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Fear? - 7/10/2008 9:00:25 AM

sweetnurseBBW

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Does fear have a place in the dynamic other than in a scene or playtime? What I mean by fear is the fear of ones dominant. Should one really fear their dominant? Thoughts?

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RE: Fear? - 7/10/2008 9:01:59 AM

CalifChick

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I don't know that anyone "should" do or feel any one particular thing. If fear in a relationship works for someone, great. It wouldn't work for me.

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RE: Fear? - 7/10/2008 9:03:00 AM

angelikaJ

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it does not have any place for me...

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RE: Fear? - 7/10/2008 9:04:19 AM

Maya2001

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Me neither somehow I think it would interfere with being able to trust

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RE: Fear? - 7/10/2008 9:04:36 AM

KneelingSilently

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My gut instinct is to say no more so than anyone else who could break your heart, but then I suppose this is something that depends on the individual in question. Some may truly be looking for that kind of experience.

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RE: Fear? - 7/10/2008 9:04:50 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Do you mean fear as in, apprehension and excitement, or fear as in Danger Will Robinson?

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RE: Fear? - 7/10/2008 9:06:29 AM

sweetnurseBBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Do you mean fear as in, apprehension and excitement, or fear as in Danger Will Robinson?

Fear as in Danger Will Robinson.

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RE: Fear? - 7/10/2008 9:15:55 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Yikes! I would give that a no, I would not want to inspire that kind of fear, it would really counteract the trust, wouldn't it? Also, fear builds resentment, another bad thing.

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RE: Fear? - 7/10/2008 9:17:32 AM

eyesopened

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Should? i don't think it's a matter of should.

There's a reason why people ride rollercoasters and it's for the thrill of feeling genuine fear but in a controlled, safe, consentual way. Yes, yes, accidents happen but you know what i mean. There are times when that safe, controlled fear is just plain fun! But i never want to be afraid of my Master.

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RE: Fear? - 7/10/2008 9:19:26 AM

sweetnurseBBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

There are times when that safe, controlled fear is just plain fun! But i never want to be afraid of my Master.

I agree.

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RE: Fear? - 7/10/2008 9:25:30 AM

Maxwell67

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Do you mean fear as in, apprehension and excitement, or fear as in Danger Will Robinson?

Fear as in Danger Will Robinson.

I would have to say no, then. That kind of fear will make the level of trust and honesty really needed at make any relationship really work (and I know we always emphasize this as a requrement for BDSM style relationships, but come on.. it is true for healthy vanilla relationships as well.. only the increased risk of bodily harm makes it seem more important for BDSM, but wounds to the soul can be just as devastating for both groups). There are plenty of vanilla couples who have to deal with these same kinds of danger signals.

It is the attraction to other kind of fear (the good kind that causes apprehension and excitement) that sets BDSM apart and the ability to discern one kind from the other is somethng that requires emphasis as far as the responsibility of the community to help indoctirnate new people to the culture and lifestyle is concerned.

The thought that subs/slaves might fear thier doms/owners in the same way 'God fearing' Christians feel about that mean guy in the Old Testament (talk about a bad dominant) is just creepy.

< Message edited by Maxwell67 -- 7/10/2008 9:50:26 AM >

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RE: Fear? - 7/10/2008 9:34:50 AM

NeedingMore220

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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened
There's a reason why people ride rollercoasters and it's for the thrill of feeling genuine fear but in a controlled, safe, consentual way. Yes, yes, accidents happen but you know what i mean. There are times when that safe, controlled fear is just plain fun! But i never want to be afraid of my Master.

I agree, and like the rollercoaster analogy. Apprehension over the unknown, not knowing what's coming next, that little lick of 'uh-oh' in the belly ... all good. Being afraid of the person who holds that fear in his hand... no good.

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RE: Fear? - 7/10/2008 9:51:02 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

Does fear have a place in the dynamic other than in a scene or playtime? What I mean by fear is the fear of ones dominant. Should one really fear their dominant? Thoughts?

It works for some people. I would never tell others what their relationship 'should' be if they are deciding it on their own.
For me, it would not work.

