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RE: I Wish That I Had Known... - 1/11/2009 5:47:03 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I wish that I had known............ nothing.

For me life is about learning, the journey. For the most part, I don't look back with any regrets. It is a fruitless negative way to live.

Plus, any one thing that I might be able to wish to change, were I able to change it, would change other things I would not want to change at all.

That's what life is, a chain of events that make us who we presently are. Some of the links are bejeweled, shiny sparkly things lovely to behold. Some are twisted and tarnished, even broken and ugly. Yet all the links were necessary to create our own unique life chain. I don't wish it was all pretty sparkly moments, even though those are the ones we prefer to remember. I certainly don't want to forget the ugly ones or the lessons they taught me because I definitely do not want to repeat them.

I also don't want to know what the future has in store. It's a magical journey, I want to keep enjoying it.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 1/11/2009 6:05:22 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LushLadyLilith)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: I Wish That I Had Known... - 1/11/2009 5:55:31 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I wish that I had known him twenty years ago.

_____________________________



(in reply to LushLadyLilith)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: I Wish That I Had Known... - 1/11/2009 6:07:03 AM   
MsFlutter


Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

I wish I had known that I never should 'settle'.


LynnxzTheWise speaks again. Amen, sister !

_____________________________

'Dont torture yourself, Gomez darling. That's my job' Morticia Addams

"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: I Wish That I Had Known... - 1/11/2009 6:23:45 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		I wish I had been able to sum up people better.
I was naive.

(in reply to MsFlutter)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: I Wish That I Had Known... - 1/11/2009 8:25:21 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Maybe it's because of hermione83, but I don't like the idea of a questionnaire.

The most important things to me are mostly vanilla, and will come out along the way, such as "how much are you willing to work to keep a relationship healthy?  How much of yourself are you willing to give?"  In the context of D/s, that boils down to what her limits are and how hard they are.

Along those lines, I like to ask what things she NEEDS to have in the bedroom.  If she gives me a list of fifty requirements, it ain't gonna work.  If she says something like how important it is to her to please her partner, I like that.

I also like to ask questions such as what her reason is for being submissive.  Does she like to please?  Is it that she wants to relinquish control?  Does she love the idea of being able to trust that deeply?  Does she simply get off on the physical acts of being spanked and having her nipples clamped?  Or is it that she's new and shy about asking for things, in which case she may grow out of "being a sub"?  I want to hear both her answers themselves and how she comes to them.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: I Wish That I Had Known... - 1/11/2009 9:04:22 AM   
FetishRose


Posts: 212
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline 		I wish I had known that no matter how awesome someone is about beating me just the right way, if the emotion is not there, its not going to work for me.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: I Wish That I Had Known... - 1/11/2009 10:33:14 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Nothing. I found that real life lessons translate perfectly well to one with a power dynamic.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MistressSybella)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: I Wish That I Had Known... - 1/11/2009 11:24:46 AM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		I wish I had not labored so long under the delusion that if I could only meet a woman into bdsm I would be home free. Boy, was that ever a slap in the face. When I met the first woman who was actively interested in bdsm (but ultimately not my flavor of same) what a shambles that became. I was much happier dabbling with all of the kinky curious women I had known in the decades before that.

I have to add that I knew many women over the years who were essentially vanilla and had no real personal interest in any of this who either gladly or maybe a little reluctantly went along for the ride because it pleased me. They were actually far more submissive in nature than most of the submissive females I have met or who frequent sites like this and public dungeons across the nation. Granted, most of them would never have submitted willingly to most of the activities that trip my trigger today but their willingness to step outside of their comfort zone was exhilarating.





(in reply to LushLadyLilith)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: I Wish That I Had Known... - 1/11/2009 12:16:02 PM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LushLadyLilith
... I would like to find out what people on this site would like to have known about the lifestyle either before or as they were beginning to participate in it.

Lilith
My young adulthood was pre-internet, and I was from a small town.
Then I lived in a very liberal college town which was permissive, but only within a fairly narrow range of accepted "alternative" behavior (as far as I could tell at that time.)

So, I wish I had known that WIITWD came in infinite varieties, and that there were women out there who enjoyed it in all of it's varieties. (Maybe not all at once,... but , you know what I mean.)

Well ~ I guess I knew there were other people out there... but I didn't know how to find them or if I'd ever be able to find them.

God* bless the silly internet.

* = substitute entity of your choice here.

(in reply to LushLadyLilith)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: I Wish That I Had Known... - 1/11/2009 1:19:52 PM   
needngreed


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/6/2009
Status: offline 		IF it was easy, they would all be doing it.

(in reply to LushLadyLilith)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: I Wish That I Had Known... - 1/14/2009 1:48:41 PM   
cubletMS


Posts: 28
Joined: 1/3/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear



~FR~

This is sounding like a camp of drunken people who just found they didn't win the state lottery. There is no sense in getting maudlin because life is made up of whole segments of teaching you things, some good, some bad, and some fucking ugly. 

