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RE: What is wrong with sub males? - 7/6/2008 8:02:29 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		I may have painted a less than accurate picture.  Sorry.  The wishlist is more a way to weed out the "I want to give you stuff" guys or the dudes 1000 miles away who send unsolicited mail.  One mention of the wishlist, and she is never bothered by them again.  For local guys, we just tell them where we will be and see if they show.  There are two of them scheduled for next weekend.  I'll bet they both come up with last minute excuses.

(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: What is wrong with sub males? - 7/6/2008 8:25:32 PM   
igor2003


Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I see several things that would turn me off from wanting to meet.  First, the wishlist thing.  I'm not a cheap person.  I enjoy giving gifts and things.  But NOT when they are required.  That just seems sleazy and cheap on the Dominants part to me.  But to each their own.  If it works for you, fine.  But it doesn't work for me.

Second, it sounds like the place set up for the meeting is usually at some kind of fetish event.  Is that right?  Again, no, i would not go.  Fetish events, for many of us, can be intimidating, especially for a first meeting.  But i will also say that i would not agree to meet at a fetish event then not go...i would say i was not going up front. 

And last, when i meet a Mistress it is much more comfortable when it is a 1 on 1 meeting...not a 2 on 1 meeting and it should be at a neutral place where we can talk and get to know each other without pressure of any kind.  Coffee shop, cafe, nightclub, etc.

I have gone to meet each and every time that i have said i would, and so far the dominant ladies have always shown up as well.  Can't say that for the 'nilla ladies.  I've been "stood up" by them more times than i care to think about.

(in reply to slavekal)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: What is wrong with sub males? - 7/6/2008 10:11:05 PM   
LuvnFemAuthority


Posts: 26
Joined: 3/31/2008
From: New England but I live in the 'Burgh
Status: offline 		Wankers don't chase me because I'm not good wank fodder. W00t!  I get nitwits that don't know who they are or what they want in life.  They show up, they do the song and dance, then they don't follow through on starting the relationship.  This got a rant from me a while back after one dude broke my heart.

A good tip off for me that someone is full of shit is that he's basically throwing himself at me.  If he can't talk to me like a human being to start I question his motives.   

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

Ninety percent flakes.  Ms. Mlicious is not even really looking for any new slaves, although if a really good one comes along, she would consider taking him on.  Dozens and dozens of guys contact her asking to be her slave, anyway. 
On the occasions that she does respond favorably, she instructs them to show up at a certain place to meet, and these guys almost never show up (which is why she tells them to show up at a place she was already planning to be).  Or they call once, go into a song and dance about how much they work, and how they may not be able to set up any face to face meetings.  Fine.  If you are too busy, don't contact her unless and until your schedule permits.  How difficult is that? 
What is wrong with you guys?  Stop wasing the time of these women.  If you have no intention of meeting, leave her alone.  If you are looking for phone sex, call Niteflirt or some other service.  Grow the f&$k up, already.

(in reply to slavekal)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: What is wrong with sub males? - 7/7/2008 5:13:09 AM   
StaceyTheBitch


Posts: 78
Joined: 7/4/2008
Status: offline 		Many of you made good points. Another reason I think some people don't show up is fear. The step from the normal vanilla world to the kinky lifestyle world is a big and scary one for many. I say this based on my experience of being kinky in very vanilla surroundings.

Before I discovered there were others like me I spent a great deal of time trying to get guys to go along with my kinks. It's not easy even for the kinky minded people do make the transition from kink in their imagination to real life kink. Societies norms and all prevent many from acting.

I bet many people don't intend to not show up for appointments. They just chicken out. They get scared. It's impolite and inconsiderate, true, but we are not talking about a dentist appointment here.

...

To the person saying "a very high percentage of guys send out form letters." What survey are you using for this statement? My form letter response is running under 5%. Yes, I counted. I was curious myself how many guys use form letters. I actually send out a form half-letter in my responses with the other half of the letter being personalized. Even getting form letters isn't a bad thing provided the guys throw in some personalized information. Besides, I'm guessing subs out number Dommes by a lot and most subs get no answer. So what are they suppose to do, write the same information hundreds of times and have most of it never get read?

I think many people should be a little more understanding of how tough a task male subs have in finding a non pro Domme. I could not have said these words three days ago but after seeing all the mail I don't have time to answer, I feel a little bad for some of these guys. It's all so easy for me but they are pebbles in a fast flowing kink river.


