Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Anger Management


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Anger Management Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Anger Management - 7/6/2008 1:28:11 AM   
SpiderInWaiting


Posts: 39
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline 		Over the years I have heard and seen quite a few subs offer themselves to dominants for the dominant to take his/her frustrations out on (generally through the sub receiving beatings or some sort of torture while the domme is pissed off). I personally am disturbed by this type of thinking. If a domme is angry and leading a situation in anger it just sounds like recipe for disaster not to mention the dominant not actually being in control of herself. Does anyone actually practice this and if so what do they really get out of it? How would you respond to a dom or sub who wants this?

_____________________________

"Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!"
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Anger Management - 7/6/2008 1:33:05 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		If, in my opinion, a Dominant has anger or temper issues then he or she shold not be involved with anyone over whom he excorcises authority and frankly again in my opinion, he or she is not a Dominant but a foul bully.


IB
(The incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent Bear)

(in reply to SpiderInWaiting)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Anger Management - 7/6/2008 1:33:15 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		As a sub without a death wish...I'd run.  Faster than I had ever run before.  I might also scream while I'm running.




_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to SpiderInWaiting)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Anger Management - 7/6/2008 1:36:06 AM   
opposingtwilight


Posts: 684
Joined: 6/13/2008
Status: offline 		I've offered myself for practice purposes before but never for anger management. I can't imagine actually wanting to try and submit to someone who was actively angry. I hate confrontations and usually try to either avoid them or placate the other person. (Not with my body, though ...) I think its usually just a figure of speech when a submissive makes an offer like that.

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Anger Management - 7/6/2008 1:54:21 AM   
Shadow-tiger


Posts: 1775
Joined: 6/8/2008
From: California
Status: offline 		Hmm, the first thing I'd have to ask is how much anger we're talking about here? Personally I've had issues with my temper when I was younger, enough I wouldn't drink for fear of losing control etc. Now I'd never have tried taking it out on another through impact play. That's just asking for trouble. On the other hand a bit of rough sex can be therapeutic.

As for how I'd respond to a sub looking for this sort of play? I'd point 'em to someone who'd beat them because it's fun (maybe me), not to get their frustrations out. As for someone who wanted to do the beating in that state of mind? Take a step back, think it over because rationality goes right out the window when anger takes over for many people.

(in reply to SpiderInWaiting)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Anger Management - 7/6/2008 3:37:58 AM   
MsArcEnCiel


Posts: 17
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		i personally have nothing against it if my Owner uses me to relieve Her stress level. It is done with consent and with all honesty. And just to clarify for those who have the urge to jump into conclusions - "relieving stress" does not equal "a berserk beating" in O/our house. :)

(in reply to Shadow-tiger)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Anger Management - 7/6/2008 4:33:34 AM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline 		 
 
Dominant one =  the one in control, of themselves and s-type.
Anger management issues/rage = out of control...not in control.
 
imo
relieving stress is not the same as having angermanagement issues and needing to beat the crap out of someone to (not) deal with them.
 
having said that
 
a good "whoopin" can be a great stress reliever for both.
   how you define "whoopin" is an individual thing.

 
 
 
 
 


_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to SpiderInWaiting)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Anger Management - 7/6/2008 5:37:09 AM   
beltainefaerie


Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline 		Master would never beat me in anger, however, when he has experienced loads of frustration/ anger/irritation at work or some other situation we have arranged for a nice long session.  Being able to beat me helps release the stress, but it isn't as though he is channelling the anger into our session, which is a distinction I hope is clear.  (If he was seething with rage at something, we would of course not choose that time to play as he wouldn't be in a state of mind to keep us safe).  

Also, when I have experienced lots of stress/anger, etc, it helps me to be beaten. While I do switch, I find that if I am in that state of mind, being beaten calms a deep inner part of myself.  Somehow doing the beating doesn't have the same release for me.  My dominant self comes out to play more occasionally and does not have the same cathartic effect. 

(in reply to TysGalilah)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Anger Management - 7/6/2008 5:51:09 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Even the most laid back person will get angry sometimes. And just because someone is angry doesn't mean he's going to turn into a mass murderer. There's a difference between being angry and needing anger management.

He wouldn't go for this but if someone is angry at a situation or person other than the sub, and agrees to use the sub as a stand in, I'm betting they can still be in control plus they probably won't stay angry long. It's like watching a video of your favorite comedian, you may be in a bad mood when you start, but your mood will have lightened by the time you end. Forcing yourself to engage in a habitually pleasant activity, even when you don't feel like it, is known to improve depression. I'd bet it also works on other bad moods. Obviously this only applies if the dominant doesn't have rage disorder or other untreated anger issues.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to beltainefaerie)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Anger Management - 7/6/2008 9:13:27 AM   
SummerWind


Posts: 314
Joined: 7/4/2007
Status: offline 		If I'm angry with someone or something.....I take it out on that person or that thing....I'd find no relief taking my anger out on someone who I was not angry at.....

