RE: Bi-Sexuality.. No, Really, 50-50?

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RE: Bi-Sexuality.. No, Really, 50-50? - 7/7/2008 11:02:22 PM

ServingGirrl

Posts: 115
Joined: 10/10/2007
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

Just about half of the bi women I know are lesbians who have a taste for the occasional man.

If we're really keeping score, this will cover me well enough. Most of my sex with males takes place in couple situations, where i am having such a good time with the lady of the house that i don't object to the male joining in but, if i was out looking for a partner, it would be another woman every time. Not even Brad Pitt would sway me (but Patrick Stewart? Hmmmmmmm)

(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 61

RE: Bi-Sexuality.. No, Really, 50-50? - 7/8/2008 6:21:00 AM

HisHeavan

Posts: 13
Joined: 5/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: coupleowl
Don't believe in sexuality. Can't be straight, Gay, Bi, or only wanting apples. It doesn't work. I really think it is who we are willing to open ourselves up to. We can deny finding the same sex interesting on an emotional and sexual level; and if that is the case, wouldn't that make the subject straight if they were only with the opposite sex? I think not.

I don't follow. You don't "believe" in sexuality?
...
Obviously action does not equate to orientation. But to suggest that no orientation can exist and that it is all a matter of openness seems to dive off the other end of the cliff.

I understand Coupleowl's words slightly differently (or perhaps with a mix of the wise bird's)

The titles are only makers for general points in sexuality. They're a convention to keep order, like time, dates, and surnames. A word like "straight" replaces the need for an entire paragraph (or 4 page discussion) on what you feel, sexually speaking. If someone asks:

"Hey Baby, which way do you swing?"
and I say "Sorry Sugarmuffin... I'm straight." (That sounds kind of homophobic, with the Sugarmuffin comment

)

Saying "straight" was easier than saying "I'm almost exclusively attracted to women. I can see what women find attractive about men, and do prefer attractive men if I'm watching pornography or any art for that matter; I have very intimate friendships with men, in fact, my best friend is male and has a key to my house. I could spend my whole life seeing him everyday and would be happy as a clam, but I'm not sexually into him."

Also, who knows? The title we give ourselves (or others try to give us) is temporary. Lots of people move up and down the spectrum in the course of their lifetime (or their week).

I will say this, for as much as I dislike labeling people, I feel its important. I am strongly opposed to the "Let's just call it sexuality" theory. I am this way because there are wrong types of sexuality. Rape and child molesting are the only two I think we can all agree on. We need labels like "rapist" and "molester" so that people know "if I d this, I move into that category."

Coupleowl brings up the aspect of "who we choose to open ourselves up to, denying feelings, and having orientation interfere with action. While I won't gripe about the issue of "choice" in these fields, I will talk about social pressure.

There is immense religious (I refuse to say moral), social, and political (family and country alike) pressure for people to be heterosexual. Yes, these days tolerance is growing to the point where someone can be happy and accepted by those who matter, and everyone realized no one really cares what others are, and (my favorite) we have enough humans to afford homosexuality. In fact, we need more... (so get on it!)

Ask a father though, "Do you want your son to be gay?" You'll get a lot of "It doesn't matter what he wants to be, I'll love him." and a lot of "No." Maybe a few "Yes.", but not many... (People who would say "yes" probably have the good sense to go with the foremost.)

Children are funneled into heterosexuality, and still cast aside when they try to find their own way. The world is simply not tolerant enough for "open up to who you want to" on a grandiose scale. I, for one, think that would be a better system.

There are times... A guy gets lonely... Sam is just across the hall... The guy thinks to himself "Sam's gay... He's hit on me before..." Why does this guy feel guilty? Because of social pressures to avoid contracting The Gay.

Wow... That all came out 1950's style, in all the wrong ways. But that's what I'm saying. Tolerance has arrived. Acceptance (on the large scale, that's what we're talking about here) is coming... Not here yet.

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Post #: 62

RE: Bi-Sexuality.. No, Really, 50-50? - 7/8/2008 6:22:34 AM

HisHeavan

Posts: 13
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She's getting a spanking for leaving her account logged in.

