What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly *lifestyle* type activities?

What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly *lifestyle* type activities? (Full Version)

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Imajican -> What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/2/2008 11:35:32 PM)
Ok, before we get started, "lifestyle activities" are defined by the people involved. I realise pretty much anything can be spun to be "lifestyle" depending on those people. What I'm getting at, however, are things that may be outside the box of "what a Mistress does with/to her submissive." I do not mean what a sub can do for you but rather what you do to or for them. Also, I am not talking about 'spending time together' or walking on the beach or having candlelit dinners. I suppose some gestures may be awfully sweet, and can be included, but I don't mean things you do together as a couple. Example: I enjoy giving the boy baths. (Note: We are not involved in age play nor is he in any form of 'pet role' although he is my pet and has pet-like behaviours. It is not the kind of 'play' we practise so this isn't any de facto gesture that 'comes with the territory.') Technically I've only given him one, but that's the only one I've had the opportunity to give him thus far. It was something like 6am and he'd had his cum wiped all over him... he was dirty, y'see. Dirty at 6am = needsabath. Yeah.. Those opportunities don't pop up too often when people live on different continents (but soon I'll be back on his and they shall pop up once more!) I also enjoy hand-feeding him (he makes it so gosh darn sexy) and things of that nature. Historically I've often tucked partners in at night so that's something else that I enjoy doing to/for people I care about. I generally seem to be contrary to most D-types since I focus on my sub rather than sitting back and having them focus on me. Ultimately it's about what I want (making him/her sexy to/for me, having him/her as I wish, using him/her as I wish, etc), but the prima facie manner in which I go about it may seem backwards. Not that I have any problem with that. I've no urge to 'conform' as I've spent all these years figuring myself out for me, not for everyone else. What's most likely is that I have a very spoiled (but not at all rotten) pet. I put him through a lot, though, and I think the above things go with the fact that he and I are in a deeply loving relationship rather than casual play, so the things I do for him are investments in taking care of my cherished property. That said, how do you take care of yours? No, regular spankings and whippings and whateverelseings do not count, here :P

Lashra -> RE: What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/3/2008 2:32:38 AM)
I make him take care of himself by taking vitamins, exercising and getting regular check-ups. I bathe him sometimes because it pleases me to do so, I just love touching him and that clean after bath smell. I brush his hair and sometimes get goofy and put it up in pigtails just for fun. Many things I do he starts to protest "your the Domme you shouldn't do that" to which I smack him on the ass and tell him to "stifle himself", I am the Domme and if I want to do it, I will. ~Lashra

MasterFireMaam -> RE: What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/3/2008 3:03:58 AM)
I have a real, everyday relationship with my girl. We go to movies, we go on trips, we giggle and cut up. We also have deep, philosophical conversations and trade opinions on stuff. Never in all that am I not the Master nor she the slave. Part of her role is to be "the campanion". Master Fire

LadyPact -> RE: What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/3/2008 5:15:01 AM)
Since clip was always one of those 'early to bed, early to rise' types, I always tucked him in any time he slept here. I'd kiss his forehead and pull the covers up around him. If he hadn't done it already, I'd set the fan the way he liked it, and turn out the light. The other things, like stroking his hair or rubbing his back, really were for Me just as much as they were for him. I tend not to count those.

Sylverdawn -> RE: What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/3/2008 5:43:54 AM)
I love a good pet. Him sitting on the floor in front of me.. we are watching TV.. I look down and find my hand stroking the lovely blonde hair back of his forehead.. rubbing the back of his neck.. he is purring like a kitty under my hands leaning against my knee.. eyes half closed.. I dont call that play I call that affection. Beside dinners out, movies, shopping, sightseeing that sort of thing.. that is absolutely my favorite activity.

thetammyjo -> RE: What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/3/2008 5:47:53 AM)
Sometimes Fox has to do a lot of heavy lifting at his job like last week. When that happens I'll tell him to lay on my bed and give him a good, solid back massage. On the "mean" end of the spectrum some of the things I do for him he isn't 100% happy such as cutting back on how much red meat he eats and increasing his fiber intake. But as I tell him "You don't like how I cook, boy? Order yourself a pizza with your own money." He eat what I cook 98% of the time.

