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RE: naked pic requirement - 7/7/2008 7:42:25 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: controlme54

can you envision a situation where it is appropriate to require naked pics of a sub within the first 4 days of a relationship? is there any validity in assuming that a sub who can't or won't comply to such a request is "not serious"? please assume in your answer that the relationship seemed otherwise very promising. and PLEASE, no flames. this feels bad enough already. i am looking for sincere feedback.

That all depends on the type of situation one is seeking. If a person is solely seeking a mainly physical relationship or a fuck buddy, sure there is an exchange of x-rated pics. For some it'll will raise questions when a potential dom requests naked photos in such a short time. Guess it depends upon your own head space and sense of what's appropriate or not.

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Post #: 21

RE: naked pic requirement - 7/7/2008 8:08:23 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

fast reply

my opinion - naked pic requirement = wanker/wannabe looking for material to view while typing with one hand.

don't feel bad, op. this has happened to me before switching my current profile pic. it really didn't show much however did show some cleavage which most thought it was an open invite to ask for naked photos.

don't give up - there are a few good dominants out there ...just have to wait patiently.

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Post #: 22

RE: naked pic requirement - 7/7/2008 8:26:54 AM

sabirah

Posts: 97
Status: offline

greetings, controlme54
I would think the biggest thing that I feel, is that trust is NOT built in less then four days of starting a new relationship. To hand over a naked photo of yourself, not knowing where that photo might end up tends to shy me away from men that ask. If you are so proud and confident in the asking of your sub to do this, why would you state that you feel bad for asking the board. Also, what does not submitting to the naked photos have anything to do with her getting naked in front of you and submitting to your wishes in reality? sounds to me like there are ulterior motives in your request.

quote:

ORIGINAL: controlme54

can you envision a situation where it is appropriate to require naked pics of a sub within the first 4 days of a relationship? is there any validity in assuming that a sub who can't or won't comply to such a request is "not serious"? please assume in your answer that the relationship seemed otherwise very promising. and PLEASE, no flames. this feels bad enough already. i am looking for sincere feedback.

_____________________________

sincerely,
sabirah

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It is a sound the girl will never forget.

(in reply to controlme54)

Post #: 23

RE: naked pic requirement - 7/7/2008 8:32:08 AM

Phobetor

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline

I take it that this "relationship" is only online then? If so, then clearly the person was merely looking for wank-material. I would however NOT call 4 days of supposedly "knowing" someone (especially via online) a "relationship." Additionally, having read your profile in detail, it is ambiguous as to whether your non-kinky husband is in the know of your seeking this outside "relationship." Specifically, when you state you need "discretion," most men will read that as you being on the prowl, and if so, then I find it hypocritical of you complaining on your profile about "emotionally crippled" men seeking basically to "get off" and who are dishonest. The best advice you can get in this is to be honest and upfront. If you are on the low, then say so. If you want to be in a "relationship" and then stating you are married and want to keep the side-deals discrete, most will not take that statement seriously. On here there will be many posers, wankers, and others playing games, and this really should not be a surprise. There are many dom/mes who are the opposite gender, such as "lesbian femdoms" really heterosexual men seeking female subs or gay/bisexual men posing as femdoms or femsubs. Many on here though are the real McCoy, and most doms that I know (including this one) distinguish and separate easily relationship sex from BDSM-related sex. Moreover, if a dom is already in a true relationship, then additional play subs are NOT going to be put in that same realm of value and consideration as his partner. So you have to be honest with yourself and state truly what you want: a real relationship or to be dominanted by another man other than your husband, whom you still apparently want to be with despite this seeking of a "relationship" with another man? Like women, men too who are relationship minded do not want to be found in a confused situation where there is another lover that a woman has psychologically committed herself or in an apparent conflicted relationship. You cannot serve two masters in that respect and claim to be committed to either. Given then what your original post reads and your own stated profile, I am left to then ask who is the one that is serious and about what? You need to think on what exactly you are truly looking for out of life--and with regard to your topic's post, these considerations are directly related.

(in reply to controlme54)

Post #: 24

RE: naked pic requirement - 7/7/2008 9:02:52 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

I'm suprised it took only 4 days. A lot of people are looking for them within the first 5 minutes of conversation.

(in reply to controlme54)

Post #: 25

RE: naked pic requirement - 7/7/2008 10:22:17 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

can you envision a situation where it is appropriate to require naked pics of a sub within the first 4 days of a relationship? When it is to be a sex-only relationship, and he wants to know if you are hot enough for him.
is there any validity in assuming that a sub who can't or won't comply to such a request is "not serious"? If the sub who will not comply with such a request is looking for a sex-only relationship. (and if you want to use her 'subbyness' to get her to comply.)
please assume in your answer that the relationship seemed otherwise very promising. How can I do that after 4 days of chat?
and PLEASE, no flames. this feels bad enough already. i am looking for sincere feedback.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 26

RE: naked pic requirement - 7/7/2008 11:18:35 AM

greenearth21

Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: controlme54

can you envision a situation where it is appropriate to require naked pics of a sub within the first 4 days of a relationship? is there any validity in assuming that a sub who can't or won't comply to such a request is "not serious"? please assume in your answer that the relationship seemed otherwise very promising. and PLEASE, no flames. this feels bad enough already. i am looking for sincere feedback.

