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Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/9/2005 7:15:50 PM   
Msfrauline


Posts: 18
Joined: 10/16/2005
Status: offline 		I have trouble getting my husband/submissive to shut up when he is talking about how he would like things to be between us. I want him to express himself but sometimes it drives me crazy. I need suggestions on how to make him Zip IT!!!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/9/2005 7:45:32 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		duct tape


(in reply to Msfrauline)
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RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/9/2005 7:49:38 PM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Msfrauline

I have trouble getting my husband/submissive to shut up when he is talking about how he would like things to be between us. I want him to express himself but sometimes it drives me crazy. I need suggestions on how to make him Zip IT!!!


I have found it helpful in the past to put a word limit on a conversation or description. It does not have to go on for eternity...but a stern look and the comment, I will accept 5 more words on the subject before it is closed for the evening...does tend to make one less of a rambler.

Cloudz

However duct tape IS a viable alternative

(in reply to Msfrauline)
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RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/9/2005 7:55:02 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Everybody has needs.

The dominant's door is open between here and here.
In the open door you may speak freely and clearly. If you talk on this subject past then, or concern me with it where I have no concern, this door may be slammed in your face..............forever......

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Msfrauline)
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RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/9/2005 8:02:13 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I'll third the duct tape while you make it clear to him that when you say he needs to be quiet he will be quiet.

This might work. I've never had the problem though so I can't say from experience.



_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Msfrauline)
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RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/9/2005 8:09:15 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Duct tape, mouth gag - they do have their place. Setting aside a specific time for communication may help. But if there is too much noise, especially When you want to concentrate on other things, a more stern approach may be required.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
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RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/9/2005 8:09:24 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		*laughing* My first knee jerk reaction also.

I would definitely put limits in force. First he must have permission to discuss. If the discussion is going well, and you are comfortable that is fine. If he is not expressing himself well, or he is expressing himself too much, I would try the corner for a few minutes. It is often easier for a boy to reflect while facing the corner in a kneeling position with a ball gag in his mouth.
I had one boy that who knew I would just say "ZIP!"...I would say it twice. If I had to say it a third time, rather than say it, into the corner he went!


_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to Msfrauline)
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RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/9/2005 8:19:53 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		You say it in far more elegant fashion than I could.

Dommes/Doms (whatever, have limits)

Shut it, plant it, quit it.

LOL,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/9/2005 8:23:12 PM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Msfrauline

I have trouble getting my husband/submissive to shut up when he is talking about how he would like things to be between us. I want him to express himself but sometimes it drives me crazy. I need suggestions on how to make him Zip IT!!!



First let him know, while you appreciate he is keen for you too learn how to dominate him, you don't think the current method of him talking and you listening is the most advantageous route....so you have been thinking and you have decided there is a better way. Ask him to write his thoughts down on paper or in an online journal, or in an email to you. You could turn it into a 'game'...he has to write down 10 different topics and each day you give him one of these topics to discuss, ie submission, bondage, domination, what is a 'Mistress', also a free day where he can express whatever it is he likes. Each morning get him to perform a task of some kind... setting out a towel and toiletries for your morning shower, or polishing your shoes, or handwashing lingerie worn the day before, or doing an exercise workout because as your sub he needs to be in the best possible shape to be of service. Every now and then text or email, or call, or leave a note in his car, briefcase, lunch to find later telling him he has a punishment coming or a treat. Tell him he has a week where he can freely discuss his needs this way. After that you will decide if he has earnt the right to speak to you about them.

Also if you haven't already, ask him to fill out a BDSM checklist, asking him to further explain any things that crop up as been interesting to him that you hadn't considered.

But most of all tell him you are sick of the dog with an old bone routine...and if he doesn't watch himself he may find his bone is a long time buried.

Whatever you end up doing, good luck ;) or you could just simply invest in a soap gag! :P



_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


Visit My Website


(in reply to Msfrauline)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/9/2005 10:04:05 PM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
_____________________________

quote:

To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place.Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005
Visit My Website

=====================

i realize by now, after seeing this, a hundred times,....it no longer affects me, nor is it in reflection to me........
but i still get a twinge when i see it.
give up the desires? if i did i would have-to go back to vanilla or stop cleaning the house and yards and start becoming another do-me boy.....except? what would i do-me as? "I" have NO kinks......

oh migawd........

lol

take care
best wishes

wolf


_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"


(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/9/2005 10:06:44 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		My first thought for a reply was ask/tell him to shut it.

I don't really understand the questions about "how can I get someone to do _________?" or "how do I know if someone is intersted in _________" Just freakin' ask people

(in reply to Msfrauline)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/9/2005 10:20:39 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

My first thought for a reply was ask/tell him to shut it.

I don't really understand the questions about "how can I get someone to do _________?" or "how do I know if someone is intersted in _________" Just freakin' ask people


I get a sense that her problem is more that her partner is so excited about the idea that she's going to be his femdom, he can't help keep offering suggestions, wishlists, ideas, "helpful input," fantasies, or voicing his enthusiasm and appreciation to the point that it gets annoying.

This often happens when a woman starts to explore dominance with a man who has been dying for it for a long time. He sometimes gets so pushy and overly excited about it that he annoys her or drives her AWAY from it because he can't be quiet about it. Or, he's so busy offering up various kinds of submission that she never has a chance to get empowered about it -- he's driving the relationship dynamic by being so proactive and helpful that he becomes an annoyance.

Or it might be that she's sick of hearing about how excited he is about it or all his ideas of things they can do or what she might like or want. I'm just speculating.

