What makes a sub who they are?

What makes a sub who they are? (Full Version)

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michaelMI -> What makes a sub who they are? (11/11/2005 6:03:30 AM)
I am curious about what others think of this subject. for me it's giving control to someone i can trust, honor and respect...three things i hold dear and live by. i have always been submissive, in my daily live, my work (being a server in restaurants is my favorite job, i get to meet new people and serve them...this is not to say that i would serve everyone in the lifestyle, just a preference to me)

lonewolf05 -> RE: What makes a sub who they are? (11/11/2005 6:24:59 AM)
just a preference to you.....................you say. ok....and????????? you are entitled. don't let anyone tell ya---ya ain't entitled. as to ME??????? i am naturally -------in a vanilla setting........as dominant as i can be.........macho ........loud------over bearing.........i don't take guff off anyone..........including many bosses i have had.....i enjoy telling people where to get off at. i'd just as soon as pop someone upside the head as look at em. even around Mistress i am aggressive in my views and feelings. i don't roll over and play dead for ANYONE.......... but hey..............guess what?????? "I" am entitled TOO!!!!!!!! have a good day wolf

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: What makes a sub who they are? (11/11/2005 6:47:00 AM)
I have no idea why I am oriented as a slave any more than I know why I am oriented as a bisexual or why I love rope and bondage so much. I can tell you what they do to me, what I like and don't like about them, how they shape my perspectives in the world. But why...no clue.

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: What makes a sub who they are? (11/11/2005 6:48:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: michaelMI i have always been submissive, in my daily live, my work (being a server in restaurants is my favorite job, i get to meet new people and serve them...this is not to say that i would serve everyone in the lifestyle, just a preference to me) That is interesting, as a lot of submissives are submissive in their interpersonal relationships because they can not be submissive in their professional lives. They are teachers, lawyers, CEOs and what not, and need a place where they no longer have to be in control. Taggard

hawk58 -> RE: What makes a sub who they are? (11/11/2005 6:55:14 AM)
Actually, in most instances, i am anything but submissive. However, i have accepted the yoke of slavehood to Master Hawk, and concede to His authority. Why? I dont know. I dont waste my time trying to analyze it. I focus my time and attentions on how to best please Him and make His life easier and more important. If itried to analize WHY i do what i do, and why i am who i am- the focus would be on me not Him, now wouldn't it? Not a good idea to have my focus diverted from Him. Especially when my goal is to be the best slave i can be, meeting His needs. -dove

KatyLied -> RE: What makes a sub who they are? (11/11/2005 7:29:01 AM)
It's about melting. I like to melt. [;)]

Manawyddan -> RE: What makes a sub who they are? (11/11/2005 7:57:57 AM)
A mix of nature and nurture, same as everything else that makes us what we are.

Jasmyn -> RE: What makes a sub who they are? (11/11/2005 8:04:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty quote: ORIGINAL: michaelMI i have always been submissive, in my daily live, my work (being a server in restaurants is my favorite job, i get to meet new people and serve them...this is not to say that i would serve everyone in the lifestyle, just a preference to me) That is interesting, as a lot of submissives are submissive in their interpersonal relationships because they can not be submissive in their professional lives. They are teachers, lawyers, CEOs and what not, and need a place where they no longer have to be in control. Taggard These are a perfect example for the old submissive vs submissive dictionary debate. Michael I would hazard a guess would not be insulted by my calling him 'subservient'...it is inherent in his character, its what makes him tick, its what makes him happy, been helpful to others... if out and about, in an instant I can pick men and women as 'submissive' by their similar traits in interactions with myself and others... To me, this is what a 'submissive' is....subservient with a willingness to serve and be of service...a giving of oneself to the needs of another. Whereas submission as described by Taggard I don't always see as been inherently about being a 'submissive' to anyone...rather submitting to an experience...they may submit but they are not subservient... I've found one 'controls' the former and 'dominates' the latter.

MistressYlwa -> RE: What makes a sub who they are? (11/11/2005 9:21:11 AM)
Afraid there is not an absolute answer for this, that I can give. In my conversations with others, they express it as a desire they have always had. They do not know why or where it comes from. It is just what it is. Taggard has seen what I have, as well. People in power at work, who have contacted me, have a strong desire to give up that power at home. To be released from the stress and responsibility. Don't know that this helps. Is just one more opinion. Mistress Ylwa You see what power is - holding someone elses fear in your hand and showing it to them! - Amy Tan

LilWhiteWolf -> RE: What makes a sub who they are? (11/11/2005 9:37:10 AM)
I often wondered about this myself. I am definitely not a submissive person at work or in my everyday life yet with my Dom, it comes so natural. I have quit trying to figure it out and just enjoy it. The "sub space" i enter is the most erotic thing i have experienced so whatever or whoever has made me like this, i would just like to say THANK YOU !!

