Imajican
Posts: 39
Joined: 8/6/2007
From: Lincoln, Nebraska
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AtlantaMistress
Ok, I couldn't help but think when reading the OP that although I think I understand the question - all of the examples do seem to be very "mothering". Not that there is anything wrong with that...
Guilty. I often "mother" consenting adults in my life. I have done so for as long as I can remember. I don't baby or pamper anyone, really, but I 'take care' of people. It is *very* strong with the boy because he really appreciates it which makes me happier and want to do more of it etc. He's my 'owned pet' and being so means that taking care of him comes into play. The flip side of this is that I know he would take care of me the same way if I needed him to. It's an amazingly symbiotic relationship.
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I also agree with Madam4a and get frustrated with the idea that we are totally defined by our D/s roles or other orientations. I am Dominant, but that doesn't mean that I don't bottom sometimes. I have explained to my boy who has giggled while giving me a spanking that he is "in charge" that if I tell him to do it, I'm still in control!
I bottom to my husband at times (though this has nothing to do with D/s as I do not have a D/s relationship with him) and I am very much for discussing and compromising things in any relationship I have with anyone. I'm not much for "my way or no way at all" about things, so sure one could say I bottom (though that's getting into over-labeling IMO...) The boy is my partner and we're in it together. I'm not defining anybody by their D/s roles, however there are times within my D/s relationship where I flip 'traditional' stereotypical acts on their head and do to him what _I believe_ most Dommes would rather have done to them. That's all.
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An ex (Dominant man - who I never "played with" because neither of us would bottom to the other) used to tell me that the things I would do to take care of him, out of caring for him, where my submissive tendancies. Once again, a label, and all that did was piss me off and make me not want to do nice things (thus, the reason he is an EX). I do find pleasure in making someone happy. I think that is just a part of loving someone.
Indeed, and it's so much better when the recipient is appreciative of what is being done to/for them, regardless of if it's a nilla relationship or D/s or what have you.
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A problem we have had lately though has been that he seems to have stopped doing these little things for me! At first, in the courting part of our relationship, he was VERY attentive to me. Now, the majority of time he shows me affection are his own little odd ways (he sniffs me and counts my freckles...I know, sounds weird, but endearing in a weird sort of way) I know it is him showing affection - and I am happy to have that since we are living together with 3 kids now, taking care of the house, some business things we do together, etc. and life gets busy - but I wanted to see him think of ME and go out of his way every so often to show me that he cares, without me asking, and do things that please me and bring him pleasure in simply knowing he had made me happy. I got to the point I had to make a list of ideas for him, because he just didn't get it. I understand that some submissives want/need to be told what to do, but an I would expect that an intelligent man should be able to have original thought? Anyway...it seems to be working, so far. I gave him so many little ideas to choose from, things that don't even take much time or effort, and I believe that has gotten his mind where I believe it needs to be. I have reminded him - when Momma is happy, everyone is happy!
I find it very difficult to try and 'remind' somebody about what I like and then think that they're giving whatever it is to me because they want to and not because they've been told to. It's so much better when somebody naturally responds and wants to do those things. I understand how you feel since I sometimes pine for the way things were with my spouse way back when (we've been together nearly 10 years...)
I think you can remind somebody as much as you want, but that will just lead you to being bitter if you don't get what you seek and it may make them resentful. It's a tricky situation (and I imagine it's even moreso with a family around and all that.)
Oh and I'm addressing all of this last stuff from a nilla standpoint however even within a D/s relationship I'd *much* rather have a sub who does things because he or she wants to, because they're thinking of me and how to make my life easier or show me affection, rather than because I've ticked off a list of things that they should do for me :)
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What are some things you do with your sub that aren't e... - 
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