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What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 4:00:09 PM   
GentlemanBobIII


Posts: 63
Joined: 6/19/2008
From: Robinson Twp (Pittsburgh Area) PA
Status: offline 		Dommes are in charge, right? So once a submissive is bound what is to keep a Domme from doing whatever she wants, however she wants to the submissive, irrespective of the "hard limits" or desires/wants of the submissive? I mean, first of all, it takes a lot of trust to allow someone to bind you in the first place. Then, though l. ets say you, as the submissive, wants cbt or tickle torture but the domme is in a different mood and brings out a paddle with studs on it instead, or proceeds to strap on a dildo and stick it up your anus? First of all, does this happen all that often and if so is it just part of the submission process and the aforementioned submisssive just has to deal with it? Or is there some kind of code that would prohibit a domme from doing that? Or do you, as the submissive simply give up all rights? Sorry to ask so many questions. -Bob

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"We are put here on Earth to do good to others; What the others are here for, I don't know"-WH Auden
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RE: What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 4:08:19 PM   
MamaDomme1


Posts: 377
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		Bob, there are no guarantees in life.  Period.  The main thing is to play with someone you get to know....... and set up your own safety net.

(in reply to GentlemanBobIII)
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RE: What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 4:10:25 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		One must assume the D-type has personal integrity.  If not, then you're screwed (pardon the pun).
 
Assuming the dominant does have integrity, the negotiation process is designed to ensure that everyone gets what s/he wants.  As a Domina, I don't allow the s-type to run the scene.  That's my job.  However, I can and do make sure I know the sub's desires, preferences, and dislikes.  From there, I do what I want.  The sub may not get exactly what s/he expects or wants all the time, every time.  But, chances are it will be enjoyable for both of us.  In fact, my play partner often gets more than what he thought he'd bargained for but it's always what he wants.  I love watching him squirm and I love knowing that he really is enjoying it.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

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RE: What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 4:15:28 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Well Bob, yes there is a code of conduct, but only among those who choose to abide by it.  Which is no help.

Yes, it's true, you are in a very vulnerable position, and it's that position that makes the experience so exciting. If there really was no possibility of danger it would be like a kiddy ride at the amusement park.  You want risk, but a calculated one. Take your time in  getting to know someone, don't rush things and pay attention to any red flags you encounter.  Don't put yourself in a vulnerable position until you feel comfortable.

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RE: What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 4:20:19 PM   
GentlemanBobIII


Posts: 63
Joined: 6/19/2008
From: Robinson Twp (Pittsburgh Area) PA
Status: offline 		Good Advice Thank you. -Bob

_____________________________

"We are put here on Earth to do good to others; What the others are here for, I don't know"-WH Auden

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RE: What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 4:24:59 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Bob you need to find someone you trust, its that simple. If you dont trust them, dont play.

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RE: What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 4:32:59 PM   
GentlemanBobIII


Posts: 63
Joined: 6/19/2008
From: Robinson Twp (Pittsburgh Area) PA
Status: offline 		I understand that.I wouldn't want to "run" a scene a) it'd be boring not to mention interfering w/ the dommmes creativity as she might be able to come up with something far better than I could and b) she might have some ideas that would push my limits and in the process I might find I like it. I guess one thing is, after she has unbound you if she totally disrespected you you wouldn't return. I think I would have more issue in a FOR PAY situation where you are paying this person tribute ranging from $300-$1000 for a certain scenario and you both agree to it then she proceeds to do something completely different. I think though, if I was in a relationship w/ her and I knew she cared I would be more open to a divergence from the script as it were. -Bob

_____________________________

"We are put here on Earth to do good to others; What the others are here for, I don't know"-WH Auden

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RE: What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 4:33:36 PM   
opposingtwilight


Posts: 684
Joined: 6/13/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GentlemanBobIII

Dommes are in charge, right? So once a submissive is bound what is to keep a Domme from doing whatever she wants, however she wants to the submissive, irrespective of the "hard limits" or desires/wants of the submissive? I mean, first of all, it takes a lot of trust to allow someone to bind you in the first place. Then, though l. ets say you, as the submissive, wants cbt or tickle torture but the domme is in a different mood and brings out a paddle with studs on it instead, or proceeds to strap on a dildo and stick it up your anus? First of all, does this happen all that often and if so is it just part of the submission process and the aforementioned submisssive just has to deal with it? Or is there some kind of code that would prohibit a domme from doing that? Or do you, as the submissive simply give up all rights? Sorry to ask so many questions. -Bob


Well, there is no guarantee that you'll never find yourself playing with someone who refuses to actually -get- your consent for everything they want to do to you. And there's no guarantee that you'll never get hurt or frightened or pushed past your comfort zone.

Getting to know those you intend to play with will help with this. But even then ... There's the human factor. Sometimes dominants make mistakes. It happens to the best of 'em.

On the other hand, scening isn't a minefield. Generally most people will only go just so far because in a way, they're just as vulnerable as you are. The one and only time I ever tried to dominate another girl, she begged me to spank her and finally I worked up my nerve and did just that. A week later word got back to me that she was telling people I'd "raped" and traumatized her. Some people took her side. Some took mine.

