pretty sure that isnt what she's saying, but im sure she'll come along and clarify for you. i think the highlighted bit is the important statement here. i looked back at my childhood spankings a while back and i remember a time came when i just didnt feel it anymore - i subspaced and blocked the pain and humiliation out. subspace comes along and translates what youre feeling on a physical level, but its the emotional aspect that heightens the submission and makes it more than just a spanking - emotional submission takes you in deeper to a place where the sensations are secondary (generally speaking, depending on levels, deliverance etc) to the feelings of surrender you have for the D you are with.

wandersalone -> RE: Emotional Submissive (7/3/2008 6:40:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally3 i looked back at my childhood spankings a while back and i remember a time came when i just didnt feel it anymore - i subspaced and blocked the pain and humiliation out. This is possibly me being pedantic about terms ...I would describe the above example more as an example of disassociation which can be used by people to help them get through a traumatic experience ....for me subspace is different in that it is more about me feeling so close to the person that I totally let go of my control over my emotions and let myself be overwhelmed by the sensations....so it is more about being totally in the moment rather than trying to escape it. [:)] In regards to submitting mentally and emotionally, I know that I am doing this when my first consideration is eg. "what would he want me to do". edited to fix typos

pettingdragons -> RE: Emotional Submissive (7/3/2008 7:11:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkVictory Mental and emotional submission is really all that there is. If you look the words up, and follow the definitions around, you may end up where I did, thinking that submission is a conscious act, its emotional and mental. It is specifically surrendering yourself to a stronger force. Surrender is a mental/emotional gig. It means giving up. But, giving up what, in this context of BDSM, and not in the context of being a prisoner of war? Well, to me, it means giving up a specific axis of rights. The right to be right, and the right to be justified. Giving up the right to dominate your partner with your opinion, your wishes, your desires. Giving up being the center of attention. Giving up being defensive and justified as your due. Well said and very true. For this slave submission is an act of giving her "self" and all that it intails to Master. But that is girls view and each person submits differently, thus there are SAMs, subs, slaves, and many inbetween. As to subspace, that again is an indiviual feeling. To this slave it is more like shock, shaking, soul numbing bliss....and that just the phsyical aspects...there are many more emotionally....and then there are girls different types of sub space...like a full emotional break down....or the joyful times when she is just all numb... There are some people who pass out and some who feel nothing like this...and still more that have never gone into sub space but still enjoy themselves.... just this girls 2 cents...

hisannabelle -> RE: Emotional Submissive (7/3/2008 2:10:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pagankinktress You're very welcome a'ishah! :) Btw, are you an Ani DiFranco fan too? i am! :)

eyesopened -> RE: Emotional Submissive (7/4/2008 4:54:32 AM)
For me, i use the dictionary definition "to yield to the authority of another". This means i first have to recognize that my Master has Authority. Surrender to me is a result of yielding authority. i remember my father teaching me to swim, how when i calmed my mind, trusted completely, and gave up the notion of being in control... i floated on the water and didn't sink! i could swim! When i am in doubt about my submission i think back to that innocent time and that the lesson wasn't just about swimming, it was about how surrender can also empower. YMMV

mypain56 -> RE: Emotional Submissive (7/30/2008 2:40:50 AM)
I am very emotional, although I have always been that way, even before I entered this world. Daddy excepts that about me, although I think it bothers him when during a session I have cried. Only because he has pushed my limits. And lately I have been trying very hard to feel more confident about speaking freely. I ask permission to speak, but I always get choked up when talking. I really am trying to work on it. I also have a problem with contructive critisisim. No that he's critical of me. I am just very hard on myself and I don't want to displease him in any way. Daddy's/babygirl SRLN:654-049-049

VioletAshes -> RE: Emotional Submissive (7/30/2008 5:20:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missNoMEr What does it mean to REALLY submit mentally & emotionally? For me this means to trust my Husband and the decisions he makes for our welfare. This also means that I listen, obey and trust when he wishes ME to make decisions for us, him or for myself. Emotionally, I believe in him and his ability to protect me and care for me above all other responsibilities and pressures in his life.

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