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Embarrassment? - 7/8/2008 12:26:28 PM   
petoblivion


Posts: 9
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline 		My dom and I are new to bdsm and unfortunately when I'm new and inexperienced at something I tend to laugh when things don't go perfectly. I know it's not the best reaction, but it's something I don't even notice I'm doing usually, at least until it's pointed out. Unfortunately as soon as my attention is drawn to it, a chain reaction starts and it's even harder not to laugh or at least smirk/blush a little as I'm further embarrassed. As you might imagine, this hasn't gone over so well with my dom who does not appreciate me laughing in the middle of things.

So...has anyone else encountered points where they've been eager to try something but get a little embarrassed in trying it at the same time? How do you deal with it?
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RE: Embarrassment? - 7/8/2008 12:40:24 PM   
AmbrosialWench


Posts: 50
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		I get gigglie when nervous and sometimes embarrassed as you mentioned. Two things seem to work. One, the person I am with laughs with me and then we can move on after a little while. The second, typically if the same thing has caused me to laugh again, my partner has stopped what was going on, given a serious toned lecture on the inappropriate behavior and his displeasure, then left alone until I was able to stop. The second only works when your partner is dead serious of his displeasure.


(in reply to petoblivion)
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RE: Embarrassment? - 7/8/2008 12:50:24 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

unfortunately when I'm new and inexperienced at something I tend to laugh when things don't go perfectly

Why is that unfortunate? There is absolutly nothing wrong with laughing at a situation when it has not achieved the 'so called desired results'. Laughter in this instance can be a good thing.
quote:

  I know it's not the best reaction,

Personally, I would be interested in finding out WHO and WHERE you learned that laughter is not the best reaction.
quote:

  How do you deal with it?


With laughter, with communication, with introspective thinking...anything that works is what I use to deal with embarrassment.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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RE: Embarrassment? - 7/8/2008 1:00:10 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		The last time I played I got the giggles.  It was a nice tension breaker and made me much more relaxed after.  Nothing wrong with laughing.

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RE: Embarrassment? - 7/8/2008 1:00:49 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		I giggle/laugh when embarrassed for sure. The first time I let someone spank me in a public setting (it was a BDSM club but still) I couldn't help but to laugh. New place, ass bared and having something done which, to me, was super hot. I laughed. But they didn't seem to mind and I stopped after a bit.

I do it with a lot of things though. Like talking to a cute guy or something.

How do I deal with it? It usually stops itself after time.

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RE: Embarrassment? - 7/8/2008 1:07:17 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

unfortunately when I'm new and inexperienced at something I tend to laugh when things don't go perfectly

Why is that unfortunate? There is absolutly nothing wrong with laughing at a situation when it has not achieved the 'so called desired results'. Laughter in this instance can be a good thing.
quote:

  I know it's not the best reaction,

Personally, I would be interested in finding out WHO and WHERE you learned that laughter is not the best reaction.
quote:

  How do you deal with it?


With laughter, with communication, with introspective thinking...anything that works is what I use to deal with embarrassment.


I agree with this.

I will laugh and role my eyes in doing many things when embarrassed.

I would think your Dom should understand what you are and your laughter is communicating information that he can use. Both can relax in being yourselves and not role play how one of you thinks a person should react and focus on if everything on the whole works out.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

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RE: Embarrassment? - 7/8/2008 1:07:49 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

So...has anyone else encountered points where they've been eager to try something but get a little embarrassed in trying it at the same time? How do you deal with it?


Its like laughing in church.  Once it starts, there's nothing you can do to stop it.

I do the whole nervous laughter thing whenever anything goes wrong.  I have to believe the universe has a sense of humor.  I almost always hit a point in a good scene where I giggle uncontrollably.

Yeah, some d-types have gotten upset and seem to think I was laughing at them and took it as a sign of disrespect.  I dunno.  If someone doesn't accept my explanations/appologies/way of being in the world, there's not much I can do except chalk it up to experience. 

Other d-types get a kick out of it because I'm always laughing at myself.


_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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RE: Embarrassment? - 7/8/2008 1:35:46 PM   
Aynne


Posts: 740
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline 		That is a better response than I have quite honestly. I tend to get well...mad when I get embarrrassed and that is something we are working on. I hate hate hate having to get dressed or undressed in front of people, I like to come out all perfect looking and "done up." Last week He brought me several sexy little ( very little! ) lingerie outfits and I was to change into them and model them for him while he watched. First instinct was to get angry and protest, until I looked straight into his eyes and said I was going to change in the bathroom and he said that he would undress me and put them on for me instead if I preferred.  I had the first one on in about 30 seconds after that. Truthfully, every time you do something that you think is embarrassing it gets a little bit easier.  He always tells me when I have to face something difficult, don't think about it, just do. Seems simple but it really works, once I stop obsessing over over every single angle of it and just go through the motions and "do" it ceases to be so awful.  As a matter of fact, it usually turns out wayyyyy hot. 