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Post #: 63

RE: Bi-Sexuality.. No, Really, 50-50? - 7/8/2008 6:24:50 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiderInWaiting

. I would love to meet a female slave that is intelligent and level headed but I have yet to meet one :(

You have NEVER met one...hmmm, seems kinda odd. I know quite a few. Maybe the problem isn't with the female slaves, maybe it's with you?

< Message edited by thishereboi -- 7/8/2008 6:31:58 AM >

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Post #: 64

RE: Bi-Sexuality.. No, Really, 50-50? - 7/8/2008 10:15:44 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

Most of my female friends have had overall negative experiences with men, and are not (overall) really into sex. They're not lovers or fighters - they're artists.

When I was in high school, I was a dork. I had a sizable number of female friends who thought of me as the guy they could talk to about anything (and, consequently, had no interest in dating me.) I'd listen to all the wicked, terrible things their current boyfriends would do, and think "no way would I do any of those things! Why are they with these guys if they're so miserable?" I would have said then, that those girls had overall negative experiences with men, and at the time, would not have been shocked if each had turned lesbian. To my knowledge, none of them ever did.

Steel's quite right, and please understand no offense is intended by this next statement: If you surround yourself with submissive women who have bad experiences with men, you'll come to believe that most women have bad experiences with men, and end up preferring other women. A quick look at birth statistics should convince you that there are still enough women who want to sleep with (and, possibly, have relationships with) men, that there are still likely more heterosexual women, than bisexual or homosexual.

There's a link in my signature giving advice to men looking for women here. In that essay, I spent a little time explaining how bad the odds really are here on CM for men seeking women, for a number of factors mentioned in this thread as well; that many women are already happy with their current relationship with a man, and are only interested in seeking out a female partner, or that many women feel it's easy to find a man in person (especially in areas with a thriving BDSM scene) but finding a suitable woman is a fair bit more difficult. Either way, you make a hypothesis here that sums the issue up:

quote:

What I'm saying is that I've never found a bisexual woman who gave men the same chance as women.

If you're having a hard time finding something, you might want to consider that your search methodology might be the culprit. If the only way you went hunting for diamonds was to run to your back yard with a shovel, you might come to the conclusion that they impossible to find. You'll have much more luck just visiting your local jeweler. Moral? Go looking where you'll have a reasonable chance of finding, and be prepared to invest the time/money/effort into attaining.

Best wishes,

Stephan

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(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 65

RE: Bi-Sexuality.. No, Really, 50-50? - 7/8/2008 10:55:07 AM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

Stephann,

Perhaps I cam across the wrong way. I'm not in search of anyone, I have all the Pets I can handle. While you and Steel are right, I agree that I'm limited to seeing what I'm limited to seeing. I read over the link in your signature some time ago, I recall it being very helpful.

I feel like I'm trying to defend the merit of my post. I'm not defending the position, I've made that clear over and over... But I feel like I'm defending the exploration of bisexuality, trying to make sure my posts are not received as someone who is bitter for being turned down. It seemed people were quick to assume that was my motive, and I don't like that. I like your posts, Stephann, they've always been A-grade, but I feel misunderstood... I know we have no choice but to go with what things sound like, and I know many of the things I said here come across as ignorant, but thats not accurate.

I was also "the friend" in highschool. I had the same girls telling me the same stories, and also, none of them became lesbians. To my knowledge, they're all heterosexual (which reminds me, I'd have to be severely misinformed to be worried about even a dent in population due to shifts in sexual orientation).

That said, I don't want to pretend I haven't learned something here, in this thread. I can now no longer say that "bisexual women that I know heavily prefer other women to men." Also, I was able to share some of my philosophies on life, which is fun for me.

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... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 66

RE: Bi-Sexuality.. No, Really, 50-50? - 7/8/2008 3:32:11 PM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

It also kind of depends on where you are in your life. In my own experience, my preferences have shifted depending on everything from my living situation to my mood...

In high school: more like 75/ 25, favoring female.
Once I was out on my own, away from my family: 40/60 favoring male
When I was living for a few years in a shared house of other bis: 50/50
Now that I'm in my open marriage: 65/35 favoring female again...

And a lot of it depends on the individual, of course. It's not "anything that moves" so much as "anyONE who moves ME."