MsStarlett -> RE: What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/3/2008 7:56:04 AM)
Anything I would do with a vanilla friend. Go shopping, to the movies, I'm thinking about taking my Westie to an amusement park. Whatever.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/3/2008 8:02:30 AM)
Whatever I want! It's not much fun to have a submissive that's only useful in the playroom?

pixelslave -> RE: What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/3/2008 8:15:09 AM)
My previous Mistress used to do a lot that I greatly appreciated. For one, she'd purchase presents for my UM's which meant a great deal to me. She'd also see that I was supplied with vitamins that she wanted me to take as part of her way of seeing I was taken care of. When we were getting ready to go someplace, if I was still dressing, she'd take the dog out to go potty instead of waiting for me to finish and do it myself. Similar to what others have mentioned, she enjoyed washing my hair when we showered together or running her hand through it when we sat together. There were inimate moments when she'd feed me strawberries or other food (and vice versa). She'd also get up and fix drinks at times, not allowing me to go and fix them for us if I'd just come out of sub space or had been exerting myself doing other things; despite my objection to her being the one to do it for us. She'd also often wash me up with a warm wash cloth, something along the lines to what the OP described in bathing her sub. There are numerous other things she did to show her appreciation for having me in her life, but I think that's enough to get the idea. [;)] - pixel

Madame4a -> RE: What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/3/2008 8:34:37 AM)
I read this at about 3:30 this morning... and I couldn't think of anything that is outside of my life.. I have a leather (or bdsm if you like) relationship... and its all encompassing.. so whatever I do is... what I do.. its my life... I find it interesting that people make separations (not just this post, but in profiles) like.. "and I have a vanilla life too"... well.. I suppose I have what people consider that, as I don't spend the day in leather (prefer PVC anyway) and I don't play every moment of the day.. but who does...I work like most people, feed the cats... go out for dinner... but everyone in my life is like me... except a few co workers.. and the close ones know sorry.. I'm ranting... sometimes I hate the implication that I can be separated from my orientation.. I can't.. what I do.. I do... I walk through my day and I'm always a lesbian.. I'm always a dominant, I just don't kiss every girl I see and I don't dominate everyone I see and I do, like many others, amazing and loving things as I adore my boi.. and she adores me.. we have a deep relationship... from what others have said.. these qualify I get my own coffee on weekends so she can sleep, and I make her sleep I make sure she wears sunscreen I take care of several things on motorcycle trips so she can concentrate on driving safely I cook every weekend that we are home to make sure she has some lunches during the week I do several physical things that are just to make her feel better

AtlantaMistress -> RE: What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/3/2008 10:41:08 AM)
Ok, I couldn't help but think when reading the OP that although I think I understand the question - all of the examples do seem to be very "mothering". Not that there is anything wrong with that... I also agree with Madam4a and get frustrated with the idea that we are totally defined by our D/s roles or other orientations. I am Dominant, but that doesn't mean that I don't bottom sometimes. I have explained to my boy who has giggled while giving me a spanking that he is "in charge" that if I tell him to do it, I'm still in control! I also do many things for my boy. I am and have always been a very giving person. An ex (Dominant man - who I never "played with" because neither of us would bottom to the other) used to tell me that the things I would do to take care of him, out of caring for him, where my submissive tendancies. Once again, a label, and all that did was piss me off and make me not want to do nice things (thus, the reason he is an EX). I do find pleasure in making someone happy. I think that is just a part of loving someone. I always make sure to set my alarm and wake him up for work in the morning. I will wear stilettos just to fix lunch. I will tickle/caress his arm or run my fingers through his hair when we are driving. I take off his glasses if he has fallen asleep with them on. I straighten up after his mess in the bathroom or socks on the floor, and not fuss about it. I will kiss him before I leave a room, or for no reason at all. I am very aware of the things that I do, and I do them not only because it makes him happy, but I really do like to see him happy. It is very true that the vanilla part of the relationship and REAL life far superceed the amount of time we have D/s play. A problem we have had lately though has been that he seems to have stopped doing these little things for me! At first, in the courting part of our relationship, he was VERY attentive to me. Now, the majority of time he shows me affection are his own little odd ways (he sniffs me and counts my freckles...I know, sounds weird, but endearing in a weird sort of way) I know it is him showing affection - and I am happy to have that since we are living together with 3 kids now, taking care of the house, some business things we do together, etc. and life gets busy - but I wanted to see him think of ME and go out of his way every so often to show me that he cares, without me asking, and do things that please me and bring him pleasure in simply knowing he had made me happy. I got to the point I had to make a list of ideas for him, because he just didn't get it. I understand that some submissives want/need to be told what to do, but an I would expect that an intelligent man should be able to have original thought? Anyway...it seems to be working, so far. I gave him so many little ideas to choose from, things that don't even take much time or effort, and I believe that has gotten his mind where I believe it needs to be. I have reminded him - when Momma is happy, everyone is happy! Sorry to get a bit off topic, just with the idea of all I do for him being an issue that we have dealt with lately...there may be others who have gone through the same thing!

beeble -> RE: What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/3/2008 1:12:29 PM)
quote: AtlantaMistress wrote: I am Dominant, but that doesn't mean that I don't bottom sometimes. I have explained to my boy who has giggled while giving me a spanking that he is "in charge" that if I tell him to do it, I'm still in control! Hey! You're topping from the bottom from the top!