     

_____________________________

*Yes I know I have no profile at this time...

I looked in your eyes
Without saying a word
I told you what I am
And I hoped that you heard

~Owned and Loved by Master Sifu~

*founder of I Love Lushy Inc.*

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RE: Embarrassment? - 7/8/2008 2:07:20 PM   
tenderplant


Posts: 15
Joined: 4/5/2008
Status: offline 		petoblivion I laugh also when I experience something new. I usually laugh until I am comfortable doing  the new experience a couple of times. I let people know that I laugh when I am nervous and they are okay with it.

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RE: Embarrassment? - 7/8/2008 2:30:19 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		I find it impossible to ask for things ... I am literally crushed with the inability to ask for things... put it this way .. this morning I risked disobeying my Owner because I didn't want to ask my friend who stayed over to make me a cup of tea. DV was ordering me to ask her ... and I was slowly crawling under the sofa with shame and embarassment at having to ask for something.

When I have to ask for something ... something I really really want to do or try or try again .. I get crippled with nerves and shyness and embarrassment. I might be a sick twisted bitch, I might be ruthless in doing what needs to be done to get where I want to be ... but I am unable to ask for even the simplest of things. Its a two fold problem ... its admitting that I want these things, that I crave these things .. that I have a burning need to be shown exactly how far I am from the nice girl I pretend to be .. and asking to have a desire met, daring to ask something for myself. I used to think it was a pride thing .. and with some people it is .. some Dominants in the past I ahve refused to beg for ... because deep down I knew they weren't really in that position of power over me. I dont feel like that now, I feel embarrassed that I want these things, and embarrassed that I am asking for them.

As an example ... at one point during my last trip .. I got pissed on in the shower, totally in the moment, I doubt He planned it, and I wasn't expecting it. I loved it. It rang about 17 different bells for me. Great .. wonderful ... fantastic.
Rest of the week ... each time He goes anywhere near the shower ... with me or on His own ... I am crippled with the desire to beg Him to do it again .... but too intimidated/shy/embarrassed to ask. It wasn't until I was back home, that I could even mention that I had wanted Him to do it again. Countless times over the years DV has come to the assumption I have no interest in something, because I have never mentioned or asked for it .. but when directly questioned ... I am like "Oh my God that is sooooooooooo hot ... please can we do it 10000 times a week?"



_____________________________

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veritas, respectus honorque in corio





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RE: Embarrassment? - 7/8/2008 2:47:31 PM   
petoblivion


Posts: 9
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you all for the replies! I feel better now that I'm not the only one that does this. I'm still not sure how to approach my dom without offending him, but we can usually talk things out so I'll bring it up again at a time when we're not under the pressure of playing. Any suggestions on how best to approach it? I was thinking something along the lines of explaining that I don't mean any offense by it and that I really do enjoy what he's doing to me.

Softness- I can sympathize, there are times when I desperately want something and I'm unable to articulate it as well. I've finally been slowly asking for things, or at least bringing them up that I would like them sometimes when there's no pressure to do them at the moment so that they might be offered later on. Of course my dom is expecting more and more that I ask for what I want and so I feel doubly guilty when I ask for something and then start giggling in the middle of it. Does anyone else know how to combat this form of shyness other than just sucking it up?

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RE: Embarrassment? - 7/8/2008 3:17:11 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I cry at marriages, and giggle at funerals, and have been known to laugh when being caned infront of others -which usually makes my Sir laugh and tell me that since i can laugh i obviously can take more caning - and then he does. It hasn't always made me stop either - i have on occasion just kept on giggling. - right into subspace.  very cool.

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RE: Embarrassment? - 7/8/2008 3:27:53 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		Saturday night was the first time He and I have been able to attend a play party together in a couple of months.  We don't do public play, but we will play around a bit, having brief little mini scenes here and there.

We had walked into the kitchen at the dungeon and I pointed out these big juicy strawberries on the table.  He took one of the big ones and told me to come with Him.  We walked across the hall into one of the unoccupied rooms.  He made me lean against the massage/bondage table in there and told me to hold this huge strawberry in my teeth, which for some reason struck me as funny.  Then He grabs the huge paddle.    He whispered in my ear that there better not be any teeth marks in that strawberry, which made me giggle....... then He smacked my ass with that paddle on each cheek!  Damn it hurt!!  I am not a pain slut and normally would have teared up, but I started giggling and couldn't stop! 

