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RE: Causing offense. - 7/9/2008 2:31:25 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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Then I'm not sure where you disagreed with me initially. I wasn't talking about people going around whining and complaining about not getting their way. I was talking about people doing things that are comfortable for them and if it offends others (like gays kissing or slaves rebelling) then so be it. So long as those actions do not involve actually injuring another, violating any laws, then anyone who is offended has every right to be offended...but those who aren't have every right not to be. What they do not have a right to is to expect me or anyone else to conform to their idealism.

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RE: Causing offense. - 7/9/2008 2:51:20 PM

missturbation

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Just a quick apology that i haven't been around to answer posts addressed to me. I have moved house today and have been really busy
Will get to them in the next couple of days.

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RE: Causing offense. - 7/9/2008 11:00:01 PM

SurrenderForMe

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quote:

My question is where do we draw the line in public? What is appropriate and inappropriate behaviour in public? With so many different kinds of people out there and so many things that can and do cause offence to others, how do we balance living true to our relationships and not offending others?

I draw the line in public based on my understanding and beliefs of what would offend me. I have two levels. One is if children are present, I'm a good little christian, highest standards, best example. If there are only adults then I will push that envelope and take risks because I enjoy them. I still have alot of things I will not do in public because they cross the line for tacky. With only adults present, they and I have a choice. If it bothers you, address it, ignore it or leave.

In your example of slapping someone in public. I would not do that, unless they had done something incredibly offensive themselves, like hit me. That is exposing something that is out of context to people who will probably perceive only the most negative. Someone posted a picture of themself with a very damaged face on a kink site. It caused a major uproar. My feelings about it bounced like a rubber ball. In the end, I decided that for me, it was bad, but only aesthetically. I don't like seeing damage on the face, but I have left the same marks on the rest of someones body. It was a kink site. It wasn't on some mainstream site, where a child could see it, or an abuse site where it could traumatize a victim. The general response was that it was bad for the group image. What group image. Bdsm is protrayed in mainstream media as a mix of both good and bad. This was extreme, for me, but not for the person involved. If that person could live with it, why would I have a right to judge. Exception being if I thought there was abuse or mental illness. It did not cross the line in my opinion. It was in a place that that activity is not only endorsed but actively pursued. But it was not to my taste. So I did not look at it. I am an adult capable of at least trying to protect myself.

On a really common note, I knew someone who expelled gas, burped, coughed, etc. and never said excuse me. That is offensive to me. It was not offensive to many other people. So their rules were different than mine. Idiscussed it with that person, that person did not change, and I stayed friends with that person.

In the end, it is as you said, a balancing act. Judgement, experience and environment are different for everyone.

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RE: Causing offense. - 7/11/2008 2:36:51 AM

MaamJay

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OMG I finally caught up with the end of this thread LOL! It has been moving faster than I could read ... there were only 5 pages when I began!

Where do I stand? Somewhere in the middle I think! I have done a few things in public but with due regard to the circumstances and the consequences. As violet i knelt in a busy airport to kiss Master's feet ... but then it was 1.30am and everyone else was too caught up in their own business and greetings to take much notice, though i did hear one person say "Well that's a different greeting!" They didn't sound offended, more curious, possibly even envious LOL!. And at that hour, there weren't UMs to worry about. Master also led me blindfolded and on collar and leash out onto a swingbridge one time ... i'm terrified of them LOL ... others waiting to cross the bridge looked curious and He simply said "Trust exercise" and that was it! i've been spanked at lookouts ... but not when others have been there, only taking a slight risk that they might arrive (though the car would be audible). i don't like "potty mouths" so i try not to swear with the really bad words in public, or be very sotto voce about it. i do call Master by that name but only when He is nearby, i don't scream it from one aisle to the next in the supermarket. i have worn leather collars quite a lot in the past, with my day dress (i'm an academic) and no comments were ever made (they're generally classy collars though, fastened by studs at the back), though i have tried on a gorgeous purple diamante pet collar in a pet shop and couldn't wait to order the matching leash! Overall i am not out to deliberately offend anyone, there's always the risk of offending someone who is very uptight.

Re the whole debate about UMs ... well, generally, I am cautious about what other people's UMs are exposed to from Me simply because I'd hate the poor devils to get an inadequate explanation from unknowing parents! However, and this may not be a popular stance, I wish parents would be equally considerate of My exposure to their UMs! I chose not to have children ... so why should I tolerate those of others screeching loudly in the Doctor's waiting room when I am sick, throwing food some of which might land on me, throwing up (oh yuck! baby vomit!), running around and bumping into me like 3 foot high demons and damn near crippling Me, and worst of all, screeching "Oh Mummy look at that big fat woman!" and Mummy not saying a damned thing about it! I think respect for others has to cut all ways.

And now i'd really better go and make Master's tea ... i promised i would when i'd read and responded to this thread ... that has taken a while!! One last thing, hate mail is despicable and no one should have to put up with that. Hugggsss camille!!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Causing offense. - 7/11/2008 6:22:42 AM

Aiden

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Sir once told me a story about how He had taken one of His sub's to a restaurant and part way through the meal slapped her round the face. He had forgotten briefly where He was etc an dhad just done what came naturally. Needless to say this caused offence to those around them in the restaurant.
*snippage
My question is where do we draw the line in public? What is appropriate and inappropriate behaviour in public? With so many different kinds of people out there and so many things that can and do cause offence to others, how do we balance living true to our relationships and not offending others?

If I saw a man haul off and slap a woman in a public place for no apparent good reason (such as self defense), my instinctive reaction would be to growl at him. I wouldn't pause to inquire into the dynamics of their relationship or if she had insulted his mother or otherwise asked for it.