(in reply to LuvnFemAuthority)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: What is wrong with sub males? - 7/7/2008 5:25:21 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		I didn't say anything about the form letters.. but if I were to do an analysis, I'd say at least 60% of my unsolicited mail is form letters.  I block the senders quickly -- but there are always new ones each week.

I get plenty of them.  Form letters for me mean letters unsolicited from people very obviously wrong for me and have no read my profile.

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to StaceyTheBitch)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: What is wrong with sub males? - 7/7/2008 7:04:08 AM   
slvemike4u


Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StaceyTheBitch

Many of you made good points. Another reason I think some people don't show up is fear. The step from the normal vanilla world to the kinky lifestyle world is a big and scary one for many. I say this based on my experience of being kinky in very vanilla surroundings.

Before I discovered there were others like me I spent a great deal of time trying to get guys to go along with my kinks. It's not easy even for the kinky minded people do make the transition from kink in their imagination to real life kink. Societies norms and all prevent many from acting.

I bet many people don't intend to not show up for appointments. They just chicken out. They get scared. It's impolite and inconsiderate, true, but we are not talking about a dentist appointment here.

...

To the person saying "a very high percentage of guys send out form letters." What survey are you using for this statement? My form letter response is running under 5%. Yes, I counted. I was curious myself how many guys use form letters. I actually send out a form half-letter in my responses with the other half of the letter being personalized. Even getting form letters isn't a bad thing provided the guys throw in some personalized information. Besides, I'm guessing subs out number Dommes by a lot and most subs get no answer. So what are they suppose to do, write the same information hundreds of times and have most of it never get read?

I think many people should be a little more understanding of how tough a task male subs have in finding a non pro Domme. I could not have said these words three days ago but after seeing all the mail I don't have time to answer, I feel a little bad for some of these guys. It's all so easy for me but they are pebbles in a fast flowing kink river.


Thank's Miss Stacey,it isn't said often enough how hard it is at times to be a male sub on Collarme(or anywhere for that matter,tends to be hell on the knees)I myself don't use form letters mostly because my computer skills are limited and as a consequence I don't have a "form" put together.The form letter thing sn't really unique to CM or to online dating it is actually just an old variation of the game played by some guys in pick-up joints for years,you know the guy who years ago in his youth went around the club trotting out the same old tired line to fifty girls in 2.5 hrs,well he has graduated and moved his act to a keyboard....nothing more nothing less...How that approach ever works is beyond me,how it ever worked in the clubs also is beyond me,but obviously some success was had at some point
    For myself when sending out a introductory message,much like when talking to a Woman in person whether L/S or Vanilla I have no idea what I am going to say till I say/type it...to me this is definately not a one size fits all situation.The message i am trying to convey depending on the Woman may very well be the same ,but how I convey that message ,what words I choose is definately not cookie cutter,here is my opening line formula.....never understood how that approach worked...maybe I just never had a good enough line....all of the preceding has of course simply been my opinion
edited by slave mike who is loathe to refer to any woman as a Bitch


< Message edited by slvemike4u -- 7/7/2008 7:11:01 AM >

(in reply to StaceyTheBitch)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: What is wrong with sub males? - 7/7/2008 7:24:10 AM   
mettadas


Posts: 30
Joined: 7/2/2008
From: Ottawa, ON
Status: offline
quote:

I may have painted a less than accurate picture.  Sorry.  The wishlist is more a way to weed out the "I want to give you stuff" guys or the dudes 1000 miles away who send unsolicited mail.  One mention of the wishlist, and she is never bothered by them again.


I wonder if you are throwing out a lot of wheat with the chaff there.  Many women here seem to have wealth enhancement as their primary kink, while I (like many men, I expect) am looking for someone who can appreciate what I am.  If my first response from someone here was "give me stuff", I'd move on.


_____________________________

If Krishna likes you, he will give you everything;
If he loves you, he'll take everything away.

- Swami Prabhupada

(in reply to slavekal)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: What is wrong with sub males? - 7/7/2008 10:22:52 AM   
subtex


Posts: 129
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Dallas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StaceyTheBitch
I bet many people don't intend to not show up for appointments. They just chicken out. They get scared. It's impolite and inconsiderate, true, but we are not talking about a dentist appointment here.



