RE: playing hard to get..

RE: playing hard to get.. (Full Version)

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lusciouslips19 -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 7:55:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally3 whats a BFF - trying to think..... ummm, nope, cant..... [sm=popcorn.gif] fuzzled today. Its pubescent text speak for Best Friend Forever. I bet ya feel like a dork now? Huh, Lallsie???? Get with it chickie!

lally3 -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 7:58:57 AM)
ah, thanks urlittleprincess... waves at lucious - right back at ya. xx yep, my dorkness is at an all time high right now - [sm=insane.gif]

DarkSteven -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 7:59:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally3 If I find that you're slowing down the relationship simply because you can and are playing games, that's topping from the bottom. (quote DarkSteven) ha! - but it isnt, and thats my point. initially, in those early stages when the D/s hasnt really got going, putting it across that she is controlling the relationship by not giving out to your expectations is putting pressure on, that many subs will give in to because they do not want to be thought to be topping from the bottom or being awkward or anything less than submissive in your eyes. ok, maybe the title 'playing hard to get' wasnt the right title for this - maybe 'holding back until your ready' would have been better. and im really not talking about immature games some people play here - thats something totally different. lally, this is not a simple situation then. I'm the Dom, and I'm in control. That does NOT mean that I expect to grab and ravish her within the first 30 minutes of meeting. It will probably be the third or fourth meeting typically. But it is incumbent on both of us that I get and properly interpret her signals. If I am not capable of reading her properly at this point, one or both of us need to do some serious work.

lally3 -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 8:20:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven lally, this is not a simple situation then. I'm the Dom, and I'm in control. That does NOT mean that I expect to grab and ravish her within the first 30 minutes of meeting. It will probably be the third or fourth meeting typically. But it is incumbent on both of us that I get and properly interpret her signals. If I am not capable of reading her properly at this point, one or both of us need to do some serious work. yes, youre in control - nothing wrong with getting the dynamic felt between the two of you - nothing hornier actually, those little moments, a hand in the small of her back, a reflective look, a small frown, a comment here and there - and in return she'll avert her eyes, smile demurely, giggle, wiggle, hold your hand - all delicious, all telling you in no uncertain terms that youre in there! but third or fourth meet? - well yes, ok, but how about leaving it a bit longer, going to the flicks, chatting for hours on a river bank about any old stuff while sharing a bottle of heady wine and listening to the bees buzzing about. wouldnt that make the moment you finally embrace the physical side much much more genuinely felt. the dynamic is there but does it have to be leapt on so quick. if she wiggles and giggles but says, no, not yet Sir, not ready - is it automatic that you think she's just playing a game, cant she just be playing hard to get, using her womanly whiles to ensure you really really want her. if its the only card a subbie woman has to hold things back, shouldnt she be allowed to play it without being accused of topping from the bottom or stringing you along. not saying this is for everyone, but maybe, possibly in some cases holding back is better than jumping in too quick.

Leatherist -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 8:39:10 AM)
But on the other hand we have profiles that basically say....."I am looking for superman. Being as rich as donald trump would not hurt either-but don't be snobby about it. I wiegh 450 pounds and I have ten ill behaved children I will absolutely not allow you to control, teach or discipline in any way. I have wild mood swings and will keep you on edge waiting for my next totally irrational dramatic outburst. It might be a good idea to keep the carving knives locked up. I will watch you 24 7 for any slight sign of weakness,and then jump all over you for it. I am the PERFECT sub,and my gift of submission is PRICELESS-and you better not forget that buddy!"

writerly808 -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 9:34:37 AM)
Blah, should've read the next page before replying. Sorry. :P

roland23 -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 9:57:54 AM)
I do not like subs who play hard to get. 1) I am extraordinarily busy and 2) I spent years enduring the games of such people. You either know or you don't!