RedMagic1 -> RE: What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/3/2008 1:40:52 PM)
Thank you for your post, AtlantaMistress. I also consider myself a dominant who likes to care for others, and enjoys bottoming at times. I've certainly been hit with the "you're not a real Dom" line as a result... or, "You're too nice; I'm looking for someone meaner." I could really relate to your description of your day.

vampchick88 -> RE: What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/3/2008 2:38:22 PM)
My pet is my boyfriend as well, we have the complete loving relationship all around. We do everything I guess that most couples do, go to the movies, go shopping as he carries my bags and lets me lead him around even if its a place that he knows better than me, walk around enjoying nature, cooking, spending time together just enjoying one another's company, sitting at home watching movies eating cookie dough and popcorn, he brushes my hair this might sound like a small act but it is worht all the money in the world, massages, etc. Going to the mall all dressed up trying to calm pet down before he jumps them. (preppy mall, I'm a goth...who knew what sort of stares, giggles, and really old soccer moms laughing and pointing...needless to say thats when pets temper flared.) Going out for a romantic dinner, doing small things for eachother out of love and thoughtfullness, the list goes on. Its why I'm so happy myself and pet have a complete relationship.~Lorelei

GentlemanBobIII -> RE: What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/3/2008 7:46:47 PM)
I really liked this thread. Nice to know there are sweet and kind aspects in the bdsm relationship as well. Makes me far more comfortable w/ the idea of entering into this kind of relationship. Only thing that concerns me is I might get confused, I've been a gentleman a long time, who pays for dinner or the movies? LOL J/K Seriously though it would be difficult to accept these acts of kindness for me, not so much because "She is the Domme" but because I have never been with someone who ever offered to fix me a plate at the buffet or ask if I want something to drink. I have always been the one to do those things, although I never gave someone above the age of 4 a bath, and I have NEVER had a massage although I have given many over the years. Like I said most elucidating. -Bob

Imajican -> RE: What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/4/2008 1:59:43 AM)
When the boy came to visit me for two weeks I did nearly all the cooking and serving of food and the like. I enjoyed it and was happy to do it because he really appreciated it and understood that it was a significant thing for me to take care of him in that manner. Doing that FT would surely be unrealistic (what with Real Life butting in with things like jobs and schedules and all that), but for the two weeks it worked well. I don't know what it'll be like when I go to his home turf. I imagine part of why things worked the way hey did when he came to mine was because he was in my house and I'm not much for giving out a list of instructions for things I can do well enough on my own. He was willing to help etc, which is wonderful to know, even if it wasn't utilized. Historically I've been the giver of massages rather than receiver, but over the last couple years I've asked for and received them, typically when I'm sore for whatever reason. I don't give massages that are complex (full-body or involving oils etc) as that wouldn't be my thing, but I love petting and rubbing and generally having my hands on him (and anyone else I'm involved with, but he likes it the most, by far, thankfully :)

SurrenderForMe -> RE: What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/4/2008 2:19:11 AM)
I don't see what you do as unusual. It doesn't work with all subs because some percieve it as bottoming from the top. That has been my only issue with doing what I want and having some issue. I like to share mutual baths. I would call it grooming. I like to bathe my pets. When they do it for me, it is service and expected. When I do it for them it is me cherishing someone I care about.

