Anger Management

Anger Management (Full Version)

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SpiderInWaiting -> Anger Management (7/6/2008 1:28:11 AM)
Over the years I have heard and seen quite a few subs offer themselves to dominants for the dominant to take his/her frustrations out on (generally through the sub receiving beatings or some sort of torture while the domme is pissed off). I personally am disturbed by this type of thinking. If a domme is angry and leading a situation in anger it just sounds like recipe for disaster not to mention the dominant not actually being in control of herself. Does anyone actually practice this and if so what do they really get out of it? How would you respond to a dom or sub who wants this?

IronBear -> RE: Anger Management (7/6/2008 1:33:05 AM)
If, in my opinion, a Dominant has anger or temper issues then he or she shold not be involved with anyone over whom he excorcises authority and frankly again in my opinion, he or she is not a Dominant but a foul bully. IB (The incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent Bear)

myotherself -> RE: Anger Management (7/6/2008 1:33:15 AM)
As a sub without a death wish...I'd run. Faster than I had ever run before. I might also scream while I'm running.

opposingtwilight -> RE: Anger Management (7/6/2008 1:36:06 AM)
I've offered myself for practice purposes before but never for anger management. I can't imagine actually wanting to try and submit to someone who was actively angry. I hate confrontations and usually try to either avoid them or placate the other person. (Not with my body, though ...) I think its usually just a figure of speech when a submissive makes an offer like that.

Shadow-tiger -> RE: Anger Management (7/6/2008 1:54:21 AM)
Hmm, the first thing I'd have to ask is how much anger we're talking about here? Personally I've had issues with my temper when I was younger, enough I wouldn't drink for fear of losing control etc. Now I'd never have tried taking it out on another through impact play. That's just asking for trouble. On the other hand a bit of rough sex can be therapeutic. As for how I'd respond to a sub looking for this sort of play? I'd point 'em to someone who'd beat them because it's fun (maybe me), not to get their frustrations out. As for someone who wanted to do the beating in that state of mind? Take a step back, think it over because rationality goes right out the window when anger takes over for many people.

MsArcEnCiel -> RE: Anger Management (7/6/2008 3:37:58 AM)
i personally have nothing against it if my Owner uses me to relieve Her stress level. It is done with consent and with all honesty. And just to clarify for those who have the urge to jump into conclusions - "relieving stress" does not equal "a berserk beating" in O/our house. :)

TysGalilah -> RE: Anger Management (7/6/2008 4:33:34 AM)
Dominant one = the one in control, of themselves and s-type. Anger management issues/rage = out of control...not in control. imo relieving stress is not* the same as having angermanagement issues and needing to beat the crap out of someone to (not) deal with them.* having said that a good "whoopin" can be a great stress reliever for both.[sm=crop.gif] how you define "whoopin" is an individual thing. [sm=sm.gif]

beltainefaerie -> RE: Anger Management (7/6/2008 5:37:09 AM)
Master would never beat me in anger, however, when he has experienced loads of frustration/ anger/irritation at work or some other situation we have arranged for a nice long session. Being able to beat me helps release the stress, but it isn't as though he is channelling the anger into our session, which is a distinction I hope is clear. (If he was seething with rage at something, we would of course not choose that time to play as he wouldn't be in a state of mind to keep us safe). Also, when I have experienced lots of stress/anger, etc, it helps me to be beaten. While I do switch, I find that if I am in that state of mind, being beaten calms a deep inner part of myself. Somehow doing the beating doesn't have the same release for me. My dominant self comes out to play more occasionally and does not have the same cathartic effect.

DesFIP -> RE: Anger Management (7/6/2008 5:51:09 AM)
Even the most laid back person will get angry sometimes. And just because someone is angry doesn't mean he's going to turn into a mass murderer. There's a difference between being angry and needing anger management. He wouldn't go for this but if someone is angry at a situation or person other than the sub, and agrees to use the sub as a stand in, I'm betting they can still be in control plus they probably won't stay angry long. It's like watching a video of your favorite comedian, you may be in a bad mood when you start, but your mood will have lightened by the time you end. Forcing yourself to engage in a habitually pleasant activity, even when you don't feel like it, is known to improve depression. I'd bet it also works on other bad moods. Obviously this only applies if the dominant doesn't have rage disorder or other untreated anger issues.

