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Question - 11/10/2005 10:57:48 AM

twistedphoenix

Posts: 6
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline

Why does it seem like most Doms or Dommes idea of lifestyle is all about them yet its the subs last right to begg colar or begg release so in the getting to know procese its about the sub and what she or he wants out of the relationshp..

Twisted..

PS not saying anything bad just asking

Post #: 1

RE: Question - 11/10/2005 11:04:44 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

All relationships are a two way street. There are givers, and takers, and there has to be common ground in order to move forward.

It is also the dominant's right to release the submissive, if things aren't working out.

Ms F

(in reply to twistedphoenix)

Post #: 2

RE: Question - 11/10/2005 11:05:15 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Why does it seem like most Doms or Dommes idea of lifestyle is all about them yet its the subs last right to begg colar or begg release so in the getting to know procese its about the sub and what she or he wants out of the relationshp..

Why do you think it is all about the sub? Should'nt the doms have rights as well? Should'nt they be allowed to pick and choose someone who perfectly suits them as well as the sub does?
A relationship that works is a lot of give and take. Both parties..not just one. However focusing only on your needs is not fair to the other party either. You need balance.

If you are encountering a person who does not wish to listen to you or your views at all, they don't want you anyway, move on. They should do the same if you are treating them in the same way.

(in reply to twistedphoenix)

Post #: 3

RE: Question - 11/10/2005 11:06:34 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Why does it seem like most Doms or Dommes idea of lifestyle is all about them yet its the subs last right to begg colar or begg release so in the getting to know procese its about the sub and what she or he wants out of the relationshp..

Twisted../twistedphoenix

PS not saying anything bad just asking

i do not know who told ya this, but it's untrue. IMO, a D/s or M/s relationship is built on respect, trust and intimacy. Mutual, not one-sided.

candystripper

(in reply to twistedphoenix)

Post #: 4

RE: Question - 11/10/2005 11:18:37 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

quote:

Why does it seem like most Doms or Dommes idea of lifestyle is all about them yet its the subs last right to begg colar or begg release so in the getting to know procese its about the sub and what she or he wants out of the relationshp..

Twisted../twistedphoenix

PS not saying anything bad just asking

i do not know who told ya this, but it's untrue. IMO, a D/s or M/s relationship is built on respect, trust and intimacy. Mutual, not one-sided.

candystripper

I couldn't have put it better myself you gorgious sexy creature you.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 5

RE: Question - 11/10/2005 11:21:47 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I couldn't have put it better myself you gorgious sexy creature you.

IronBear

~melts into a puddle of lust, LOL~

candystripper

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 6

RE: Question - 11/10/2005 11:21:51 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

All relationships are a two way street. There are givers, and takers, and there has to be common ground in order to move forward.

It is also the dominant's right to release the submissive, if things aren't working out.

Ms F

I really have no idea what the question being asked is, but I like what Ms F said and think it's good standard stuff so I'll go with her.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 7

RE: Question - 11/10/2005 11:40:36 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: twistedphoenix

Why does it seem like most Doms or Dommes idea of lifestyle is all about them yet its the subs last right to begg colar or begg release so in the getting to know procese its about the sub and what she or he wants out of the relationshp..

Twisted..

PS not saying anything bad just asking

I'm not completely sure what you are asking so forgive me if I misunderstand.

Begging for a collar or begging for release is not something I do or expect done -- I have contracts, we approach them as equal partners wanting a certain type of relationship. Once it is signed, then we have a recognized authority dynamic.

However, I do often say that this about me. As a dominant the way I play and the way I live is first and foremost about my needs and my desires -- if they aren't going to be met, then I don't have a relationship with that person.

Does that mean that the submissive or the slave's needs and desires aren't important? No! It simply means that I take much care and time in chosing a partner who also wants the same needs and desires or who wishes to serve mine first and foremost. If we have much in common, there isn't truly "my" and "yours" but "ours".

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to twistedphoenix)

Post #: 8

RE: Question - 11/10/2005 11:55:04 AM

Wolfie648

Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Why does it seem like most Doms or Dommes idea of lifestyle is all about them

Because I am here to be served, not serve. I do not speak for all doms, I speak for myself.

quote:

yet its the subs last right to begg colar or begg release so in the getting to know procese its about the sub and what she or he wants out of the relationshp..

If you are getting to know someone I would suggest not letting them put a collar/owning you or at laast ask them what it means before you let them.

Scenario:

"Hi my name is Bob I'll be your dominant for life, yes I know we just met, don't you worry about that, here put this collar on that's a good girl, guess what your arse is mine now forever...."