My advice, if this is the case, is to tell him that his overindulgence in discussing it is putting a damper on her style and ability to enjoy and find her role -- and that if he wants her to grow and continue, he should limit his input, comments, suggestions, etc. to <insert a reasonable time frame for her - 15 minutes a day? etc? --less? more?> and put all OTHER comments in writing for her to read at her convenience. Communication is so important to a bdsm dynamic that it cannot be 'cut off' or its doomed. He can, however, learn to make good choices about when/what to say, and what else is his own "nervous excitement" and can be directed toward journaling or letters to her.

Sometimes a guy can make a femdom sick of her new role by having to "live in it 24/7" by contantly TALKING about it when he's not submitting. It's like -- "one track mind" hell or drives her to say, "Shut up about it already, I'm getting sick of even hearing about it!"

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/10/2005 1:22:34 AM   
littlespike


Posts: 80
Joined: 5/21/2005
From: Austin
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Duct tape, mouth gag - they do have their place. Setting aside a specific time for communication may help. But if there is too much noise, especially When you want to concentrate on other things, a more stern approach may be required.


i think that the ball gag is a fine idea. When he does not shut-up place the gag securely in place. Then sooner or later he may get the idea.... training at it's best....

_____________________________



http://www.goddessselene.com/ -- My Mistress and best friend

http://www.homepage.bannerzzz.com/ - My homepage

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/10/2005 4:44:46 AM   
WalterRego


Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline 		I second the idea of making him write it down. Tell him, however, that it must be succinct and well thought out. You are intelligent, resourceful etc, and don't need for him to spell it out for you in elaborate, repetitive detail. Nor do you want it. This is about his service to you, thus a well thought out paragraph will be more than sufficient. If it pleases you, it may be incorporated ~ at a time you chose~ into his life. If he doesn't hear about it again, then he should understand that it does not interest you and as a sub desirous of pleasing his Mistress, should wisely drop it.

The gag is also a good idea. Not just using it, but as a symbol. Tell him that in the future, whenever he is talking too much, or annoying you, you will hold it up or tell him to fetch it for you. That is his signal to be quiet. Or wind up wearing it for as long as you feel appropriate.

_____________________________

A person should not choose the form in which he wishes to perform the service, but he should perform it in any manner the opportunity affords. He should be like a vessel into which anything may be poured - wine, milk, or water.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel

(in reply to littlespike)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/10/2005 5:10:51 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		You guys beat me to it...

Write it down. Journal style. Not long detailed stories of mental masturbation fantasies. Keep it short simple & to the point, this is your show & yours to design <wink>.

I also agree with the duct tape.

I would also go as far as suggesting you write down some of your own ideas. Nurture your own creativity & explore this within yourself. Ultimately you will find that no amount of information gathered from outside sources will be a resourceful as your own thoughts & imagination. Attempting to create scenes by emulating others will always feel a bit akward... because it is not your own nature flow. Once you find your own niche you will find comfort & confidence in your actions.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to WalterRego)
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RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/10/2005 5:27:25 AM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Msfrauline

I have trouble getting my husband/submissive to shut up when he is talking about how he would like things to be between us. I want him to express himself but sometimes it drives me crazy. I need suggestions on how to make him Zip IT!!!


What would happen if you slipped one of those extra large 60 gallon lawn bags over him and then poked a couple of air holes in it?


- The Ranger

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


(in reply to Msfrauline)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/10/2005 5:30:36 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I have trouble getting my husband/submissive to shut up when he is talking about how he would like things to be between us. I want him to express himself but sometimes it drives me crazy. I need suggestions on how to make him Zip IT!!!


Well if you took the time to honestly listen to him, maybe he wouldn't feel the need to keep repeating it? Just a thought.

Honestly, I find people keep repeating because they feel they aren't being heard or being acknowledged.

I listen to everything my boy has to say to me. In fact, I make him tell me everything ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Msfrauline)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/10/2005 7:17:40 AM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:



Well if you took the time to honestly listen to him, maybe he wouldn't feel the need to keep repeating it? Just a thought.

Honestly, I find people keep repeating because they feel they aren't being heard or being acknowledged.

I listen to everything my boy has to say to me. In fact, I make him tell me everything ;-)

- LA

===============

whoops there it is! i am happy someone said it..........

thank You LadyAngelika-

i couldn't have worded it any better.

wolf

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"


(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/11/2005 8:23:04 AM   
Msfrauline


Posts: 18
Joined: 10/16/2005
Status: offline 		I honestly thought that I had been listening to him. Some times I just don't understand what he wants. I get most of what he is talking about but he claims that I haven't made the true connection between what he has handed me, complete control, and the ways this could improve my life at the same time making him happy. I would have to agree with that. I truly don't understand how it's an advantage for me to see him do all the chores when I have done "domestic" things my whole life. It's easier just to do it myself than to show him how I want it done.

It doesn't motivate me to control him knowing I can just sit on the couch while he scurries around in an apron and cleans. If this is truly about me then I shouldn't have to bend to his sweaty fantaises about doing house chores. We always end up at this crossroads...me just being dominant in the bedroom which never seems to be enough for him.

Then when he doesn't see things going his way, we have to TALK about it. Hours at a time. I always agree to attempt the things tha he suggests but by weeks end I am back to doing things myself and he gets frustrated becuase I am not being sincere with him.

Our problem is that while we have been married a year and 1/2 we have known each other for four years and I still can't seem to completly wrap my head around a lot of this and take it out of the bedroom. I lose interest within a couple of days and it's just gone. If there's no sexual charge in it for me then there's no interest. I was raised that sexual things say in the bedroom and they arn't suposed to be done in the living rooom etc.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 11/11/2005 8:29:22 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		learning together is one thing, but when it becomes dictating and directing--thats what the D's in Domination stand for---and that is My turf, I've always found silence and banishment on My part to be very stern motivators to silence one.

...and the last sound you hear is the crack of the whip as it brings you to your submissive knees...smiles., good luck!

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 20
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