SummerWind -> RE: Anger Management (7/6/2008 9:13:27 AM)
If I'm angry with someone or something.....I take it out on that person or that thing....I'd find no relief taking my anger out on someone who I was not angry at..... Anyone who takes their anger out on others is a jerk off........D/s or vanilla

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Anger Management (7/6/2008 9:22:26 AM)
Our household trains their dominants from the bottom up, so for those who are seeking to become dominants, prior to "earning the crop", you serve for an unspecified time as a slave. During my years of training, there was one particular dominant in the household for whom I felt a special affinity. He and I had a particular agreement -- I offered myself as a vessel to take the edge off his anger. The requirements, negotiated as a separate agreement, but through the Council of the House, were that he could only use tools with which I was already comfortable, and that he could not use edge or extreme play for his 'venting' sessions. Both of us were satisfied with this, and I had several occasions where I provided a canvas on which he could vent his frustrations. Was it dangerous -- not the way that we practiced it. Could it be? Probably. In all honesty, I think he was more aware of boundaries when he was using me to vent on than during our other scenes. I thought of it as 'stress reduction'. I felt that it improved the general health for him and for our household, since if he had a chance to vent, he'd be less likely to internalize or to explode at an inappropriate time or in an inappropriate situation.Now, if it were freely offered, I would certainly accept if we had a servant willing to offer that. Your mileage may vary, Firestorm

DreamyLadySnow -> RE: Anger Management (7/6/2008 10:11:34 AM)
A lot of people still live in fantasy land, regarding S/m. If someone was truly angry and beating them, I suspect they'd change their minds in a hurry. LS

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Anger Management (7/6/2008 10:44:31 AM)
As the sub I get useful service, and as the dom I get to work out my anger. Ultimately, we're all happy and fulfilled together knowing how we work things out. And trust me, don't kid yourselves thinking it's just a fantasy. There are lots of relationships in which the sub happily hands themselves over to be used as anger release. It works quite well in the right relationships.

Venatrix -> RE: Anger Management (7/6/2008 10:55:15 AM)
It's never even crossed my mind to physically take my bad mood out on my sub. If my bad mood has been engendered by someone other than my sub, I deal with that person. If one needs to express anger in a physical way, an hour or so of exercise would be far healthier.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Anger Management (7/6/2008 11:03:10 AM)
~FR~ I took on my current play partner for just this reason -- anger management. Emphasis on the management. For personal reasons I won't bore you with, my head had turned ugly and I needed an outlet for the anger/hurt/frustration/bitterness. My usual coping mechanisms were not working. He has given me another mechanism and I'm thankful to him for providing this service. However, the point here is that it's an anger management system not abuse. The pent up energy has a place to go and, at the same time, I am forced into a position where I must control myself instead of self-destructing. It's fun for both of us and I work to make sure it's also healthy.

variation30 -> RE: Anger Management (7/6/2008 11:51:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SpiderInWaiting Over the years I have heard and seen quite a few subs offer themselves to dominants for the dominant to take his/her frustrations out on (generally through the sub receiving beatings or some sort of torture while the domme is pissed off). I personally am disturbed by this type of thinking. If a domme is angry and leading a situation in anger it just sounds like recipe for disaster not to mention the dominant not actually being in control of herself. Does anyone actually practice this and if so what do they really get out of it? How would you respond to a dom or sub who wants this? I wouldn't beat on someone if I were angry. I especially woudn't beat on someone because I was angry.

celticlord2112 -> RE: Anger Management (7/6/2008 11:59:13 AM)
quote: Does anyone actually practice this and if so what do they really get out of it? How would you respond to a dom or sub who wants this? When I'm frustrated I vent my frustrations with sex. So far, my slave hasn't complained.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Anger Management (7/6/2008 12:10:44 PM)
A lot of people have tools they use to vent their frustrations. For some people, it is a negotiated part of their D/s relationship. Why is that so hard to believe? Because you don't do it, it's "fantasy"? Wow, what hubris. Firestorm quote: ORIGINAL: DreamyLadySnow A lot of people still live in fantasy land, regarding S/m. If someone was truly angry and beating them, I suspect they'd change their minds in a hurry. LS

JANAAZ1 -> RE: Anger Management (7/6/2008 12:30:18 PM)
celticlord2112, I LIKE YOUR SYLE !!!!!!!!

ownedgirlie -> RE: Anger Management (7/6/2008 12:34:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Even the most laid back person will get angry sometimes. And just because someone is angry doesn't mean he's going to turn into a mass murderer. There's a difference between being angry and needing anger management. He wouldn't go for this but if someone is angry at a situation or person other than the sub, and agrees to use the sub as a stand in, I'm betting they can still be in control plus they probably won't stay angry long. It's like watching a video of your favorite comedian, you may be in a bad mood when you start, but your mood will have lightened by the time you end. Forcing yourself to engage in a habitually pleasant activity, even when you don't feel like it, is known to improve depression. I'd bet it also works on other bad moods. Obviously this only applies if the dominant doesn't have rage disorder or other untreated anger issues. I love this post. Thanks, Celeste, for writing it. Sure my Master uses me to relieve his frustrations. Much like my sister walks her dog when she is frustrated. I am an outlet for him. It doesn't mean he wants to cause me harm or injury. He quite prefers me to be in tip top shape. So in the past when he has been frustrated or angry, he'll strike harder with the belt or flogger. He might more brutally express his sadistic nature by causing me some temporary mental anguish. Fantasy? Nope. More like ideal!

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