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sub that just quit - 11/8/2005 2:11:36 PM

Larry862

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/30/2004
Status: offline

I had a slave that I found on a different site but she is also a member of this site that all of a sudden has quit making contact. I went to send her an short note on here to get a message back that I was blocked. This is all after last week her sending me an email saying she is my slave and will always remember it. I feel compelled to release her handle so others are truly warned about her, but will not. I do want to let all subs/slaves know that it is only fair to let someone you have agreed to serve know whats going on and if things for any reason appear to not be working out let the Dom know and given a chance to see if it can be remedied. Course not all things can but some can. It is EXTREMELY unfair to just leave a Dom you have made a promise to with no explanation or communication that something is wrong. This slave sent the last email and then just disappeared. She knows who she is and hopefully she will realize that she has acted inproperly!

Thanks for letting me rant.......

Post #: 1

RE: sub that just quit - 11/8/2005 2:18:49 PM

girl4you2

Posts: 1622
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Larry862

I had a slave that I found on a different site but she is also a member of this site that all of a sudden has quit making contact. I went to send her an short note on here to get a message back that I was blocked. This is all after last week her sending me an email saying she is my slave and will always remember it. I feel compelled to release her handle so others are truly warned about her, but will not. I do want to let all subs/slaves know that it is only fair to let someone you have agreed to serve know whats going on and if things for any reason appear to not be working out let the Dom know and given a chance to see if it can be remedied. Course not all things can but some can. It is EXTREMELY unfair to just leave a Dom you have made a promise to with no explanation or communication that something is wrong. This slave sent the last email and then just disappeared. She knows who she is and hopefully she will realize that she has acted inproperly!

Thanks for letting me rant.......

while i cannot speak for anyone, i would perhaps suggest that the relationship be looked at for answers. was this a real time experience, or one that had only been online? how long was this person enslaved to you, and what were the expectations expressed up front as to how long this would last, what would ensue were one to be unhappy, etc. it is honourable that you did not give out her name (i don't think you'd be allowed anyway) for many reasons. perhaps, given time, the two of you might find a way to communicate. also, i'm not sure what it is that you wish: to let her know she was improper or something else.

communication is key in any relastionship, from the butcher to one's partner/slave/submissive/Dom/female Dom/Master/whatnot. making pathways to ensure communication is beyond important, it is vital.

_____________________________

maireann croí éadrom i bhfad. is maith an scáthán súil charad. is leor nod don eolach.
got shoes?

(in reply to Larry862)

Post #: 2

RE: sub that just quit - 11/8/2005 2:26:19 PM

Cloudz

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

Larry,

Trust me, I understand the need to toss off an occasional rant. I would not broadcast her handle though. Chances are the stigma will end up on you, not her - as she will simply create a new handle.

Be Well,

Cloudz

(in reply to Larry862)

Post #: 3

RE: sub that just quit - 11/8/2005 2:32:34 PM

aurora31

Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline

Hey, what about Doms who do the same thing...talk to them one night..they say they will call agian the next night ....then nothing. It can be very frudtrating...eapecially when there were high hopes for the possiblities. We had been talking over 3 months had met r/t and had plans to meet again provided we could find a weekend we were both free.
Doms and subs are both guilty of doing things that are not right. I guess you just try your best to move on and try not to hold it against the next prospect.

aurora

(in reply to Larry862)

Post #: 4

RE: sub that just quit - 11/8/2005 2:36:07 PM

MasterHyde

Posts: 127
Joined: 4/10/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

If your relationship with this "slave" was limited to online contact, and the length of time was a few weeks or less, then guess what? Your relationship was average. I regret to inform you that a large number of people on this site and others are not ready for a real relationship. Some of them think they are, but for one reason or another, they get cold feet after a short time. Others are simply here to "play" in this virtual playground we call the Internet. Some will be forthcoming and tell you that right away. Some will not.

If I had a dollar for every person I met who just "quit" without any explanation, I'd be vacationing somewhere tropical right now.

_____________________________

Master Hyde
A self-righteous, poly, dominant, possessive control freak with strong paternal tendencies and a sadistic inner child

(in reply to Larry862)

Post #: 5

RE: sub that just quit - 11/8/2005 2:56:54 PM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

It is impossible for any of us to know what really went on here because we'll only get one side of the story. It isn't unusual to see female subs make similar posts complaining about rude or stupid e-mail they get from doms, and the advice is always to block them. And since your only contact was by e-mail you don't even know if you were talking to a woman.

