How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into your domination style?

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How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into your... - 7/8/2008 9:37:07 AM

AAkasha

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Ladies, do you rely much on your sexuality as a tool in power exchange? Do you feel that being sexy, or being sexually attractive to your submissive mate is a tool that is effectively used, or should it not be relied on? Do you ever dominate when you feel you don't have a sexy bone in your body? For the sake of discussion, let's not get into the "looking sexy/dressing sexy" aspect of it; I'm talking about inner sex appeal, and how you feel and use your body, not necessarily your appearance at any given moment- we all know these are very different things....

Akasha

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Post #: 1

RE: How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into ... - 7/8/2008 9:40:13 AM

Madame4a

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From: Washington, DC area
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and we know the dressing doesn't mean a damned thing.. *grin* what comes from inside does it...

yep, I use it.. its particularly helpful and effective with men... not so much with women.. although it does work... I don't think I'd be able to play (is that what you mean by dominate?.. cause I don't turn it on or off) if I weren't feeling sexually charged and sexually dominant...

sex is pretty deeply tied up in all this for me...

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RE: How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into ... - 7/8/2008 9:49:07 AM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Even though my dominance isn't sexual~~and by this I mean that my fetish is obedience, and I can dominate a person that I have zero sexual interest in~~I think that my looks and sexuality have a lot to do with it. I'm certainly not getting a packed inbox based on my *profile*, right?

I think that you are asking more about an actual scene, rather than just everyday life? Because I am looking rather less than glam right now, but I still have it going on. I could totally go romper stomper on someone this very minute! I would have to be too tired or too ill to not feel like I could bring it. Even when I am not terribly in the mood, I find my whole mindset changing the minute the scene starts.

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RE: How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into ... - 7/8/2008 9:54:30 AM

Coupleofwhats

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I find that it's mostly about the sub being sexy when I play at home. I want to bite him, scratch him, hit him because he's a sexy thing to be abused.

Professionally, I usually have to tap into feeling sexy myself. Usually, I have to play within their parameters and such, so it has to come from a different place.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 4

RE: How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into ... - 7/8/2008 10:11:37 AM

DominantJenny

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Do I feel a need to seduce? No. Do I do it sometimes because I feel like it? Yes.
I am sexy, and that is part of my power, but I don't use it, as such.

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)

Post #: 5

RE: How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into ... - 7/8/2008 10:41:49 AM

slvemike4u

Posts: 17896
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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

Do I feel a need to seduce? No. Do I do it sometimes because I feel like it? Yes.
I am sexy, and that is part of my power, but I don't use it, as such.

DominantJenny i don't think You have a clue as to just how sexy You are..just my opinion

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 6

RE: How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into ... - 7/8/2008 12:09:29 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
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quote:

Do you feel that being sexy, or being sexually attractive to your submissive mate is a tool that is effectively used, or should it not be relied on? Do you ever dominate when you feel you don't have a sexy bone in your body?

I absolutely love knowing that he thinks I'm the sexiest woman alive, and then using that against him to REALLY make him whimper when I hold things just out of reach... one of my favorite things to do when I know he's dying to touch me is to come very, very close and then tell him "Uh-uh, no touching." It drives him up a wall and as an added bonus, makes me feel pretty damn good about myself to know that I have that power over him based on my sex appeal.

No matter how un-sexy I feel, he always manages to prove me wrong by pouncing me in the mornings when I've got no makeup on and A Flock of Seagulls-esque bedhead and telling me I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen, or by begging for me to kiss him and make him my slut while I'm doing the dishes in a tanktop and pajama pants. So for me it's not really a question of whether I dominate when I don't feel sexy because he never gives me a chance to NOT feel sexy.

I can't describe exactly why, but for some reason if I know someone is not sexually attracted to me, I lose the desire to play with them (in most cases). It's like the thrill of the hunt is gone, that power isn't there, and what's the point in putting forth effort if they consider you about as sexy as a table-lamp?