I think you are right about subs chickening out.  I have a little trouble relating to that since in the few first meetings that I've had I don't think I felt any fear.  Maybe that is because I didn't see myself as submissive to the women I was meeting but rather I viewed the meetings as an exploration of that possibility.   From what I've heard many men view themselves as under the power of a Dominant before the first meeting.  Gosh, practically a slave to someone you don't know or trust would be pretty scary.  I don't know maybe that's sometimes the case.  If it is, the sage advice of taking it slow makes sense.  Perhaps there are ways the Domme can handle the online introduction stage in such a way that it would decrease the no-shows.

What made me think of this was in pondering my own first meetings.  I had a meeting with a Domme who did in fact take it as read that I wanted to be her submissive even though we barely knew each other.  I explained that it was a little early for me to make a commitment.  She seemed to understand but at the end of the meal told me to go buy some green panties for our next meeting.  Looking back on that I realize if I had the attitude that she's a Domme so I have to do what she says even though we don't have a relationship that it would be a little overwhelming.  Maybe I'm lucky there wasn't an internet during my formative years. 

Bill

(in reply to StaceyTheBitch)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: What is wrong with sub males? - 7/7/2008 1:10:47 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		Scared or not, that is no excuse to jerk people around.  At least have enough courage to admit that you are scared.  If you are not going to show, say so.  I have very little patience for chickens.  Man the f&*k up.

(in reply to subtex)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: What is wrong with sub males? - 7/7/2008 1:59:27 PM   
TwoNYCDommes


Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: welcomerain
A lot of these guys you're complaining about aren't actually looking to meet. That's all there is to it. I'm sure there is a percentage of people who get cold feet, but the lion's share of bad collarme responses are from people who are solely into dicking people around online.


quote:

ORIGINAL: StaceyTheBitch
Another reason I think some people don't show up is fear. The step from the normal vanilla world to the kinky lifestyle world is a big and scary one for many.
...
I bet many people don't intend to not show up for appointments. They just chicken out. They get scared. It's impolite and inconsiderate, true, but we are not talking about a dentist appointment here.


My partner and I have this debate sometimes, with her taking welcomerain's position and me in StaceyTheBitch's.  It seems bizarre to me that there would be many people who actually enjoyed just "dicking people around online" enough to make a hobby of it.  But, then again, I know lots of people who enjoy things I can't understand.


quote:

ORIGINAL: StaceyTheBitch
To the person saying "a very high percentage of guys send out form letters." What survey are you using for this statement? My form letter response is running under 5%. Yes, I counted. I was curious myself how many guys use form letters. I actually send out a form half-letter in my responses with the other half of the letter being personalized. Even getting form letters isn't a bad thing provided the guys throw in some personalized information. Besides, I'm guessing subs out number Dommes by a lot and most subs get no answer. So what are they suppose to do, write the same information hundreds of times and have most of it never get read?

I think many people should be a little more understanding of how tough a task male subs have in finding a non pro Domme. I could not have said these words three days ago but after seeing all the mail I don't have time to answer, I feel a little bad for some of these guys. It's all so easy for me but they are pebbles in a fast flowing kink river.

I agree.  We don't typically hold an introductory form letter against someone, as long as the next message is responsive.  Similarly, we use standard language for things like rejection letters.  It would be pointless to rewrite our not-interested-in-long-distance paragraph every time we received a message from someone from another state, for example.

quote:

ORIGINAL: StaceyTheBitch
Before I discovered there were others like me I spent a great deal of time trying to get guys to go along with my kinks.

Really?  I've always found vanilla boys to be fairly willing to go along with whatever.

(in reply to StaceyTheBitch)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: What is wrong with sub males? - 7/9/2008 8:05:27 AM   
Aiden


Posts: 39
Joined: 5/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StaceyTheBitch

Many of you made good points. Another reason I think some people don't show up is fear. The step from the normal vanilla world to the kinky lifestyle world is a big and scary one for many. I say this based on my experience of being kinky in very vanilla surroundings.

Before I discovered there were others like me I spent a great deal of time trying to get guys to go along with my kinks. It's not easy even for the kinky minded people do make the transition from kink in their imagination to real life kink. Societies norms and all prevent many from acting.

I bet many people don't intend to not show up for appointments. They just chicken out. They get scared. It's impolite and inconsiderate, true, but we are not talking about a dentist appointment here.


