RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it change the relationship? (Full Version)

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briarrosethorne -> RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it change the relationship? (7/8/2008 12:33:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: newwacoguy

On the outside we look like the average couple with a 50/50 exchange but at home and in private it goes more of the 90/10 way. That dosen't mean that our lifestlye is all control and punishment we live more like in the 30's and 40's lifestyle. I am the head of the house but she is the neck and helps in pointing out what needs to be noticed first and foremost.


We aspire to have this type of lifestyle our selves...



slaveluci -> RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it change the relationship? (7/8/2008 4:44:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Sometimes (and I would be willing to bet more often than not) it's not at all about what someone can or can't handle, but it's about what they want for themselves.  Nor does it mean, as luci suggested, that they think they are on a different level than anyone else.  It is simply that in the umbrella of "roles" (for lack of a better word) that fall under our slavery, wife/girlfriend is not one of them.  I am no more my Master's girlfriend than I am his mechanic.  It's not something I aspire to nor will ever be.  Why?  Because that is just not how our dynamic works.  He doesn't want that of me, and I don't want to be that.

Hey ownedgirlie,
I really believe it doesn't mean that for YOU.  You have never insinuated such a thing.  Others have.  On two different threads now in the last few days, I have spoken up to challenge the notion that those who are "only" or also "girlfriends," "wives," or "lovers" are somehow less knowledgeable about how to appropriately act.  I suggested what I did because that was indirectly suggested by another poster.  I offered my viewpoint with all due respect and neither time did she respond (last time I checked).  I have never suggested that all those who aren't "girlfriends, wives or lovers" all think the same or are somehow "not capable" or what those of us who ARE those things too are capable of.  I do, however, read where those who AREN'T imply that those of us who ARE may not know how to act exactly as a good slave "should."  I take umbrage at that and that's pretty much what I indicated.  I think it was a very valid point and would have loved some mature, calm discussion on the point.  Oh well, not interesting enough to reply to, I guess[&o]............luci



ownedgirlie -> RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it change the relationship? (7/8/2008 8:00:09 PM)

Hi luci,

Thanks for clarifying.  I didn't see the insinuation that you did, so I thought you were posting that about everyone.  More often than not on these boards I see those who aren't also the wife/girlfriend/lovah/whatevah in addition to submisisve/slave as looked down upon for not being enough.  Eh.  I guess it flows both ways, doesn't it? [;)] 




leadership527 -> RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it change the relationship? (7/8/2008 10:59:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: captiveprincess
i was wondering how many of you are both submissive and romantic partner (i.e. girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband) to your Dominant?  Does being your Dominant's romantic partner affect your Dominant/submissive relationship?  If so, how and is it for better or worse?

I'm the dominant in our couple and my slave is also my wife.  Honestly, I have no experience with how it might be were that not true, but I can't really imagine it.  I can't imagine why I'd bother nor can I imagine how I could have the trust and confidence that comes, at least for me, from the certain knowledge of our love. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: captiveprincess
Some people aspire to have that girlfriend/wife status and others are content merely serving as the submissive/slave.  For me, the status of girlfriend/wife is a partnership.  Partnership means 50/50.  i don't want to have that much say, that much control.
I guess I see it a bit differently.  I very much see myself in a partnership.... 50/50.... even steven... with my wife and slavegirl.  We are two people, operating as a team to "win" at life.  We don't have the same function on the team, but both halves are critical to the success.  I wouldn't even say that my slave has no "control".  "control" is a nebulous thing... but I can guarantee you based upon the strength of my love for her and my resolve to be a master worthy of her submission, that her opinions carry a great deal of weight with me.  Nowhere in all of this did I ever set out to make the woman that I love into a lesser anything.

quote:

ORIGINAL: captiveprincess
Now, i'm not saying that i'm just going to hand over control of my life and have no say at all, but i am definitely going to be careful when selecting the person to hand my life over to.  Master/slave is a two-way street but the power exchange would be more like 90/10 when compared to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship in my opinion.  i am wondering if any of you out there feel the same.
  Hrrmmm...  ok, again I'm going to have to say that I see this from a totally different viewpoint.  I would say that if you're even worried at all about whether it's 50/50 or 60/40 or whatever, then it's best to just keep it 50/50 until there is sufficien trust developed to do something different.

quote:

ORIGINAL: captiveprincess
Dominants please feel free to comment from Your side of the question.  Would You want Your submissive to also be Your romantic partner?
Yup, wouldn't have it any other way.