Imajican -> RE: What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/4/2008 2:28:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AtlantaMistress Ok, I couldn't help but think when reading the OP that although I think I understand the question - all of the examples do seem to be very "mothering". Not that there is anything wrong with that... Guilty. I often "mother" consenting adults in my life. I have done so for as long as I can remember. I don't baby or pamper anyone, really, but I 'take care' of people. It is very strong with the boy because he really appreciates it which makes me happier and want to do more of it etc. He's my 'owned pet' and being so means that taking care of him comes into play. The flip side of this is that I know he would take care of me the same way if I needed him to. It's an amazingly symbiotic relationship. quote: I also agree with Madam4a and get frustrated with the idea that we are totally defined by our D/s roles or other orientations. I am Dominant, but that doesn't mean that I don't bottom sometimes. I have explained to my boy who has giggled while giving me a spanking that he is "in charge" that if I tell him to do it, I'm still in control! I bottom to my husband at times (though this has nothing to do with D/s as I do not have a D/s relationship with him) and I am very much for discussing and compromising things in any relationship I have with anyone. I'm not much for "my way or no way at all" about things, so sure one could say I bottom (though that's getting into over-labeling IMO...) The boy is my partner and we're in it together. I'm not defining anybody by their D/s roles, however there are times within my D/s relationship where I flip 'traditional' stereotypical acts on their head and do to him what _I believe_ most Dommes would rather have done to them. That's all. quote: An ex (Dominant man - who I never "played with" because neither of us would bottom to the other) used to tell me that the things I would do to take care of him, out of caring for him, where my submissive tendancies. Once again, a label, and all that did was piss me off and make me not want to do nice things (thus, the reason he is an EX). I do find pleasure in making someone happy. I think that is just a part of loving someone. Indeed, and it's so much better when the recipient is appreciative of what is being done to/for them, regardless of if it's a nilla relationship or D/s or what have you. quote: A problem we have had lately though has been that he seems to have stopped doing these little things for me! At first, in the courting part of our relationship, he was VERY attentive to me. Now, the majority of time he shows me affection are his own little odd ways (he sniffs me and counts my freckles...I know, sounds weird, but endearing in a weird sort of way) I know it is him showing affection - and I am happy to have that since we are living together with 3 kids now, taking care of the house, some business things we do together, etc. and life gets busy - but I wanted to see him think of ME and go out of his way every so often to show me that he cares, without me asking, and do things that please me and bring him pleasure in simply knowing he had made me happy. I got to the point I had to make a list of ideas for him, because he just didn't get it. I understand that some submissives want/need to be told what to do, but an I would expect that an intelligent man should be able to have original thought? Anyway...it seems to be working, so far. I gave him so many little ideas to choose from, things that don't even take much time or effort, and I believe that has gotten his mind where I believe it needs to be. I have reminded him - when Momma is happy, everyone is happy! I find it very difficult to try and 'remind' somebody about what I like and then think that they're giving whatever it is to me because they want to and not because they've been told to. It's so much better when somebody naturally responds and wants to do those things. I understand how you feel since I sometimes pine for the way things were with my spouse way back when (we've been together nearly 10 years...) I think you can remind somebody as much as you want, but that will just lead you to being bitter if you don't get what you seek and it may make them resentful. It's a tricky situation (and I imagine it's even moreso with a family around and all that.) Oh and I'm addressing all of this last stuff from a nilla standpoint however even within a D/s relationship I'd much rather have a sub who does things because he or she wants to, because they're thinking of me and how to make my life easier or show me affection, rather than because I've ticked off a list of things that they should do for me :)

Imajican -> RE: What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/4/2008 2:33:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SurrenderForMe I don't see what you do as unusual. It doesn't work with all subs because some percieve it as bottoming from the top. That has been my only issue with doing what I want and having some issue. I like to share mutual baths. I would call it grooming. I like to bathe my pets. When they do it for me, it is service and expected. When I do it for them it is me cherishing someone I care about. That's exactly what I'm talking about :) Years ago I was called too soft for liking these sorts of things. I stuck with what I wanted, though, since that's what I want, and now I have somebody who appreciates it and never faults me for the things I do to/for him. I'm still chock-full-o'-wicked, but the complement to that is this more tender, loving stuff that makes us both so stupid-happy. It's wonderful to have a relationship where those involved can be as turned on by the soft affectionate stuff as they can by the more toned aspects of things.

Madame4a -> RE: What are some things you do with your sub that aren't exactly lifestyle* type activities?* (7/4/2008 5:43:05 AM)
I really dislike when I do something that someone decides is submissive or bottoming... in the end, dominance is about many things but its also about the dominant making the choices. I get to choose what I do or don't do. I like cooking; when I meet new prospects, its a rule I give them "I do the cooking unless I ask you do". This evening is a good example. It makes no sense for my boi to cook. She is working all day and then coming over here. I'm going to guess we will be lucky if she gets here by 8pm. If I then wait for her to cook dinner it will be after 9 before we eat. I enjoy the creative part of cooking, among other things, so I'm cooking, by choice. Being dominant means that I get to choose what I do and no one gets to label my activities anything except me.

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