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RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/10/2008 1:31:01 PM

Drakcon

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well if he confessed, then he lied, just cut the line now and let it drift as an experienced life lesson, no need to lose sleep over it anymore

hey that 4 cents for the day

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RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/10/2008 1:38:31 PM

daddysliloneds

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should we could we if we dare, should we could we if we care...

i feel like i'm in dr.suess land

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RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/10/2008 2:06:12 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkwind

Out of respect for him you won't let us know more than you have "proof", and so far i cannot tell if that so called "proof" should be treated with more credence than this man's word, but you posting this here to me personally is very disrespectful whether or not you reveal any more.

And if i were him i would turn my back on the prospective relationship if, at the first sign of a perceived but not proven discrepancy you bring the issue to a public forum for others to pour over and give comment.

I would disagree with with this -- no names were announced, so unless someone has a guilty conscience, having the question presented here shouldn't make a bit of difference. If they'd smeared someone's name around, that would be a different matter, but this was more of a hypothetical "if this and this happened, how would you react?" kind of question, and not something to get all stirred up about unless, as I said, someone had a guilty conscience -- in which case, I'd say that feeling a little uncomfortable at seeing the deceit in their situation layed out for the world would be just rewards for having been dishonest in the first place.

Firestorm

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RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/10/2008 2:12:04 PM

LaTigresse

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I won't tollerate a liar. It's the fastest way to get booted out of my life.

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Post #: 44

RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/10/2008 2:47:51 PM

CruelDesires

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoDommeDivas

Well, he wrote back, and he finally owned up to being married and not telling his wife about this. So now we have to figure out where we go from here. At least he came clean, and I am a forgiving sort....to a point. But a continuing deception of his wife might be a problem for me.

We haven't talked about his faith yet. That's small potatoes, as most have concluded.

Get rid of the liar. He will be nothing but trouble.

CD

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RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/10/2008 2:56:20 PM

IrishMist

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Someone being married does not bother me.
Someone being a writer; even a writer of religious material; does not bother me.

Someone LYING about NOT being married does bother me.

Now granted, from what you have said here in this thread; you are not 100% sure that the young man is not married ...only that he has a roomate and is divorced...he could very well be telling the truth.

My advice...ask to speak to his roomate; see how he handles that.

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RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/10/2008 4:32:15 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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It doesn't matter if he's lying or not. You don't trust him to be ethical with you. That alone means you do not have a strong meaningful relationship.

Either be direct with your "proof" when you meet next, make the date for the next meeting at his place, or just say you aren't comfortable and end it.

Any other option is just manipulation and unnecessary drama.

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RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/10/2008 5:42:04 PM

SurrenderForMe

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quote:

Should his marital status matter?

Should his lying matter?

Should the book thing matter?

Yes, he is lying to his spouse. He is disloyal. He is selfish
Yes, not trustworthy
No, private business. Unless the book trashed kink, then he is a hypocrite on top of being a liar. Most people I have met in the scene keep business identity out of it, until they have known someone and are comfortable.

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RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/18/2008 10:22:24 AM

underling3

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I am inclined to think that here, as in any other thing that makes you uncomfortable, you should continue with the utmost caution, if indeed, you continue at all. (Have you considered tht yopu may be fodder for his next book?)

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RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/18/2008 2:52:51 PM

Quivver

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I'm in the mood to split some hairs.
Ok, he lied.
Let's look at the deeper version of `why` other then to get his kink satisfied.
Your calling him a sub ... but is he?
Lying, especially in this case is a form of topping from the bottom isnt it?
Omission (same as lying in my book) is no different.
He's stacking the deck in his favor.

My question to your forgiving nature is who's in charge?

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RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/18/2008 3:53:54 PM

azropedntied

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if he treats his wife like this how is he going to be honorable and respectful twards you ? how is he to be trusted with you ? I would say if he said yes i am married and yes my wife knows why we are now speaking , here speak to her -then NO married should not pose a problem as long as everyone agrees , but the deception he gave to you both and to his wife would warrant his walking paper s .