candystripper -> RE: What makes a sub who they are? (11/11/2005 9:59:50 AM)
In my life, there have been joys and happiness and worldly success, but the yearning for someone to take charge, be protective, know me intimately, never left me. i could not indulge these feelings and i also thought they were signs of weakness. In jan '04, i found Castle Realm and it opened a whole world of new feelings and experiences. There were others like me...and Men who wanted them. i was amazed. i think i have "felt" submissive all my life, but never before was in a place where i could indulge those feelings. These days, even after a few idiotic emails, i try to remind myself of that. candystripper

girl4you2 -> RE: What makes a sub who they are? (11/11/2005 2:38:43 PM)
i, too, cannot say why i am the way that i am. i just am. to be anything other than deeply submissive is not possible for me; it's not a choice. as an irish woman, i'm certainly not without my feisty temperment, but that shows itself mostly outside of a D/s or M/s relationship (or else sometimes it has consequences).

theRose4U -> RE: What makes a sub who they are? (11/11/2005 2:47:49 PM)
quote: hey are teachers, lawyers, CEOs and what not, and need a place where they no longer have to be in control. Very true, one of my best pony boys ran a fortune 500 company from the ivory offices and said that the root of his divotion to service was having to carry the weight of so many others future on his shoulders all day long.

fredrik21 -> RE: What makes a sub who they are? (11/11/2005 2:58:04 PM)
I don't know how valid my perspective on this is. I have no real experience in bdsm, so I can only reply based on my thoughts about it. Anyway, from all these answers it's clear that the reasons are very individual. I'm not entirely clear about my own either, I have a mix of things that draw me to submitting. Giving up control (of course), pleasing another and making them happy, but the big factor for myself would have to be trust. I want to have that kind of relationship where I, in time, can trust someone else with my body and mind. It just seems so fulfilling. As I said though, with no experience, I don't know if it would be as fulfilling as it seems in my head. I don't know how much the first experience usually "dissapoints" because you have built a too good fantasy.

trueshadow -> What makes a sub a sub? (11/11/2005 3:02:24 PM)
As is frequently the case, the answer is both complex and surprisingly easy. I've spent the better part of my life trying to understand who I am and why I am the way that I am. Sexually, I almost demand to bottom. I love to serve the female, cater to her needs, pleasure her to satiation. I enjoy denying myself my pleasure so as to satisfy her. I also enjoy and believe I deserve to be punished. The pain is cathartic. The simple answer is how our sexuality is fixed (and when it is fixed), and that is dependent upon our parents, siblings, and extended families. Our sexuality has a fixed number of modes of expression. Take a foot fetish. There are no elbow fetishes, no left sholder fetishes, and so on. There are leg men, ass men, breast men, but no knee men or forearm men. Our complex sexual desires therefore have a finite number of avenues to express them. One who enjoys pain with sexual overtones probably experienced physical punishment, heard about physical punishment, or otherwise incorporated these experiences with a longing for the approval of the parent. That's my theory, in any case. It holds for me.

Sunshine119 -> RE: What makes a sub who they are? (11/11/2005 4:28:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U quote: hey are teachers, lawyers, CEOs and what not, and need a place where they no longer have to be in control. Very true, one of my best pony boys ran a fortune 500 company from the ivory offices and said that the root of his divotion to service was having to carry the weight of so many others future on his shoulders all day long. Or perhaps it is power understanding greater power. My work is demanding and I am in a hyper-responsible position: employees, budgets, deliverables! Yet, when I met Him, I knew I had met someone whose own power dwarfed mine and instanteounsly I recognized his strength. I feel protected, cherished and serve him willingly. Wow! If my employees could see me, they'd never believe it.....LOL

krikket -> RE: What makes a sub who they are? (11/11/2005 5:19:51 PM)
If i had a dime for everytime some toppy type told me i "don't seem or act submissive" i'd be a rich woman..well, maybe not rich, but i could buy me a couple cups of coffee..lol. i'm not submissive in my daily life. i can't afford to be as my job, my kids, my creditors, etc., all expect me to be in charge enough of my life to do my job, raise my kids, and pay my bills... For that one special man i was lucky enough to find, if even for a short time, he saw not just the me the world sees, but the me that's inside that most don't bother to take the time to see. i try to remember i have once been so blessed, and that perhaps i shouldn't expect more out of life... jimini

slavejali -> RE: What makes a sub who they are? (11/11/2005 6:19:49 PM)
in my working life im very in control and carry a lot of responsibility. i would not say that is why im submissive in relationship though, however it is a stress release in many ways. Work is work, its just getting things done that need to be done etc etc etc The real reason i love being enslaved is it feels natural to me. My slavery allows me to feel my femininity entirely and so deeply and that part of me just wants/needs/desires to surrender to a Man.

fyreredsub -> RE: What makes a sub who they are? (11/11/2005 6:45:32 PM)
lil bits of what the3 posters before me.......said

mnottertail -> RE: What makes a sub who they are? (11/11/2005 7:00:27 PM)
I have always wondered at the wonderment and endless analyzation of this phenomena........... Why does there gotta be a why? Curiously, Ron Look, if you buy the assumption; you buy the deal.

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