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The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 7:37:18 PM

boundinside

Posts: 56
Joined: 6/7/2008
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A submissive in general is one who is willing to give up control on a temporary/long term level, am I right? So why is it that dispite the willingness to do just about anything against their intial will, they still recieve no respect and infact it seems that often times they are disrespected. I realize that being treated like a peice of crap is a turn on for some people, and that is fine with me...everyone has their fetishes. But why is it that just because you are submissive you have to be constantly called worthless and pathetic and whatever else is out there. Now for those smrt ass people on here, I do not feel I am worthless...nor anyone else for that matter, so please save you comments for someone who cares. What I would honestly like to see is a change. The change being submissive stop being treated like crap and constantly being disrespected. Unless it is specifically known or a specific fetish that I have listed...do not call me worthless or whatever else you think of my submissive nature. There are very few things that I wouldn't do for a woman, that being said, I expect some respect in return...that is not a lot to ask for is it?

Post #: 1

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 7:48:40 PM

daddysblondie

Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

Maybe you're hanging out with the wrong people?
In all my interactions with Dom's, i've yet to be called worthless or treated in a disrespectful way. Like attracts like, so make sure you're being respectful and projecting your value in every situation, and you'll be treated as such.

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 2

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 7:48:46 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

I haven't seen or experienced this trend you're referring to. In real life situations I have always seen submissives treated with respect, even when they are in an actively submissive role. I suppose I've seen it online, but I have better things to do that take the opinion of someone I've never met, and probably will never meet, into account and let it affect my life.

If you're seeing this trend in real life, find better people to associate with. If you're seeing it online, argue intelligently, then ignore it. There will always be people you disagree with, there will always be people who are just plain wrong or mean. Only you can choose to give them and their views validity. Only you can choose to walk away. I believe a very wise woman once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Edited to add: The only time I have seen submissives being called useless or worthless, or generally debased, is when it was prenegotiated.

< Message edited by NakedOnMyChain -- 7/1/2008 7:50:07 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 3

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 7:50:32 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

If this is being done within play, I would consider it a form of humiliation play and should be understood within it's context. If humiiation is not for you, then make it a limit. If you can handle some things, but not others, define those things. If it is happening as an everyday part of life with the other talismans of abusiveness, then it is a real problem that must be addressed.

I feel very respected within my submission, despite the names he may use or the qualities he places upon me when I am in that moment. He is addressing deep need and nurtures my growth. If that is not respect, I don't know what is.

Best Wishes,
lovinget

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 4

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 8:09:57 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Femsubs will have no idea of the difference in dynamics between the "oversupply" attitudes many fem tops take-and those of Top males who have had to pretty much wade through rivers of shit to find a few relatively decent and sane female submissives.

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Post #: 5

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 8:14:42 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

And why wouldn't they have any idea?

Also, dependent on your locale, of course, I believe you have it backwards.

Oh, and I wouldn't exactly refer to the submissives who didn't meet your approval as "rivers of shit". They tend not to take it well.

< Message edited by NakedOnMyChain -- 7/1/2008 8:18:24 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 6

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 8:21:31 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

So tell me, when was the last time you were a male submissive? Or a male Dom? Can you share your experiences?

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 7

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 8:31:25 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

You've got me there. Unless you really want to see my dick, that is. I hear it's quite impressive.

Seriously, though, femsubs have male friends. They may not have experienced being a male in that environment firsthand, but they can certainly get a good idea from those they associate with on a regular basis.

As an aside, you also referred to "fem tops", and mentioned nothing about a specific gender for the submissive, except in the case of those who would belong to a male top. Therefore it would stand to reason that the sub in question doesn't specifically have to be male.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 8

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 8:35:31 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

Nobody calls me worthless; but then again, i don't give anyone an a chance to get that impression of me. But yes, i've seen it; and i have experienced a certain lack of general respect, if not active disrespect. i believe if there were less male submissives out there begging for that kind of attention, the rest of us wouldn't have to suffer it.

Unfortunately, for every negative stereotype; there are those to perpetuate it... including the worthless male submissive.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

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.
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(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 9

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 8:39:21 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedOnMyChain

You've got me there. Unless you really want to see my dick, that is. I hear it's quite impressive.

Seriously, though, femsubs have male friends. They may not have experienced being a male in that environment firsthand, but they can certainly get a good idea from those they associate with on a regular basis.

As an aside, you also referred to "fem tops", and mentioned nothing about a specific gender for the submissive, except in the case of those who would belong to a male top. Therefore it would stand to reason that the sub in question doesn't specifically have to be male.

The question was asked by a "male submissive". Try having some behind the scenes communication with one if you want to understand how much bullshit one goes through.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 7/1/2008 8:40:35 PM >

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)

Post #: 10

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 8:57:20 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Being seen as less-than seems to be an online phenomena to me. bottoms/submissives/slaves are not seen as less-than in my local real-time community.

If someone treats you other than you feel you are, it's a weeding tool.

Master Fire

_____________________________

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(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 11

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 9:00:07 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

The moment almost all subs stop allowing and encouraging being treated as weaker/less capable, the moment it will stop.