ownedgirlie -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 10:08:31 AM)
It smacks of game playing to me, which is dishonest. Be your authentic self. That person might be someone who dives in head first, or she might be someone who is shy and takes her time, or she might be someone with other interests that are her priority. But she is herself, rather than playing a role to manipulate the beginnings of a relationship. How can you find the best person for yourself if you are not showing who that person is?

lally3 -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 10:59:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie It smacks of game playing to me, which is dishonest. Be your authentic self. That person might be someone who dives in head first, or she might be someone who is shy and takes her time, or she might be someone with other interests that are her priority. But she is herself, rather than playing a role to manipulate the beginnings of a relationship. How can you find the best person for yourself if you are not showing who that person is? now im curious.... [sm=injured.gif][sm=LMAO.gif] - why is it considered manipulative for an s'type to play hard to get - if she's giving out all the right messages and she isnt the venemous harridan of leatherists worst nightmares, she just wants to be wined and dined or not necessarily even that, she wants to be pursued for a bit before she submits and the physical side of the relationship starts. - is that so out of the D/s box that it actually does verge on game playing - cant it just be that she wants to be sure... by the way, i am being the devils advocate here a bit, but i do find myself challenging this - when just starting out, just because the D says fetch the grapes, it shouldnt have to mean that the s will even if she's not ready to. it should be possible in those early days to say no, not ready Sir without it being construed as less than submissive or playing games. actually is it totally against the grain for a D to pursue a sub, is that what we are saying here - that in some way s'types must surrender asap because otherwise it could be construed as playing games? and in some way putting the D in a weakened position. that has to be bollox right?

ownedgirlie -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 11:27:34 AM)
OK, now I'm curious why you are laughing? There is a big difference in not being ready and in being coy or intentionally not moving forward even if she wants to, because she wants to be wined and dined. She is then manipulating a situation to get what she wants. Why not tell the guy, "I really want to move forward, but can we date awhile first? Can we go out? Can we....?" whatever it is she wants. For example, I knew I wanted to be enslaved to my Master, but I wasn't ready for that yet. I asked (because of my personal definitions of submissive versus slave, which matched his) if I could be a submissive to him for awhile before I was considered his slave. We talked about what we both wanted, and the paths we preferred to take to get there. I didn't "play hard to get." I believe in honesty, and my version of honesty says that being vague, withholding truth, being something I am not, means I am lying. Playing games don't work for me. Find it funny if you will, but that's who I am. I told my Master up front that I felt very submissive inclinations toward him, but I wasn't ready to act on them, and I meant it. And no it is not against the grain for a D to pursue an s, if that is what the D wants to do. It could be said my Master pursued me, in that he was the one to make contact for the first while of our relationship, because I wouldn't...but it was because I didn't want to, not because I wanted to manipulate him into courting me. I never said "surrender asap." I certainly didn't do that myself. My Master took the speed that was right for me. But he determined that. He could have pushed it or walked away at any time.

lally3 -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 11:44:45 AM)
oops, sorry, i really wasnt laughing at you... i was laughing at myself more than anything and the funny little guy with the crutches... the lmao was about him. ok, so, you took your time. you explained why, kudos. im not saying that you dont explain whats going on, i havent suggested for a moment that the sub plays some irrational mind fuck game. i really am not talking about games here. in fact, to be honest, more or less, if you read between the lines of a lot of posts on here, they all say they agree, but in a different way and on a different time scale. not about playing games.. but about taking the time.