AquaticSub -> RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it change the relationship? (7/9/2008 12:33:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: captiveprincess

i was wondering how many of you are both submissive and romantic partner (i.e. girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband) to your Dominant?  Does being your Dominant's romantic partner affect your Dominant/submissive relationship?  If so, how and is it for better or worse? 


I am his wife-to-be, his whore, his lover, his slut, his best friend, his slave - in short I am his girl. I couldn't see it any other way.
quote:


Some people aspire to have that girlfriend/wife status and others are content merely serving as the submissive/slave.  For me, the status of girlfriend/wife is a partnership.  Partnership means 50/50.

As it has already been stated - partnerships don't have to be 50/50 in terms of power. We are partners and we work as a team but he is clearly in charge.
quote:


i don't want to have that much say, that much control.  Now, i'm not saying that i'm just going to hand over control of my life and have no say at all, but i am definitely going to be careful when selecting the person to hand my life over to.  Master/slave is a two-way street but the power exchange would be more like 90/10 when compared to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship in my opinion.  i am wondering if any of you out there feel the same.


Not in the slightest. Some people don't want love in their relationships, I don't want it without love.
quote:


Would You want Your submissive to also be Your romantic partner?


He wouldn't have it any other way.



slaveluci -> RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it change the relationship? (7/9/2008 5:46:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Thanks for clarifying.  I didn't see the insinuation that you did,

It was more a statement than an insinuation really.  What was said was along the lines of "as a slave, you acted appropriately because if you had been the wife or girlfriend, you'd have acted (fill in the negative)."  It just annoyed me a bit that such a grand, wrong assumption was allowed to stand, esp. by those who are wives, girlfriends, etc. as well as a slave.
quote:

so I thought you were posting that about everyone

I try my best to never do that.  I don't think that's really ever on target.  Unless it has to do with micro-managing SOB's.  They ALL suck[image]http://www.collarchat.com/upfiles/smiley/rofl.gif[/image](Sorry, I saw the other thread and couldn't help myself).
quote:

More often than not on these boards I see those who aren't also the wife/girlfriend/lovah/whatevah in addition to submisisve/slave as looked down upon for not being enough

Yeah, me too.  I was surprised when the tables were turned to indicate that those who are wives and girlfriends may not be held to the same standards as a slave "should" be. 
quote:

Eh.  I guess it flows both ways, doesn't it? [;)] 

Yeah and both ways suck, honestly[:)].  Assuming all people of any group act the same is simply asanine in all cases..........................luci



ownedgirlie -> RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it change the relationship? (7/9/2008 6:39:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci
I try my best to never do that.  I don't think that's really ever on target.  Unless it has to do with micro-managing SOB's.  They ALL suck[sm=rofl.gif](Sorry, I saw the other thread and couldn't help myself).


LMAO!!  Good one!

[sm=oddballs.gif]




anguisette22 -> RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it change the relationship? (7/10/2008 12:29:55 AM)

In my previous situation, being sexually sub/Dom balanced us out perfectly. My regular personality isn't submissive at all, and his was very easy-going, not at all demanding. In our everyday lives, he was more apt to defect to me than the other way around. He was always doing things for me and giving me back massages and watching the movies I wanted to watch. He was a perfect gentleman, always sweet and caring and thoughtful. But then, behind closed doors, everything was different. I obviously don't need to explain to anyone here what I mean, heh. But I loved him, and I felt like giving him so much trust and control over me was something I could give him and no one else. So it was like a love token.

He was the only person I had a "real" s/D relationship with. I've been dominated by other men, but they were experimenting more than anything. So...in my very limited experience, I would say that the s/D aspect can have a positive effect on a relationship.



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