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(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 12

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 9:01:26 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

Can't say I've seen this trend either. There are a lot of "lowly worm" types that email me to engage their particular fetish of being worthless scum, but I usually just ignore those. Some people might engage in this as part of a scene if they like extreme humiliation and degredation, but as an every day form of interaction I can't imagine it.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 13

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 9:01:54 PM

summersprite

Posts: 101
Joined: 4/3/2008
Status: offline

I recently read a Domme's profile where she was asking for slaves to build her a website, clean her house, drive her around, take her shopping and buy her lots of lovely things, pamper her, worship her as a Goddess ... and any male who applied had to understand that in return he would receive nothing, he was less than nothing to her.

I'm going to generalise here so I'm sure there are exceptions (in other words, don't shoot me)

.....but I think male subs face this far more than female subs. There aren't many Doms who would have a profile like this... or at least not one who wanted any responses. In fact, a lot of Doms offer up 'respect for any potential sub/slave' as one of their 'selling' points.

< Message edited by summersprite -- 7/1/2008 9:03:16 PM >

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 14

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 9:04:54 PM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

The question was asked by a "male submissive". Try having some behind the scenes communication with one if you want to understand how much bullshit one goes through.

And just what is a "straight" male dom's experience with the "male submissive"?

Thanks for the giggle.

Have fun.

Edited because I'm having fun.

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 7/1/2008 9:07:54 PM >

_____________________________

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*Beware of dog*

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 15

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 9:08:56 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: boundinside
There are very few things that I wouldn't do for a woman, that being said, I expect some respect in return...that is not a lot to ask for is it?

I think you hae to adjust who you are tlaking to. I, for one, refuse to deal with the worthless sect of submissives. For me, if my slave cannot be respectable I am never going to stay interested in them.

If you are going strictly by the profiles on here, there is enough of a group of those who DO wish to be though of as worthless and useless that those Dommes who play to it get all the interest they could hope for. I find it harder, actualy, to talk to submissives who do NOT seem to think that a good opening line runs along the lines of "I am a worthles piece of dirt stuck to your show..."

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 16

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 9:12:43 PM

pagankinktress

Posts: 80
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline

To the OP,

I'm sorry to hear you've had some negative experiences so far. I can't help but wonder if in some ways, this reflects on the company you presently keep? Where do you meet these dominants/partners? You're also relatively young; perhaps the dominants you interact with are also fairly young. They sound rather immature from what you described in your post.

Bottom line is, a submissve does not equal a doormat. Sure, humiliation play can be erotic and fun in the right context. If this is a fetish you like to explore, it'd be best to do so with someone who knows you well and who you feel respects you in and outside of play. I get the impression you're saying that in general dominants treat you disrespectfully though, which is problematic. Either the people you surround yourself have a lot of growing up to do or maybe you need to carefully consider what it is about being around such people does for you. If *you* believe you are a worthwhile, respect-deserving person, submissive or not, there is no reason for you to tolerate that kind of treatment from anyone. Be kind to yourself. :)

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(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 17

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 9:13:14 PM

LushLadyLilith

Posts: 26
Joined: 5/24/2008
Status: offline

As a switch, I can happily alternate between top, bottom, and domme with no trouble. However, when it has come to submitting to a man (a total of two since my introduction to the lifestyle) he has always been aware of the value of the honor that I am bestowing upon him, because I am far from submissive by nature and he knows what it takes for me to allow myself to be dominated.

When someone submits to me, I consider it a special gift to be cherished along with the person bestowing it.

Lilith

(in reply to summersprite)

Post #: 18

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 9:14:05 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: boundinside

A submissive in general is one who is willing to give up control on a temporary/long term level, am I right? So why is it that dispite the willingness to do just about anything against their intial will, they still recieve no respect and infact it seems that often times they are disrespected. I realize that being treated like a peice of crap is a turn on for some people, and that is fine with me...everyone has their fetishes. But why is it that just because you are submissive you have to be constantly called worthless and pathetic and whatever else is out there. Now for those smrt ass people on here, I do not feel I am worthless...nor anyone else for that matter, so please save you comments for someone who cares. What I would honestly like to see is a change. The change being submissive stop being treated like crap and constantly being disrespected. Unless it is specifically known or a specific fetish that I have listed...do not call me worthless or whatever else you think of my submissive nature. There are very few things that I wouldn't do for a woman, that being said, I expect some respect in return...that is not a lot to ask for is it?

Complaining on the forums side about what happens on the other side isn't going to help you. As a general rule, the people here don't treat submissives like that though there are a few exceptions. In my opinion, those exceptions rarely post here and they usually go away quickly because they make horses asses out of themselves in short order and can't stand the heat.

Simply refuse to allow that sort of behavior in your life. Block and delete are your online tools for peace of mind.

Good luck.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 19

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 9:15:10 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

The question was asked by a "male submissive". Try having some behind the scenes communication with one if you want to understand how much bullshit one goes through.

I am very well aware who the question was asked by. You, on the other hand, have no idea who I am and have no idea what kind of "behind the scenes communication" I have with male submissives, either gay or straight.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 20

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