Anyone who takes their anger out on others is a jerk off........D/s or vanilla


< Message edited by SummerWind -- 7/6/2008 9:16:51 AM >

(in reply to SpiderInWaiting)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Anger Management - 7/6/2008 9:22:26 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Our household trains their dominants from the bottom up, so for those who are seeking to become dominants, prior to "earning the crop", you serve for an unspecified time as a slave. During my years of training, there was one particular dominant in the household for whom I felt a special affinity. He and I had a particular agreement -- I offered myself as a vessel to take the edge off his anger. The requirements, negotiated as a separate agreement, but through the Council of the House, were that he could only use tools with which I was already comfortable, and that he could not use edge or extreme play for his 'venting' sessions. Both of us were satisfied with this, and I had several occasions where I provided a canvas on which he could vent his frustrations. Was it dangerous -- not the way that we practiced it. Could it be? Probably. In all honesty, I think he was more aware of boundaries when he was using me to vent on than during our other scenes. I thought of it as 'stress reduction'. I felt that it improved the general health for him and for our household, since if he had a chance to vent, he'd be less likely to internalize or to explode at an inappropriate time or in an inappropriate situation.Now, if it were freely offered, I would certainly accept if we had a servant willing to offer that.

Your mileage may vary,

Firestorm


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to SpiderInWaiting)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Anger Management - 7/6/2008 10:11:34 AM   
DreamyLadySnow


Posts: 359
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline 		A lot of people still live in fantasy land, regarding S/m. If someone was truly angry and beating them, I suspect they'd change their minds in a hurry.

LS

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Anger Management - 7/6/2008 10:44:31 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		As the sub I get useful service, and as the dom I get to work out my anger.  Ultimately, we're all happy and fulfilled together knowing how we work things out.

And trust me, don't kid yourselves thinking it's just a fantasy.  There are lots of relationships in which the sub happily hands themselves over to be used as anger release.  It works quite well in the right relationships.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Anger Management - 7/6/2008 10:55:15 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		It's never even crossed my mind to physically take my bad mood out on my sub.  If my bad mood has been engendered by someone other than my sub, I deal with that person.  If one needs to express anger in a physical way, an hour or so of exercise would be far healthier.

(in reply to SpiderInWaiting)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Anger Management - 7/6/2008 11:03:10 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		~FR~
 
I took on my current play partner for just this reason -- anger management.  Emphasis on the management.  For personal reasons I won't bore you with, my head had turned ugly and I needed an outlet for the anger/hurt/frustration/bitterness.  My usual coping mechanisms were not working.  He has given me another mechanism and I'm thankful to him for providing this service.
 
However, the point here is that it's an anger management system not abuse.  The pent up energy has a place to go and, at the same time, I am forced into a position where I must control myself instead of self-destructing.  It's fun for both of us and I work to make sure it's also healthy. 

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Anger Management - 7/6/2008 11:51:49 AM   
variation30


Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiderInWaiting

Over the years I have heard and seen quite a few subs offer themselves to dominants for the dominant to take his/her frustrations out on (generally through the sub receiving beatings or some sort of torture while the domme is pissed off). I personally am disturbed by this type of thinking. If a domme is angry and leading a situation in anger it just sounds like recipe for disaster not to mention the dominant not actually being in control of herself. Does anyone actually practice this and if so what do they really get out of it? How would you respond to a dom or sub who wants this?


I wouldn't beat on someone if I were angry. I especially woudn't beat on someone because I was angry.


_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to SpiderInWaiting)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Anger Management - 7/6/2008 11:59:13 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

Does anyone actually practice this and if so what do they really get out of it? How would you respond to a dom or sub who wants this?

When I'm frustrated I vent my frustrations with sex.

So far, my slave hasn't complained.


_____________________________



(in reply to SpiderInWaiting)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Anger Management - 7/6/2008 12:10:44 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		A lot of people have tools they use to vent their frustrations. For some people, it is a negotiated part of their D/s relationship. Why is that so hard to believe? Because you don't do it, it's "fantasy"? Wow, what hubris.

Firestorm

quote:

ORIGINAL: DreamyLadySnow

A lot of people still live in fantasy land, regarding S/m. If someone was truly angry and beating them, I suspect they'd change their minds in a hurry.

LS


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Anger Management - 7/6/2008 12:30:18 PM   
JANAAZ1


Posts: 43
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline 		celticlord2112, I LIKE YOUR SYLE !!!!!!!!

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Anger Management - 7/6/2008 12:34:06 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Even the most laid back person will get angry sometimes. And just because someone is angry doesn't mean he's going to turn into a mass murderer. There's a difference between being angry and needing anger management.

He wouldn't go for this but if someone is angry at a situation or person other than the sub, and agrees to use the sub as a stand in, I'm betting they can still be in control plus they probably won't stay angry long. It's like watching a video of your favorite comedian, you may be in a bad mood when you start, but your mood will have lightened by the time you end. Forcing yourself to engage in a habitually pleasant activity, even when you don't feel like it, is known to improve depression. I'd bet it also works on other bad moods. Obviously this only applies if the dominant doesn't have rage disorder or other untreated anger issues.


I love this post.  Thanks, Celeste, for writing it.

Sure my Master uses me to relieve his frustrations.  Much like my sister walks her dog when she is frustrated.  I am an outlet for him.  It doesn't mean he wants to cause me harm or injury.  He quite prefers me to be in tip top shape.  So in the past when he has been frustrated or angry, he'll strike harder with the belt or flogger.  He might more brutally express his sadistic nature by causing me some temporary mental anguish.

Fantasy?  Nope.  More like ideal!

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Anger Management Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078