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RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 10:04:18 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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If the vast majority of male tops on here were in the place if female doms, saying the same things-the women would spit on them. Go read some of your sister's profiles if you disbelieve me.

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Post #: 41

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 10:12:20 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline

I do not doubt that some women on CM are into verbal humiliation. Many male submissives enjoy it.

I simply gave him a different opinion to view. You seem hell bent on dictating what information is relevant to the OP. I believe he is capable of taking the information presented and deciding what is useful and what isn't.

I will refrain from hijacking this thread further. If you, Leatherist, wish to have a discussion with me, I'd be happy to talk further in CMail.

OP - as others have stated, you have the ability to accept or reject disrespect from anyone.

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Post #: 42

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 10:28:25 PM

dragon2760

Posts: 114
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline

As a heterosexual male submissive I can understand where the OP and Leatherist are coming from. I also understand that unfortunately it is a product of the supply and demand dynamics. While a female sub can just write a fairly decent profile and just sit back and wait for the responses to roll in the male sub it seems has to be very active in seeking out a female dominant. It also seems that they have to be extremely proficient with the written word for some dominants to consider them as even being real enough to give them the time of day. While I do not believe this is so of all female dominants I do feel that I have experienced a greater level of this than my female submissive friends.

< Message edited by dragon2760 -- 7/1/2008 10:51:34 PM >

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(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)

Post #: 43

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 10:31:22 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
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'You teach people how to treat you."

by Dr. Phil -- who may be full of sh*t but still nails it sometimes.

candystripper

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 44

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 10:38:26 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline

I can understand where he is coming from too. I was simply stating it isnt just a male submissive thing. Each of us, regardless of label we choose, has to deal with b/s from those who view our profiles.

Submissive women get "on your knees cunt'
Submissive men get "give me your money, worm!"
Dominant women get "will you please beat this worthless slave and force me to do things I want to do?"
Dominant men, well, I'll be honest, I'm not entirely sure what they get, but I'm certain they get some mail that irritates them just as much as the rest of us get.

My point was simple. If you allow it to bother you, it will. If you do not allow it to bother you, it won't.

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Post #: 45

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/1/2008 10:55:32 PM

kinkyviolet

Posts: 27
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline

Since the OP seems to have abandonded this thread, I/we can only conjecture about what he really meant. Was he lamenting a lack of respect for subs in the general scene, or just the plethora of "humiliation" and "financial domination" type "femdom" profiles on CM? I'm going to assume the latter, since I have not experienced anything like the former in real life.

As a male, I can attest first hand to the frustrations of searching for a compatible female dominant online (CM and other sites). As a transgendered male, it can be even more so. When you do a search and come up with nine matches, and five of those are the aforementioned "goddess" wannabes, it's pretty damn disheartening.

Sure, you don't have to respond to those profiles, but it makes you wonder if that is the norm. I think that is the frustration that the OP is actually trying to express.

And what Leatherist is talking about (as I see it) is that female subs (seeking male doms) just don't have that problem. There may be a large amount of dumbass "dominant" male profiles who have no respect for women, but as a percentage, there is no comparison, especially when you consider the relative number of males to females. On the other hand, many females have the opposite problem (which is preferable from my point of view) of having to wade through tons of undesirable responses to find a few compatible ones.

Personally, my desires (and what I used to perceive as needs) have changed, and I (thankfully) do not have to go through the exasperating task of searching for a dominant female. Or rather, the task of searching for a dominant female is not so exasperating, as I have other options.

(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)

Post #: 46

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/2/2008 12:18:48 AM

chickpea

Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The moment almost all subs stop allowing and encouraging being treated as weaker/less capable, the moment it will stop.

Very well stated. That sums it all up.

Too many Doms just use the role to just Bash on subs (which gets them a bitch response, and then they cry foul *eye roll*). They are somehow afraid of their own ability to control the sub, their afraid of what the sub can do, so they pull a "passive aggressive" tactic. Generalizing all subs as "rivers of shit" or "drama queens" etc. If Doms treated subs better, there would be clear waters (no bitchiness) and you'd be able to find the right some so quick amongst the fish in the sea.

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 47

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/2/2008 12:24:40 AM

chickpea

Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

'You teach people how to treat you."

by Dr. Phil -- who may be full of sh*t but still nails it sometimes.

candystripper

Yeah, so true. I'd also like to add, don't stoop to their level if they treat you like shit unless you've tried all options. Like that stalker of mine, was trying to get me to react angrily. I ignored all stalking moves (scarey as it might have been). Plus he would win if he got the best of me... from some moronic low-life behavior. I guess he just wanted attention, I finally called him back and said "this is so rude calling even in the middle of the night, I can't leave my phone off and then if my family calls for an emergency, what of that? I know you'll miss me, but I'm changing my number... BYE." I didn't even have to change my number, he stopped calling and just tried to leave himself available via IMs. ugh.