In issues to do with personal style, nobody has the right to impose their standards on anyone else, we decide what we want based on tastes and how much heat we're willing to deal with to indulge our tastes.

I think there are at least two kinds of public offense-giving scenarios, those that are centered around how one presents ones self to the public, dress, manners, symbolic things like collars being worn and those that offend or shock because they seem to endanger someone. Its unrealistic to hope the later won't get a negative reaction. A Dom forgetting himself to the point of slapping his sub in a public restaurant seems a tad.....slack.

aiden

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RE: Causing offense. - 7/11/2008 9:24:14 PM

VeryMercurial

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People here send hate mail to other members?
What spineless fucktards they must be, I hope you
reported the mail.

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RE: Causing offense. - 7/11/2008 9:38:48 PM

Lordandmaster

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We balance it this way:

100% living true
0% worrying about not offending others

There's no telling what you might do that will offend someone...so fuck it. Let people get offended, and if they don't like what they see, they don't have to watch. It's your life, not theirs.

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

With so many different kinds of people out there and so many things that can and do cause offence to others, how do we balance living true to our relationships and not offending others?

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RE: Causing offense. - 7/11/2008 10:06:30 PM

OnlyMels

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Its hard to not offend someone I work at a grocery store and a very obviously gay man came through my line and after he left I commented to the woman working a register behind me that the man was very good looking and the customer complained that I said a gay man was cute. I think physical stuff should be avoided I mean you don't want kids to see that and maybe saying somethings you might make people think your dom or domme is abusive.

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RE: Causing offense. - 7/12/2008 12:22:25 AM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial

People here send hate mail to other members?
What spineless fucktards they must be, I hope you
reported the mail.

People go on the attack when they feel threatened. When I have received hate mail (and I have from a small handful of people here), I always figured something I said or something I represent is threatening something they believe in. In other words, it's not really about me. And in Camille's case, it's probably not really about her, either.

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RE: Causing offense. - 7/12/2008 11:06:39 PM

HizBabyGirl

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Astute and logical observation, so why are such responses so hard to come by. Thank you for thinking for yourself.

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RE: Causing offense. - 7/13/2008 10:01:53 AM

DesFIP

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Slapping someone's face in public is wrong. Telling her quietly to sit somewhere else is not because nobody else would have overheard the order. They could well have assumed that she flounced off in a huff or saw a friend she wanted to speak to. Assuming they even noticed.

Pushing stuff in other people's faces is wrong. It's bad manners because they feel uncomfortable. Some of them may have wanted to call the police because he hit her, others may have had bad memories of their own past abusive situations forcibly recalled. Making other people feel bad when they are clearly out to have a good time is inappropriate. As to what your friend did? If he isn't offending anyone else then just chalk it up to different ideas. Hard to say anything else without details.

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RE: Causing offense. - 7/13/2008 12:33:25 PM

peacelili

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

The story regarding your Sir slapping a former in public crossed the line of legality - it is illegal to assault another human being. While I would not take offense if I knew the dynamic present, I likely would have been upset seeing a woman being hit otherwise. It is a sign of abuse. Please understand, I'm not suggesting your Sir is abusive - I'm only suggesting how things appear in the public eye.

I completely agree. It was used as an obvious crossing of the line between offensive and non - offensive to joe public.

quote:

So, what line do we draw to avoid causing offense? I guess that is going to depend upon who you ask, but for me at least, I save the things that can have the cops called by strangers to be kept out of view by those strangers.

Completely agree.

quote:

Otherwise, if they do not like my actions, they can feel free to avert their eyes, voice their opinion, or leave the area. If they choose to voice their opinion, I reserve the right to voice mine in return.

Now this is where i think the issue turns into shades of grey. For example if i was to go out with Sir wearing a collar and lead i would definately offend some people. Its not illegal as far as im aware but i'm pretty sure most people don't want to see it, especially those out with their kids.
Should people have to avert there eyes or leave the area because i have chosen to do this or should i take into account public feeling on this and just not do it?

i would have to agree with most of this...the last part being a very wide open shade of grey....its true that we have the freedom to be who we are....but we also have a responsibilty to the 'joe public' to present ourselves as 'safe, sane, & consentual' adults....the general public most likely would not see a woman being slapped as such....nor would a mother taking her children to the park and see another woman with a collar and leash on ....it is a fine line to walk for sure...i would say for me, when i find a partner, the public play will have to be very very covert, the public can just be too judgemental....

as an example not related to the lifestyle at all...about two months ago my 17yo tried to overdose....we got her to the hospital and she is ok...the next day however i came down with a very hight fever and went to the emergency room...they ended up admitting me...a different hosopital altogether...i was not released until the day my daugther was...six days i beleive....well someone of the 'joe public' thought it was not right that in six days i had not visited my daughter in the hospital after she tried to od...so they callled child protective services....not really knowing the whole story....so my point is this...what may look like a very understanable incident to us in our personal lives...may look extremely unsafe, to the rest of the world...

blessings to All
lili

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RE: Causing offense. - 7/14/2008 11:28:18 PM

Briena

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What anyone does in public is their own business. I had a guy tell me that trannies should not be allowed to walk down the street because it was offensive to his eyesight and to the publics eyesight... He was quite pathetic and I had no issues telling him so. Society puts to much strain on what is and is not "socially acceptable". Ive always gone with "you do what you do and Ill do what I do" kinda strategy. Granted Im the type of girl who farts in public and has no issues crop dusting in grocery stores or crapin in public bathrooms... I think thats just cuz I was in the navy surrounded by 150 males every day. I am who I am and as long as my husband loves me thats all that matters. He farts in public and crop dusts in grocery stores too :D. We is a match made in somethin LOL!

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