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RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 5:34:56 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite

ok, I expect this is a dumb question and I think I know the answer anyway but I wanted to ask how you feel if you ask your owner if you can get them anything, or do anything and They say no. Do you feel bored or frustrated or even angry because you aren't actively serving? If this happen frequently, would you question the stability of the relationship? would you want out? would you think your Owner wan't cut out to own you?.

*Braces himself for a right-royal flaming*.

~grinning~ If I really really REALLY wanted to serve him, and he wasn't in the mood to be served (or was mind-fucking me, which is often the case), knowing him like I do I would get tickled and simply wait patiently (as patiently as I could when sitting on pins and needles) knowing he would want something sometime. Like some have said, it's not up to me to tell him when I will serve him - it is up to him to tell me when he wishes my service. (And when I need those sub fuzzies, keeping that in mind can be fuzzy enough.)

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RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 5:50:16 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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It's difficult to surrender how you want to be used in the moment versus actually submitting to being used.

But often a very important and fabulous step developmentally for a sub.

Have you thought about saying "I get frustrated at not being used in this way?" It's a completely reasonable feeling to have and your master is probably the best person suited to help guide you from the place of frustration to the place of surrender and acceptance and fulfillment together.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 5:58:45 PM

XaviersXian

Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline

greetings to all,

No negative emotion comes from my Master saying "no" to me. I am a vessel for his pleasures, and if saying no to something i ask pleases him, then i have fulfilled my obligation as a slave.

well wishes,

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RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 6:07:05 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Not being service oriented, it doesn't bother me.

However if someone was service oriented and their partner hated getting any kind of service, I would think serious compromises should be made if the relationship would have a chance to survive. Without such compromise and in depth communication, I would suggest basic incompatibility.

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Cynical and proud of it!

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RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 6:18:11 PM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite

ok, I expect this is a dumb question and I think I know the answer anyway but I wanted to ask how you feel if you ask your owner if you can get them anything, or do anything and They say no. Do you feel bored or frustrated or even angry because you aren't actively serving? If this happen frequently, would you question the stability of the relationship? would you want out? would you think your Owner wan't cut out to own you?.

*Braces himself for a right-royal flaming*.

Funny you pose these questions... just this morning I offered to get Him breakfast and bring it back to Him instead of going and getting it for Himself... He said no, just to stay in bed and rest. He allows me to do for Him most of the time and if/when He says no it's usually because He's thinking of me, or has a logical reason for not wanting me to do for Him. I feel good when I'm getting Him something or doing for Him, but I don't feel bad or question "Us" when He says no.

girly

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happily forever one

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RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 8:33:36 PM

Evlgryn

Posts: 64
Joined: 9/24/2004
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HalloweenWhite, often the best possible service is to simply wait patiently until your Dom(me), needs you again.

If you want a little "special attention", this-thing-that-we-do is full of opportunities for patiently positioning yourself chained and unchained, kinkily clothed or unclothed, until you "Inspire" him (her) to new actions . Be subtle, it helps if they think it was their idea. If you don't honestly know what inspires your dominant, you are WAY behind, get to work, there is no time to waste and certainly no time to be bored.

Asking, Telling, Cajoling, just doesn't work well on dominants.

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"Evil will always triumph over good because good is dumb...Ludicrous speed . . . go! "
- Dark Helmet, "Space Balls, the Motion Picture"

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RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 9:43:30 PM

suessub

Posts: 71
Joined: 1/18/2008
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If I find myself repeatedly reacting poorly to such an open ended question as "can i get you something?" or the like, I take it to mean our relationship is in need of some tuning. My need to serve is greater than my Domina's need to be served; we are not on the same page. I will wait until a good time to talk presents itself and mention my emotional problem. I don't do so expecting her to change her actions toward me. At the same time, everyone is always changing and the occasional restatement of needs and desires helps.

Last time I felt that way, I learned mornings are a horrible time to be asking her things. Having UMs to get ready is already demanding enough without throwing a needy slave into the mix. But since we were having the conversation late at night over cocktails, there was time to discover what would really help was for me to quietly just get her lunch, coffee, etc ready and out to her car before I left.

On the other hand, when we are tuned to each other and I ask "can i get you something?" and the answer is "no", I take this to mean at that moment, she is good and I should take advantage of some free time. (Get caught up on reading collarchat, for example.)

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"Cause people often talk about being scared of change
But for me I'm more afraid of things staying the same
Cause the game is never won by standing in any one place for too long "
- Nick Cave

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RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 9:59:20 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite

ok, I expect this is a dumb question and I think I know the answer anyway but I wanted to ask how you feel if you ask your owner if you can get them anything, or do anything and They say no. Do you feel bored or frustrated or even angry because you aren't actively serving? If this happen frequently, would you question the stability of the relationship? would you want out? would you think your Owner wan't cut out to own you?.

Hmm... new relationship, or mostly-long-distance-with-occasional-face-to-face? Because from the long-term, live-in perspective... no, i'd drive myself bugshit crazy(er) if i did. You can't expect your Owner to have an unfulfilled need at X particular moment according to your whim or calculation.... Often as not, people are just okeydokey, and you need to be okeydokey with that.

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RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/8/2008 2:27:19 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

Sometimes, when I'm really needing my slave warm fuzzies and He doesn't allow me to do something for Him, I feel let down.

If He never let me do for Him, then it wouldn't be a fulfilling relationship.

I'm sure there are times when dominants don't always realize that we need those warm fuzzies, and that's where we have to communicate that need to them.

However, being the dominant, they get to decide if we get to serve them or not, and we get to do it when they want us to, not when we want it to happen. Funny how that works, huh?

your answer is was what I was trying in My clumsy way to find out about; that there must be times when you feel frustrated when there's nothing your owner wants and you are left to deal with it. Thanks

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RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/8/2008 5:38:33 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite
Do you feel bored or frustrated or even angry because you aren't actively serving? If this happen frequently, would you question the stability of the relationship? would you want out? would you think your Owner wan't cut out to own you?.

This happens alot with both my boys. They will ask if I want something when they get up to get themselves drinks... I say no. If I want a snack, I say no. Massage? No.
They will find something else to occupy themselves until I DO have a need for them to serve. Maybe instead of getting me something, I'll ask them to put in a video game we can play, or put on a movie we can watch. I have no interest in being waited on hand and foot every moment of the day, that would drive me insane. I consider it common courtesy for them to constantly ask me what I want when they are getting themselves something.
If they are in the relationship just to be allowed to wait on me, with nothing else holding us together, we would both be looking to get out well before the no started getting in the way. My ability to care for the boys has nothing to do with how often I want them to bring me food or rub my feet... it has to do with how they feel when they are with me even if they arent actively doing anything.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

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RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/8/2008 5:42:32 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite

ok, I expect this is a dumb question and I think I know the answer anyway but I wanted to ask how you feel if you ask your owner if you can get them anything, or do anything and They say no.
I would be happy to know they have everything they needed at the time.

Do you feel bored or frustrated or even angry because you aren't actively serving?
I never had any problems finding things to keep myself occupied, even if she didn't need anything at the time.

If this happen frequently, would you question the stability of the relationship?
No, I would take it as an indication that she was happy with what she had.

would you want out? would you think your Owner wan't cut out to own you?.
no and no

*Braces himself for a right-royal flaming*.

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This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

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