At one time when i was into being nice and proper to people who were a waste of time, i'd dish out the same game they did, if i thought they were being ridiculous or crossing a boundary. And with such a request, i'd always get the "well you are sub, you should obey" and my response would be "you approached me, you have an interest in me, your demands are too high so show me you are as good as what you want"...that shut a lot of people up. Either they saw me as the unruly fake sub or a tough gem who could play the same game.
If someone requests something that you dont feel comfortable or irritates you, you can be polite enough to tell them you "arent that kind of girl" or tell them to hit the road.

AND.....I dont think she really needs anyone else judging her on her choice...of being married and seeking something else elsewhere. everone has their own standards to live by and if someone else doesnt live up to your standards....who are you to judge? I'm sure there are plenty married doms who are happy with a married sub. If thats their thing...let them be.

(in reply to controlme54)

Post #: 27

RE: naked pic requirement - 7/7/2008 11:46:39 AM

cillydom

Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

i really dont see a problem.

he wants a naked pic, she dosnt want to send one, so after 4 days what has she lost.

if you dont want to comply move on

look at it this way in only 4 days you realized the two of you are incompatable, id say thats not bad

or is the problem he didnt live up to your expectations?

get a grip

(in reply to controlme54)

Post #: 28

RE: naked pic requirement - 7/7/2008 12:27:21 PM

MusicalBoredom

Posts: 620
Joined: 5/8/2007
From: Louisiana/New York
Status: offline

OP I try not even worry about questions such whether or not something is appropriate or ok. Any question I have around the subject of what someone else does or wants only invites an answer about if what they want or does is OK. I have no idea about what's ok in the world as I really don't want to get in debates about my judgment on other peoples behavior.

The relevant question is am I ok with it. Either I am or I'm not. I don't have to figure out if something that's asks of me is mainstream or not. I can say "no" to something that everyone else does and I can say "yes" to something that most people wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole. If you aren't ok with something being asked of you then don't do it. Who cares if their request is reasonable or not. If someone can't accept your limits or (dare I say) personal boundaries then move on.

(in reply to controlme54)

Post #: 29

RE: naked pic requirement - 7/7/2008 2:43:00 PM

Thadius

Posts: 5091
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: controlme54

can you envision a situation where it is appropriate to require naked pics of a sub within the first 4 days of a relationship? is there any validity in assuming that a sub who can't or won't comply to such a request is "not serious"? please assume in your answer that the relationship seemed otherwise very promising. and PLEASE, no flames. this feels bad enough already. i am looking for sincere feedback.

Yes I can envision a situation where it is appropriate. I like taking pictures, and if I have her naked and in my bed after some play, she might even wish to see the markings on her backside. Does that seem inappropriate? Note you said this is already into the relationship.

For your second question, each situation varies. There could be some validity to the claim that the sub is not serious, but there is also the option that the subs reasoning can be valid. So in short, there is no right or wrong answer to this question.

Just in case I missed your real question, if you are refering to somebody that you have been talking to for 4 days online and this is a request that was made, and further it is something you feel that you are not ready to partake in. I think the answer is quite obvious, you have been talking to the person for 4 days, you do not feel comfortable, and if the person doesn't understand that, then how is the communication going to work in the future?

Just my opinions,
Thadius

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Post #: 30

RE: naked pic requirement - 7/7/2008 2:46:21 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

It depends on the situation and the kinks involved. You can discuss a lot in 4 days or not much at all.
If the subject of exhibitionism, humiliation or voyeurism are key points, I don't see the requirement as an issue.
Think about what you have discussed and what you have already 'agreed' to in principle and then judge for yourself.

the.dark.

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Post #: 31

RE: naked pic requirement - 7/7/2008 2:48:38 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

If you are married then never send a naked pic or let anyone take one of you. It could be used for blackmail or end up on the internet somewhere. I speak from experience.

< Message edited by proudsub -- 7/7/2008 2:49:12 PM >

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Post #: 32

RE: naked pic requirement - 7/7/2008 2:49:19 PM

strangefruit

Posts: 36
Joined: 12/2/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

I'd immediately assume he was at least slightly retarded.