Awaiting obligatory Anchorman reference.

NINJA-EDIT: Of course that's not to say that sexuality is the only thing I use to put myself in a position of power with my boy, but it definitely helps me to be a better and more confident Domme if I know he sees me as sexy. So I'd say it's an important part for me, but not the only part.

< Message edited by Pyrrsefanie -- 7/8/2008 12:48:23 PM >

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Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 7

RE: How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into ... - 7/8/2008 12:13:01 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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i can only speak from my perspective, the way Ma'am sees things would of course be very different than the way i do.

Her sexuality is not on a switch which She might flip on and off, and i seldom see anything that She does with me as being overtly sexual or seductive. On the other hand; if i were to see it as such, would it still be as effective. She does, on occasion dress up to accentuate Her various assets and it is a trial to look Her in the eyes and not objectify Her internally; to simply accept Her dominance without seeing a dangling carrot before me, even if i may have no hope of reaching for and tasting the lure.

She is as beautiful and sexy to me dirty and working in sweats, with no make up on and grumbling for Her coffee in the morning, or laying back under the ceiling fan trying to relax a migraine away as when She's freshly scrubbed and wearing high leather boots and a corset with a deeply plunging neckline. She simply is sensuality, it is yet another of the faces that She wears at all times. i believe She does use it, both consiously and not. It is who and what She is. The Earth Mother is a figure of nurturing and strength, but also one of primal sexuality and passion, She doesn't stop being one thing in order to be another; one contrasts and complements the other but is always everpresent.

Her sexuality gives Her another level of control over me, but it is not the sum of Her control. Would i have found myself submitting to Her in the first place if i had not been so greatly sexually attracted to Her? i don't know, but i kind of doubt it. It was that initial attraction that reeled me in, even though i first saw Her as nothing more than a friend. But it was Her passionate focus on all that She does, Her great heart and generous, nurturing nature, Her subtle (and sometimes not so very subtle) aggressiveness, and the trust that She instills in others (even me, who at the time was greatly fearful of trusting another) are the things that held me and eventually bound me as Her own.

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I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

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Where the fuck do I post?

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(in reply to slvemike4u)

Post #: 8

RE: How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into ... - 7/8/2008 12:36:09 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
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Dominating my partner in all areas of life is a necessary part of a sexual relationship for me. It's not so necessary in other relationships.
BDSM is an enhancement of my sexuality.
I'm still looking for the right submissive BDSM partner. Unless or until I find him I will not be able to explore my dark side fully because I know that playing at it just doesn't work for me. Dominating someone through sexuality alone just isn't satisfying enough. It's just too easy with a willing victim and not really very fair with one that isn't willing.

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 9

RE: How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into ... - 7/8/2008 12:46:02 PM

DominantJenny

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Joined: 4/6/2008
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*laugh* Thanks, honey, but my self esteem is just fine. (Which is 90% of what makes me sexy.) I do appreciate the compliment.

(in reply to slvemike4u)

Post #: 10

RE: How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into ... - 7/8/2008 12:46:30 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1
Dominating someone through sexuality alone just isn't satisfying enough. It's just too easy with a willing victim and not really very fair with one that isn't willing.

Can I get this tattooed on me?

I wholeheartedly agree. I'm thinking I should go back and edit my post to make it a bit more clear because upon re-reading it sounds like I'm saying "OMG LOOK AT MY BEWBIES SUBMIT LOL."

_____________________________

Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

(in reply to lateralist1)

Post #: 11

RE: How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into ... - 7/8/2008 1:20:28 PM

slvemike4u

Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

*laugh* Thanks, honey, but my self esteem is just fine. (Which is 90% of what makes me sexy.) I do appreciate the compliment.

