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Am I too difficult? - 7/10/2008 3:49:11 PM

blondebarbie

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

This is more of a rant but I need to vent.... I just cut it off with my current Dom and I am so frustrated.... He never made time for me in the 4 months we saw one another. He would make plans with me then have something else come up. I tried a few times prior to break it off but he always found a way to talk me back into it, yet at the same time making me feel like I was the bad one in all of it. Yes I made my share of mistakes but is it wrong to need to see your Dom more than 4 times in 4months. He lives a few hours away... ok I understand that... He would make plans to see me but then have a family thing come up, ALWAYS had a family thing come up I swear! Involving his mom or grandma, ok... fine again. Then when summer hit he said he would be moving to the same town as me to do part time work and would see alot more of me... NOPE! Again always had family stuff come up (he has no kids either) and never seemed to want to make me a priority. A week ago he told me he could guarentee (sp? sorry) that he would see me 1/wk if not more... swore on it. Well on the 7th day he had to back out again.... then on the phone he gets upset with me for me not being understanding. He told me today he would forsure see me tomorrow night and stay the night (which he never has... max time spent with him in a day was 4hrs). I just hit a moment today that I thought more about and said screw this... something odd is going on and I'm done.... I admit I like alot of attention but I think wanting to see someone that initially said they would make time once every 2 wks if not more with you isn't asking for alot. It really made me wonder and think something else is going on.... he swears there is no other women but come on.... Am I in the wrong??

< Message edited by blondebarbie -- 7/10/2008 3:51:02 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Am I too difficult? - 7/10/2008 3:55:06 PM

DaddyDomsgirl

Posts: 49
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

i don't think your wrong....there's nothing wrong in wanting to spend more time with your Dom.....i'm in a LDR so i only get to talk to Daddy on the pc or phone right now....and it's hard when He's working and doesn't have time to talk to me....i have over the last almost 3 months called Him and whined to Him over the phone about not getting time with Him.....and when He can He trys to work around work and make time for me......but if i was in your shoes i would have done the same thing....something sounds fishy there....unless He is a MAJOR Momma's boy....something just isn't right....are you sure He's not married or involved with another,maybe someone who doesn't even know He's part of the lifestyle?

(in reply to blondebarbie)

Post #: 2

RE: Am I too difficult? - 7/10/2008 3:55:47 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Why does it matter if there were other women? You communicated a need, he didn't fulfill it, you moved on. Not everything has to be awful and horrible, and not every relationship ends because someone was cheating. Speculating about why he might be at fault will keep you from enjoying the real life you really have in front of you.

Isn't it enough that you simply didn't have a good fit?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to blondebarbie)

Post #: 3

RE: Am I too difficult? - 7/10/2008 4:01:00 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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This is pretty much why I won;t have a serious relationship for some time to come. I'm moving from a day job back towards self employment. My time will be hosed for years to come.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to blondebarbie)

Post #: 4

RE: Am I too difficult? - 7/10/2008 4:08:22 PM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

barbie, there might not be another woman....but at the same time, he hasnt been able to keep the promises he has made to you, nor met your needs.

you probably wouldnt be ok with this if it was a vanilla relationship, why is it ok if its a Ds relationship? you arent being difficult, you're taking care of getting your needs met. i had some of the same difficulties with Daddy, he wasnt able to come see me as we both needed, but he was honest about the reasons and i understood them.

now that i've relocated, chances of seeing him in person again are unlikely...but TheEngineer is taking good care of me.

kitten

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 5

RE: Am I too difficult? - 7/10/2008 4:12:20 PM

sweetpeasmiles

Posts: 19
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline

I'm sorry to say that something is probably going on. I went thru the same thing. But I kept with him for 2 years. In the last month we were "together" he stopped even answering messages, stopped calling.. everything. Then finally responded to a text just asking if he was ok. And I got back "i've been a chickenshit.. but i've been seeing someone else.. and I think she's the one.. I'm sorry"

So.. been there done that... I hope you move on and find a Dom that will treasure you and give you the time and attention you deserve.. :)

(in reply to DaddyDomsgirl)

Post #: 6

RE: Am I too difficult? - 7/10/2008 4:16:10 PM

goodgirl08

Posts: 145
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline

Sounds like BS to me. You're not in the wrong, have confidence in your own feelings. It's not wrong to want to spend time with him, and it's weird that he won't make any for you. It sounds like he is heavily involved with someone else, especially if he won't ever stay the night - VERY suspicious.

(in reply to pixidustpet)

Post #: 7

RE: Am I too difficult? - 7/10/2008 4:27:30 PM

blondebarbie

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

Yes I wondered and really think there is another women or something... My friend did a check on him and legally he is clean and he didn't find a marriage record but who knows.... I'm just not that trusting. I like to think I am attractive and I have NEVER had to beg and plead like this for any guys time and attention....

(in reply to DaddyDomsgirl)

Post #: 8

RE: Am I too difficult? - 7/10/2008 4:28:36 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blondebarbie

I like to think I am attractive and I have NEVER had to beg and plead like this for any guys time and attention....

Then why did you do it this time?

(in reply to blondebarbie)

Post #: 9

RE: Am I too difficult? - 7/10/2008 4:28:59 PM

blondebarbie

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Why does it matter if there were other women? You communicated a need, he didn't fulfill it, you moved on. Not everything has to be awful and horrible, and not every relationship ends because someone was cheating. Speculating about why he might be at fault will keep you from enjoying the real life you really have in front of you.

Isn't it enough that you simply didn't have a good fit?

