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Padriag -> RE: What makes a sub who they are? (11/12/2005 12:29:43 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I have no idea why I am oriented as a slave any more than I know why I am oriented as a bisexual or why I love rope and bondage so much.
I'm a little surprised at that, knowing what I do of you I would have thought you at least had some general ideas... interesting.
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ORIGINAL: MistressYlwa
Taggard has seen what I have, as well. People in power at work, who have contacted me, have a strong desire to give up that power at home. To be released from the stress and responsibility.
Just because someone is in a position of authority doesn't mean they necessarily want to be or are comfortable with it. That is, we tend to seek escape from those things we find uncomfortable... so if someone is submissive outside their career, while being in a position of authority within their career, it indicates that their nature is to escape it because they are uncomfortable with it. A person with a submissive nature may very well be CEO of a company not because they are personally driven to have power... but because they feel pressure from the expectations of others (family, society, etc.) to do so. Running a fortune 500 company is no guarantee that person is dominant. Dominance is no guaranteor of success in life, in fact, it has been noted that many dominants manage their personal and/or professional lives poorly.
There is a woman I know, a friend of mine. She is a successful stockbroker, founded her own firm and has done quite well for herself. Most people would assume she is a leader, dominant, because of her job and success. In reality she is quite submissive and knowing her as I do I also know the real reason she was driven to that success... deep down she's still daddy's little girl trying to make daddy happy by doing what she thinks daddy expects.
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ORIGINAL: Sunshine119
Or perhaps it is power understanding greater power. My work is demanding and I am in a hyper-responsible position: employees, budgets, deliverables!
Yet, when I met Him, I knew I had met someone whose own power dwarfed mine and instanteounsly I recognized his strength. I feel protected, cherished and serve him willingly. Wow! If my employees could see me, they'd never believe it.....LOL
There is a rule in behavioral psychology that perhaps most clearly expressed by John Maxwell, leaders will only follow stronger leaders than themselves. That is, say you have three people and we'll rate their leadership ability on a scale of 1 to 10. Let's say the first rates a 2, the second a 6, and the third a 9. The 2 will follow either the 6 or the. The 6 would follow the 9, but not the 2. The 9 would not follow either and would usually end up leading. If you look at dominance and submission in a similar way (and they are very similar) someone we identify as a submissive may merely have a low dominance rating... a switch might have middling score and a dominant a high score. We get the same results, which we can observe in the lifestyle. You see the same rule in the old adage about the "pecking order" which refers to chickens which will sort themselves out within a group according to who does the pecking and who gets pecked... an order of dominance.
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ORIGINAL: mnottertail
I have always wondered at the wonderment and endless analyzation of this phenomena...........
Why does there gotta be a why?
Probably Ron because throughout human history people have always been more comfortable when they believed they understood the world around them, how the universe worked, than when they didn't. Socrates, Gallileo, Columbus and others were not attacked by society because of their ideas... but because their ideas raised questions that made society uncomfortable, and society reacted to that defensively (that is, defending the status quo and thus the existing comfort level). People argue about and debate what makes a submissive who they are, what makes a dominant who they are, and where switches fit into all this because they want to understand (or at least believe they do) in order to feel more comfortable. Individuals will sometimes very aggressively defend their own personal beliefs about such things because they don't want their personal comfort level disturbed. That's why there's gotta be a why (or more precisely why people have to have a why... there is a why, but that's not why people pursue it generally).
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ORIGINAL: KittenWithaTwist
I would like to know why. An interest in BDSM makes me unusual. I am no longer normal. Perhaps I never was. Why am I different? Why am I drawn to BDSM while my mother, father, sister are not? Was I born this way? Or did my childhood circumstances make me this way? Am I weird? Am I crazy?
You illustrate my point very well. You want to know why because it would make you feel more comfortable with yourself. Perfectly normal desire, very human of you. [:)]
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ORIGINAL: Sunshine119
Maybe it's all just genetic
Its become very popular to attribute anything not understood about the causes of human behavior to genetics... to say in effect... they were just born that way. It neatly gives most people that belief of understanding and at the same time absolves people of responsibility for their behavior... a very attractive combination. For example... someone is fat because they have a "fat gene", but the fact that they eat greasy fast foods, junk food, constantly snack on candy and confections and get little exercise has nothing to do with why they are fat... they needn't be responsible for those behaviors because they have the "fat gene". There's been a surprising amount of research done attempting to attribute serial killers to genetics... because serial killers are presently poorly understood and scare the hell out of people... if we had a cause for them, even a genetic one, it makes them a little less scary because we would at least have the belief of understanding. One little catch... nothing I have read regarding genetics suggest that DNA does or even can directly control any form of human behavior (unlike the human metabolism, which it can and does affect). At best, DNA can indirectly influence behavior by influencing our perceptions... which while significant is still not direct control.
Are there definitive reasons for why some are submissive and others are dominant... yes. Could they be explained... yes. Are they genetic... no. Would they be accepted... not without a lot of arguing... and frankly I'm in no mood to drink hemlock today. While I probably could compose an essay that would explain those answers, that would give broad but rational definitions of say... bottoms, submissives and slaves... the results of my doing so are entirely predictable. Upon posting such an essay there would be those who would immediately attack it (not debate it, but outright attack it) because such definitions would invariably challenge the personal beliefs of some individuals, and thus their comfort level. Those individuals would, predictably, react defensively by trying to tear down or discredit such an essay so that they could preserve their own ideas. But few if any of them would be able to offer rational, logical arguments for those personal beliefs. Given that, and given that I'm in no mood to end up drinking hemlock, there's little incentive for me to engage in such a conflict publicly. Besides which... does anyone really want yet another argument about the differences between bottoms, submissives and slaves?
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