Was not my intention to question Your self esteem in the least bit...just suggesting that from where I sit reading Your post's and getting a glimpse of how comfortable You are with YOU, leaves me with the impression You are one sexy LADY

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 12

RE: How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into ... - 7/8/2008 1:36:20 PM

DominantJenny

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Thank you.

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Post #: 13

RE: How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into ... - 7/8/2008 2:47:29 PM

alura

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Joined: 4/18/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1
Dominating someone through sexuality alone just isn't satisfying enough. It's just too easy with a willing victim and not really very fair with one that isn't willing.

While I agree with the above in many ways, I also believe that it IS about your sexuality--- however, it's not so much about the physical as it is the mental mindfuck.
And for those of you who don't know what the heck that means, let me make it simple: The mindfuck is the tone.....using the right look at just the right time...letting him or her know, without saying a single word, that you are She. That without you, he or she will never find what they are looking for ... that they need you more than water, or food, or air to breathe, and that if you turn away from them, they will surely be in hell. That you alone hold the key to their liberation......and more importantly, that you KNOW they know it. The physical just sort of plays into it naturally...but it's the seductive quality of the siren...who, if fable is true, does not appeal via sexuality as much as utter and desperate need. There, that's it! That is the quality I am trying to describe. THAT is the mind fuck. And sex....and sensuality....they are just the tools by which the mindfuck is delivered.

< Message edited by alura -- 7/8/2008 2:48:25 PM >

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 14

RE: How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into ... - 7/8/2008 3:08:59 PM

Sylverdawn

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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Im more sensual than sexual with submisives.. touching teasing torture.. for me who needs intercourse.

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Post #: 15

RE: How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into ... - 7/8/2008 3:28:56 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sylverdawn

Im more sensual than sexual with submisives.. touching teasing torture.. for me who needs intercourse.

i believe that in the context of this thread, the term sexuality is actually being used as sensuality; not about having sex, but using that which makes one sexy

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to Sylverdawn)

Post #: 16

RE: How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into ... - 7/8/2008 4:00:09 PM

Sylverdawn

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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Ok complete blonde moment for a red head.. NO if Im not feeling ok about me.. I am not feeling it at all..for me its about emotional connections and my physical is totally connected to my emotional well being.

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 17

RE: How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into ... - 7/8/2008 5:32:06 PM

StaceyTheBitch

Posts: 78
Joined: 7/4/2008
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I do use my sexuality when controlling men and women, absolutely. My confidence and demanding persona also give me power. In the vanilla world in which I live sexuality and confidence go a long way. In this kink lifestyle guys and girls seem to have many more buttons someone like me can push other then just the sexual one. Usually these extra buttons deal with their personal kink. So ironically I don't need to use my sexuality as much in the kink lifestyle. Of course it still plays a big part.

I do have a "vanilla" GAY friend that seems to be under my complete control... and honestly, I don't know why. I don't have the experience nor do I have enough knowledge of the gay lifestyle to know what makes gay men tic.

On a side note to your question: I do wonder why people use the term power exchange so loosely when referring to Domme/ male subs interactions. I find that many times in dealing with men I have all the power to begin with and there is no exchange. I guess many are referring to the fact men are usually bigger and stronger thus they are giving you the ability to control them. That doesn't fly in today's society. There are many ways for a women to counter a mans size and strength.

(in reply to AAkasha)

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RE: How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into ... - 7/8/2008 5:35:31 PM

StaceyTheBitch

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I apologize AAkasha. I just realized my "side note" amounts to a thread jack and I should have made a new OP with the note.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 19

RE: How much does sexuality and sex appeal factor into ... - 7/9/2008 7:29:26 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Thank you for bringing up this topic. I was just about to create one of My own on the matter. You have saved Me the keystrokes.

How much do I trade on My sexuality? Honestly. Not one bit. I would feel like such a fraud if I did. I'm not much into false pretenses. There have been a few threads lately where I have asked what one does when their style of domination, which relies on their youth and pretty face fades. I can tell you that it wasn't well received.

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