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RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/18/2008 4:30:46 PM

katie978

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At this point, I'm amazed you're still even considering this sub. He's clearly lied to you, despite you having asked him several times. How can you expect to have any sort of relationship with him? He's lied once, proven he's willing to stick to a lie (since you asked many times). What's to stop him from destroying your trust again? Finding a third domina to play with? Disobey your orders? Breaking dates with you?

To me, it seems that he is a hypocrite with a double life. Although I don't think Christianity and BDSM directly contradict, I find it hard to believe that a truly religious person who follows the tenats of his faith devoutly could be interested in cheating on his wife. You two will never be more then a side dish to him, and when he has a crises of conscious or his wife starts getting suspicious, he will leave you in a heartbeat.

With so many domme-less, truthful malesubs around, I can't see why a female dominant would stick with one who so clearly is looking for a strings-free fling-unless that's what she was looking for to begin with.

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Post #: 52

RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/18/2008 4:47:08 PM

DesFIP

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Ask for a copy of the divorce agreement if it matters to you.

As far as him being a Biblical scholar, or a jazz musician, or a math teacher, or a garbage collector, why does his day job matter to you? Since you aren't planning to live with him or marry him, but just have a part time relationship then what he does with his nonleisure hours shouldn't concern you. I know of expert endocrinologists who don't have diabetis. Him being a scholar in one field doesn't necessarily mean more than that he is a scholar. But if you feel that he may be crossing his own moral code by engaging in s & m with you, then ask him to clarify. BTW, I'm betting he doesn't mention it because people feel awkward talking to someone who is an expert in religion.

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RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/18/2008 4:55:01 PM

DarkSteven

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I'm kinda confused about posters above who evidently didn't read your post about him having finally confessed.

He lied.
He's cheating on his wife.
He holds himself up to be a moral authority.
He wasted your time.

He's a slimeball and I expect that if he's cornered he would take down everyone with him.

The ONLY reason you should have for having anything to do with him at this point is if you want to be the Mike Jones to his Ted Haggard.

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RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/18/2008 5:00:29 PM

corysub

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Should his marital status matter? If it does to you...than it should matter.

Should his lying matter? That is a generic problem...lying always matters.

Should the book thing matter? Dunno about the book...could be a committed christian and still be a great slave.

And if so, what should we do about it? Think you already made up your mind... Time to move on...

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RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/18/2008 5:06:24 PM

littlesarbonn

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It just seems to me that there have to be enough of us sincere submissives who would jump through the roof to achieve and receive exactly what you're offering that you shouldn't have to settle for someone who obviously is playing some type of game with you.

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RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/18/2008 5:38:26 PM

MissMacey

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Its been quite some time. Did he write back?

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RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/18/2008 7:17:04 PM

stella41b

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This is my opinion for what it's worth.

Lying about your marital status for a full time position to me disqualifies you.

Trying to pass off retribution as BDSM play in my opinion would also disqualify you. It's worth bearing in mind that at this moment in time there's no set relationship, so you 'teaching him a lesson' when you next meet him could be construed as assault. Never heard about the principle about not playing in anger?

As for the book, I'm a playwright but I don't see what this has to do with my submission. I don't see this as lying by omission. Sure, he's written a Christian book, but does this mean that he's committed to having the same hierarchy of moral values for the rest of his life?

People lie, cheat, waste time, and come up with cock and bull stories. Do you really need to get your knickers in a twist and post on these boards asking people to make a decision which you yourselves could have made in 30 seconds?

Wouldn't it make more sense just to call the whole thing off and just put it down to experience?

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RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/18/2008 9:02:09 PM

cloudboy

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Sounds like you are trying to start a castration thread.

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RE: Should marital status matter? - 7/19/2008 6:01:25 AM

MidMichCowboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoDommeDivas

So, questions for your opinions:

Should his marital status matter?

Should his lying matter?

Should the book thing matter?

And if so, what should we do about it?

Marital status does matter. It means the circle of people affected by actions is larger. If spouses don't know and are not involved, you can tear families apart. If he wants to play ..... don't be married or play as a couple.

Lying is never good. Never.

Book thing ... is he a hypocrite ... that is part of who he would be. Do you want to be involved with a hypocrite. A lot depends on what he wrote.

What should you do? That is up to you.

In the past, I've made mistakes. It's easy to justify things to oneself, but that does not make them right.

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