RedMagic1 -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 11:57:17 AM)
This whole thread is weird. I think you're spending too much energy on trying to figure out "men" in general, and not enough effort in building trust and communication with the real-life man standing in front of you. I mean, even from a purely practical perspective: if a guy is only interested in you until you put out, then the sooner you put out and he exits your life, the less time you've wasted looking for someone serious.

ownedgirlie -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 12:03:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally3 not about playing games.. but about taking the time. OK, well your "playing hard to get" title communicated otherwise to me, as did the rest of your posts. "Don't give out too eagerly" and "let them chase you a bit" smacks of games to me. You put your thoughts out there as an invitation to give opinions. I responded my opinions to it. Now you have them.

littleone35 -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 12:33:58 PM)
I did not play hard to get i told Master he would not get my answer on our first meet. I was wrong by the end of the first meet i knew i wanted to give it a try. We did however meet 2 more times and get to know each other a litle better (after a month of e mails and calls). I don't play games if i am interested in a guy i let him know if i am not i also let them know. If i was a game player i would not be with my Master now. Matt's littleone

lally3 -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 12:45:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie quote: ORIGINAL: lally3 not about playing games.. but about taking the time. OK, well your "playing hard to get" title communicated otherwise to me, as did the rest of your posts. "Don't give out too eagerly" and "let them chase you a bit" smacks of games to me. You put your thoughts out there as an invitation to give opinions. I responded my opinions to it. Now you have them. absolutely i did and thank you for yours, really - im not here to have fisty cuffs with people - i dont rate this topic or any other topic worth upsetting you or anyone else about. its just thoughts and opinions on a board with people i happen to think are interesting and fun.

ownedgirlie -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 12:47:14 PM)
fisty cuffs - that's cute. [:)] I'm not upset at all. I surely hope you're not, either.

lally3 -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 1:00:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 This whole thread is weird. I think you're spending too much energy on trying to figure out "men" in general, and not enough effort in building trust and communication with the real-life man standing in front of you. I mean, even from a purely practical perspective: if a guy is only interested in you until you put out, then the sooner you put out and he exits your life, the less time you've wasted looking for someone serious. its certainly become wierd.. but i dont think its premis was. not so much sussing out men as sussing out a relationship before it starts. ok.. in a vanilla relationship sex might feature quite early, and thats that, fine, cool, whatever - but in a D/s relationship it does go deeper than that. the submissive emotions run deeper than just sex, its the whole psychological trip of leaning into someone. the word trust gets used alot. but trust is a massively deep emotion and a sub goes in there with alot riding on that emotion, more than vanilla because the psychology of leaning into someone like that takes up alot of personal faith in themselves and the man they are submitting to. anyway... i should have chosen a different title maybe and stopped trying to back up my original choice of words.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 1:09:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally3 should we remind ourselves that this is still man pursuing woman, whatever the dynamic and a bit of anticipation, having to work for it, not always being immediately available and not getting it all when they decide its time - though difficult for many s'types - gives the D'type a challenge and something with a 'prize' element, hard won that is all the more valuable when the s'type finally allows herself to be caught. Wow, I guess all those fem doms and male subs and homosexual relationships are just dog food? I have enough challenge in my life- I don't want my possible partner to add to that. Their job is to make it easier. If they feel they need to PRETEND to challenge, then there's even bigger problems. I'm not knocking the idea of teasing fun games, simply that if you have to have a chase to get started- when do you just get to relax and feel comfy?

DarkSteven -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 1:22:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleone35 I did not play hard to get i told Master he would not get my answer on our first meet. I was wrong by the end of the first meet i knew i wanted to give it a try. We did however meet 2 more times and get to know each other a litle better (after a month of e mails and calls). I don't play games if i am interested in a guy i let him know if i am not i also let them know. If i was a game player i would not be with my Master now. Matt's littleone littleone, this is EXACTLYwhat I'm talking about. littleone stated what pace she felt comfortable with, and Matt decided for whatever reason to change the pace and take it more slowly. He took her feelings into account and made the final decision.

RedMagic1 -> RE: playing hard to get.. (7/12/2008 1:33:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally3 ok.. in a vanilla relationship sex might feature quite early, and thats that, fine, cool, whatever - but in a D/s relationship it does go deeper than that. the submissive emotions run deeper than just sex, I had no idea vanilla women were so motivated by their crotch instead of by emotional connection that is deeper than sex.

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