He took the strawberry and found teeth marks...... He said, "Oh that's not good." in that evil way He says stuff.  He says hold out your tongue, and that made me giggle even more!

Anyway, more stuff happened with the strawberry  but suffice it to say, once I got the giggles, it was really, really hard to stop! 

He and I talked about it later and He was smiling because He said He was trying to be serious and I was making Him want to laugh too! 

But we had a good time and that's what counts.

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RE: Embarrassment? - 7/8/2008 4:26:48 PM   
XaviersXian


Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline 		greetings to all,

I've never really tended to be embarrassed by an idea that Master has suggested.  I've struggled to obey (but, eventually, managed to) many a time.  I try not to let my personal judgements get in the way of an order, I keep reminding myself that he is not allowing me to see with my own eyes, that he is training me to see though his.

I hope this helps!

well wishes,

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RE: Embarrassment? - 7/8/2008 5:45:35 PM   
Zechriel


Posts: 308
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline 		Good evening!
I still laugh sometimes when something goes funny, most times Daddy laughs too or says very seriously "Is baby laughing?" then pulls my hair back to look at him which usually sends me in the opposite direction of "oohhhhhhh" ::fans herself::
When I want something or want to try something and I cannot say it, I usually hide in his chest or tummy and say it. If he says he wants to try something, and says "what does baby think?" I can either say, "YES!!!" or "I am scared" which he will say, "go get your blindfold" or he will just get it himself. Having that blindfold on really lets me open up and enjoy. Hope that helps. Good luck!

Love,
Zechriel
  -Daddy's baby girl

(in reply to XaviersXian)
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RE: Embarrassment? - 7/8/2008 9:57:46 PM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		I had an experience where he was using a crop on me while I was facing him.  It was probably on the edge of my limits of pain, so I was being challenged mentally as well as physically.  And the look in his face was one of pure enjoyment.  The thoughts ran through my head quickly ... what the hell is happening here....why am I enjoying this so even though it hurts...why is he loving hurting me... why is this so very good when it's supposed to be so wrong... 

All those crazy questions just mixed up in my head and made me laugh at the inconguous position I was in.  Loving it, adoring him, adoring the fact that he was enjoying himself immensely ... and yet I was being smacked silly.  I caught his eye and he saw me grinning and he smiled back.  I *love* that he completely got me and where I was at and smiled back.  It was just one of those special moments.

Laughter and smiling can be very good in a scene, even if it springs from your embarrassment.

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RE: Embarrassment? - 7/8/2008 10:03:27 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Pet- my advice then is to sit down and have a discussion about how to have discussions like this.  These are the things people usually do BEFORE they decide to be in a commitment together, but since you jumped that gun, you have to go back and cross that bridge now. 

I find direct, honest, respectful and good timing works just fine for actual mature people open to having a mutually fulfilling relationship.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Embarrassment? - 7/8/2008 10:20:26 PM   
sklavinxandria


Posts: 61
Joined: 12/26/2004
From: Nebraska
Status: offline
I laugh or I start to babble.  I recently had the unfortunate remembrance of the fact that when I give a blow job, for some reason I suck in way too much air and I burp.  Talk about embarrassing and yeah for me, a mood killer from hell, don't know about the Dom though.  I did not  want to ask, and I tried really hard to hide what happened.   

And if anyone has a suggestion on a way to cure the burping, please god let me know!


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RE: Embarrassment? - 7/9/2008 12:44:57 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: petoblivion

So...has anyone else encountered points where they've been eager to try something but get a little embarrassed in trying it at the same time? How do you deal with it?


Shooooooooooot, sometimes I still get giggly and nervous when trying the same ol' same ol' with someone different, and I am one old whore. I kinda like it the freshness of that blushing sheepish feeling. ~smiling~

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RE: Embarrassment? - 7/9/2008 2:37:00 PM   
Dari


Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline 		The sad fact of life is that it's not perfect, and doesn't always go the way I've planned.  With that in mind, I'd rather have someone who can laugh at the mistakes and keep right on going, than someone who gets upset every time the world isn't exactly perfect.  My pet laughs when things go wrong, and laughs when things go right - he keeps me from being too serious. 

Why not just relax, explore, and enjoy the trip?  Explain, when you aren't in the middle of a scene, that you're not laughing at him, but it's just a way for you to release nerves?

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