ginawithaB
Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
While I am not particularly handsome, rich, or overly articulate, I do have a sincere desire to be in this lifestyle and I am honest. I have experience with past D/s relationships and treat my sub with respect. None of this seems to matter. I guess it is a battle among those who can write the slickest BS lines and post the best out-of-date or fake picture. It surely seems that “good DOMs finish last.”
I don't reply a lot on these boards, but this post interested me. Why? Because I can relate, only from a sub POV. As a novice submissive who has been less than lucky on this website, I can say pretty much the same thing (except the part abt being experienced in D/s relationships, at least in a more formal sense - oh, and I do consider myself to be quite articulate and reasonably attractive, though not necessarily by society's impossible standards - and btw, you are quite articulate - your post reveals that about you).
I agree with what the other posters have said about responding to something in a sub's profile. Comment on what led you to write to her in the first place, something other than her bodacious boobs. Women, submissive or dominant, want to know that they are appreciated for their whole selves, not just their body parts. And, yes I know men are primarily visual, but don't tell me men are not also deeply sensitive, because they are. They just don't show it in the same ways women do, at least not all of the time. Stretch yourself. Go out on a limb a little and say something meaningful. Women who are specifically seeking a(n) ltr especially look for this and most are turned off by x-rated pics, esp. when they're sent along with a two or three word note akin to, "Hi there, sexy." Not that women don't appreciate the male body, but because they (we) need to know that there is some thought in the man's mind along the lines of wanting to build a relationship - emphasis on "build." Building a relationship, at least in my mind, begins with mutual respect and trust not the exchange of "show me yours and I'll show you mine" pics.
Regarding spelling and grammatical errors - the thing is in this day and age with hi-tech grammar and spell checkers everywhere (even if collarme is a little behind in that respect, one can always compose in Word, proof and cut & paste), and Webster's dictionary being online...it's simply seen as pure laziness and carelessness not to at least give an email the "once-over." You know if you send out a resume with a cover letter you're going to check and re-check or pay someone to do this for you. Why? Because you want to present yourself as best as possible to get your foot in the door. Well, you wanna get your proverbial "foot" in some lovely sub's "door?" Then show a little care. Also, it just looks so very "un-domly" not to present yourself as best as you can. For some, viewing a poorly written email is not only hard on the eyes, it's akin to meeting someone for the first time, that person smiles and you notice the huge piece of broccoli between his/her teeth. Turn-off.
The other "mistake" I think many men on this site make is they go after everyone, instead of concentrating on what it is they are really looking for. If you're here to find cybersex partners, then seek out people who are open to that. If you want to make real-time connections with people in your area, look for that. If you're seeking a(n) ltr, then look for that. I've gotten emails that I refer to as "ad-mail" because they are simply that. "Form" emails sent out periodically to one and all. It's a bad marketing ploy and for the life of me I can't figure out why major corporations still use this technique, when nothing annoys people more than junk mail...well, some men on this site actually seem to believe that ad-mail is a good way to meet people. And how do I know this is happening? Well, some guys don't keep track of to whom they are sending their ad-mail. I've been a member here since Sept this year and in that time, there have been 2 guys who have sent me the same ad-mail, two months in a row. And one other guy who sent me an ad-mail and then I saw the same ad-mail posted on one of the boards here. There may've been others that went unnoticed, but these are the ones that stand out.
It's hurtful to a woman to receive a thoughtless email or impersonal ad-mail, poorly constructed, no picture (esp. when she has posted a pic), or a pic showing an intimate naked body part. It's hurtful because it means to a woman that the men who do this can't even take the time to thoughtfully review her profile and thoughtfully reach out to her. It means they don't deem her worthy of their time and respect. Why would any self-respecting woman want a relationship with someone like that? And is that how any man wants to start off with a woman?
Before I put my words out for public review, I try to compose as literately as possible. I check and re-check, which is one reason why I do not post to the boards much. It takes time to do this. I do this because I care about responding well to the person or topic presented and I want to be clearly understood. Not that anyone has to agree with me, but I would like to be understood. And lastly, because I take pride in my words and ideas. They reflect who I am. And I want to project the best me I can at all times. I adopt the same methodology when responding personally to someone whether through written or spoken word. It's about thoughfulness in presentation.
So, hope this is helpful in some way and good luck in your continued search.
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