So it's tough to sympathisize for those reasons and also because it isn't a big deal -- it was just e-mail after all. Really doesn't seem even worth a rant. Life goes on.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to Larry862)

Post #: 6

RE: sub that just quit - 11/8/2005 3:08:04 PM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aurora31

Doms and subs are both guilty of doing things that are not right. I guess you just try your best to move on and try not to hold it against the next prospect.

aurora

I agree. People on both sides do this same thing of just cutting contact and it's very frustrating. They don't even see it as right to at least give an explaination as to why. In my book, if they can't be an adult enough to at least say hey, I'm not interested then they need to just go back and hang out at the play ground with those that they are mental equals with and stop wasting an adults time.

Ah, ranting is good for the soul.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to aurora31)

Post #: 7

RE: sub that just quit - 11/8/2005 3:11:36 PM

ModeratorSeven

Posts: 558
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cloudz

Larry,

Trust me, I understand the need to toss off an occasional rant. I would not broadcast her handle though. Chances are the stigma will end up on you, not her - as she will simply create a new handle.

Be Well,

Cloudz

Good advice Cloudz. Not to mention that outing someone in that fashion goes against Collarme's TOS.

Mod7

< Message edited by ModeratorSeven -- 11/8/2005 3:12:09 PM >

_____________________________

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
Be the change that you want to see in the world.
...wise man that Gandhi

(in reply to Cloudz)

Post #: 8

RE: sub that just quit - 11/8/2005 3:19:08 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

This is all after last week her sending me an email saying she is my slave and will always remember it.

Didn't this sentence give you a clue before it happened? She spoke in past tense.
No telling what happened. If it was under her control or not. Bottom line is this is online. What more do you expect? I have some great friends I've known for year's here. Yet, I would never have a significant relationship with one of them before even meeting them face to face.
If you leave yourself open you're bound to get burnt along the way.

(in reply to Larry862)

Post #: 9

RE: sub that just quit - 11/8/2005 4:59:32 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

If you consider the internet as an illusion and all cyber relationships are transient in the most part, you can take what joy you can from the moment and when the moment is gone keep the joyfull memories and move on to the nest little ray of sunshine. Its just an instant version of pen friends. Sometimes, just sometimes you find a solid friendship which can be built on, however only time will be the judge of that.

"With them the Seed of Wisdom did I sow,
And with my own hand labour'd it to grow :
And yjis was all the Harvest that I reap'd-
I came like Water, and like Wind I go."
~Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam~

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Larry862)

Post #: 10

RE: sub that just quit - 11/8/2005 6:04:08 PM

jro2020

Posts: 160
Joined: 10/23/2005
From: Idaho
Status: offline

<G> just had the same thing happen. I don't think you are supposed to post handles on the board at least as far as complaints go, mailing them to people who want to avoid such people thogh is a different matter ;-)

_____________________________

Visit me at http://blog.kistren.com

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 11

RE: sub that just quit - 11/8/2005 7:30:54 PM

MistressYlwa

Posts: 263
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline

Master Hyde I would be there with you. lol

Happens more often than not. And not just on collarme. Things seem good until its time to get real. Then there is nothing but dead air.

Why I don't allow myself to get attached. Can be hurtful, if not discouraging. Hang in there. It will happen for you.

As for who she is? She is one of a hundred, male and female, we all have met online, somewhere. Names may change, but actions........
oh, well.

Mistress Ylwa

You see what power is - holding someone elses fear in your hand and showing it to them! - Amy Tan

(in reply to jro2020)

Post #: 12

RE: sub that just quit - 11/8/2005 7:56:50 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Sorry to hear that Larry,
Nope, No need to give any name. I'll bet a bundle this chick ( yes and some men included) have probably done this before.
People like her are always found out.................always.
Then there will be another name change and so on goes the game

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to Larry862)

Post #: 13

RE: sub that just quit - 11/9/2005 9:17:06 AM

yourGentlemanDom

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline

I second every word you wrote Sir, perhaps some are even understatements. Sadly, I think it's not even average it's almost the norm. Most subs on this site are players and if I offended those who are not , I appologize but that has been my experience. Many disappear after just one word or opinion they didn't like without as much as bothering to explain.
The record so far is held by a 'lady' on this site with whom I corresponded intensively for over a month and on the day we were supposed to meet , she said on the phone, hang on for a minute I am gooing to look up your address....and didn't even bother to call back and inform me that she has changed her mind.