D (owner of j)

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to twistedphoenix)

Post #: 9

RE: Question - 11/10/2005 1:08:23 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

Well, hopefully, part of the "all about them" would be desiring a happy and fulfilled sub/slave. It's not sitting back on their asses while the s/s jumps through hoops to make them happy. (Of course, I mean that figuratively...if jumping through a hoop makes the Master happy, then......)

chymes

(in reply to Wolfie648)

Post #: 10

RE: Question - 11/10/2005 3:00:19 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

Dear Twisted-

Well, for me, it's like this...

I am in a paddock with a fresh horse, and all I have is a bridle &lead, and an apple...

I have to make her want the apple more than she fears the bridle, make her come to my hand, and let me steady her down.

But once I am in the saddle, I am doing the driving...

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to twistedphoenix)

Post #: 11

RE: Question - 11/10/2005 4:55:21 PM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline

I really hope you get what the people here have said. Candystripper said it all when she said,

"a D/s or M/s relationship is built on respect, trust and intimacy. Mutual, not one-sided."

That's the real truth and you can take it to the bank! Anything else just ain't gonna work baby.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to twistedphoenix)

Post #: 12

RE: Question - 11/11/2005 6:15:55 AM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

Without trying to get into deeper psychological motives, I disagree with most of you. It is about the dominant by the very nature of dominant/submissive relationships. The sub is going to serve the Dom in the way he wants. In basic terms, he is going to tell her what to do and if she doesn't, he will release her. Simple.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to OscarHargraves)

Post #: 13

RE: Question - 11/11/2005 6:52:40 AM

Phoenxx

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline

Focus shifts during all relationships. All people in a relationship must be getting their needs fulfilled. It doesn’t matter if your need is to be treated like a door mat for 2 hours a day, or to tie someone up and swat them until your both all wet and sticky.
Yes a some people make a slave beg for a collar. But not everyone does. And yes, a slave can ask to have it removed. But a Top can also remove it. And if a girl wants out of a relationship with us, we have to let her go. But then if she isn’t happy, why would I want to keep her? We are not getting what we want and need from each other.
Tony

(in reply to twistedphoenix)

Post #: 14

RE: Question - 11/11/2005 6:54:16 AM

Phoenxx

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline

sheesh will you two (candystripper and Iron Bear)get a room... and set up a web cam?

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 15

RE: Question - 11/11/2005 6:58:45 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: twistedphoenix
in the getting to know procese its about the sub and what she or he wants out of the relationshp..

It's the "Consensual D/s Paradox", and it lasts well beyond the getting to know you phase.

If there is any form of consent (and respect for said consent), then the slave is always in charge, for she has the power to withdraw consent at any time.

Topcat once explained it in a way that has stuck with me. Both top and bottom submit to the "dynamic." They each have a role to play and both are bound by the rules of that role. I love this way of looking at it, as it shows that both are equals, just different. *smile*

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to twistedphoenix)

Post #: 16

RE: Question - 11/11/2005 9:40:03 AM

MistressYlwa

Posts: 263
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline

My thoughts exactly, Phoenixx. I have never refused a request to be released for this very reason. An unhappy slave is not a good one. How can he serve with true desire and honor, if his desire is to be elsewhere.

Mistress Ylwa

You see what power is - holding someone elses fear in your hand and showing it to them! - Amy Tan

(in reply to Phoenxx)

Post #: 17

RE: Question - 11/11/2005 9:50:14 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Without trying to get into deeper psychological motives, I disagree with most of you. It is about the dominant by the very nature of dominant/submissive relationships. The sub is going to serve the Dom in the way he wants. In basic terms, he is going to tell her what to do and if she doesn't, he will release her. Simple.

ExistentialSteel

i agree with You, Sir. However, i think most Men take pleasure/pride in making their submissive or slave orgasm; of learning more about them, and so forth. By the same token, i am not sure what you are if you don't have a deep yearning to submit and please a Dom or Master; but IMO without that deep need you are not a submissive or slave. i realise i am new, but the yearning seems to me to be the basic characteristic of the submissive or slave.

candystripper

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)

Post #: 18

RE: Question - 11/11/2005 9:52:31 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

sheesh will you two (candystripper and Iron Bear)get a room... and set up a web cam?

Phoenxx

~laughing..okies...no more public displays of affection~

candystripper

(in reply to Phoenxx)

Post #: 19

RE: Question - 11/11/2005 10:29:06 AM

michaelMI

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

i am curious...is intimacy always involve in D/s relationships? i believe that it's not about intimacy or sex, but about a mutual understanding and respect between a Dominant and submissive. i've seen my share of people mislead that BDSM or D/s is all about sex. i do not subscribe to this myth, myself.

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 20

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