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 67

RE: Bi-Sexuality.. No, Really, 50-50? - 7/8/2008 3:45:15 PM

leakylee

Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline

now i am one of those bi's that prefers men romantically and women sexually. now granted i have had a couple of very successful relationships with women, but only one was just one on one and it open. so i think i can truly claim to be somewhere in the 70/30 margin.

i find women attractive, but for the most part i have very few female friends even. so i think it is habits from high school and back. i get along better with males, and generally with fems who do as well.

never really thought about it before.
yall are making my brain ache today.

smooches
lee

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(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 68

RE: Bi-Sexuality.. No, Really, 50-50? - 7/10/2008 12:33:34 AM

subboi3382

Posts: 379
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

i tend to agree, in my experience, bi women have been more into women

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

Stephann,

Perhaps I cam across the wrong way. I'm not in search of anyone, I have all the Pets I can handle. While you and Steel are right, I agree that I'm limited to seeing what I'm limited to seeing. I read over the link in your signature some time ago, I recall it being very helpful.

I feel like I'm trying to defend the merit of my post. I'm not defending the position, I've made that clear over and over... But I feel like I'm defending the exploration of bisexuality, trying to make sure my posts are not received as someone who is bitter for being turned down. It seemed people were quick to assume that was my motive, and I don't like that. I like your posts, Stephann, they've always been A-grade, but I feel misunderstood... I know we have no choice but to go with what things sound like, and I know many of the things I said here come across as ignorant, but thats not accurate.

I was also "the friend" in highschool. I had the same girls telling me the same stories, and also, none of them became lesbians. To my knowledge, they're all heterosexual (which reminds me, I'd have to be severely misinformed to be worried about even a dent in population due to shifts in sexual orientation).

That said, I don't want to pretend I haven't learned something here, in this thread. I can now no longer say that "bisexual women that I know heavily prefer other women to men." Also, I was able to share some of my philosophies on life, which is fun for me.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 69

RE: Bi-Sexuality.. No, Really, 50-50? - 7/10/2008 2:29:24 AM

SpiderInWaiting

Posts: 39
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Funny thing is, I have found that the vast majority of bi-curious younger women tend to be fashion bi... they are saying it to get a guys attention rather than having any real interest in bi acts. Then once they have the guy, if he even suggests the idea of a threesome (which was she was likely hinting at when he found out she was bicurious) she gets outraged that she isnt enough for him, and that he wants to pull someone else into the relationship. I have seen TONS of that growing up.

I have noticed the same thing and I can't help but think that the girls who are "fashion bi" are also enjoying leading on the women who really are bi or lesbian as a way to sort of stroke their own egos. On the other hand I have seen guys that seem to treat bi women as women to play with but not to have a relationship with, which is something that I can imagine would make a younger real bi woman self conscious.

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Post #: 70

RE: Bi-Sexuality.. No, Really, 50-50? - 7/10/2008 6:11:28 AM

pettingdragons

Posts: 421
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiderInWaiting
I would love to meet a female slave that is intelligent and level headed but I have yet to meet one :(

LOL buy a robot....oh or a computerised blow up dollie....girl has heard they have some sort of "stimuli" maybe not mental but then that all in the chioces we make...

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

Post #: 71

RE: Bi-Sexuality.. No, Really, 50-50? - 7/10/2008 6:14:46 PM

SurrenderForMe

Posts: 229
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I've noticed many bi-sexual women tend to be more interested in women than in men. It's almost as if their sexual preference should read "Women and/or Brad Pitt."

That's nice. I've noticed that bi-sexual women tend to be more interested in men (exclude me from this group). I would theorize they fall on the low end of the Kinsey scale. Like guys, find woman to be a spice. Lesbians that have pursued bi-women have bitched about how all of them seem to be looking for a woman for threesomes or adventure, while having a primary relationship with men.

quote:

What I'm saying is that I've never found a bisexual woman who gave men the same chance as women. I have a few theories:

1) Years of males wanting nothing but sex have stigmatized her view on men.
2) Women are more desirable.

(Technically, the prior is a subsect of the latter.)

My experience and that of my friends, is directly opposite your experience.

