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RE: Is it better to confess or keep silent about an aff... - 7/11/2008 8:53:43 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		I have seen that situation happen and the forgiving partner carries too much of the burden.  In the case I am thinking of, the girl made a habit of fucking the guy's friends, just on the general principle of pissing him off and hurting him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
he always eventually forgave her and took her back.
I happen to know it killed a bit of his soul every time though.


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is it better to confess or keep silent about an aff... - 7/11/2008 8:56:56 PM   
sasseeNshy


Posts: 120
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline 		I'm a firm believer in whatever anyone has to say, if it will only cause pain or harm to the one you tell it to, keep your yap shut.  Everyone makes mistakes, one suffering them is enough, certainly no logic behind bringing someone else into it.  Any confession that offers no solution other than to "bare your soul and seek redemption" should be kept to yourself.  My humble opinion.

(in reply to Vendaval)
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RE: Is it better to confess or keep silent about an aff... - 7/11/2008 10:29:26 PM   
dragonseeker


Posts: 554
Status: offline 		My rule has always been that if i cannot tell my partner what i am doing with a clear consciouses then i shouldn't be doing it.

i personally know how betrayed and shamed you feel when you find out about it after everyone else in the circle of friends knows about it. Cause you know, SOMEONE always knows (what you did last summer) and it is gonna catch up with you sometime or another. Do you tell your partner now or do you wait until one of your friends accidentally spills the beans or someone decides to have their confession time? True that we all make mistakes but there is a huge difference in forgetting an anniversary date and having an affair. i think people are just trying to find ways to not be held morally responsible for their actions. i say confess.... or better yet, don't do it in the first place.


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RE: Is it better to confess or keep silent about an aff... - 7/11/2008 10:38:10 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

I have seen that situation happen and the forgiving partner carries too much of the burden.  In the case I am thinking of, the girl made a habit of fucking the guy's friends, just on the general principle of pissing him off and hurting him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
he always eventually forgave her and took her back.
I happen to know it killed a bit of his soul every time though.



In my experience, that sounds like the behavior of a young child who acts up to get attention; negative attention being better, in her mind, than no attention.  It also sounds like a helping of the drama queen, who needs to feel adored enough by all the men who come across her; by showing her man she's desirable enough to have them all sleep with her, she feels like she's proving why he should want to be with her.

Stephan


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RE: Is it better to confess or keep silent about an aff... - 7/11/2008 11:20:12 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		You describe that particular girl very well, Stephann.
 
I am happy to say that the guy now has a much happier relationship with a young lady who adores him.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is it better to confess or keep silent about an aff... - 7/12/2008 1:02:40 PM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		how about not having the affair to begin with?
PM

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RE: Is it better to confess or keep silent about an aff... - 7/12/2008 1:07:56 PM   
Real_Trouble


Posts: 471
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline 		It depends on circumstance.

I am unsurprised that I agree with Stephann on this (good post), but without knowing the people involved, it would be hard to have a blanket answer here.  I know of instances where either decision was the right maneuver, and often not for the reasons that were apparent on the surface.  There are many, many extraneous issues to figure out.


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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is it better to confess or keep silent about an aff... - 7/12/2008 6:56:51 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

I have seen that situation happen and the forgiving partner carries too much of the burden.  In the case I am thinking of, the girl made a habit of fucking the guy's friends, just on the general principle of pissing him off and hurting him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
he always eventually forgave her and took her back.
I happen to know it killed a bit of his soul every time though.



In my experience, that sounds like the behavior of a young child who acts up to get attention; negative attention being better, in her mind, than no attention.  It also sounds like a helping of the drama queen, who needs to feel adored enough by all the men who come across her; by showing her man she's desirable enough to have them all sleep with her, she feels like she's proving why he should want to be with her.

Stephan


 
Yes, and her being bi-polar never helped the situation. I think they've married and divorced (each other!) four times now. It's been a couple years since I've seen them, so they could be up to five....

eta: oop! Sorry! I thought we were still talking about my friend...*lol*

< Message edited by xxblushesxx -- 7/12/2008 6:58:26 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is it better to confess or keep silent about an aff... - 7/13/2008 12:38:07 AM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Words of wisdom gained by the pain of experience, Aynne.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne

I think that by telling your spouse you are cheating you are burdening them with the most painful knowledge they did NOT ask for and it serves no purpose other than to hurt. Either get out of the marriage or don't cheat. Don't crush them in the process.     



_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Aynne)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is it better to confess or keep silent about an aff... - 7/13/2008 3:18:25 AM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		I did a jumpthrough, didn't read shit. The impression I got was, you should have renamed this thead "Are you a fucking moron ?".

Here is the deal, in case your life has been so fucked up you don't know this.

NEVER admit any wrongdoing unless and until they know it.

ALWAYS admit wrongdoing if they find out for sure, and make sure first.

Print this and put it in a prominent position in your bathroom. It doesn't get much simpler.

Read the fucking "Never talk to the cops" thread if you don't believe me.

Do what you do, keep your mouth shut and just, well do what you do. Just remember to keep your mouth shut. I learned when I was twelve, sometimes it takes others longer, sometimes too long.

T

< Message edited by Termyn8or -- 7/13/2008 3:19:44 AM >

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is it better to confess or keep silent about an aff... - 7/13/2008 3:21:57 AM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Direct and to the point, Term.  I wouldn't expect any less from you. 


quote:

ORIGINAL: Termyn8or
NEVER admit any wrongdoing unless and until they know it.

ALWAYS admit wrongdoing if they find out for sure, and make sure first.


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Termyn8or)
Profile   Post #: 31
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