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(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 48

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/2/2008 1:44:23 AM

MsValentine

Posts: 82
Joined: 6/14/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: boundinside

A submissive in general is one who is willing to give up control on a temporary/long term level, am I right? So why is it that dispite the willingness to do just about anything against their intial will, they still recieve no respect and infact it seems that often times they are disrespected. I realize that being treated like a peice of crap is a turn on for some people, and that is fine with me...everyone has their fetishes. But why is it that just because you are submissive you have to be constantly called worthless and pathetic and whatever else is out there. Now for those smrt ass people on here, I do not feel I am worthless...nor anyone else for that matter, so please save you comments for someone who cares. What I would honestly like to see is a change. The change being submissive stop being treated like crap and constantly being disrespected. Unless it is specifically known or a specific fetish that I have listed...do not call me worthless or whatever else you think of my submissive nature. There are very few things that I wouldn't do for a woman, that being said, I expect some respect in return...that is not a lot to ask for is it?

A sub can be anyone who gives up control for a minute to a lifetime and to any level. No matter, what form their submission takes they deserve the same degree of respect as anyone else. If I am talking casually to a sub, I treat them exactly like anyone else, they don't defer to me and I don't try to dominate them. If I am talking to someone else's sub, I treat them with utmost respect and friendliness. I treat my own sub with deepest respect.

Ummmmm...maybe this is where I am going wrong I am just far too nice.

Getting back to the subject...we all need each other in this community..subs need Dom/mes and so on and so forth. Name calling seems to be a part of the bdsm world where people can forget it must be consensual, other wise it is just abuse. Abuse is the the fall back position of the weak and insecure.

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 49

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/2/2008 5:50:29 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedOnMyChain

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

The question was asked by a "male submissive". Try having some behind the scenes communication with one if you want to understand how much bullshit one goes through.

I am very well aware who the question was asked by. You, on the other hand, have no idea who I am and have no idea what kind of "behind the scenes communication" I have with male submissives, either gay or straight.

We all believe 'no one else suffers as much as I do' when discussing the search. Truth is, we probably all suffer the same: unwanted attention; wanted attention we do not get; foolish time-wasters; liars; fakes; and so on. None of us is immune and no one can claim 'I suffer the most' -- and who would want to?

Is there a tiara that goes with the prize? No? Then I don't feel like competiting.

When did posting on a message board become 'real' and face to face friendships and confidences become 'behind the scenes communication'? Isn't that ass over teakettle?

If NOMC says she has a basis for understanding the POV of another because of her friendships, I believe her. I've never known her to exaggerate much less to lie.

candystripper

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)

Post #: 50

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/2/2008 6:09:07 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

as a submissive, i have never been called "worthless" and "pathetic" because Daddy doesn't treat me that way. He does know i like being His "bitch" or "lil black cum slut" and it's such turn on for me when He does it in his Boston accent. *melting* whatever He calls me, it's said out of love.

on the flipside, my pet loves it when i call him "pathetic", "worthless", "sissy boi" and other humiliating words because he likes the way my voice gets very low, seductive. the difference is i don't treat him that he's worthless or pathetic ...he enjoys hearing me say those words to him.

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Post #: 51

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/2/2008 8:56:01 AM

TwoNYCDommes

Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pagankinktress
It almost becomes a vicious cycle...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

Exactly. We are frequently contacted by submissives who refer to themselves in the ways the OP complains about dommes referring to him. Many subs enjoy this type of humilation; others probably do not, but may engage in it because they believe that it is what dommes want. Similarly, while some dommes may enjoy speaking to subs that way, others (particularly pros, perhaps) may do it because they believe it is what subs want.

(in reply to pagankinktress)

Post #: 52

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/2/2008 9:02:32 AM

TwoNYCDommes

Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz
The flip side of the coin is that many 'submissive men' project their fantasies on dominant women without bothering to get to know the woman, thereby treating her as an object to fulfil their own kinks.
...
Believe it or not, I have had plenty of messages from 'submissive men' who told me that I am not dominant because I do not call them worthless pigs. If I wanted to dominate a worthless pig, I'd put that in my profile. I don't care what the 'scum subs' think, they are not my type.

That's pretty much an "online, married, and wanna cheat without getting caught fucktard" phenomenon.

It's very rare in real life. They would get tossed out of the playspace-and banned.

I agree with you that telling someone they are not dom/sub/whatever because they do not share one's particular kink, is more common online than in person (like many types of rudeness). However, I'm unclear as to why engaging in it would get one tossed out or banned from a space. Are manners so vigorously enforced on the left coast?