All good points.  A lot of people become caricatures of what they see themselves as being in the kink spectrum when they're on the net.   Everything is exaggerated and stylised.  This is hard to translate into mundane reality, and the prospect of real time  meeting becomes daunting.  This isnt the only reason for flakey behaviour of course, just another possible factor among the others already mentioned. 

~aiden

< Message edited by Aiden -- 7/9/2008 8:06:48 AM >

(in reply to StaceyTheBitch)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: What is wrong with sub males? - 7/9/2008 5:22:47 PM   
XaviersXian


Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline 		greetings to all,

This is not just a male-sub thing.  I've seen plenty of females like that too.

I think the main factor for people is that the internet creates a "screen" from reality, and allows people to live in their heads.  Meeting is confrontational (what happens if Mistress X sees the real me, instead of the fantasy I've created for Her? can't have that because I'll be rejected....what happens if the Master I've had my eye on for the last ten years isn't as strong as He appears online? what if I end up not liking Him at all?).  Most people like the easy way out, because putting effort in is just too damn hard.

I tend to tell people I'll meet them, and (god forbid) actually meet them.  At the very least, if there is no romantic chemistry (which has happened to me many times before) I would have made a new friend, and have an excuse to go for a coffee date when my life gets too bloody crazy for words.  It's all good, whether or not it works out to be an M/s thing or not.  You can never have too many friends.

well wishes,

(in reply to Aiden)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: What is wrong with sub males? - 7/11/2008 4:26:39 AM   
balletsissypa


Posts: 44
Joined: 12/11/2004
Status: offline 		Stacey is the boss
Miss Stacey,  (Curtsey)
    i think that people do get scared about converting from fantasy to reality. However, many times with guys its a matter of them getting themselves off before You meet and thats when they usually don't show up. Chastity devices really do work. i have Domme friends and this happens to them all the time. They find that people they can see right away almost always show up. Those who book a day or more ahead have a chance to masturbate and once they cum, most guys do not feel submissive anymore.
Your obedient little girl,
lauren
xoxoxo
curtsey

(in reply to StaceyTheBitch)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: What is wrong with sub males? - 2/7/2009 8:35:08 AM   
sintyl


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/28/2009
Status: offline 		I know that I would never expect to meet someone at an event, even if it was a concert (you wouldn't really be communicating much then, would you?). Meeting someone there is like telling them "meet me at work where I'm comfortable and you aren't." You're surrounded by people that you know, you know the protocol, you know where the lines are and you expect them to know all of this by jumping into a room full of strangers? Even if they are experienced, I wouldn't expect it. No one likes to be the "new guy" at an event where you're not sure if you'll be expected (especially as a sub) to do something. Which brings up the other point of: meeting at an event is indicative of potential service at that event. It may not be your intentions but it may be implied in their mind. I'd say most would shy away from that.

And what if they wanted to bring a friend for security? Then they have to rely on that friends comfort level, and asking them to an event is a bigger favor than most.

EDIT: Oh, and tribute is baloney. If you're telling people to man the f%*k up, take your advice and don't make excuses to the subs. Just tell them your reasons. It's not hard. I've done it many times. Take the high road.

EDIT #2: Holy crap I just realized how old this thread is.


< Message edited by sintyl -- 2/7/2009 8:44:23 AM >

(in reply to balletsissypa)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: What is wrong with sub males? - 2/7/2009 8:44:36 AM   
T1981


Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline 		We've made two appointments to meet with prospective partners - one at a coffee shop and another at a resteraunt - and both times everyone showed up. I'm guessing we were lucky???

_____________________________

"Nothing is pointless, every single thing you do resonates." -Pintsize

(in reply to sintyl)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: What is wrong with sub males? - 2/7/2009 9:02:20 AM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		I've shown up every time I made an appointment with someone from CM or Alt. I think if you screen people well enough, they're pretty likely to show.

Only one woman (switch) pulled a no-show on me. So my success rate is something like 5 for 6, if you count planned meetings at the Flea. About half were dominant women, and half switch (one switch was very sub-oriented, and eventually changed her profile to sub). The no-show was after I drove an hour to Providence to meet her. She explained later that she had an emergency regarding a friend of hers. Sounded possibly plausible, but I never was able to get my interest in her charged up enough to try again.

< Message edited by hardbodysub -- 2/7/2009 9:06:18 AM >

(in reply to T1981)
Profile   Post #: 56
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