Jesus Christ people I could sit here and weep that if I had only known what war was like, known what it was like to hold mates in your arms as they die from wounds from shrapnel, .50 cal rounds blowing a leg off or blood poisoning after standing on a shit dipped pungee stick. If only I'd known what pain I would feel when my troops under my command fail to return alive from an operation I designed and authorized. Why didn’t anyone tell me about the pain when writing to the next of kin of those same special forces soldiers to tell them their son won't be coming home but he died a hero and lying to cover the fact he died screaming in agony so the folks back home can be saved at least some pain, that pain you carry in their stead...... Yeah If only I had known I'd have taken my second choice and become a chef instead of a soldier.

Life is like this and it allows you to learn too and even grow from the experiences. So before you start gnashing your teeth in anguish, come here and read what I have said and then put things in perspective. 


i tend to agree somewhat with the above... it looks a little (IMHO) like this quite straightforward question has been used by many just to say- "boo hoo this isn't what i thought". i'm pretty sure the question was not as absract as "what do you personally, deep in your soul, wish had happened when you first discovered the lifestyle". It was for a list of interview questions! i assume to improve communication and availability of information for people new to the lifestyle! The only posts i can find that seems to be helpful in that sense (so far) are from DarkSteven and SteelofUtah. Those are the kind of questions and statements that i would have found extremely helpful to be asked/told/given when i very first began my journey. The thread looked mega interesting when i saw the initial question... but after reading the whole lot i am inclined to agree with IronBear. All the rest should be in a thread called "what i regret when i'm feeling down".
cublet(MS)

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: I Wish That I Had Known... - 1/14/2009 10:45:00 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline 		Early on, I confused my dominant desires with a lack of chivalry. It took a long time to reconcile my instincts to, say, spank with my equally powerful instincts to be protective of women. (Now, it makes sense: I was born in the wrong century!)

(in reply to LushLadyLilith)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: I Wish That I Had Known... - 1/15/2009 12:15:10 AM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Be sure and ask about travel and transportation, how far are they willing to go.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to LushLadyLilith)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: I Wish That I Had Known... - 1/15/2009 2:36:42 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio

Early on, I confused my dominant desires with a lack of chivalry. It took a long time to reconcile my instincts to, say, spank with my equally powerful instincts to be protective of women. (Now, it makes sense: I was born in the wrong century!)



Good to know I'm not the only one with this issue. Well said.



_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: I Wish That I Had Known... - 1/15/2009 7:11:32 AM   
Knottydad


Posts: 22
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

I wish i had known the Hubby was interested before going outside my marriage.

I wish I had known the Wifey was NOT interested before going INSIDE my marriage.



(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: I Wish That I Had Known... - 1/15/2009 7:14:45 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		things i wish people entering will learn quickly or already know...

Have fun exploring, learning, playing, and failing. And yes you will fail, a lot and in big and small ways.

Some fantasies are better left in your head, but (baring death or children) don't decide that your desires are too "dark" until you have talked to real people about what they are really done. YOU WILL BE AMAZED.

Don't be a jerk - Dominants are not in power being they are mean, demanding, and dehumanizing to strangers. Submissives need to be at peace with the idea and reality of power exchange and not doing non-consensual therapy with strangers.

Don't be a doormat - Submissives, Dominants, Switches, Lookyloos, whoever, you are here because you have a desire (or desires) that you want filled so don't just give what others want, get what you want.

Shut you mouth and LISTEN when people who have been doing what you desire try to tell you about the reality of it. Of course what they are telling you don't sound like your fantasies, that is the point.

Ask the dumb questions until you have an answer that makes sense to you or until it becomes clear that you just don't get it.

Get your therapy somewhere else and DO NOT dump it on strangers, play partners, or lovers.

Try, try again. Keep trying every day to be better, happier, smarter, and more fulfilled. One play date doesn't mean "happy ever after", it just means that you now have some experience to build on.

LOOK at the successful tops and bottoms, Dom/mes and subs, Sir/Ma'ams and slaves (of all flavors and preferences) and pay attention to the details of what they do. Happiness is in the details and the little things.

It is the details that matter. Yes knowing how to hold a whip is important, but it is even more important to know how to use it generally and how to alter your usual swing to the body/ies of those you are playing with, including putting it down and doing something else.

There are rules, guidelines, and suggestions out there. Take them for what they are and follow the rules, pay attention to the guidelines and listen to the suggestions. Rules are there for a reason, even if the reasons seem silly to you, respect the rules as an act of respecting the people that made them. Guidelines are often good advice dressed up and formalized so pay attention and see what you can learn from them. Take the suggestions for what they are, advice from people that might care about you, the people you are playing with, or their own personal issues. It can be hard to tell which a suggestion is, but it is worth your time to figure out where it is coming from and what it can add to your life.



_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to Knottydad)
Profile   Post #: 56
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