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top drop and coping - 7/9/2008 12:13:18 PM   
firefey


Posts: 144
Joined: 1/25/2005
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so last night the boy and i were... in flagrante.... and i was looking for a change up.  normally i don't allow him to cum while so engaged, and it's something i've worked at conditioning him to.  orgasim controll is a big love of mine afterall.  but i was in the mood for it, and comanded it of him.  the struggle he went through was a delight, and the near coersion added that something i was craving (normally he's very bidable).  but in the post coital afterglow, this sudden rush of near viceral anxiety swamped me.  i felt as though i had somehow violated him by forcing a sexual act on him.  not just any sexual act, but this one in particular.  guilt, worry, and something like fear just engulffed me.  i've never had top drop before, not even after an intense humiliation scene, but this was truly overwhelming.  observant boy he is, he noticed something was wrong and we talked it through enough so that i could settle back into the cuddles, but there's still a small nagging sence of it.  he's fine, enjoyed the hell out of himself, and i'm fine with the act itself.  i'm just waiting for this lingering feeling to go away.  how do you ladies handle top drop?  
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RE: top drop and coping - 7/9/2008 12:20:32 PM   
Pyrrsefanie


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Whenever I get that nagging "oh lord what'd I do" feeling I make sure he's well-cared for after a scene, find out what's on his mind and assure myself that I in fact did NOT damage him emotionally/physically and that I'm just psyching myself out.  Most of the time that works, but if it's still there after the snuggles...

I do housework.    Don't laugh, it helps.  My zen time is while I'm washing the dishes, so if something is bugging me, I hit the sink until I work it out.

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Ти артистична в неволі,
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Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

(in reply to firefey)
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RE: top drop and coping - 7/9/2008 12:57:30 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
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Believe it or not, I know exactly what you are talking about.  To be less then eloquent, doesn't it suck when something that should be so beautiful, should be riddled with these types of feelings?

More to the point, I advise folks facing Top drop the same as I do sub drop.  (No, this doesn't especially mean that I always listen to My own advice either.)  There are some things you can do to help you. 

Your brain chemistry just did a major overhaul.  You had this wonderful, mad rush of endorphins that suddenly stopped. In other words, the pleasure train is no longer moving, and it seems like it's come to a screeching halt.  That's a lot to brace yourself for.  Remember that word that I used.  Halt.  It applies. 

I've used the analogy for years.  Halt.  It stands for key things to watch for.  Hungry.  Angry.  Lonely.  Tired.

Hungry.  It's a simple thing, yet many tops don't remember their physical needs for food and/or water after something so intense.  Sure.  Many of us are the first to jump up and get a bottle of water and a treat for our bottoms after playing, but did you remember to bring something for yourself?  Just because we are on the opposite side of the kneel, doesn't mean we don't need the same things.  If you're like Me, you just spent two hours in physical excursion.  That's a drain on the body, and it needs to be replenished. 

Angry.  What is your emotional state after this?  It might not especially be anger, but where are your feelings?  We are constantly checking on our bottoms about the way they feel.  What about our own feelings?  There might be something in there that isn't exactly at rest.

Lonely.  Are you by yourself?  It isn't only bottoms that need  a bit of checking up on after something so intense.  Tops need it, too.  We might need a physical embrace or something emotionally fulfilling afterward. 

Tired.  Some won't like it phrased this way but ffs (for fucks sake) get some rest.  Honey, part of you is tired after you just spent hours doing this intense scene.  Take a nap, go to bed early, find a way to rest.  You are a physical being, and  you have certain limitations.  You won't feel the same way after you have rested your body and your mind.  Remember, you spent all of that energy going out.  It's time to put some back in.

I'm sure it is different for others, but I have never had a drop that couldn't be fixed by one of these four, key, measured methods.  I hope you will come back and tell us exactly what worked for you.  Best of luck.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)
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RE: top drop and coping - 7/9/2008 9:59:03 PM   
firefey


Posts: 144
Joined: 1/25/2005
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thanks LP, Pyrrsefanie both really good advice.  oddly enough i cleaned today, befor reading your replies.  i guess soap really does cure almost all ills.  i was writing this after the fact but i think the initial drop was tied to the fact that yeah i was tired (this was before bed nookie) and i'm wondering if it might be tied to the intense secen we had the night before (after a period of situational abstinance from play) coupled with the fact that we just moved into a new place a few states away.  too many things all at once perhaps?  i think the thing that was so nerve wracking was the viceral quality, i mean full on down in the pit of your stomach, of the anxiety.  not being one given to panic attacks i've never felt anything like it.  and that sense of being a violator, tied to the coersion aspect i think, was really profound.  having done a little soul searching i think that idea of being a violator could be tied to some old boyfirend scars, a thing i don't much feel like expounding on.  suffice to say, he was not a good or nice man with serious issues regarding physicality and intimacy.

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: top drop and coping - 7/9/2008 10:13:14 PM   
SpiderInWaiting


Posts: 39
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline
I think this is more normal among dommes than we realize. From what I have seen top drop or dom/domme space doesn't get talked about much. I agree with what Pyrrsefanie and LadyPact have said. I will also say that in my experience it seems to almost always happen when I have not played over an extended period of time so it's very easy to reach a high when I am feeling such a strong need to get what I have been missing and of course I drop very easily after the scene. It's like someone that doesn't eat for a couple of days and then gorges, it will make him or her sick to the stomach. The best way to avoid such a drop is to take it easy with the play and work back into the more intense stuff despite the craving for the instant great high.

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(in reply to firefey)
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RE: top drop and coping - 7/11/2008 7:40:42 PM   
LPslittleclip


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Joined: 9/29/2007
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it is something as  a submissive i need to look for to keep my Dominant from inadvertently harming herself. so far i have not had to experience drop myself but my M'Lady does get it and i need to make sure she eats something when she gets it and stay with her. while shes in drop  i have to protect her  and keep her safe. chocolate and fruit like strawberry's are the best. 

(in reply to SpiderInWaiting)
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RE: top drop and coping - 7/12/2008 5:24:28 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
That was very sweet, lil one.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LPslittleclip)
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RE: top drop and coping - 7/13/2008 1:36:24 AM   
firefey


Posts: 144
Joined: 1/25/2005
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mmmm... chocolate.  i'm pretty sure most things can be soothed with chocolate.  and i love the way you put that clip.  you're there to serve an protect.  makes me almost picture you in a little cop outfit.  hmmmmmm.  added bonus, cops come with their own handcuffs.

(in reply to LadyPact)
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