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RE: Fear? - 7/10/2008 9:57:20 AM

daddysprop247

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maxwell67

The thought that subs/slaves might fear thier doms/owners in the same way 'God fearing' Christians feel about that mean guy in the Old Testament (talk about a bad dominant) is just creepy.

actually, that's precisely the way i fear my Master, it's something i've mentioned on the boards before. and for us, our M/s dynamic wouldn't be solid, secure or able to thrive without that sort of fear and reverence. speaking for myself only, i would not be able to respect or admire a Master i did not fear, nor would i securely feel the bonds of slavery.

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RE: Fear? - 7/10/2008 10:17:58 AM

Leatherist

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Fear is a weakling control tool.

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RE: Fear? - 7/10/2008 10:19:54 AM

Maxwell67

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
actually, that's precisely the way i fear my Master, it's something i've mentioned on the boards before. and for us, our M/s dynamic wouldn't be solid, secure or able to thrive without that sort of fear and reverence. speaking for myself only, i would not be able to respect or admire a Master i did not fear, nor would i securely feel the bonds of slavery.

Ok, maybe sometimes that kind of thinking is not creepy, but ONLY if you can be absolutely certain the dominant is not going to turn around an pull a Jim Jones or Charlie Manson on you. Power on that level defies rationality and it can easily become a corrupting influence for the dominant who is not perfectly balanced. The existance of this temptation in every instance of a D/s dynamic simply does not really strike me as SSC. I am not saying it cannot be kept inside those bounds by some, but it definately cannot apply to all.. this has to be dealt with on a case by case basis.

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RE: Fear? - 7/10/2008 10:20:49 AM

DiurnalVampire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

Does fear have a place in the dynamic other than in a scene or playtime? What I mean by fear is the fear of ones dominant. Should one really fear their dominant? Thoughts?

Fox and Angel both fear upsetting me. They arent afraid of what will happen IF I am upset with them, just more of the idea thta I am upset with them.

I believe that is a necessary part of it, the fear of upsetting you partner drives you to behave in a way to minimize that possibility.
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RE: Fear? - 7/10/2008 10:22:27 AM

BKSir

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To actually be scared of ones Master, to truly be afraid that he might bring you harm, certainly does not sound right at all. It sounds abusive, and not in the fun way.

However, if one is using the term 'fear' in a different context, as mentioned above, such as one would 'fear god', from the dictionary, meaning "reverential awe", then it is possible for the feeling to be valid and acceptable possibly. Some subs do indeed look upon their Master/Mistress as being little more than an embodiment of god. That being said, it brings to mind a quote from a movie, Labyrinth, that often crosses through my grey matter when watching some of the relationship dynamic in the BDSM community. "I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave."

< Message edited by BKSir -- 7/10/2008 10:24:45 AM >

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RE: Fear? - 7/10/2008 10:32:41 AM

daddysprop247

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maxwell67

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
actually, that's precisely the way i fear my Master, it's something i've mentioned on the boards before. and for us, our M/s dynamic wouldn't be solid, secure or able to thrive without that sort of fear and reverence. speaking for myself only, i would not be able to respect or admire a Master i did not fear, nor would i securely feel the bonds of slavery.

Ok, maybe sometimes that kind of thinking is not creepy, but ONLY if you can be absolutely certain the dominant is not going to turn around an pull a Jim Jones or Charlie Manson on you. Power on that level defies rationality and it can easily become a corrupting influence for the dominant who is not perfectly balanced. The existance of this temptation in every instance of a D/s dynamic simply does not really strike me as SSC. I am not saying it cannot be kept inside those bounds by some, but it definately cannot apply to all.. this has to be dealt with on a case by case basis.

you're right, it's a very individual thing, what works beautifully for some would be a nightmare for others. but you should know, not all "lifestylers" believe in or wish to live "SSC", some of us have different ways, beliefs and value systems.

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RE: Fear? - 7/10/2008 10:41:40 AM

ownedgirlie

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My Master does not mind me being intimidated by him, which I am at times, but he does not want me to fear him. I lived in fear most of my life and it was very unhealthy for me. He doesn't mind if I fear disappointing him, or if I fear a consequence, but he does not want me to (nor do I) fear him the man and Master.

I try not to apply "shoulds" to other people's relationships.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 7/10/2008 10:42:09 AM >

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