Very good point and yes that is right we really were just not a good fit and that is mainly why I stopped it.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 10

RE: Am I too difficult? - 7/10/2008 4:33:06 PM

blondebarbie

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

quote:

ORIGINAL: blondebarbie

I like to think I am attractive and I have NEVER had to beg and plead like this for any guys time and attention....

Then why did you do it this time?

Well because I was very attracted to him and not to sound bad... but I have not came across many Dom's that appeal to me. Crazy thing is I met him on Match.com! So we really did click... then when it came out we both loved D/s we wanted it too work... but I feel like I wanted it more cuz I am able to invest more time than he can. Boils down to the fact that I can't bend when it comes to him not coming around me... just wont work

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 11

RE: Am I too difficult? - 7/10/2008 4:35:37 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

The lesson to keep in mind is to not do it again, but hopefully you won't find yourself in the same position twice (unless it's a fun one ... heh).

(in reply to blondebarbie)

Post #: 12

RE: Am I too difficult? - 7/10/2008 6:59:49 PM

clearlightblack

Posts: 107
Joined: 3/3/2008
Status: offline

I can see both sides on two posts

1#

I agree with pixidustpet....there may not have been another woman. he could be very, very busy....and if he is very family oriented then that was probably should have been something you knew about....i know i missed out on a great vacation with my Dom because my mother needed me for the holidays because was dealing with the blues.....it was crappy for us both but I did have to cancel........Currently I am very much in a relationship like yours was. Except he was more work oriented my Daddy got a new job and then 3 months later his entire team was fired and he has been struggling for months to catch up.....After months of missed dates, calls, txts, and time......i knew i didn't want to end it so we put it on hold.....instead of focusing on our life together, we've excepted that our relationship will have to be on hold and be a long distance relationship right now......we are working hard for the long haul prize....I hope.....patience isn't for eveyrone..... i know i was a drama queen reck our first few months together....then i learned that sometimes its good to just wait it out.

2#

I also on the other said i've had a relationship like sweetpeasmiles.........except I went to work in another city for 3 months, saw him onces since we were 400 miles away got back into town called him from a family members to tell him I was bringing stuff to move into our apartment and he told me "Ummmm my ex moved in, we are getting back togehter...." After we'd been together nearly 7 months

Now after that......I am not by any means saying the things he did were right or you were wrong, Everyone know whats best for them....I don't think you were difficult.....You were expressing what you felt and needed and it sounds like it fell on deaf ears... i know i felt that for a long time but then i stood back and did see his efforts....I was lucky I guess......

But he bottom line is do what is best for you......when your patience has run out it has run out......just do what you feel is best for you....and if you find yourself sill wanting ot try it out then only you know whats best......and if you know that you don't want to go back and you need a friend....grab a teddy bear and hold on tight or pull really hard.

(in reply to pixidustpet)

Post #: 13

RE: Am I too difficult? - 7/10/2008 7:03:25 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I gotta ask- how much time did you take getting to know him, his priorities, and his availability before making a commitment? Did he present himself as one thing and then suddenly shift after you got together? Or was he always like that and you just had enough shiny new oomph that you turned a blind eye to it and didn't really consider the consequences?

It's fine to need whatever it is that you need to be fulfilled- but it's also your job to judge carefully the people you choose to go into commitments with and assess whether they can realistically be that person for you, as it is their job for them.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to clearlightblack)

Post #: 14

RE: Am I too difficult? - 7/10/2008 7:57:53 PM

laura2161

Posts: 254
Joined: 3/8/2008
From: Duluth, GA
Status: offline

Be glad it's only been 4 months and not 2 or 4 years. That's a lot of time wasted on something that will never happen. Be grateful you came to your senses now and realized that you need more then he is willing to give.

_____________________________

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(in reply to blondebarbie)

Post #: 15

RE: Am I too difficult? - 7/11/2008 5:11:17 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I gotta ask- how much time did you take getting to know him, his priorities, and his availability before making a commitment? Did he present himself as one thing and then suddenly shift after you got together? Or was he always like that and you just had enough shiny new oomph that you turned a blind eye to it and didn't really consider the consequences?

It's fine to need whatever it is that you need to be fulfilled- but it's also your job to judge carefully the people you choose to go into commitments with and assess whether they can realistically be that person for you, as it is their job for them.

This is excellent advice, but why, so it seems, is it ignored by so many?

I think possibly because people have these expectations built up in their own head (something resembling their fantasy) and really don't see the person for who they really are...happens on both sides of the coin.

Then of course .... everyone handles letting go of the other differently, some with integrity/honesty, some not.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: Am I too difficult? - 7/11/2008 9:15:38 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

No you were not wrong, don't even think that. He knew you wanted to see him so he made plans with you just to back out at the last min always. You were right to cut him loose. You need a Dom you can see at least once a week. I had in my profile that i wanted a Dom who i could see once a week because that is important to me. I met Master who spends 5 to 6 days a week with me. Maybe you should put in your profile that you need the once a week (or more?) meetings. Best wishes.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 17

RE: Am I too difficult? - 7/18/2008 6:53:32 PM

blondebarbie

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

Just an update on this situation. I came to find out that he is Bi/BiCurious and chasing TV/TG/TS.... so I guess I know why he wasn't coming around... too busy with that. I ended it because in the end he lied and I was hurt that he took time from me to chase others.... especially guys when I had no clue he was into them.

(in reply to blondebarbie)

Post #: 18

RE: Am I too difficult? - 7/18/2008 6:54:59 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Again- what responsibility will you take in this so that it doesn't repeat?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to blondebarbie)

Post #: 19

RE: Am I too difficult? - 7/18/2008 9:23:57 PM

SurrenderForMe

Posts: 229
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

My guess is he is married.

(in reply to blondebarbie)

Post #: 20

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