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 53

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/2/2008 9:03:08 AM

bashfulhuck

Posts: 119
Joined: 5/26/2008
Status: offline

My Owner simply doesn't treat me like I'm worthless, nor does she call me such names. She tells me everyday that I am Her property, I am her pet, and because of that, she values me so much. She doesn't make me feel as if I am nothing, she raises me up.
When I see a "Domme" profile behaving like that, I have a great laugh and go my merry way. To me, they aren't Dominants, they are abusers looking for some stupid sucker willing to get screwed over. More power to them. They just wouldn't get a kind response from me should they try to speak to me like that. Luckily, this pet's Owner is extremely protective of her property, and would definetely show her claws.
One thing I've noticed is there seems to be far too much flaming going on lately on these boards, something I just don't seem to understand. Why not just offer up your opinion as it relates to you, and leave it at that? I come here to get people perspective on our lives, and to hopefully add mine in the hopes that we help eachother understand what it is we live just a little bit better. Just my opinion, others may have a different one.

Peace and serenity,
bashfulhuck
Proudly owned by PhadreLove

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 54

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/2/2008 1:03:18 PM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

in the little over a year Daddy and i had in person, he never said anything to me that could have been taken as humilating other than him teasing me about the fact that i blush easily. embarass me? oh yes. but never said anything to make me feel "less".

TheEngineer....well, he maintains i'm his precious little girl. not much room for humiliation tactics there, either.

and when i was looking, i'd not go along with that sort of thing. i have enough low self esteem baggage without anyone else "helping".

kitten

(in reply to bashfulhuck)

Post #: 55

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/2/2008 1:18:31 PM

tornaway

Posts: 174
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline

    I'm not sure how this impression formed for you -

    I know there are some that love being humiliated as part of play - or those that truly need to be put down in some way in order to feel "lowly" .   But most submissives - male or female , that I've known , did not desire that behavior .

   As in the rest of life - we teach people how to treat us .



< Message edited by tornaway -- 7/2/2008 1:22:52 PM >

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)

Post #: 56

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/3/2008 12:24:42 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoNYCDommes

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz
The flip side of the coin is that many 'submissive men' project their fantasies on dominant women without bothering to get to know the woman, thereby treating her as an object to fulfil their own kinks.
...
Believe it or not, I have had plenty of messages from 'submissive men' who told me that I am not dominant because I do not call them worthless pigs. If I wanted to dominate a worthless pig, I'd put that in my profile. I don't care what the 'scum subs' think, they are not my type.

That's pretty much an "online, married, and wanna cheat without getting caught fucktard" phenomenon.

It's very rare in real life. They would get tossed out of the playspace-and banned.

I agree with you that telling someone they are not dom/sub/whatever because they do not share one's particular kink, is more common online than in person (like many types of rudeness). However, I'm unclear as to why engaging in it would get one tossed out or banned from a space. Are manners so vigorously enforced on the left coast?

Showing a pattern of harrassment in a lot of clubs out here can definitely make you unwelcome.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to TwoNYCDommes)

Post #: 57

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/3/2008 12:39:44 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

Wow, I have to agree with another post on here. Stop hanging out with the wrong people.

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 58

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/5/2008 6:49:21 PM

SunnyTawse

Posts: 151
Joined: 11/17/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dragon2760

As a heterosexual male submissive I can understand where the OP and Leatherist are coming from. I also understand that unfortunately it is a product of the supply and demand dynamics. While a female sub can just write a fairly decent profile and just sit back and wait for the responses to roll in the male sub it seems has to be very active in seeking out a female dominant. It also seems that they have to be extremely proficient with the written word for some dominants to consider them as even being real enough to give them the time of day. While I do not believe this is so of all female dominants I do feel that I have experienced a greater level of this than my female submissive friends.

The solution for which is to become active in your local r/t scene. Go to munches and workshops. Offer to volunteer at events. Let people get to know you.

Male subs might outnumber female dominants 20 to 1, but they hide behind their computer screens wishing they could get involved. But they CAN and SHOULD get involved... in r/t.

I have my own male right now, but it's been three years since I released my last male, and in the interim I found a dearth of male submissives in the r/t world. I played for a while with a boy who wasn't the richest, wasn't the smartest, and certainly wasn't an Adonis. But guess what? He was THERE. He was respectful and appreciative and he had a heart of gold, and he wanted what he wanted enough to put himself out there. We had a very nice time even though it was only 'play.'

Where is he now? He got snapped up by another Domme and they are insanely happy.

Don't worry about the numbers. If you venture out into r/t, you'll find the ratio a little more even.

Sunny Tawse
Sadien Domina
Archon of Rings
http://AthenorLodge.com

< Message edited by SunnyTawse -- 7/5/2008 6:50:46 PM >

(in reply to dragon2760)

Post #: 59

RE: The trend of a subbmissive - 7/5/2008 7:05:50 PM

damselnthisdress

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

But when you never get ANY respect, and it's NOT play-even when you try your HARDEST to please-it sucks worse than EATING the dog turds out of the garden. It tastes the same.

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me
going to the garden to get some worms

Um......did I type that?

Not to go all psychologist but it really sounds like you're projecting......

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 60

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