(in reply to MasterHyde)

Post #: 14

RE: sub that just quit - 11/9/2005 10:45:22 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I had a slave that I found on a different site but she is also a member of this site that all of a sudden has quit making contact. I went to send her an short note on here to get a message back that I was blocked. This is all after last week her sending me an email saying she is my slave and will always remember it. I feel compelled to release her handle so others are truly warned about her, but will not. I do want to let all subs/slaves know that it is only fair to let someone you have agreed to serve know whats going on and if things for any reason appear to not be working out let the Dom know and given a chance to see if it can be remedied. Course not all things can but some can. It is EXTREMELY unfair to just leave a Dom you have made a promise to with no explanation or communication that something is wrong. This slave sent the last email and then just disappeared. She knows who she is and hopefully she will realize that she has acted inproperly!

Thanks for letting me rant.......

Did you actually have real time physical contact with this slave or was it all e-mail?

Curious,
Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to Larry862)

Post #: 15

RE: sub that just quit - 11/9/2005 10:50:34 AM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourGentlemanDom

I second every word you wrote Sir, perhaps some are even understatements. Sadly, I think it's not even average it's almost the norm. Most subs on this site are players and if I offended those who are not , I appologize but that has been my experience. Many disappear after just one word or opinion they didn't like without as much as bothering to explain.
The record so far is held by a 'lady' on this site with whom I corresponded intensively for over a month and on the day we were supposed to meet , she said on the phone, hang on for a minute I am gooing to look up your address....and didn't even bother to call back and inform me that she has changed her mind.

Wow, that is just plain rude.

(in reply to yourGentlemanDom)

Post #: 16

RE: sub that just quit - 11/9/2005 12:40:02 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

Unfortunately, the invisibility and anonymity of the internet makes it easy to be rude.

chymes

(in reply to BeingChewsie)

Post #: 17

RE: sub that just quit - 11/9/2005 1:19:21 PM

Larry862

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/30/2004
Status: offline

Ok, a bit of an update. We chatted online for a period and then had physical meets... so it wasn't just online. The confusing thing is the last word I had heard was how she was my slave and will always be and how wet she gets just thionking about me.... etc etc etc. That was 2 days before we were suppose to meet again and then nothing... no show on the meet, no calls, no online no nothing...

For those saying same with Doms, I fully agree its not right for either side to not give the courtesy of an explanation to the other. It takes time for a Dom to find a sub he is interested in and she is in him then to build a level of trust so a meeting is possible... then to start the proces of learning each other... To just quit with no explanation is not respectful or fair to eaither.

Even if it was ok with the site I would not give out the subs name or handle. That also is not right. But I admit I hope another Dom does not go through the same with her.

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 18

RE: sub that just quit - 11/9/2005 1:27:31 PM

Larry862

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/30/2004
Status: offline

One other thing I was not implying in any manner that this is unique to this site by any means. I know it happens all over... I have read many different explanations as to why. How its a fanatsy of those then when the real opperuntinty presents itself they run scared. This sub told me she had years of past expierence so that should not have been the case. I also am a strong believer in communication and I do not know how many times I stressed that. That I demand communication, if there are issues express them. Course in a resapectful manner, but express them. It helps espically when its with a fairly new sub... there is a learning curve on both sides and communication helps accelerate that curve.

(in reply to Larry862)

Post #: 19

RE: sub that just quit - 11/10/2005 2:42:25 PM

frillsnfings

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

It is impossible for any of us to know what really went on here because we'll only get one side of the story. It isn't unusual to see female subs make similar posts complaining about rude or stupid e-mail they get from doms, and the advice is always to block them. And since your only contact was by e-mail you don't even know if you were talking to a woman.

So it's tough to sympathisize for those reasons and also because it isn't a big deal -- it was just e-mail after all. Really doesn't seem even worth a rant. Life goes on.

Sums it up nicely... i thought. :-) Happens to all of us. Get over it.

The fact You met her really doesn't change anything. Same deal... Happens to all of us. Get over it. Seems a bit harsh.. but that's life. The subs will have some beaut stories to tell of 'things said' and lies told and i have no doubt most of the Dom/mes too. Thats why 'go-slow' mode is such good advice. Hope things work out for You. All the best.

< Message edited by frillsnfings -- 11/10/2005 2:52:19 PM >

(in reply to happypervert)

Post #: 20

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