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Post #: 33

RE: naked pic requirement - 7/7/2008 2:53:36 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: controlme54

can you envision a situation where it is appropriate to require naked pics of a sub within the first 4 days of a relationship? is there any validity in assuming that a sub who can't or won't comply to such a request is "not serious"? please assume in your answer that the relationship seemed otherwise very promising. and PLEASE, no flames. this feels bad enough already. i am looking for sincere feedback.

Way back in 2005, I joined this site just for the profile of one dom that I had seen on b.com and discovered was also here. I joined, I faved him and he contacted me. Within the first week or so he requested some pictures. I decided to see what I could come up with and lo and behold...some very nice erotic, semi nudes popped forth from my digital camera. I sent them to him and then proceeded to have a nice little relationship with him for the next few months. Not all that request pictures are wankers. then again...I don't know what he would have said had I turned him down. I think he would have accepted that decline though and not called me a fake.

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Post #: 34

RE: naked pic requirement - 7/7/2008 3:37:50 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

It depends on the situation and the kinks involved. You can discuss a lot in 4 days or not much at all.
If the subject of exhibitionism, humiliation or voyeurism are key points, I don't see the requirement as an issue.
Think about what you have discussed and what you have already 'agreed' to in principle and then judge for yourself.

the.dark.

I really liked this post. I had a male dominant friend who told me about a female slave who wanted very much to belong to him, so much as telling him she wanted to do anything at all for him, and begged to be considered for his ownership. She had told me the same. While I was convinced of her sincerity, he was uncertain, so he told her to send him naked pictures of herself so he could see what he would be owning. His reasoning was to see if she really meant what she was saying, or if she would balk.

As he predicted, she balked, did not send them, and did not approach him much after that.

Sometimes it's not about the guy being a wanker (although I know often times it is), but about seeing if the girl will walk her talk.

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Good is the enemy of great.

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Post #: 35

RE: naked pic requirement - 7/7/2008 4:00:50 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

What is the relationship? A lot of people MEET ME at parties naked, so that's giving eachother zero time before deciding on nudity.

If I had gotten married, then nudity wouldn't be an issue. If I was taken as property, nudity wouldn't be an issue.

It all depends on what relationship you chose to get into and what that expectations within that relationship entail. These are questions to ask BEFORE you choose to get into a relationship at all.

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Post #: 36

RE: naked pic requirement - 7/7/2008 4:24:15 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: controlme54

can you envision a situation where it is appropriate to require naked pics of a sub within the first 4 days of a relationship? is there any validity in assuming that a sub who can't or won't comply to such a request is "not serious"? please assume in your answer that the relationship seemed otherwise very promising. and PLEASE, no flames. this feels bad enough already. i am looking for sincere feedback.

sure, i can envision a situation - i can also envision a lot of situations where said requirer of photos would be told to go screw themselves (without pictures to help). like everything else, it's context-dependent. for the better part of my time on this forum i had many nude and partially nude pictures of myself available on my profile. needless to say, my views have changed since then, and the chances of me putting those pictures back up or sending them to someone is rather small, regardless of how promising any possible relationship may be (however, the poor members who've already been subjected to my nudity, well, nothing can be done to repair their broken computer screens).

the problem here, i think, is that if YOU know you are serious, that is all that should matter. just because this is a bdsm personals site doesn't mean you throw common sense entirely out of the window - would you send naked pictures of yourself to someone you met on myspace for a possible vanilla relationship within four days? some of us would - there was a time when i would have. but if you would not, then anyone who thinks that not doing so on here makes you less serious either needs to find someone else or stop projecting onto you. NOT doing so doesn't make you "less serious" than anyone else.

a'ishah.

_____________________________

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Post #: 37

RE: naked pic requirement - 7/8/2008 8:58:37 AM

Cdub2U

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/20/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: controlme54

can you envision a situation where it is appropriate to require naked pics of a sub within the first 4 days of a relationship? is there any validity in assuming that a sub who can't or won't comply to such a request is "not serious"? please assume in your answer that the relationship seemed otherwise very promising. and PLEASE, no flames. this feels bad enough already. i am looking for sincere feedback.

This one really did leave me LMAO... I have a feeling that you have already told this shit head to fuck off. And if you have not, then please do so!

I had a "very promising" relationship with a slave .... I kicked her ass to the curb, as her head was in the wrong space! Just because you want something does not mean you should have that something... remember Eve and that damn apple.

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(in reply to controlme54)

Post #: 38

RE: naked pic requirement - 7/8/2008 9:03:35 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

Hello controlme54 I'm sorry things went so badly for you. To answer your question, it sounds as if this "Dom" just wanted to get off on naked pictures and when you wouldn't obey the questioned your sincerity, it happens to a lot of people, its just one of the problems with the internet-anyone can get online.

T.c.

(in reply to controlme54)

Post #: 39

RE: naked pic requirement - 7/8/2008 10:17:52 AM

NeedingMore220

Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

Nope.

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Post #: 40

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