FORTUNATELY there were no legal ramifications but when it comes right down to it, the dominant has to trust the submissive not to turn around and cry abuse just as much as the submissive has to trust the dominant not to actually deliver abuse.

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RE: What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 4:47:39 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GentlemanBobIII

I think I would have more issue in a FOR PAY situation where you are paying this person tribute ranging from $300-$1000 for a certain scenario and you both agree to it then she proceeds to do something completely different. I think though, if I was in a relationship w/ her and I knew she cared I would be more open to a divergence from the script as it were. -Bob


You're right, purchasing a professional's services and playing with a friend or romantic partner are worlds apart even if you're incorporating the same type things.  You have to approach them differently in order to minimize risk and maximize the return on your investment.  However, in either case, integrity still applies.  Without that, there is nothing but trouble.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to GentlemanBobIII)
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RE: What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 4:48:13 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Bob i think in a " pay " situation, one would be perfectly safe. How many clients would return otherwise. Like any business, a good client base is crucial to success.

i think the only time you would be in real danger, is if you had eaten Her Haggen Das without permission.

(in reply to opposingtwilight)
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RE: What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 4:51:26 PM   
MamaDomme1


Posts: 377
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

i think the only time you would be in real danger, is if you had eaten Her Haggen Das without permission.


I think that carries a mandatory penalty of amputation of important body parts or something.  ;)

(in reply to Politesub53)
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RE: What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 4:55:29 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MamaDomme1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

i think the only time you would be in real danger, is if you had eaten Her Haggen Das without permission.


I think that carries a mandatory penalty of amputation of important body parts or something.  ;)


Is this where i act dumb,  Ma`am

(in reply to MamaDomme1)
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RE: What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 4:56:51 PM   
MamaDomme1


Posts: 377
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		smooches to you PoliteSub!

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RE: What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 4:59:24 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		" Blushes " and smooches back.

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RE: What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 5:07:50 PM   
GentlemanBobIII


Posts: 63
Joined: 6/19/2008
From: Robinson Twp (Pittsburgh Area) PA
Status: offline 		You are a fortunate man politesub53. Imagine getting  smooched by a nice pretty lady like MamaDomme. I think that'd  make my month if it were me. Of course any tima a pretty lady favors you with a kiss, well itputs a smile on your face at the very least. Strange this power a woman has.... -Bob

_____________________________

"We are put here on Earth to do good to others; What the others are here for, I don't know"-WH Auden

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RE: What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 5:09:26 PM   
MamaDomme1


Posts: 377
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		~~FR~~

Awe shucks guys.............. ya'll are gonna make me get all mushy if you don't quit.

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RE: What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 5:19:40 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm a male Dom but I'll answer anyway because I don't see gender playing an issue.

There are three ways in which my sub/bottom will influence a scene:

1.Pre-scene negotiations.  I will take her likes and dislikes into account after she communicates them to me, and especially her limits.
2. Her safeword.  If she uses it, it is my choice to stop the scene entirely, to continue what I was doing with less intensity, or to change to another activity.
3. Her reactions.  I want to see her squirming with a mixture of pain and pleasure, and I will adjust my play to get to that point.

It's my call how I get her there.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 5:50:51 PM   
GentlemanBobIII


Posts: 63
Joined: 6/19/2008
From: Robinson Twp (Pittsburgh Area) PA
Status: offline 		Would that be so terrible if you did "get all mushy"? In any case you didn't smooch me, I was just letting politesub know how lucky he was to be smooched by  you. Funny word smooch, you don't hear it used that much these days. It's a good word. BTW what does ~~FR~~ mean, at the top of your post?  TTFN-Bob

_____________________________

"We are put here on Earth to do good to others; What the others are here for, I don't know"-WH Auden

(in reply to MamaDomme1)
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RE: What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 6:01:18 PM   
SpiderInWaiting


Posts: 39
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Dommes are in charge, right? So once a submissive is bound what is to keep a Domme from doing whatever she wants, however she wants to the submissive, irrespective of the "hard limits" or desires/wants of the submissive? I mean, first of all, it takes a lot of trust to allow someone to bind you in the first place. Then, though l. ets say you, as the submissive, wants cbt or tickle torture but the domme is in a different mood and brings out a paddle with studs on it instead, or proceeds to strap on a dildo and stick it up your anus? First of all, does this happen all that often and if so is it just part of the submission process and the aforementioned submisssive just has to deal with it? Or is there some kind of code that would prohibit a domme from doing that? Or do you, as the submissive simply give up all rights? Sorry to ask so many questions. -Bob


You just have to use some common sense regarding who you get involved with just like you need to excercise common sense about you get involved with in the vanilla world. This is something that has been said over and over and over and over and there are still people asking. I can't help but wonder if these are the same people who need the warning labels on hairdryers.


_____________________________

"Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!"

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RE: What protections/guarantees does a submissive have? - 7/4/2008 6:04:25 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		You have to let them go sometime-and when that time comes-you will have to pay the piper for your deeds.

Remember, women are generally weaker than men. And it's a pretty bad idea to piss one off that badly. You might end up getting the living snot beaten out of you for your arrogance.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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