1. Too funny, very accurate and does nothing to deter women from getting back on that old bike.
2. My experience and that of my friends, is directly opposite your experience. I get hit on mostly by men, rarely by women. When I am looking, I look at either gender, but find that most women see me as the piece on the side. Very demeaning, no fun. I have better luck approaching lesbians. Except, the catch there, is that they are used to women who treat them as the piece on the side, or are experimenting. So, I have to make up for all the bad, mean women out there who just used them for sex.

quote:

Also, I've noticed bi-sexual men to be far more 50-50 in their choses and openmindedness.

The grass is always greener, especially if you have no experience of it.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 72

RE: Bi-Sexuality.. No, Really, 50-50? - 7/10/2008 6:34:20 PM

MissIsis

Posts: 473
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

Haven't you been to Dom school? Don't you know they teach the guys who want to be Dom, that it is a domly characteristic for a domly type to have more than one woman, even if only to play with? Here's how it works: The Doms convince little subly girl that her subliness in life depends on her ability to please him. If she wants to please him, she has to be bi. Simply, she is bi only because it is what he wants her to be. It doesn't matter if she has a bi-bone in her body. She comes online to CM & sites like this, even to swinger sites, puts up a bi profile & goes on the hunt. Of course, her profile states no men. Read between the lines. It is because she already is involved with one, & more than likely, he is straight because of course, he is the domly one & doesn't have to play the part of being bi. He is her god. He is taught in domly school to convince her to search for a playmate because then whatever happens, if things go good, she played a part in it, & is to be rewarded. If things go bad, she played a part in picking the woman, & the blame squarely is on her subly shoulders.

I suspect the truely bi-women are few & far between.

As a side note, I have a friend that truely considers herself bi. But the thing is, she is only involved with one person at a time. She would never consider making it with the both of them together. To her, she can't comprehend being involved with more than 1 person at a time.

(in reply to SurrenderForMe)

Post #: 73

RE: Bi-Sexuality.. No, Really, 50-50? - 7/11/2008 1:14:27 AM

bustywriter

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/5/2008
Status: offline

In my experience, bisexual women don't genrally bother to define themselves as bi unless they are in a relationship with another woman. When you're with a man, why put yourself in line for all the crap that come you way just for being attracted to both men and women, when you've got the safty of the norm?

(in reply to MissIsis)

Post #: 74

RE: Bi-Sexuality.. No, Really, 50-50? - 7/17/2008 11:20:03 AM

ChicagoAmy

Posts: 55
Joined: 6/28/2008
Status: offline

I have noticed the opposite of your findings HeavensKeeper. I consider myself bisexual but sexuality has changed in the last year or so. For most of my life I was more attracted to women than men. I also preferred sex with women over sex with men. That has changed, I now find men more attractive and the sex to be better. I'm not sure why but I still consider my sexuality to be bisexual because I would probably still sleep with a woman again.

In the past I feel most of the women I've slept with weren't truly bisexual. It seems there are a lot of women were doing it just because their man found it to be hot and they wanted to please them. It was easier for me to find women as part of a couple, rather than single women who just wanted to have girl on girl sex.

I've always been very curious to have a relationship of sorts with a bisexual man but most of the bi men I've ran into seem to be more into men than women, like they are really closet cases but just not comfortable with fully coming out yet.

< Message edited by ChicagoAmy -- 7/17/2008 11:22:02 AM >

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 75

RE: Bi-Sexuality.. No, Really, 50-50? - 7/17/2008 5:10:34 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: coupleowl

Don't believe in sexuality. Can't be straight, Gay, Bi, or only wanting apples. It doesn't work. I really think it is who we are willing to open ourselves up to. We can deny finding the same sex interesting on an emotional and sexual level; and if that is the case, wouldn't that make the subject straight if they were only with the opposite sex? I think not.

Maybe this is how you are. It isn't how everyone is.

I have no sexual interest in men. I have only ever been with men.

I am not the slightest bit homophobic. I have spent 40 odd years summering in a primarily homosexual community. I just am straight and my 'gaydar' is quite good, enough that I will not be interested in a man I sense is bi, straight female here who only gets turned on by straight biological men.

Terribly old fashioned of me I know, but remember, being only interested in apples doesn't stop me from having a multitude to choose from: Macoun, Baldwin, Golden Grimes, Royal Gala etc etc. All apples but all very different.

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Post #: 76

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